Esme Ramsey

From Blaseball Wiki

Esme Ramsey is a player for the Houston Spies, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Ramsey has previously played for the Charleston Shoe Thieves.

Official League Records

Ramsey joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Charleston Shoe Thieves with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β6 elections, the Charleston Shoe Thieves received the Mutually Arising blessing increasing Ramsey's overall stars from 8.9 9.4 .

On Season 9, Day X, Ramsey gained the Flinch modification after the Shoe Thieves lost to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS.

In the Season β10 elections, Ramsey gained the Haunted modification from the Haunted blessing. Additionally, along with the rest of the Shoe Thieves, Ramsey received Noise-Cancelling Headphones, becoming Soundproof. (The Headphones would later be lost, along with all other Discipline Era items across the league, at the beginning of Season β15.)

During the Coffee Cup, Ramsey played for the Americano Water Works as a lineup player.

During the Season β16 elections, Ramsey gained the Earlbirds modification via the Early Riser blessing.

During the Season β18 elections, Ramsey's Haunted modification was changed into the Flippers modification by the Shoe Thieves' Reform will.

During the Season β22 elections, Ramsey gained the Subtractor modification as a result of the Subtractor Avoidance blessing.

During the November 25, 2022 Fall Ball, Ramsey fell to the Houston Spies.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Family and History

At a young age, Esme Ramsey moved to Moab, Utah with their adoptive father, Velasquez Meadows. By the time they could remember, the two of them had moved in with Meadows' boyfriends Sandoval Crossing and Rhys Trombone who quickly became the other two of her three dads. Ramsey grew up in a loving household as an only child until high school, when their dads suddenly took in their younger brother, Randall Marijuana, after his mysterious arrival. As soon as the initial fascination with the weird kid that came to town alone on a bus died down, Ramsey adjusted quickly to being an older sibling and all that it entailed.

While in school, Ramsey made good friends with Zack Sanders. The two played on the same blaseball team together, spending afternoons throwing rocks at Marijuana's friend Emmett Internet, and evenings eating pizza and watching movies in Ramsey’s room.[1] Ramsey was also an avid baker, and after high school she headed off to culinary school to pursue this passion. Ramsey has shared few stories of their time at culinary school, but while home for Spring Break their first year they drank from a pool of primordial malice[2] and reportedly witnessed the First Pitch.[3] There has been no confirmation if there were further side effects.

After finishing culinary school, Ramsey returned to Moab for a short time before feeling inexplicably drawn to join the fledgling Shoe Thieves while her family signed up to play for the Moab Sunbeams.

Blaseball Career

Ramsey established themself early as a reliable hitter, going as far as being named the team's MVP in Season β2 due to her consistency and high RBI count. Ramsey plays the little-known defensive position of "longstop", a variant of the more commonly used shortstop that places the player almost entirely in left field. This allows Ramsey to share batting tips and spare blueberry muffins with left-fielder Velazquez Alstott while also being able to see approximately two seconds into the future.

A turbulent Season β4 for the Shoe Thieves left them looking hopefully to the season's election, paying particularly close attention to the Grappling Hook that was up for grabs, which would be incredibly useful to the team both in and out of the game. At Ramsey's suggestion, the lineup drew straws to determine who would receive the hook if they won the blessing. Ramsey supposedly won the contest, despite calls of "foul play" [citation needed] from all other participants. In the end, the Shoe Thieves did manage to snag the blessing, but new arrival to the team Richardson Games managed to steal it out from under them; an impressive feat when the entire team had theft down to an art. However, this has not stopped Ramsey from referring to the grappling hook as theirs every chance that they get.

In Season β9, the Shoe Thieves had a remarkably successful season ending with an underdog championship win against the powerhouse Baltimore Crabs. The celebration was quickly cut short when Ramsey and the rest of her team were pulled into a game against the THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS. Whether outmatched in skill or simply exhausted from winning the Internet Series, the Shoe Thieves lost the game and the whole team was thrown back to the immaterial plane, beaten, battered, and Cursed.

