Official League Records
During the Season 8 election, the Shoe Thieves received the Radical Alchemy blessing, which randomized Haley's batting from 1.2 -> 3.3
In the Season 10 elections, Haley received Noise-Cancelling Headphones, becoming Soundproof. (The Headphones would later be lost, along with all other Discipline Era items across the league, at the beginning of Season 15.)
| COMMUNITY LORE|
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Haley was voted ILB Rookie of the Year by fan vote at the end of Season 2. He is the first player to receive this award.
Haley came down to the Moist Talkers from on high after Trevino Merritt's incineration, and was chosen to take Merritt's place after ey displayed much of the same batting and running prowess as zir predecessor.
After her unfortunate peanut reaction in Season 3, Haley founded the Anti-Peanut Alliance and devoted aerself to it. After the Season 9 playoffs, the Alliance began creating fliers proclaiming "Top 10 Anti-Peanut Tips For The Upcoming Battle Against God" and posting advice in a similar vein online. Following the fall of the Shelled One, Haley is quoted saying "I'm just proud I could do my part to help." When asked what the Alliance would do next, Haley responded that "we may branch out to herald the defeat of other corrupt gods, but as of now we're back to fighting against the evils of the common nut. Did you know over 60% of ILB players are allergic?"
On his swap to the Charleston Shoe Thieves, Haley told reporters that he quickly slotted into the team's dynamic, in part due to pamphlets printed up by former teammate Lachlan Shelton to help former Talkers adapt to their new environment. Teammate Howell Franklin commented that "When you first talk to Simon, he seems like such a shy little thing. But when he opens up? Absolute chaos. He just wants to yell. I respect that immensely." The two appear to be friends in some capacity as, after the season 10 game in which Haley hit the ILB's first ever recorded pentaslam, Franklin reportedly lifted em onto their shoulders and did a lap around the field while Haley emitted whoops of delight.
- Haley's birthday is July 12, 1986
- Haley is a Type 1 diabetic and has an insulin pump
- Haley's favourite skittles are the green ones
Tlopps card by gamey @WerewolfGamey
Doodles of Simon by @bugsbenedict
Simon and Lars Taylor by @CKaelde
Simon and Lars during the Slostice by @CKaelde
Simon by @revivificating
Simon and Lars in Western outfits by @bugsbenedict
Simon partying by @solphy
Miniblaseballer by @HetreaSky
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