Canada Moist Talkers/Beta
The Canada Moist Talkers (formerly the Topeka Moist Talkers) are a Blaseball team that debuted in the Chaotic Evil division of the Evil League. After the High Filter decree passed in the election following Season 5, they were placed into the Mild High division of The Mild League, later moving to the Mild Low division after the Season 10 election. They have been a member of Internet League Blaseball since Season D when they, then named the Topeka Moist Talkers, joined as an incineration replacement for the Canada Artists.
Roster
Select Tlopps cards can be found here
Former Players
Incinerations
- Trevino Merritt (Season 2, Day 72; replaced by Simon Haley)
- Kennedy Alstott (Season 3, Day 19; replaced by Lachlan Shelton)
- Tyler Violet (Season 3, Day 44; replaced by Ziwa Mueller)
- Elijah Bates (Season 7, Day 32; replaced by Kiki Familia)
- Kiki Familia (Season 7, Day 33; replaced by Quack Enjoyable)
- Antonio Wallace (Season 7, Day 33; replaced by Beans McBlase)
- Workman Gloom (Season 7, Day 81; replaced by Commissioner Vapor)
- York Silk (Season 14, Day 87; replaced by Lucien Patchwork)
Feedback Swaps
- Joe Voorhees (Season 4, Day 28; replaced by Workman Gloom)
- Richmond Harrison (Season 6, Day 19; replaced by Fish Summer)
- Lachlan Shelton (Season 6, Day 23; replaced by Antonio Wallace)
- Hobbs Cain (Season 6, Day 82; replaced by Alston Cerveza)
- Quack Enjoyable (Season 8, Day 42; replaced by Cedric Spliff)
- Eugenia Garbage (Season 8, Day 44; replaced by Lachlan Shelton)
- Simon Haley (Season 8, Day 44; replaced by Eugenia Garbage)
- Ortiz Morse (Season 9, Day 53; replaced by Jaylen Hotdogfingers)
- Jaylen Hotdogfingers (Season 9, Day 64; replaced by Beasley Gloom)
- Doc Anice (Season 13, Day 41; replaced by Bright Zimmerman)
- Greer Lott (Season 20, Day 92; replaced by Jacoby Podcast)
Blessings and Trades
- Oliver Notarobot (Season 2, via the Defection blessing; replaced by PolkaDot Patterson)
- Polkadot Patterson (Season 12, via the Plunder will; replaced by Doc Anice)
- Shirai McElroy (Season 13, via the Plunder will; replaced by PolkaDot Patterson)
- Bright Zimmerman (Season 14, via the Revoke will; no replacement)
- PolkaDot Patterson (Season 15, via the Plunder will; replaced by Sixpack Dogwalker)
- Fish Summer (Season 15, via the Plunder will; replaced by York Silk)
- Alston Cerveza (Season 16, via the Equivalent Exchange will; replaced by Richmond Harrison)
- York Silk (Season 16, via the Plunder will; replaced by Carmelo Plums)
- Carmelo Plums (Season 17, via the Equivalent Exchange will; replaced by Goobie Ballson)
- Richmond Harrison (Season 18, via the Equivalent Exchange will; replaced by Randy Dennis)
- Goobie Ballson (Season 19, via the Equivalent Exchange will; replaced by Cudi Di Batterino)
- Beans McBlase (Season 20, via the Equivalent Exchange will; replaced by Greer Lott)
- Commissioner Vapor (Season 20, via the Fringe Benefit blessing; no replacement)
- Augusto Reddick (Season 21, via the Equivalent Exchange will; replaced by PolkaDot Patterson)
- Lachlan Shelton (Season 21, via the Equivalent Exchange will; replaced by Nicholas Mora)
- Cudi Di Batterino (Season 21, via the Equivalent Exchange will; replaced by Freemium Seraph)
- Nicholas Mora (Season 21, via the Recruit Ego blessing; no replacement)
- Randy Dennis (Season 22, via the Equivalent Exchange will; replaced by Slosh Truk)
- Tucker Flores (Season 22, via the Gachapon blessing; no replacement)
- Ziwa Mueller (Season 22, via the Little Swap blessing; replaced by Tiana Wheeler)
- Rosstin Andante (Season 23, via the Gachapon blessing; no replacement)
