Goobie Ballson

From Blaseball Wiki

Goobie Ballson was a lineup player for the LA Unlimited Tacos and was with the team from the Season 21 elections until being incinerated on Season 22, Day 9. Ballson had previously played for the Chicago Firefighters, Canada Moist Talkers, Tokyo Lift, and Atlantis Georgias.

Official League Records

Ballson joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Chicago Firefighters on Season 8, Day 36 after the incineration of José Haley.

During the Coffee Cup, Ballson played for Club de Calf as a lineup player.

Ballson was traded to the Canada Moist Talkers in exchange for Carmelo Plums during the Season 17 elections via the Moist Talkers' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a pitcher in the process.

On Season 18, Day 72, Ballson retreated to the Moist Talkers' Shadows in exchange for Augusto Reddick via Gleek Arena's Fax Machine.

On Season 19, Day 94, Ballson joined the Moist Talkers' active roster in exchange for Amos Melon via Gleek Arena's Fax Machine.

Ballson was traded to the Tokyo Lift in exchange for Cudi Di Batterino during the Season 19 election via the Moist Talkers' Equivalent Exchange will.

On Season 20, Day 11, Ballson was exchanged to the Atlantis Georgias due to Feedback. Ballson was replaced by Jan Canberra. On Day 79, Ballson retreated to the Georgias' Shadows in exchange for Ankle Halifax as a result of the Atlantean Dome's Fax Machine. On Day 80, Ballson rejoined the Georgias' active roster in exchange for Dickerson Morse via the Fax Machine. On Day 86, Ballson once again retreated to the shadows in exchange for Nanci Grackle due to the Fax Machine.

On Season 21, Day 31, Ballson rejoined the Georgias' pitching rotation in exchange for Jan Canberra via The Atlantean Dome's Fax Machine. On Day 79, Ballson retreated to the Georgias' Shadows in exchange for Jan Canberra once again via the Fax Machine. On Day 80, Ballson once again rejoined the rotation in exchange for Ortiz Lopez via the Fax Machine. Ballson was traded to the LA Unlimited Tacos in exchange for Fish Summer during the Season 21 elections via the Georgias' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a lineup player in the process.

On Season 22, Day 9, Ballson was incinerated and replaced by Pannonica Oko.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Ballson is a formless and many-fold being, and every view of Ballson is true and correct. They're a good friend, they're not entirely Newtonian, and they're just happy to be here.

Everyone who sees him knows instinctively that Ballson was always their friend, and he appears to unobservant bystanders as a vaguely-familiar but friendly former acquaintance or colleague. Ballson also appears as a bear, or occasionally as a gooey humanoid. Ballson likes everyone, and everyone likes Ballson.

Like all of us, Ballson is from Chicago. Ballson's player number is 647.

Consistent Aura

Goobie Ballson is the most punk rock, ska punk, ready to go lookin dude you can imagine, and a fashion icon for the Firefighters as well as Chicago as a whole. They are often found in jorts, board shorts, or cargo shorts, as well as unbuttoned floral shirts or blaseball jerseys. His signature game-day outfit consists of some combination of these, as well as his iconic "Blall is Life" cap.

Identifiable across forms is Ballson's WAFC tattoo. It is also important to note Ballson's emotional and cosmic connection to ska, which manifests in the majority of observed Ballsons. If ska was physical, it would be Goobie Ballson. He looks like how the song "Stupid" by Just Friends sounds.

An anonymous friend of the team, when asked to describe Ballson, referred to "his vibes" as "When you roll into a party that Goobie is at, he will greet you on sight. He gives you one of those huge hugs that make you feel like the most important person in the world. If he sees you in trouble or suffering, he'll make sure to edge out space for you and make sure you're good. He will outdrink you but won't push you. The maximum party frat dude with none of the toxicity."


One rumored origin of Ballson involves an accident at Flermilab in 1987 involving an unstable particle and Crown Malort resulted in the destruction of a lab attendant's mortal vessel. The only thing that remained was pure unfiltered Firefighters energy. This energy is known as Goobie Ballson. Ballson is theorized to be able to reform his atoms into any shape he pleases, and this is the prevailing explanation for his lack of attachment to a permanent body.

Other witnesses say that Ballson went to University of Chicago and got a degree in communications before becoming a blaseball player. They watched the games every day, and when José Haley was incinerated, they immediately ran down to join the game.

Ballson initially arrived at The Fire House with a 99 rack of PBR and a tattoo gun, removed from his body in a way not yet fully understood. After it was made clear that he would refuse any kind of payment, Ballson became a welcome party guest and valued teammate. During the Firefighters' occasional parties, Ballson is always the last to bed and cleans up the bottles and cans left out. After his welcome party, each Firefighters player gave him a unique tat. Before joining the Firefighters, he already had a chest tattoo that reads "live young blall hard die fast."

During the matches of Blaseball, Ballson can be seen with various pieces of firefighting and Blaseball gear floating within his gelatinous mass. He always seems to have whatever he needs handy inside the goop, and can be relied to provide missing objects or relevant tools with minimal intrapersonal rummaging.

As a part of his contract with the Chicago Firefighters, Ballson is legally required to gobble up all ground balls hit his way.


  • Ballson constitutes a one-man ska band.
  • Tonguewitness accounts report that his slime tastes like blue raspberry.
  • Ballson's favorite food is Nacho Cheese.
  • Like any Firefighter, Ballson's feelings towards fire are complex. He has a mild fascination with arson that has proved harmless (so far).
  • Goobie Ballson knows a guy.

Fan Works