An Unwitting Medium

Just when Ramsey thought the stress of Season β10 was over after dealing with Flinch, the Shoe Thieves' surprising Internet Series appearance, their near escape from a second showdown with the THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS, and their front row seat to Day X, the Season β10 elections left her Haunted. The whole team was shocked when Day 1 of Season β11, deceased Shoe Thief Atlas Jonbois inhabited Ramsey for a chance to step up to the plate once again. Jonbois apparently had so much fun with it that they came back again on Day 5 — the first player from the Hall of Flame to haunt twice.

Ramsey adjusted remarkably well to being haunted, possibly in part due to the guidance of their psychopomp dad, whom they had a long private conversation with following their first haunting on Day 46. For eight seasons Ramsey remained haunted, being inhabited over 1,000 times, before an unexpectedly having her ghosts traded for Flippers during the Season β18 elections. Their only comments after the reform were noting that "it's very quiet" and that they could "think of a few different uses for these flippers."

Personal Life

Upon first moving to Charleston, Ramsey was surprised to discover that Forrest Bookbaby, a fellow Moab resident who was several years her senior, had also joined the team. Bookbaby had been one of their babysitters when they were younger and had even tutored them in algebra, so it wasn't surprising to learn that he had been signed up to be the Shoe Thieves' accountant. Despite all of this, they didn't talk much about their shared childhood and several teammates were unaware that they even knew each other prior to joining the ILB. Most only learned of this after Bookbaby was transferred to the Philly Pies.

Ramsey became fast friends with Morrow Doyle and Workman Gloom, being similar in age and all sharing a legitimate fondness for blaseball. The three were quite the unit, frequently found planning heists over a plate of Ramsey’s famous snickerdoodles, at the batting cages, or requisitioning the clubhouse TV to watch Jeoplardy and Wheel of Flortune together.

After Gloom feedbacked to the Canada Moist Talkers in Season β4, Ramsey took over primary care of their dog, Beasley Gloom[4] until he was subsequently traded to the Talkers as well in Season β9. While in Ramsey’s care, she took him for lots of walks, and made sure he knew he was a very good boy.

The Esme Ramsey Quartet's rendition of "You Better Watch Your Step"

Ramsey plays jazz stand-up bass and sings in the Esme Ramsey Quartet which they started with some of their fellow Shoe Thieves — a passtime likely inspired by growing up with a dad that had a strong appreciation for jazz, and occasional performances with her school's jazz band as a vocalist. Original members of the quartet included Joe Voorhees (piano), Gunther O'Brian (drums), and Antonio Wallace (ribcage xylophone). Over the years as players have left the team, the Quartet membership has changed, but Ramsey and Voorhees have always been constants.

When not partaking in blaseball-related activities, Ramsey divides her time between their apartment in Charleston and back home in Hellmouth visiting her dad. They can often be found in the kitchen, working their way through a stack of recipe cards from the league's fellow bakers or maintaining their aquarium full of baby bamboo shrimplets.


  • On cooking tips: "It's easier to fit the ball in your mouth if you cut it in half first." Also: "I learned this technique in culinary school. It's called 'digestion'."
  • On fashion: "Why are you speaking to me?"
  • On preferred pronouns: "Who gave you permission to refer to me at all?"
  • On Blaseball:

    Look, I've seen the beginning and end of everything, I've stared directly into the blinding visage of the being that threw the First Pitch, I've seen the entirety of time and space laid out before me like a cheap hotel continental breakfast buffet. And you know what? Last game I struck out twice, my team has a losing record, and one of our best players just transferred to the Wet Faces or whatever. None of it matters. We're all gonna die. You either eat [expletive deleted] or play ball. I'm gonna play ball.

Fan Works


  1. The Crossing-Trombone-Meadows family has noted that Sanders would spend more time at Ramsey's house than her own.
  2. Allegedly, to impress a woman she was dating at the time.
  3. Or an approximation thereof.
  4. With the help of new teammate Joe Voorhees.