Kansas City Breath Mints/History

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Seasons 1-3

The Breath Mints routinely performed in the middle of the pack in seasons one through three, their true potential as a team not yet unleashed. They finished 3rd in the Lawful Good Division in the first season, a strong finish that was admirable, but not powerful enough to earn them a spot in the postseason. Following the opening of the forbidden book, The Breath Mints bid farewell to their pitcher PolkaDot Patterson, receiving Winnie Hess in his stead. Winnie, a low performing pitcher from the Crabs, ended up finding renewed vigor in Kansas City, and quickly shaped up to be one of the team's strongest presences on the mound.

The team also saw a change of scenery around this time, as they moved from the Kansas City Fresh Dome to an Open Meadow on the Outskirts of Town, following resident sweetheart Boyfriend Monreal’s tumultuous breakup with the former stadium. Since this split, they have ended up reconnecting, and are now good friends.

Going into season two, the team had high hopes, but these were hopes that ultimately bode ill-fulfilled. The Breath Mints ended the season in the bottom four of the league, a position which earned them the Fourth Strike blessing after the Pies clinched the championship for the second time in a row. Additionally, Breath Mints pitcher Axel Trololol received affirming-surgeries that began his transformation into a car. This manifested itself not only as a chassis, but also as a Literal Arm Cannon, equipment that boosted his pitching stats to the maximum. This, alongside the Wind Spirits that washed through Kansas City and blessed the teams blaserunning, set them up perfectly to have a strong shot at the playoffs in season 3.

Despite a valiant effort, however, this was a dream that never came true. The Breath Mints, despite an incredible start, were hit with three consecutive allergic reactions to stray peanuts during games, greatly reducing the performance of Grey Alvarado, Eduardo Ingram, and Rodriguez Internet (also known as Rod.net). This night of terror sliced the building momentum that had been growing in Kansas City, and the Breath Mints finished the season with a disappointing record of 49-50, finishing once again in the bottom half of the league.

The post season bore a mixed bag of fruit for the Breath MInts. They were awarded with two blessings, Summoning Circles, and the Rack, both of which more than made up for the nerfs to the batting lineup during the Peanut Plague. However, the team's star pitcher, and local hero, Axel Trololol, was traded to the Chicago Firefighters. The team was sad to see Axel go, but they knew he had better horizons ahead of him. In return, they received Eizabeth Guerra’s sister, and the second of the Guerra’s siblings, Atlas Guerra, who despite a subpar star rating, was a welcome addition to the team. They set off for season 4 seemingly back in the balance they had at the start of the season, eager to prove their worth this time around.

Season 4

The Breath Mints started season four with a promising vigor, the morale of the team greatly championed by team captain Whit Steakknife, and resident sweetheart Boyfriend Monreal. The loss of Axel Trololol, who had been a Breath Mint since season one, was difficult, but the teams and fans found solace in the fact that he had grown beyond them, and found a place in Chicago where he could truly be himself.

The Breath Mints had an impressive winning streak in the first third of the season, with star favorites Oscar Vaughan and Grey Alvarado leading the charge on the field. This momentum was cut short though, when on a tragic day, Whit Steakknife was incinerated by a rogue umpire. The players on the field reported this death as “the Breath Mints’ darkest day”, however the shadow it cast over the team was soon drowned out by the rallying cry of grief: “We Hit For Whit”. Whit’s replacement, Stew Briggs, was quickly appointed as the new team captain, and became a fan favorite after several powerful bouts at bat. This moment is when the Breath Mints became Unleashed.

The team carried this energy through more games and more series, taking some significant upsets against powerhouse teams such as the Millennials and the Firefighters. However, it was not long until they were nerfed by another tragedy. Star batter Eduardo Ingram, who was the recipient of buffing at the hand of last season's summoning circles, was soon incinerated as well. This loss was especially tragic as Ingram was a player often looked over, despite his incredible batting record, which at the time of his death was the best in the league. He had only really come into his own in season 4, and seeing his life cut so short was a real blow to the team. Eddie left behind his wife, Leach, whose pitching notably worsened as she battled with grief. Eddie’s replacement Lenny Spruce provided some relief from this pain, but there are some holes not even a joke slinging sentient tree can fill. This marked the second third of the Breath Mints season, a leg of series in which the Breath Mints fell into a massive losing slump. Most notably, they were swept by the Tacos, arguably one of the worst performing teams in the league at the time.

Despite hopes that the Breath Mints would rally in the final third of the season, as they are wont to do in games, the team from Kansas City never managed to eke out above their rivals, the Charleston Shoe Thieves, despite their best efforts. In their last 30 games, they won only 9 of them, a losing streak that solidified their place as fourth in the Lawful Good Division. The season finished with them in a middling 13th place, and with a win loss record of 48-51, disqualifying them for the postseason. This stretch of the season was not without its upsides, moments such as Eizabeth Guerra stealing all four bases in one inning serving as important rallying points for the team. (despite the lack of a blagonball awarded) These moments were, however, not enough to curb the tides of fate, and soon the season was over.

The team cheered on the good league’s champions, The New York Millennials, in the finals, and were disappointed to see them swept by the Hades Tigers. The season ended with the Breath Mints eagerly strategizing for the upcoming election, and with the errant stirring of the potential of being unleashed once again.

Season 6

During season 6 some fans began demanding a reorder of the Breath Mints batting lineup. They felt that Boyfriend Monreal needed even more opportunities to go on extensive walks and that Rodriguez Internet needed to be discouraged from his excessive base stealing attempts.

General manager and team owner Max Betmint was initially skeptical. He quickly changed his mind though, when it was pointed out to him, that the invisible hand of the fandom would surely produce the best batting lineup, much as the invisible hand of the free market distributed goods and services in an optimal way.

Hewitt Best wanted to protest against this argument on principal but was convinced to abstain from voicing their concerns out of solidarity with Boyfriend Monreal. The change in lineup order was approved at the end of season 6.