Jordan Hildebert

From Blaseball Wiki

Jordan Hildebert is a pitcher for the Houston Spies, and has been with the team since Season 1.

Official League Records

Following the Season 9 election, Hildebert received two Modifications due to the passing of decrees: Friend of Crows from the passing of the Forecast: Birds decree, and Siphon modification from the passing of the Forecast: Blooddrain decree.

Player History


The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Jordan (J-series Operational Research, and Development Android) was originally developed to aid and manage the Spies' R&D program. Designed to coordinate research while detecting (and dispatching) the many moles sent to infiltrate the Spies from organizations like the FBI, ATF, and the FDA. Their sharp senses and good judgment also made them ideal for recruiting new agents, including Alexandria Rosales.

J-ORDAn's model was rendered obsolete with the Agency's technological advancements. In 19XX, they chose to leave the Spies rather than face decommissioning. J-ORDAn continued their mission of subversion in other contexts, including local politics.

J-ORDAn's origins have left them with an interesting quirk: they speak exclusively in the manner of an old-timey detective. Though modifications have been made to allow them to speak in different dialects, languages, and cadences, all attempts to disable the old-timey detective mode have failed. On one notable occasion, taping down the dialect button on their chassis resulted in J-ORDAn finishing any and all sentences with, "ya see?" for an entire month.

Time in Politics

Spies missions consumed most of J-ORDAn's time, but their introduction to Rosales—and therefore the power of union organizing—inspired them to try something new following their departure from the Agency, especially as their programming urged them to make use of their abilities regardless of the context.

They found their management skills and ability to detect federal agents incredibly useful in the Houston labor community, and J-ORDAn spent a great deal of time as an organizer for mutual aid projects, becoming a well-known figure in city politics and taking on the last name "Hildebert" to disguise their synthetic nature. Their "human form"—a soft, rubberlike "skin" suit—was rudimentary at best, but most people chose to look the other way out of politeness, even when their camera would peek out through their open mouth.

Suspecting corruption within Houston's local government, J-ORDAn, as Jordan Hildebert, worked their way through a number of local government agencies, rooting out sources of dirty money and exposing them. Their actions at one point drew the attention of the Committee on Unamerican Activities, resulting in their being added to numerous watchlists. J-ORDAn was not deterred and continued their efforts, redefining Houston's political landscape from the ground up with a mixture of tenacity and charm.

J-ORDAn seems to inexplicably have worked in every aspect of public administration. When asked how they managed to serve in so many offices, some of them seemingly at the same time, they explained that the career moves seemed smart at the time and refused to answer follow-up questions.

The Great Return

Eventually, J-ORDAn burned out on local politics, as many activists do. They were listless and without purpose, until the Spies reached back out to them. Decentral Command was in need of someone who could help keep moles out of their Blaseball team and help coordinate defensive plays in time for the Great Return. J-ORDAn took on the job, but decided to keep their human disguise out of fear of being barred or fined by the ILB.

Though they successfully hid their true nature, rumors of Hildebert possibly using performance enhancing technology to cheat spread after an incident involving a lost catchers mitt and a mechanical claw. Certainly the electronic screech of binary whenever Hildebert was coordinating for a fly-ball did not help dispel rumors.

The Great Reveal

In Season 8 the advent of the Unlimited Taco's Pitching Machine established stronger precedent for fully electronic players, allowing many of the ILB's less fleshy players to flaunt their abilities far more confidently. At the end of Season 8, J-ORDAn officially made their debut as an android, showing off the many stickers that have been applied to their chassis by your Son.

Items That May Be Banned From the ILB Thanks to J-ORDAn Hildebert

J-ORDAn's model comes equipped with a variety of tools perfect for spywork. Many of these tools do not actually appear in the ILB rulebook. After numerous incidents, J-ORDAn and their hardware have been the subject of investigation for rulebreaking, making J-ORDAn the number-one player in the league for "Biggest Umpire Headache-Inducer." These items include but are not limited to:

  • Inline skates
  • A gun that shoots a ball but makes it look as if it's being thrown
  • Laser pointers
  • A handheld console equipped with TETRIS
  • A police scanner
  • A pilot light
  • A brick pizza oven
  • A manual pencil sharpener
  • A copy of Bee Movie scrunched up into the shape of a blaseball


The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Interdimensional Rumor Mill

The IRM randomly chooses one backstory of many written by the Blaseball community when the page is loaded. To read all about the Interdimensional Rumor Mill, visit Interdimensional Rumor Mill. If you would like to edit this entry, click IF-13.17888, or if you would like to see a list of all Rumors for this player, click Rumor Registry.

When Jordan first left the Spies and had to get a job, they just took the last name of the HR employee who was interviewing them. When the HR employee pointed it out, Jordan just kept yelling "HILDEBERT" over and over again. The HR employee eventually conceded.