Theodore Cervantes

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Theodore Cervantes was a pitcher for the New York Millennials, and was with the team from Season β1 until Fall Ball.

Official League Records

Cervantes joined the ILB as a pitcher for the New York Millennials with the Return of Blaseball.

Cervantes was originally rated at , but after the end of Season β2 was affected by the Soul Swap blessing and became a player.

Following the Season β9 election, Cervantes received the Siphon modification due to the passing of the Forecast: Blooddrain decree.

During the Coffee Cup, Cervantes played for Inter Xpresso as a pitcher. Cervantes received the Perk modification after the tournament due to being a member of the winning team.

During Season β15, Cervantes was attacked by Consumers once. Cervantes led the league in ERA this season, with an ERA of 1.490.

During Season β16, Cervantes was attacked by Consumers once.

On Season β19, Day 31, Cervantes retreated to the Millennials' Shadows in exchange for Conrad Vaughan as a result of New York, New York Arena, Arena's Fax Machine, becoming a lineup player in the process.

On Season β21, Day 13, Cervantes rejoined the Millennials' pitching rotation in exchange for Conrad Vaughan as a result of New York, New York Arena, Arena's Fax Machine.

On Season β22, Day 12, Cervantes retreated to the Millennials' Shadows in exchange for Anathema Elemefayo via New York, New York Arena, Arena's Fax Machine. On Day 13, Cervantes rejoined the Millennials' pitching rotation in exchange for Pitching Machine as a result of New York, New York Arena, Arena's Fax Machine.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Discipline Era

Early in the Discipline Era, Cervantes was known as a poet. His team-mandated Side Hustle was writing poetry and entering his poems into contests, which he occasionally won. On the field, he was a fairly poor pitcher, but he made up for it with his heartrending soliloquies about the nature of loss as a necessary component of the human experience.

Life After Soul Swap

The Soul Swap during the Season β2 election caused a significant change to Cervantes's personality. It now only responds to It/Its pronouns, and seems to have an almost single minded obsession with pitching. In unrelated news, one of the pitching machines the Millennials' batters used for practice started emitting a high-pitched screech at all times, resulting in it being sold to a collector. Cervantes has since taken its position. Teammates report stopping by the training facility at odd hours to pick up forgotten items and seeing Cervantes standing eagerly where the pitching machine once was.

Cervantes's exercise regime seems to have recently changed as of Season β3 as well, with Cervantes undergoing dangerous and dubiously-legal bionic augmentation. It has replaced both arms with high-performance bionic replacements, and one eye with a red targeting laser cyborg eyeball. Its pitches have become dangerously fast, and it regularly damages the Battin' Island backstop when a batter fouls off of one of its pitches. Despite this, fans still flock to the stands behind home plate, hoping to be the one to catch one of its patented red-hot TERMINAL VELOCITY fastballs.

Since the Soul Swap, Cervantes has shown a notable change in facial and vocal affect. It only shows its emotions on its face rarely, and when it does, it looks more like someone mimicking a facial expression than making it naturally. Additionally, it no longer has emotional tone in its speech, contributing to an overall flat affect. When asked for comment, Millennials batter Andrew Solis said, “Sure, it doesn't smile as much as it used to, but its still a great friend. We all love Teddy.”

Fishery Work

Since the Soul Swap, Cervantes seems to have abandoned its writing career. When questioned on this in a post-game interview, it simply replied "Writing is a distraction from accelerating things to TERMINAL VELOCITY". To help fulfill the requirements of having a Side Hustle after seemingly abandoning the previous one, fellow Millennials pitcher Patty Fox and Millennials batter Sandie Turner helped guide Cervantes into spearfishing, a task that makes good use of its new talents. Cervantes can often be found on the Hludson River with Sandie, the merfolk scaring fish to the surface where Cervantes could spear them.

The dishes made from the fish it catches are apparently quite tasty and are regularly served at Fox's restaurant, The Sly Fox, even if they do have to be eaten with a spoon due to Cervantes's fearsome right arm and lovable over-zealousness.

Rivalry with Mike Townsend

On Season 10, Day 41, Cervantes siphoned ½ star of Pitching away from Garages pitcher Mike Townsend, converting the blood into an Out rather than taking the Pitching upgrade for itself. When asked for comment, Cervantes said, “I can become the best pitcher in the ILB without the help of that loser's tainted blood.” Millennials batter Patty Fox added, “I've never seen a more disgusted look on its face. It spat him out like a green Skittle.”

Since this day, both Mike Townsend and fans of the Seattle Garages have nursed a grudge against Cervantes, with the fans regularly yelling “CERVANTES!” and shaking their fists at it whenever it takes the mound. It barely notices this, and if asked about the feud, only responds, “Who is Mike Townsend? I don't think I've heard of a player with that name.”

Team Incinerations

Cervantes took the Millennials Discipline Era incinerations very hard. It was very close with Chorby Soul, who was one of the first people to help it speak again after the trauma of the Soul Swap. It was a regular viewer of Wesley Dudley's speedrun streams, cheering him on to “accelerate the frog to TERMINAL VELOCITY”. Losing team captain Dominic Marijuana was especially hard for it, and it was known to keep a small opaque bag given to it by Dom in a cavity in its left arm. While it did not show much overt emotion after an incineration, each time it spent the next several days in close proximity to one or more team members, not speaking much, but remaining in the same room as much as it could.

