Math Velazquez

From Blaseball Wiki

Math Velazquez is a player in the Shadows for the LA Unlimited Tacos, and has been with the team since the Season 23 elections. Velazquez has previously played for the Houston Spies.

Official League Records

Velazquez joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Houston Spies with the Return of Blaseball.

On Season 9, Day 52, Velazquez became a lineup player due to Reverb.

During the Coffee Cup, Velazquez played for Royal PoS as a lineup player.

During the Season 20 elections, Velazquez retreated to the Spies' Shadows as a result of the Spies' Move will, resulting in a combined 7.4 -> 9 stat increase.

On Season 21, Day 80, Velazquez joined the Spies' lineup in exchange for Yeong-Ho Garcia at An Undisclosed Location via the Ratified Voicemail.

On Season 22, Day 1, Velazquez retreated to the Spies' Shadows in exchange for Aoife Mahle at An Undisclosed Location via the Ratified Voicemail. On Day 10, Velazquez rejoined the Spies lineup in exchange for Mahle at An Undisclosed Location, again via the Ratified Voicemail. On Day 55, Velazquez again retreated to the Spies' Shadows in exchange for Mahle at An Undisclosed Location via the Ratified Voicemail.

On Season 23, Day 62, the Worldwide Field Thieves' Guild stole Velazquez from the Houston Spies and gave them to the Miami Dale. Velazquez was traded to the LA Unlimited Tacos' Shadows with no replacement during the Season 23 elections via the Gachapon blessing.

History

COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Math Velazquez became one of the first non-human entities to play blaseball when Velazquez began career pitching for the Houston Spies in season 1.

Velazquez is especially popular with Houston high schoolers, who, upon the realization that Velazquez was exceptionally good at math, have taken to throwing their homework at Velazquez during the seventh-inning stretch. Such papers are instantly tossed back with all the answers filled in. After becoming aware of this practice, a group of high school math teachers tried to pressure the Spies into banning Velazquez from doing the homework that is thrown at Velazquez. These efforts proved fruitless—speaking on Velazquez’s behalf, Fitzgerald Blackburn told the press that “banning Math from doing math is like banning the Spies from [REDACTED]. It’s just not natural.” Regional mathematicians have attempted to exploit this by throwing unsolved mathematical problems. In all cases except for [REDACTED], this has resulted in Velazquez throwing back the problem statement along with “I have found a truly marvellous proof of this fact, which the margins of these papers are not large enough to contain.”

Velazquez does not accept the usage of any pronoun to refer to Velazquez. When asked why this was, Velazquez returned a paper with "" on it.

Math Velazquez Across Dimensions

In the Interdimensional Rumor Mill’s library, there’s an always-evolving book titled Math Velazquez’s Rumor Registry. A bookmark sticks out from between the pages, labelled IF-2.7182 and marking the following entry...

Alternate Reality/"New Math" Velazquez

When the original Velazquez left with the Alternation, a 𝜈 Math took Velazquez's place; and after the ILB's mandatory ratings committee meeting, Velazquez was granted an improvement in stars in every area. The rest of the Houston Spies were, by their reports, crushed by this news, lamenting the dreams of the Velazquez they once knew. New Math's pitches, though faster, became uncharacteristically predictable. But when New Math used a metre stick, or twirled oversized pens, or performed investigations with The Spies' iconic bat-sized magnifying glasses, they were handled with "near unimaginable" grace. Velazquez had become a 4-star batter, and trained every day to become stronger. When asked about the change, New Math typed, "Let's just say I picked up a few stars from a passing friend," with what could be vaguely described as a wink. One popular rumor suggests that Velazquez's alternate took a star from the original Velazquez as part of the swap, letting the original Velazquez attain the desired negative star rating as a sacrifice.

Velazquez appeared to maintain both continuity of identity and of memory despite the Alternation, defying the observed effects of every other Alternation that has ever been seen. Blaseball theorists have concluded that Velazquez, being Math, exists as a singular continuous entity through all parallel universes operating off of mathematical laws, leading some fans as well as players such as Fitzgerald Blackburn to conclude that "Math is Math."

Velazquez, in a post-game interview on Day 7 of Season 4, wrote "My new dream? Reaching a new decade. The big 1-0. Double digits," and then soulscreamed into the reporter's microphone.

Mathematics

This Velazquez lacks their predecessor's deep knowledge of the deepest physics and metaphysics of the immaterial plane, and is often found struggling to reverse-engineer the enormous, unlabeled spreadsheets left by the previous Velazquez. When asked what these meant, Velazquez bolted from the room. The spreadsheet that was still visible had a filename in Hungarian that translated to “Forbidden Knowledge”.

