Alexandria Rosales

From Blaseball Wiki

Alexandria Rosales is a lineup player for the Houston Spies, and has been with the team since Season 1.

Official League Records

Rosales joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Houston Spies with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season 6 elections, Rosales swapped positions with Evelton McBlase II as a result of the The Best Offense blessing, which swapped the best pitching hitter (Rosales) with their worst pitcher (McBlase II).

During the Coffee Cup, Rosales played for the Cold Brew Crew as a pitcher.

During the Season 18 elections, Rosales gained the Undefined modification as a result of the Inexplicable blessing.

On Season 21, Day 12, Rosales retreated to the Spies' Shadows in exchange for Plums Blather via An Undisclosed Location's Fax Machine. On Day 16, Rosales rejoined the Spies' pitching rotation in exchange for Blather via An Undisclosed Location's Fax Machine.

On Season 22, Day 3, Rosales retreated to the Spies' Shadows in exchange for Plums Blather via An Undisclosed Location's Fax Machine. During the same game, Rosales rejoined the Spies' pitching rotation in exchange for Blather via the Fax Machine. On Day 17, Rosales retreated once more to the Shadows in exchange for Bennett Bluesky due to the Fax Machine. On Day 18, Rosales rejoined the Spies' pitching rotation in exchange for Plums Blather, again via the Fax Machine. On Day 70, Rosales again retreated to the Shadows in exchange for Blather via the Fax Machine. During the same game, Rosales once more returned to the Spies' pitching rotation in exchange for Blather due to the Fax Machine. On Day 72, Rosales retreated to the Shadows in exchange for Blather via the Fax Machine once again. On Day 81, Rosales joined the Spies' lineup in exchange for Siobhan Chark via the Ratified Voicemail.

History

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Humble Roots

Alexandria Rosales's childhood is a mystery. Records prior to their adulthood have all been destroyed, and Rosales themself is not forthcoming about their life before recruitment to the Spies.

In interviews, Rosales has discussed being a high achiever, with multiple undisclosed lofty goals and aspirations. According to Rosales, when they want something, they go for it, whatever the cost may be. Nowhere is this more clear than in the events immediately preceding their recruitment to the Houston Spies.

According to what few reports survive and what little information Rosales and the Spies have provided, it began when Rosales was working as a bartender. Infuriated by exploitative work practices and rampant mistreatment, Rosales and their coworkers began organizing for fair treatment, only to face retaliation from their employers.

Several weeks of negotiations passed before the bar's owners fired and replaced the striking workers. Rosales's family heirloom—a cursed sword with such terrible power that it refused to be sheathed—activated along with their fury. In what can only be described as a berserker rage, Rosales wielded the heirloom sword against their former workplace and managers, destroying them utterly.

Its bloodlust finally sated, the sword allowed itself to be sheathed, but Rosales was still surrounded by destruction with the weapon in hand, obviously to blame. Jordan Hildebert of the Houston Spies approached Rosales with an offer: join the Spies, let us take a look at your cursed sword, put your viciousness to use for the mission, and we'll protect you from retaliation. Seeing no other alternative, Rosales accepted.

After recruitment, Rosales quickly became one of the Spies' most dedicated agents. Though the details of their many successful missions are classified, they could be counted upon for the agency's most dangerous and delicate operations. Following Jordan Hildebert's temporary retirement from the Spies, Rosales rose through the ranks to become one of the organization's senior agents—and one of its greatest players.

Reception and Outreach

An early statement made by a Spies representative refers to Rosales as the "heart of the team, plus the brain of the team, and indeed the soul of the team, and honestly the muscle of the team, but also, when you think about it, they're like the fist of the team as well."

Rosales has swapped positions several times in their time with the Spies, but is always known for being one of the strongest and most consistent performers. In fact, their origin story and their ruthlessness on the field have led to them being known as the Spies' "Most Vicious Player."

Rosales is particularly popular amongst the Spies' many LGBT fans, thanks to their commitment to outreach programs designed to make the splort more welcoming to minority groups. In their spare time, Rosales is the general manager of a local lesbian Blaseball league, and has said that in many ways this work is just as important as their full-time job.

Despite many attempts by Spies fans and others to visit Rosales at the league they manage, there are never any records of them having ever been there. Only the actual members of the league have reported any actual sightings, which almost always involve Rosales smiling joyfully.