Roamin'
- Jesús Koch (roamed to the Philly Pies, Season 20 Day 9, due to Super Roamin' Fifth Base)
- Jesús Koch (roamed to the Yellowstone Magic, Season 20 Day 27, due to Super Roamin' Fifth Base)
- Mags Banananana (roamed to the Hades Tigers, Season 23 elections)
- Alejandro Leaf (roamed to the Hawai'i Fridays, Season 23 elections)
Faded into Dust
- York Silk III (Season 18 elections)
- Chorby Soul VI (Season 20 elections)
- Liquid Friend XII (Season 22 elections)
- Uncle Plasma XII (Season 23 elections)
Season Results
The Discipline Era (Seasons 1 to 11)
Discipline Era | ||||
---|---|---|---|---|
Season | Wins | Record | Postseason | Season Summary |
1 - The Return | 50 | 50-49 | Did not qualify. |
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2 - The Discipline Era | 55 | 55-44 | Quarterfinalists
L 0-3 vs. Philly Pies |
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3 - Peanut Plague/Uncertainty | 53 | 53-46 | Quarterfinalists
L 2-3 vs. Philly Pies |
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4 - Feedback | 53 | 53-46 | Quarterfinalists
L 2-3 vs. Hades Tigers |
|
5 - Reverb | 55 | 55-44 | Semifinalists
W 3-1 vs. Baltimore Crabs |
|
6 - Idols | 48 | 48-51 | Did not qualify. |
|
7 - Getting Shelled | 42 | 42-57 | Did not qualify. |
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8 - Rest in Violence | 48 | 48-51 | Did not qualify. |
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9 - Forecast | 50 | 50-49 | Did not qualify. |
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10 - Backdraft | 67 | 67-32 | Quarterfinalists
L 1-3 vs. New York Millennials |
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11 - Peace & Prosperity | 65 | 65-39 | Quarterfinalists
L 1-3 vs. Yellowstone Magic |
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The Expansion Era (Seasons 12 to 24)
Expansion Era | ||||
---|---|---|---|---|
Season | Wins | Record | Postseason | Season Summary |
12 - The Expansion Era | 55 | 55-44 | Did not qualify. |
|
13 - Home Free | 57 | 57-42 | Quarterfinalists
L 2-3 vs. Hawai'i Fridays |
|
14 - The -ides | 68 | 68-31 | ILB Champions
W 3-0 vs. Baltimore Crabs |
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15 - Live Bait | 62 | 62-37 | ILB Champions
W 3-1 vs. New York Millennials |
|
16 - Mass Production | 64 | 64-35 | Quarterfinalists
L 2-3 vs. Core Mechanics |
|
17 - Collections | 54 | 54-45 | Did not qualify. |
|
18 - New Editions | 42 | 42-57 | Did not qualify. |
|
19 - Undertow | -58 | 58-41 | Did not qualify. |
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20 - Win(Win) | 40 | 40-59 | Underbracket Quarterfinals
L 2-3 vs. San Francisco Lovers |
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21 - Red Herring | 67 | 57-42 | Wildcard Underbracket Finalists |
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22 - Overdue | 41 | 41-58 | Wildcard Round L 2-3 vs. Philly Pies |
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23 - A Set Up | 61 | 61-38 | ILB Champions
W 3-1 vs. New York Millennials |
|
24 - Fire Sale/Save Situation | Did not finish. | Did not finish. | Did not finish. |
|
Team Overview

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
For a more in-depth look at the team, see Canada Moist Talkers/History
The Moist Talker's home stadium is Gleek Arena in the sunken city of Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. Outside of Canada, this team is widely known by their nickname "The Towelettes."
The mouth in the Moist Talkers logo is modeled after Tom DeLonge, noted musician, Canadian, and UFO Researcher.
