Baltimore Crabs

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Revision as of 08:52, 25 March 2021 by Iris Saintclaire (talk | contribs) (removed parker's crowd chant because having it in and not luis's is kinda awkward actually since they're both no longer on the team oops)

The Baltimore Crabs are a Blaseball team formerly in the Wild High division of the Wild League. They were a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1, and upon winning the Internet Series in Season 10, ascended. During Season 12, the Crabs returned and joined the Mild Low division.

Roster

Lineup


Rotation


Bench

Bullpen

Former Players

Incinerated

Feedback Swaps

Blessings and Trades

Season Results

Season Wins Losses Notable Events
1 - Revival 38 61 Crabs begin their humble journey as the least successful team in the Evil League, and the second least successful overall (falling just short of perennial loss champions the Tacos).
2 - 'The Discipline Era' begins 49 50 Improved performance greatly after gaining 87-fingered pitcher PolkaDot Patterson. First team to reach a 20-inning game, versus the Jazz Hands.
3 - 'Peanut Plague/Uncertainty' 44 55 Lost PolkaDot Patterson. Spent most of the season in 4th or 5th in the Lawful Evil division but finished in a respectable 3rd.
4 - Feedback 52 47 Missed the playoffs by one game after fading at the end of the season due to the loss of Valentine Games (feedback trade) and Combs Duende (incineration).
5 - Reverb 65 34 Finished with the league-best record after optimizing their staff (Notarobot to batter, James to pitcher) but lost in the first round of the playoffs due to a nervous and overeager lineup.
6 - Idols 80 19 The Greatest Team Ever (to date) assembled after winning four blessings. Crabs had unprecedented blaseball success, including a 21 game winning streak and completely sweeping the playoffs to win their first championship.
7 - Getting Shelled 67 32 A strong Crabs team finished with the best record in both leagues, but lost to the San Francisco Lovers in the semifinal. This prevented the crabs from being targeted by the Champions in the Making blessing, which would steal three of the league champion's players, however, in an inter-team ambassadorship program the Crabs sent Oliver Notarobot to the Seattle Garages in exchange for Luis Acevedo.
8 - Rest In Violence 74 25 The Revenge of Crab. Decimating the season once again and running all the way to finals to block the Hades Tigers from ascension as the Crabs claimed champion status. In a repeat of Season 2, failed to claim any blessings despite having bidded the highest in seven separate blessings, a result calculated by Crabs statisticians as an 8.5% chance critical failure.
9 - Forecast 71 28 The Great Toss. After a dominant regular season, the Crabs faced the Shoe Thieves in the ILS Championship. Crabs were up 2-0 before the Shoe Thieves turned things around. At game 5, Crabs were up the whole game, until Stu Trololol put down a three run homer in the ninth inning that won the Shoe Thieves the championship. Crabs missed their almost certain shot at ascension, but avoided the curses that followed Day X and won the "Fifth Base Bubble" blessing in the election.
10 - Backdraft 69 30 After a strong season and sweeping the first two rounds of the playoffs the Crabs met the Shoe Thieves for a rematch in the finals. On their third and final game of the series Tot Fox scored the 10th run and destroyed the Sun and Moon, which swallowed one of the Shoe thieves' Wins, leading to the serier ending at -1-3. After the game the Crabs faced off against the Shelled One's Pods in Day X, and were defeated in the bottom of the first inning. Regardless of their defeat, this third championship victory did trigger ascension and the Crabs were called up to the Big Leagues.
11 - Peace and Prosperity 1 98 The Big Leagues. The Crabs were obscured from sight only viewable through the Telescope at the start of the season. Though eventually located at Blaseball2, the crabs remain trapped in The Big Leagues and proceeded to loose 49 consecutive games. Their single victory in game 50 was followed by another 48 consecutive losses.
12 - The Expansion Era 0 0 In the Crabs' returning season, they benefited from the Chicago Firefighters winning the Tag Team Pitching blessing in the Season 12 Elections, boosting every player's pitching by 10%. In addition, they received The Rack blessing, boosting defense by 15%.
13 - Home Free 59 40 The Crabs had a strong season, finishing first in the Mild League, then facing and sweeping the LA Unlimited Tacos. In the Season 13 Elections, the Crabs won the Rise and Grind and Unholey blessings, making Adalberto Tosser a Credit to the Team, and giving them the modification Unholey.
14 - The Expansion Era 38 61 The Crabs finished 5th in their division. However, the crabs won the mild card, sending them to the Internet Series. The Crabs won against the Boston Flowers, then ended their season with a sweep by the Canada Moist Talkers. The Crabs received the Infuse will, boosting Tot Fox's stats. They also received the Plunder will, retrieving York Silk from the Hall of Flame and sending Enid Marlow to the shadows. The Crabs then received the Exchange will, sending Parker Parra to the Boston Flowers in return for Nagomi Mcdaniel.