Pitching

At the end of Season 6, Jaylen Hotdogfingers was resurrected and immediately began beaning batters with blaseballs. Inspired by this event, Rosales decided to swap places with Evelton McBlase II and took the mound, aiming to strengthen their reputation as one of the "Most Vicious Players" in the ILB. As it turned out, all their time managing the local lesbian blaseball team taught them all the fundementals of proper pitching, and they ended up being the best pitcher on the Spies roster.

Personal Relationships

As the "Most Vicious Player" of the Spies for the entire Discipline era, Rosales was regarded as a rival of similar title holder Jessica Telephone. This rivalry became the subject of much public attention in Season 1, when members of the press reported that both players had stone carvings of each other on their Piety Altars. This continued into Season 2, when photographs of Rosales emerging from an alleyway holding a broken bat and wearing a Philly Pies skirt were published. As standard operating protocol for the Spies dictates, Rosales denies the existence of any relationship, and of themself.

In more recent interviews, Rosales has stated that the previous connection with Telephone—which they maintain did not exist—has ended. Rumors suggest that once Rosales and Telephone's rivalry on the field ended, especially with the dissolution of the Evil League at the end of Season 5, Rosales lost interest, as if it was the competition itself that drove their connection. "Rosales doesn't know how to say 'I love you' without a 105-mile-per-hour fastball attached," said one source close to the subject.

Whatever the truth may be, rumors of brief romantic flings tend to follow Rosales.

The Expansion Era

After many years spent in the relative safety of the Grand Siesta, the early Expansion Era began with Theodore Holloway and Son Scotch being incinerated in seasons 13 and 14, respectively. During this time Rosales was a pillar of strength for the team, ensuring that the practicalities were taken care of during their mourning; this resulted in some of the newer teams being under the impression that Rosales was the Spies’ team captain until Jordan Hildebert spent several hours disabusing them of the notion.

During the off-season following season 14, Rosales disappeared entirely from the public eye; Spies representatives and fellow players claimed ignorance of where they were. When next seen at the beginning of the next threeson, Rosales had visibly aged: or, at least, according to one anonymous source, had stopped trying to hide the gray streaks with hair dye.

Faxmailing

When Fax Machine and later Voicemail were installed in An Undisclosed Location, Rosales was fed through the Fax into the Shadows several times after letting up runs. In keeping with the Spies’ saying that “we don’t need parties, we have office equipment,” these dips into the Shadows refreshed and refined their skills.

During their time in the Shadows, they managed to reestablish contact with Donia Bailey again, but the old flame between them had long since cooled to embers. When a reporter asked about Bailey, Rosales stood stock still and stopped talking entirely until the reporter left.

After a paperwork mixup near the end of Season 22, instead of being faxed into the Spies’ pitching rotation, Rosales was instead voicemailed into the Spies’ batting lineup. Their performance was even better than it had been in their old days on the batting lineup, and they could spend more time with the rest of the team. The hole Rosales left in the rotation was filled by Chet Takahashi.

Undefined

In season 24, during the end of the world, Rosales returned Scattered from a long journey Elsewhere.

Scattering trapped Rosales in a dissociative state, a sort of mental emergency mode. Rosales' world had narrowed down to plotting and steering the metaphysical movement of the team through the fifth and sixth dimensions. They were playing Blaseball in an Undefined state, moving automatically and unthinkingly, hitting home runs and stealing bases in an incredible display of skill that they were incapable of appreciating or even noticing.

They finally managed to free themselves of their cursed ancestral sword by stabbing The Coin with it, leaving it there to be sealed away in the melted slag of a dead god.


A Short Story on Alexandria Rosales

Space twists. Dimensions shiver. Something new springs forth. This time, the Interdimensional Rumor Mill reveals a Rumor from IF-10.260 out of its Rumor Registry...

Relationship with Blaseball Union Activity

In recent seasons, there have been several grassroots efforts to unionize the ILB. Alexandria Rosales's background, skillset, and political views make them appear to be a prime candidate for being a core union member and/or organizer. However, if asked to join or form such a union, their response tends to be that they "can't do that anymore", followed by disappearing from the public eye entirely for several days.

At one point, a member of another team attempted to corner Rosales with this question while they were both on the same shuttle bus after a game. Rosales demanded that the driver stop and then exited the shuttle bus, walking the remaining two miles back to their hotel on foot. When a reporter asked about this incident the next day, Rosales' only answer was to look down with a blank and silent expression, withdraw a pocketknife from their trenchcoat, and repeatedly flick it open and closed. Fitzgerald Blackburn then revealed their presence, put a hand on the reporter's notebook, and led Rosales away. The reporter's notebook was later found to have had every page dyed black.


Fan Works