As a rite of passage for new players, and also to encourage camaraderie with the Charleston Shoe Thieves, new players are taken out shopping to buy several pairs of cool shoes. Players can expect their shoes to first get stolen by Beasley Gloom, and then when they eventually pass onto the Shoe Thieves, they can often find a little bite mark from Gloom. This is considered good luck, and a good omen for coming games.
Staff
Coaching
Mascots
- Season 1 - THE MAW
- Season 2 - Belligerent Phlegm Receptacle
- Season 3 - The Moist Owlette
- Season 4 - The Tantric Shrimp
- Season 5 - H O R K
- Season 6 - Gigantamax Inflatable and Jerry The Intern
- Season 7 - The ORB
- Season 8 - Buddy
- Season 9 - None
- Season 10 - The Husk
- Season 11 - FASHION™®©
- Season 12 - Mario The Cat
- Season 13 - "Singing Salmon" (Greer Lott Edition)
- Season 14 - Pokey Patty
- Season 15 - ~object Object~
- Season 16 - Soggy Doggy
- Season 17 - The Offering Bowl
- Season 18 - Nic
- Season 19 - Finn Ghees
- Season 20 - Maude R. Ation
Fan Culture
For a more in-depth look at fan culture, see Canada Moist Talkers/Fan Culture.
Chants
The Canada Moist Talkers' fans have plenty of chants to scream out while in the stands of a blaseball arena. Notably, most of the chants involve a large amount of spitting.
- Talk Spit, Get Hits
- One Mouth, a lotta spit
For more, including player-specific chants, see Chants.
Notable Events
- In the 57th game of Season 2 in a game against the Hellmouth Sunbeams, the Moist Talkers found themselves down 3-0 in the bottom of the 7th inning. Their collective backs against the wall, they hunkered down and scored one run each in the seventh, eighth, and ninth inning to send the game into extra innings. The run scored in the ninth inning was due to the team's loose cannon, Trevino Merritt, stealing home with two outs while the team was down 3-2. The Moist Talkers went on to win the game in thirteen innings, by a score of 5-3.
- In the 96th game of Season 2 in a game against the Seattle Garages, the Moist Talkers hit two grand slams in the bottom of the third inning, off of the bats of Hobbs Cain and Richmond Harrison respectively. The team put up 13 runs in the inning, which is an Internet Blaseball League record. They would go on to win the game by a score of 18-3, and clinch a spot in the IBL Playoffs.
Trivia
- The Player's favourite television program is H2O: Just Add Water.
On the Material Plane
- In a speech prior to Season 1, Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau advised the nation that wearing a mask can prevent Canadians from “speaking moistly” to each other[1], a clear yet subtle nod to the team despite the apparent chronological discrepancy.
Fan Art
The Current 2020 Jersey Design for the Moist Talkers. Created by: @Spiral_Joe / longhairQ
Logo by Cobaltcakes
Season 3 Team Selfie by @Spiral_Joe.
Richmond and Hobbs. by @Spiral_Joe.
Full Lineup by avery_helm
Season 12 Moist Talkers Team Selfie by Spiral_Joe
Necromancy Poster by Spiral_Joe
Players | Batters | |
---|---|---|
Pitchers | ||
Shadows | ||
Buried | Bennett Takahashi · Justice Valenzuela · Stephanie Winters · Cell Longarms | |
Former |
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Stats | Season (NEW) | 1 |
Season (Beta) | 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23· 24 | |
Circuit | Gamma 2 · Gamma 3 · Gamma 4 | |
Ballpark | Gleek Arena | |
Community Lore | ||
Staff | Michel É. Moose and Chalky Hoodwinkle · THE MAW · Belligerent Phlegm Receptacle · The Moist Owlette · H O R K · The ORB | |
Places | Halifax · Canada | |
History | Canada Moist Talkers' History | |
Fan Culture 📣 · Fan Works 💌 · Tlopps Cards 🃏 | ||
TALK SPIT, GET HITS |