Adalberto Tosser

From Blaseball Wiki

Adalberto Tosser was a lineup player for the Boston Flowers, and was with the team from the Season β21 elections until being incinerated on Season β24, Day 4. Tosser previously played for the Baltimore Crabs, and also played for the Rising Stars during the ILB Semi-Centennial.

Official League Records

Tosser joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Baltimore Crabs with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β5 election, Tosser received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' Horde Hallucinations and Rollback Netcode blessings.

On Season β8, Day 68, Tosser's batting ability was siphoned by Breckenridge Jazz Hands lineup player Holden Stanton in a game with Blooddrain weather, changing it from to .

On Season β10, Day X, Tosser gained the Mild modification after the Crabs lost to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS. Due to the Crabs' Ascension, Tosser was absent from the ILB from the Season β10 elections until the Descension.

During the Season β12 elections, Tosser's defense was increased by 2.9 3.6 as a result of the Crabs' The Rack blessing. Additionally, Tosser benefited from a 3.0 3.6 increase to pitching as a result of the Firefighters' Tag Team Pitching blessing.

On Season β13, Day 63, Adalberto Tosser pitched a perfect game against the Kansas City Breath Mints, with 7 strikeouts in 9 innings. This was the 5th perfect game of the Expansion era. In that season's elections, Tosser received the Credit to the Team modification due to the Crabs winning the Rise and Grind blessing.

During the Season β21 elections, Tosser's Credit to the Team modification was reformed to Siphon as a result of the Crabs' Reform Will. Tosser was then traded to the Boston Flowers in exchange for Silvaire Roadhouse via the Flowers' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a lineup player in the process.

During the ILB Semi-Centennial, Tosser played as a pitcher for the Rising Stars. Tosser then returned to the Boston Flowers as a lineup player.

On Season β24, Day 4, Tosser was incinerated and replaced by Ruffian Scrobbles.

Box of Adalberto Tosser Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-30.747 and start reading...


Tosser is beloved by countless blaseball fans but banned from almost every bar in town. His "rambunctious antics” off the field have made him something of a regular figure in the scandal pages and gossip blogs, but it is largely agreed among fans and splorts journalists that this doesn't detract from his reputation as a solid, respectable, thoroughly middling player. Tosser was born Adalberto Tossas in Pittsburg, Georgia to a Dominican-American family. He had no noticeable birth defects, however, as he grew older, his right arm began to grow at a much more rapid pace than his left. By the time he was turned 13, his arm had grown to 4 feet in length and showed no sign of stopping. Since joining the Crabs, Tosser's right arm has continued to grow at a rapid pace. However, potentially as a byproduct of his carcinization, when the forearm reaches around 7 feet in length, with a violent crack, the segment bends at the center to form an additional elbow.

Relationship with Pedro Davids

Tosser is considered by many of the crabs to be one of their most natural conversationalists, and there is no place this is more obvious that in his relationship with Pedro Davids. The two are already close thanks to their shared history in the Crab Reckoning and early years playing together on the Baltimore Crabs, but Tosser has also acted as a sounding board for Pedro as he worked towards his PHD and once commented that he can "probably recite that thesis by memory now".

The two of them are also known to have a standing annual appointment to have a venting session where the two of them complain about their under appreciation in the lineup, or the extra pitching duties they had to take on in Season 9 when Axel was shelled.

Relationship with Brock Forbes

While Tosser has gone on the record regarding his asexuality and aromantisim, there is much speculation to him and teammate Brock Forbes. The two of them have been close since they entered the public eye at the start of the ILB, and reports that they have been living together since the aftermath of the Crab Reckoning have never been denied by either of them. In fact some people have noted that in recent team photos the who of them are wearing matching wedding bands, though neither has made any sort of official announcement.

Season 9 represented a stressful time for the two of them, where Tosser was pitching at a much higher rate than his fellow players due to some scheduling issues while Axel Trololol was shelled. That stress combined with the results of the season 9 finals pushed Tosser away from his teammates, and even from Brock, but the two of them have weathered worse than that and time is a talented healer.

Since their ascension there is not much known about that is happening with the two of them, though a letter that was found under the doormat of Valentine Games read that

“It’s been pretty bad for Brock. I think this takes him back to the time before he was a pitcher, and back to the reckoning. Bertie is trying his best to be there for him, but I know neither of them knows what to do with this. They just care about each other so much that sometimes I don’t think they know how to handle it when one of them is hurting and the other can’t help. They’re getting better though. Forrest mentioned something about them wanting to renew their vows, so at least that will give us something to do over the siesta.

Val do you ever think about-”

In Literature

Crabs poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following poem about Tosser:

Adalberto's arm has grown
And given him a mighty skill
That otherwise has been unknown

And each year a new milestone
As we discover it is still
The case his arm has grown

And Crab scribes say it is unknown
Is Tosser a title, from God's will
Or just a last name, all his own

His social scandal is full-blown
You’ll find him rowdy, drinking swill
And bragging of his arm that's grown

This arm delivers to the zone
And getting longer, we do thrill
It will continue 'til unknown

And I think it is clearly shown
His pitches may a player kill
We know his arm is not yet grown
And thus his future's all unknown

Fan Works