Team Overview

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

For more on the Crabs' history, see Baltimore Crabs/History.
The original Baltimore Crabs were founded in ██52, and had an intricate relationship with the Mother Crab, though reports vary on what exactly it was. This peaked with the murder of the Old One by the people of Baltimore. Though details remain unclear to outsiders it is commonly agreed by Baltimorean's, including the original Baltimore Crabs team, that it "had to be done".

Members of the Crabs have said that they are driven to be the best blaseball players they can be, so that they may ascend to the gates of blaseball's pantheon and, repeated, "strangle the blaseball gods with [their] bare hands/claws." While they could not be reached for comment since their ascension, it is assumed that they are achieving mixed results.

Players on the Baltimore Crabs, as well as the people of Baltimore often undergo a little understood process referred to as Carcinization; the process of a person turning, partially or fully, into a Crab. While occasionally this process can occur at birth, it is also often recorded later in life, or happening to inanimate objects or buildings in the area.

Stadium

The Crabs' home stadium is the Crabitat which is located on the edge of the Chesapeake Bay in Baltimore. From the outside of the stadium resembles a giant crab although reports of it's origins are scattered. When asked the people of Baltimore report it is the body of the Mother Crab, one of her chosen, the machine that was used to kill her or even a building that underwent Carcinization at a massive scale.

Crabs lineup player Tillman Henderson is on record as trying to get the name “Crustadium” to catch on, but he is also on record as conveniently slipping in a puddle of chummy water every time he mentions it to a reporter.

Staff

Co-Managers

The Baltimore Crabs are co-managed by Howard and Dwayne, a pair of rooting, tooting moon crabs. The married cowboys were appointed to the managerial role by the Mother Crab as a wedding day gift.

Coach

The Baltimore Crabs Coach is a figure known only as The Clawricle. It is widely agreed that they are said to have the gift of prophecy, though the exact nature of this gift and the origins and identity of the Clawricle is subject to assorted rumours.

Mascot

The Crabs' mascot (crabscot) is a crab named Crab Scott. They wield a knife in one claw and a cigarette in the other. They do not fear death, and harbor endless rage and vengeance against the blaseball Gods. They were originally a pet of PolkaDot Patterson, who in answer to how they came to acquire Scott as a pet simply said “They just kinda showed up one day.” Since Patterson’s defection at the end of Season 2, Crab Scott has since become the pet of replacement pitcher Oliver Notarobot. Once Notarobot was traded, the duty fell to Luis Acevedo, though Luis reports that they haven't actually seen them all season. Crab Scott is confirmed safe and taking care just fine as seen in collected CCTV footage of an unending crime spree.

Poet Laureate

The Crabs are to date the only Blaseball team with a poet Laureate, Runolfio Peeper. Peeper is most famous for his tribute to incinerated player Nora Perez.

Groundskeeper

The Crabs' groundskeeper is an elderly Finnish man with a very large beard named Yurts Trunbo. Yurts lives in a back room of The Crabitat alongside his uncountable herd of pet crabs. Every morning he takes his crabs on a walk during which they repair any damage and restore the stadium to the standard that fans have come to expect.

Yurts's name is itself a sentient entity, coincidentally also named Yurts Trunbo (i.e. Yurts Trunbo's name's name is also Yurts Trunbo). This initially created some awkwardness for the groundskeeper Yurts, whose expression of identity had formed its own nested unique identity, but it seems Yurts and his identity have formed an amicable relationship as of Season 6. Yurtses' nature often leads to those who learn the groundskeeper's name to babble "Yurts Trunbo" in various unrelated contexts as they attempt to converse with the abstract being that is Yurts Trunbo's name.

Yurts Trunbo's name's name is named Phillip.

Allegiances

Fan Culture

For a more in-depth look at Crabs fan culture, see Baltimore Crabs/Fan Culture.