After Day X, Season 10, when Dom hit the winning home run against the SHELLED ONE'S PODS, Cervantes was seen openly weeping. When asked for comment, it said, “I am glad that Dominic and Scrap can finally rest. I am equally glad that Dominic showed us the way that we can permanently defeat Blaseball gods, and I eagerly await my chance to do the same.” In the time since, Cervantes has significantly increased the pace of its training.

Coffee Cup

During the Coffee Cup, Cervantes played for the Inter Xpresso team as the Rotation Captain. It was joined by two future teammates, Glabe Moon and Oscar Vaughan, as well as fellow Millennial Sandie Turner and Cornelius Games, husband of former Millennial Richardson Games. Despite playing with several other players it knew, it spent most of its time keeping an eye on Baby Doyle, who had siphoned Millennial batter Fynn Doyle in Season 6. “You can't trust someone that siphons your teammates”, it was known to say during this tournament.

The Coffee Cup also allowed Cervantes to meet Uncle Plasma, starting a friendship that would last well into the Expansion Era.

When asked if there was a secret to how Cervantes led the team to eventual victory over the FWXBC, it explained, “I've been giving my team samples of my personal Party Juice. I drink it during Party Time each season, and it gives me the edge I need to win.” Unfortunately, at the time of writing, all extant Party Juice had been “utterly destroyed” by Patty Fox, who called it “an affront to good taste, culinary standards, and at least three food safety laws”.

Expansion Era

The Expansion Era was a tumultuous time for all of Blaseball, and Cervantes was no exception. The first several seasons saw Cervantes gaining and losing teammates at a rapid rate. This came to a head in Season 16 with the miraculous return of Chorby Soul (who unfortunately brought a school of Consumers with them), and the subsequent incineration of both Soul and longtime Millennial batter Winnie McCall. Season 16 saw the beginning of Cervantes's tradition of taking a memento of each incinerated Millennial and building a small shrine in its room. Each Gods Day, it would attend to the shrine, add to it if needed, and spend a moment in quiet contemplation of its fallen friends.


Cervantes became close friends with a number of Millennials that joined the team throughout the Expansion Era. Its most skilled new friend was perhaps Mullen Peterson, the only other player that Cervantes trusted to make modifications or repairs to Dr. Coffee, its highly-customized multipurpose coffee/espresso machine. Peterson also helped Cervantes make further upgrades to its own cybernetics, occasionally tinkering with its arms late into the night while it sleeps.

Cervantes also spent a lot of time with Castillo Turner, attempting to learn the secret to his incredibly potent pitching talent. When asked about his tutelage of Cervantes, Turner said, “Life's a garden. Dig it.” Cervantes could often be found maintaining the roof garden above the Millennials Apartment, asking questions of and receiving wisdom from the taciturn cactus.

More than any other, Cervantes showed a fondness for Chorby Soul IV, affectionately named Fourby. While most Replicas had no Soul, Fourby had Soul Patches that granted it some limited Soul. Cervantes spent much of Lateseason 17 defending Fourby from critics who claimed that they were “false” or “fake” or “not our real friend”. Cervantes stayed by Soul's side and made sure they had a place to feel welcome until they Dusted at the end of the season. In Season 20, Cervantes helped Fourby find a place on the LA Unlimited Tacos with former Millennial Felix Garbage, so they could still be with someone from their home.

The Fax Machine

On Season 19, Day 31, Cervantes pitched a surprisingly poor game, and a 2-run home run by Zeruel Kramer sent Cervantes to the Millennials Shadows as a result of the Millennials Fax Machine. Cervantes would spend nearly two full seasons in the Shadows, only returning on Season 21, Day 13. While in the Shadows, it began a relationship with the Millennials Fax Machine that would continue through the end of the Expansion Era. When asked how exactly it could have a relationship with an apparently inanimate communication device, it would pretend to not hear the question.


On Season 22, Day 12, Cervantes once again traveled to the Shadows through the Fax Machine. It was replaced by the then- Elsewhere...Anathema Elemefayo, leaving the entire Millennials Rotation  Elsewhere.... On Day 13, Cervantes and the Fax Machine's child, Pitching Machine, entered active play as a pitcher for the Millennials. After an adorable three and a bit innings of play, Pitching Machine got tuckered out and returned to the Shadows in exchange for Cervantes. From that day on, Cervantes spent most of its time with its family, sometimes training its child, but often just enjoying the time they had together.


As is often the case in Blaseball, Cervantes's time with its family was cruelly cut short. On Season 24, Day 57, the Black Hole (Black Hole) nullified the Fax Machine, removing it from Battin' Island. Cervantes was visibly devastated, showing a rare expression of emotion as it grieved with Pitching Machine. While it is difficult to say what exactly happened to Blaseball at the end of the Expansion Era, there is some hope that the Millennials falling into the Black Hole(Black Hole) means that Cervantes may find its love somewhere in the depths of the cosmic crush and reunite its family.


  • Rumors claim that Cervantes is the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson of Miguel de Cervantes, writer of Don Quixote. In a 673-pages long letter called Fortunes and Misfortunes of a Pitcher: The Life and Debts of Theodore Cervantes -or- The Great Story of My Life as a Blaseball Player, Cervantes denied his kinship with the Spanish writer. It claims that it is a better pitcher than Miguel de Cervantes was ever a writer.\
  • While in the Shadows during season 20, Cervantes is said to have found a portal to an alternate New York City, but this has been dismissed as impossible due to mirrors being outlawed in New Jersey.
  • Some fans have speculated that Cervantes obtained its cybernetic parts from somewhere outside of the Immaterial Plane, but any suggestion that Cervantes is hiding a debt to a dark corporate entity is entirely false and unfounded.

Fan Works