However, this Velazquez is far more skilled at cryptography and the cracking thereof. It is likely that this is not actually because Velazquez knows more about cryptography, but because Velazquez is now more capable of understanding natural language. Velazquez has invented ciphers that the others can use; the Spies have been observed spending time matching the playing card decks in their standard-issue survival kits.

This version of Velazquez is also much more capable of computer programming that other people can use; similarly, this is unlikely to be because of any more raw skill, but because Velazquez no longer writes in bare-metal assembly code and now names the variables something useful.

Communication

This iteration of Velazquez has significantly more fluency in human communication, and has spent time studying the intricacies of spoken, signed, and written languages, as well as becoming increasingly capable of reading—and conveying information through—body language.

Signing to the ILB ensured that, regardless of the physical shape or composition of the rest of Velazquez's body, Velazquez had at least ten fingers. Subsequently, during the Season 8 elections, Velazquez was twice the beneficiary of the Replacement Elbows blessing, and so had two elbows implanted. After stringing two lengths of [REDACTED] between the origin of Velazquez's fingers and the now visible elbows to suggest the presence of forearms, Velazquez became capable of effectively communicating in sign language.

However, Velazquez still vastly prefers to use computing devices as communication aids, and to this day carries a TI-84 in a belt holster at all times.

Relationships

The Spies were initially suspicious of this Alternated Velazquez, distrusting this iteration's theories on optimizing lineups and performance. However, over the seasons, the Spies have warmed to Velazquez’s present iteration.

Alexandria Rosales regularly requests Velazquez's help cracking encryption, particularly appreciating the alternate's newfound skill in such fields as frequency analysis of natural languages.

Velazquez has been seen making physically affectionate gestures towards Fitzgerald Blackburn, which are often reciprocated; when asked for comment, both deny that such a change has occurred, and that even if it has, it does not mean anything. The way Blackburn's smoke turns white with embarrassment when asked suggests otherwise.

Denzel Scott has also dropped the issue of Velazquez being an alternate. When asked what had prompted this attitudinal shift, Scott said, "We talked for a while. You know, life, love, metaphysics, sudoku-solving tactics." Scott and Velazquez are now regularly spotted making modem noises at each other while coordinating outfield defense.

Marco Escobar, however, remains skeptical of this iteration of Velazquez; Velazquez's alternation threw their theories about the prophetic potential of an unchanging cosmic linchpin into utter disarray, and Escobar claims that Velazquez voluntarily Alternated specifically to spite Escobar’s attempts to understand the nature of the universe.

Relationships Outside of the Spies

A New Friendship

Season 11 of Blaseball saw the introduction of the Baltimore Crabs’ replacement team, the Tokyo Lift. After the Spies’ first game against the Lift, the team captain Stijn Strongbody stopped by the Spies’ locker room to invite Math Velazquez to stay at the Lift stadium for the night. When asked why, Strongbody stated that he had always had a fascination with advanced mathematics and wanted to get to know Velazquez.

This first meeting was the start of a strong friendship. Strongbody and Velazquez get along well, and are often seen spending time together when the Spies are in Tokyo or when the Lift travel to Houston. The duo can be found puzzling over research papers, discussing and debating contradictions, or attempting to prove unsolved conjectures.

According to an anonymous source, when the Lift were visiting Houston, Velazquez went to visit Strongbody’s hotel and stayed there for several days. By the time another Spy paid a visit to see what was going on, Math and Stijn were both passed out over a table cluttered with paper, and had to be physically removed from the room despite both their protests about the problem still being unsolved.

Outside of frantic and brief meetings between games, the two remain in contact with each other. Strongbody has been seen texting Velazquez asking for help with various mathematics puzzles, and Velazquez has reportedly secured access to several Tokyo-area university libraries. The two teams view their friendship with admiration, a sign of the league finally coming together after the Discipline Era.


This concludes the entry.

Speculation

Speculation about Math Velazquez abounds. One such flight of fancy has been "misplaced" here. Refresh the page for another.

Origins

Math has always existed, for Math is intrinsic in the nature of the cosmos. Some theories suggest that Math was the one who set the universe in motion; in any case, Math is eternal, vast, omnipresent, and the Blaseball player is but a tiny shard.

As reads a letter to the editor that was intercepted before publication in [REDACTED], a popular magazine:

Why has the eternal order of the cosmos chosen to do this? Perhaps it is like Sarl Cagan said: you are the universe experiencing itself. Maybe Math wanted to experience mathself, be on the field of the world rather than in the stands. And so we have Math Velazquez, Blaseball player, a fragment that is very nearly blind in comparison. A single point perspective subject to the chaos and uncertainty of the universe. Just to see what it's like.

Math has made no statements confirming this theory.

Math has made no statements denying this theory.

Speculation abounds.

This concludes the entry.

Fan Works