A novelty oversized foam crab claw, dubbed by fans as "The Big Claw," often hoisted in the stands at Crabs games

The Crabs have a reputation as a hardy bunch. Crabs fans are often seen cheering for draws into extra time. Some suggest they believe this will accelerate the Great Crab Reckoning while others have suggested they merely appreciate a few extra innings. New fans of the Crabs are sometimes referred to as "crablet" or "softshell". The Crabs fans, though tough and "snip-throat" in competition, are among the most supportive and inclusive teams in the league.

During Season 1-5 the team would celebrate their entry into Party Time with a communal viewing of the film adaptation of Crabs (musical) and fans have been known to join in by watching along at home.

Select Chants

Team-Wide

  • Claws up!
  • Claws up for Trans Rights!
  • Let's go Crabs baby love da Crabs
  • Hard Times, Hard Shells
  • TIME FOR CRAB
  • Call: Old!
    • Response: Bay!
  • "Ain't no laws when you have claws" and its popular variant, "Claw's the law"
  • CRIME! (When a base is stolen, a common occurrence when Forrest Best is on base)
  • Crabs Bad! / Crabs Good! (Chanted in equal measures when the Crabs are under- and over-performing, respectively.)
  • Incinerate! Carcinizate! (when incineration occurs)
  • Same as it ever was (amongst other lyrics from Once in a Lifetime, a crowd favorite at the Crabitat. Said whether winning or losing, due to the quantum superposition of Crabs Good / Crabs Bad.)
    • Shame as it ever was (variation on the former, for games ended in Shame.)

Player-Specific

  • Best is Best! (Showing support for Forrest Best)
    • Run, Forrest, Run! (Also while showing support for Forrest Best)
  • TOO TOT TO TROT / TOO HOT TOO TOT / 2TOT2TROT (Showing support for Tot Fox)
  • Dreamy's so dreamy! (Showing support for Sutton Dreamy)
  • LOOOOOOOOOOOSERRRRRRR (Common crowd chant in support for Kennedy Loser. Well, it's really more like a unified yell)
    • Loser's Our Winner! (Additional Kennedy Loser support chant.)
  • Call: Ollie Ollie Ollie! Response: Snip snip snip! (showing support for Oliver Notarobot. This chant has remained at games against the Garages, in a show of support for the former teammate and friendly rivalry between the two teams.)
  • HOME GUN (A frequent term and cheer used to refer to Silvaire Roadhouse's home runs)
  • Don't worry about it! (Showing support for Squid Galvanic. Origins unclear, though thought to be connected to Galvanic's job at the Baltimore Aquarium and the diets fed to the sea creatures kept there)
  • Brock's Our Rock! (Showing support for Brock Forbes)
  • Finn James Wins Games! (Showing support for Finn James)
  • Rate and Review! (Showing support for Jacoby Podcast)

For Other Teams

Fan Art

Want to see more Crabs fan work? Check it out at Baltimore Crabs/Fan Art!


Baltimore Crabs 🦀
Players Batters
Pitchers
Shadows
  • None
BuriedHelga Burton · Pollard Beard
Former · Full List
Stats Season1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24
CircuitGamma 2 · Gamma 3 · Gamma 4
Ballpark Chesapeake Racetrack and Ballpark
Community Lore
Staff Crab Scott · Howard and Dwayne · Yurts Trunbo · The Clawricle · Runolfio Peeper
Places Tower of Crabylon · Clawliday Inn · Public Transclawtation System
Clawture History · The Olde One · Carcinization · Memorial Pearls · Crustallion · The Baltimore Art Society
Fan Culture 📣 · Fan Works 💌 · Tlopps Cards 🃏
Claws Up!



⚾   Internet League Blaseball Teams   ⚾
Chaotic Evil
Hawai'i Fridays 🏝️ · Mexico City Wild Wings 🍗 · Seattle Garages 🎸 · Yellowstone Magic ✨ · Ohio Worms 🐌 · Tokyo Lift 🏋️‍
Awful Evil
Atlantis Georgias 🔱 · Breckenridge Jazz Hands 👐 · Chicago Firefighters 🔥 · Core Mechanics 🛠️ · Dallas Steaks 🥩 · Houston Spies 🕵️
Chaotic Good
Boston Flowers 🌹 · Canada Moist Talkers 🗣️ · Kansas City Breath Mints 🍬 · LA Unlimited Tacos 🌮 · New York Millennials 📱 · San Francisco Lovers 💋
Awful Good
Baltimore Crabs 🦀 · Charleston Shoe Thieves 👟 · Hades Tigers 🐅 · Hellmouth Sunbeams 🌞 · Miami Dale 🚤 · Philly Pies 🥧


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