Velasquez Alstott

From Blaseball Wiki

Velasquez Alstott was a player for the Hades Tigers, and had been with the team since Fall Ball. Alstott has previously played for the Charleston Shoe Thieves. They were incinerated on Day 17 of Season 2

Official League Records

Alstott joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Charleston Shoe Thieves with the Return of Blaseball.

On Day 92 of Season β2, Alstott hit a game-winning double home run in the ninth inning against the Dallas Steaks, helping to keep the Shoe Thieves in the running for a contentious playoff race.

During the Season β6 elections, the Charleston Shoe Thieves received the Mutually Arising blessing increasing Alstott's overall stars from 9.1 -> 9.6 .

On Season β7, Day 29, Alstott's pitching ability was siphoned by Wyatt Pothos, decreasing it 2.9 -> 2.4 .

On Season 9, Day X, Alstott gained the Flinch modification after the Shoe Thieves lost to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS.

During the Season β9 elections, Alstott received the Fire Eater due to the passing of the Forecast: Eclipse decree.

On Season β10, Day 41, some of Alstott's defensive ability was siphoned by Spears Taylor, decreasing it 2.4 -> 1.5 .

In the Season β10 elections, Alstott received Noise-Cancelling Headphones, becoming Soundproof. (The Headphones would later be lost, along with all other Discipline Era items across the league, at the beginning of Season β15.)

During the Coffee Cup, Alstott played for the Americano Water Works as a lineup player.

During the Season β16 elections, Alstott's Flinch modification was changed into the Haunted modification by the Shoe Thieves' Reform will.

During the Season β17 elections, Alstott's Haunted modification was changed into the Homebody modification by the Shoe Thieves' Reform will.

During the Season β22 elections, Alstott became an Alternate and gained the Negative modification due to the Lineup Alternate Trust blessing.

On Season β23, Day 35, Alstott retreated to the Shoe Thieves' Shadows in exchange for Blood Hamburger at Choux Stadium via the Ratified Voicemail.

On Season β24, Day 12, Alstott joined the Shoe Thieves' pitching rotation in exchange for Richardson Games at Choux Stadium via the Ratified Fax Machine.

During the December 2, 2022 Fall Ball, Alstott fell to the Hades Tigers.

On Season 2, Day 17 Alsott was Incinerated by a Rogue Umpire during Solar Eclipse (Blue) weather. They were replaced by Hana Wildebeest.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Blaseball Career

Following the Shoes vs Steaks game on Season 2, Day 92, Alstott gained the nickname "Twofer", referencing the double home run, her age (two years old), and her two-star player rating at the time. Since the beginning of Season 3, Alstott has consistently ranked among the top 10 doubles hitters in the league. As of the conclusion of Season 6, she currently ranks second in the league for all time doubles batted (184) behind Dickerson Morse of the Kansas City Breath Mints (190). She leads the league in percentage of hits as doubles (17%).

Following the Incineration of Shoe Thieves pitcher Matteo Prestige on Alstott's third birthday in Season 3, Alstott changed her walk-up music to the classic show tune "Empty Chairs At Empty Tables".

After a Hit-By-Pitch from Jaylen Hotdogfingers in the first postseason game of Season β7, Alstott's temporal non-linearity intensified considerably, often causing her to change ages during the middle of games or even within a single plate appearance. This effect persisted for longer than the standard nine days, with Alstott struggling with increased temporal instability for the majority of the following offseason, though she ultimately recovered in time for Season 8.

Alstott specializes in stealing glolf cleats, an impressive feat since most of them were destroyed as a result of the Blaseball-Glolf Clonflict.

Personal Life

Velasquez Alstott is the 222 year old daughter of former Canada Moist Talkers player Kennedy Alstott. She began playing Blaseball for the Charleston Shoe Thieves at the age of two and was considered a miraculous prodigy in toddler terms, but relative to adult professional athletes she was below average. During Season β3, Alstott's parent Kennedy Alstott of the Moist Talkers was incinerated, leaving Velasquez orphaned. Soon after, she was found staring into a broken mirror in a truck stop bathroom and carving a seven-armed figure out of soap. When asked about this incident by reporters, she declined to comment, stating it was "nappy time".

Alstott holds the current record for possessing the most non-artificial teeth among all Blaseball players, disputed by fellow Shoe Thieves player Blankenship Fischer until their incineration. During Fischer's incineration on day 75 of Season 3, one of Fischer's teeth became detached from their body and landed at Alstott's feet. She later had the tooth inscribed with various symbols of unknown origin and now wears it as a necklace.

Following Morrow Doyle's incineration in Season 4, Alstott began making regular visits to the Doyle's memorial in the Boston Flowers Memorial Bat Forest, often spending nights sleeping with Doyle's cats Thelma and Abernathy under the Trans-dimensional Violet Tree. Prolonged exposure to this zone of temporal instability has caused Alstott to begin aging discontinuously, although apparently only in precise intervals of ten years from her previous age of two.

During the Grand Siesta, Alstott announced via social media that she had adopted a bulldog puppy. Despite being affectionately dubbed "Beasley Gloom 2," it is not known at this time whether or not the dog possesses a similar pitching ability to his namesake. Regardless, Beasley 2 is currently in training to become a licensed service dog and assist Alstott with both her mental health and her wild leaps through time.

Fan Works