Son Scotch

From Blaseball Wiki

Son Scotch was a lineup player for the Houston Spies, and was with the team from the Return of Blaseball until being incinerated on Season β14, Day 36.

Official League Records

Scotch joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Houston Spies with the Return of Blaseball.

On Season β14, Day 36, Scotch was incinerated and replaced by Jomgy Rolsenthal.


The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Simply put, Son Scotch is your son.

Yes, yours. Immediately after attending their first game, every Spies fan has separate and drastically different memories of raising Scotch implanted in their consciousness, as if they were always there—and perhaps they were.

Every time you meet your loving Son, they are going through another developmental milestone. Today they might be learning to drive. Yesterday might have been their first day of school. These are not inherently contradictory, and you are so, so proud.

Son Scotch decided that they wanted to play Blaseball after you took him to a game and he caught a fly ball in the stands. Shortly after Scotch announced their intent to play Blaseball, you learned of their chosen team after they told you in vague terms about a "cool new job offer in the information sphere." You imagined a library or perhaps some kind of tech job, and grew concerned when Son stopped attending quite so many family reunions. You were disappointed. Your family does not remember Scotch's presence at your reunions, but you do, and you love him for it.

To this day, although Scotch's appearance differs drastically based on which of their many parents is looking at them, they can be picked out of a crowd by their overlarge ball cap, worn backwards, that you got them at their first Blaseball game. In addition, although fans have contradictory but invariably nostalgic memories about why this is, Scotch has a fondness for light-up sneakers.

Scotch is, to date, the only player that routinely gets away with changes to the Spies' uniform code. As they are the adored son of the entire Spies team, everyone is willing to make exceptions for them. Some might call this nepotism, but nobody has the heart to accuse their son of involvement in such affairs. For example, Scotch has been granted league dispensation to skip Blaseball games held on Thursday evenings in order to attend family game night with you, and Scotch was able to skip Spies tryouts after offering one of his parents, Alexandria Rosales, a drawing to put on their refrigerator.

The one privilege that the Spies refuse to extend to Scotch is permission to drink alcohol—Scotch does not have a legal ID, since their age is in constant flux, and no responsible parent would let their treasured son drink underage. At Spies functions, Scotch therefore resorts to drinking his milkshakes shaken, not stirred.

The only declassified Spies team party that we can be relatively sure really happened was in honor of Scotch's graduation from Natha Kath Memorial High School in one of the Unlimited Los Angeli. You were there, and you were proud of him.

Fans/parents have been known to accompany Scotch's march to the batting stump with the chorus of Robbie Williams' 'She's The One', lyrics amended thusly:

And if there's somebody

Scoring home runs

He's our son.

Son Scotch has not been observed to hold romantic attachments to anyone, explaining that the clamor of Scotch's legion of parents fighting to ensure that Scotch's chosen date is worthy of their cherished child would be more trouble than it's worth. However, they seem to be friends with York Silk of the Hawai'i Fridays, and according to Silk, they enjoy playing video games together after Fridays home games.

Possible Death

Multiple mutually-contradictory reports of Son's death exist in Agency files. This time, the Interdimensional Rumor Mill reveals a Rumor from IF-16.02 out of its Rumor Registry...

On Season 14 Day 36, "Son" was still on the field after the umpire’s fire burned out. All involved were confused by this development, but "Son" was removed from the field as a nonplayer, suggesting that something had indeed fundamentally changed.

Upon investigation, the individual left behind still had Son's biometric identification and remembered the same passwords. Most of the Spies were confused, but Yeong-Ho Garcia, who had joined the team post-Grand-Siesta, was the first to realize what had happened: the memetic effect that made Son Scotch into Your Son was gone. After extensive interviews with the Son-entity and consultation with Marco Escobar, Garcia further concluded that Son Scotch’s underlying form had existed for centuries, that it had been suffering from severe depression for the majority of its life, and that it had unintentionally grown the metaphysical glamor of being a son in order to feel like it could belong, to feel cared-for.

The other Spies were initially shocked by this revelation, but being secret agents, they understood what it meant to spend so long living under a false identity. They could understand why the illusion had been created. And they could feel that the love and care was real. This individual wasn’t their son, but the person they'd played Blaseball with for so many years was still there, and in some sense they could still belong.

According to multiple mutually contradictory reports, the Son-entity now drives the team’s sleeper bus to away games, and/or lives under a forged identity as a normal resident of the Houston area.