Snyder Briggs

From Blaseball Wiki

Snyder Briggs is a pitcher for the Charleston Shoe Thieves, and has been with the team since the Return of Blaseball.


Official League Records

Briggs joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Charleston Shoe Thieves with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season 4 elections, Briggs was affected by the Alternate Reality decree and replaced by an Alternate. This involved Briggs's stats being randomized, resulting in a combined 9.6 -> 7.1 stat decrease.

During the Season 5 elections, Briggs's pitching was rerolled from 1.1 -> 0.4 as a result of the Soul Swap blessing.

During the Season 6 elections the Shoe Thieves received the Mutually Arising blessing, resulting in a combined 6.5 -> 7 stat increase for Briggs.

During the Season 8 elections, Briggs's batting was rerolled from 0.6 -> 2.1 as a result of the Radical Alchemy blessing.

On Season 9, Day X, Briggs gained the Mild modification after the Shoe Thieves lost to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS.

During the Season 10 elections, Briggs received Noise-Cancelling Headphones, becoming Soundproof. (The Headphones would later be lost, along with all other Discipline Era items across the league, at the beginning of Season 15.)

During the Season 15 elections, Briggs's pitching was increased 2.9 -> 4.1 and defense decreased 3.1 -> 2.8 as a result of the Shoe Thieves' Transfuse will.


COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Personal Life

Snyder Briggs was born in Charleston, SC, and was a known arson hobbyist, inline skater, and ice skater prior to joining the Charleston Shoe Thieves. Briggs specializes in stealing horseshoes.

The alternate Briggs shared their counterpart’s interest in skating, but ice skated less frequently, for fear of slipping and melting the ice.

Blaseball Career

Before Alternate Reality

Briggs had a reputation of being a decent pitcher, but not as skilled as teammates Matteo Prestige and Cornelius Games. Despite this, they became known for their ability to pull off upsets, and for their impressive performance in Season 4.

During a game in the ████ season, Briggs was ejected from the game and suspended for two games after it was discovered they had soaked their uniform in kerosene and were attempting to light a match before their start pitching against the Yellowstone Magic. This was deemed an attempt to gain an unfair advantage, and ruled as unsplortsmanlike behavior. Sources are conflicted on whether this was an attempt to draw possible Umpire attention away from their teammates, or if they had some premonition as to what might follow incineration.

As more players were incinerated in Season 3, Briggs grew more antagonistic towards Umpires. Following the incinerations of both Sebastian Townsend and Atlas Jonbois within a five game span in the season, Briggs was reported to have entered into multiple verbal altercations with Umpires during games.

Despite this occasionally downbeat attitude, Briggs still frequently spent time watching sitcoms, such as Quilting Addict, Tunnel of Hands, and Cowardly, Slimy, Company, with new teammate Hotbox Sato. They were reportedly quite fond of one another, and Sato could even be found drifting in and out of Briggs's upper torso when particularly excited.

After Alternate Reality

After the Alternate Reality decree passed at the end of Season 4, Briggs was swapped with a Snyder Briggs from an Alternate Reality. This Briggs allegedly came from Charleston, WV.

The most noticeable difference between the two Briggs is the alternate reality's Briggs's boiling blood, a condition that leaves them with body temperatures varying from 100°C up to 380°C. This makes the air around them ripple as it would around a cookout, and makes it appear as though their skin is steaming. This version of Briggs also wears a mullet, which is frequently on fire.

Also of note is Briggs's career with the Charleston Glove Bandits, an alternate-universe Sloccer team (whose lineup is otherwise identical to the Season 1 Shoe Thieves). Sloccer is a sport renowned for the lack of mortal danger it puts its players through; with no umpires, there are no umpires to go rogue. This has been something Briggs has had difficulty adjusting from after coming to the Shoe Thieves: "It would be different if it was just a mechanics issue. I can deal with mechanics. I can learn how to throw a sloccerball. But I don’t even know where to start with this. I thought that Matteo was traded out or something, man. Or that Doc had just...quit, y'know? I’m surprised this place hasn’t been sued into the ground by now."

The alternate Snyder Briggs continued to struggle with the realities of life as a Blaseball player, suffering from poor motivation and decreased performance on the mound beginning in Season 6. They were also noted to not know what a blaseball was, and had stated that they just “throw whatever I find in my hand”.

To help Briggs adjust and grow more accustomed to the team, Stu Trololol and Esme Ramsey worked together to assemble a makeshift sloccerfield in the yard behind the clubhouse. Briggs often uses this field to cool down (quite literally) after particularly poor performances, and to figure out how to incorporate their signature soccer moves into their pitching. One of these moves, "The 360°C Kick," they've had considerable trouble integrating, as it requires them to utilize the heat boiling in their blood to ignite the sloccerball. When asked about this, they've stated, "Despite every other smoking hot part of me, I’ve always had cold hands. About as frigid as the inside of a sauna. It's just the way I am."

Team members have occasionally been spotted playing a round or two shooting goals in the field with them, most frequently Hotbox Sato. The two allegedly spend most of their time together, but those rumors have yet to be substantiated. Briggs could very well just be emitting smoke as a byproduct of their extreme heat, even if the smoke appears to have eyes.

In the Season 9 finals, Briggs pitched the 2nd losing game against the Baltimore Crabs. According to Briggs, this was a successful stalling attempt planned by Cornelius Games, while the team's inactive pitchers snuck away to relieve the Crabs of their footwear.

After the events of Day X, Snyder was shocked to learn that Stu Trololol's Cockney accent was fake.

The Smokehouse Gang

Upon Tillman Henderson's transfer to the Thieves, Briggs and Sato incorporated the new player into their dynamic. Henderson was spotted regularly joining the two for Sitcom Night, which seems to occur every evening. Shortly thereafter, Henderson began referring to the trio as "The Smokehouse Gang," evidently due to the fact that all three players are in some way affiliated with smoke. When questioned in an interview, Sato commented that "I really don’t think calling it 'The Smokehouse Gang' is a good idea." In an attempt to be respectful of Sato's wishes, the press dubbed the group the "I Really Don’t Think Calling It The Smokehouse Gang Is A Good Idea" gang, also known as the IRDTCITSGIAGI gang or The Smokehouse Gang for short. Most of the gang's activities continue to revolve around television in some capacity.

By the end of the Grand Siesta, Briggs had allegedly entered a romantic relationship with Sato, and the Smokehouse Gang had expanded to include Sunbeams players Miguel James and Iggy Delacruz.

Following the events of Season 13 which left Briggs as the sole surviving original member of the group, the club was dissolved, but Briggs was still seen spending time in the Wild Low Clubhouse with other former members of the group.

The Expansion Era

Following the Reverb event that left Cornelius Games a lineup player, Briggs took over as pitching captain for the Thieves, helping to train the rotation and help new players get acclimated to the team. Following Games’ return, they continued to co-captain with him.

Trivia

  • Snyder's Squirrel Roommate: During a siesta, Velasquez Alstott found a frightened squirrel in the clubhouse. In Snyder's old reality, squirrels were often kept as pets and were intelligent enough to teach their language. Snyder was rusty, but managed to communicate with the squirrel and ease her out of Blood Hamburger's locker. The squirrel was named Cherry and expressed a desire to stay with Snyder, so they decided to allow Cherry to move in with them.


Fan Works