Squid Galvanic

From Blaseball Wiki

Squid Galvanic was a player in the Shadows for the Baltimore Crabs, and was with the team from the Season β9 Endseason until Fall Ball.

Official League Records

Galvanic joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Baltimore Crabs as the Crabs' Season β9 Playoff Birth.

Galvanic joined the Crabs' lineup during the Descension.

During the Season β12 elections, Galvanic's defense was increased by 3.5 4.2 as a result of the Crabs' The Rack blessing.

During the Season β15 elections, Galvanic retreated to the Crabs' Shadows as a result of the Crabs' Move will, resulting in a combined 11.1 12.1 stat increase.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Squid Galvanic Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-92.212 and start reading...


Squid is half-squid on her roommate's side.

The origins and early life of Squid Galvanic are largely lost to time. Her first mention in the records comes from the recovered diary of a crewmate, on a ship that hailed from a ragtag subculture of null piracy in the Perseus-Outer Paucity:

"We've always known the title of captain was up for question at all times, but the captain has persevered through all contests of blood up until this day. The Corewag who hopped onboard not long ago was just another kid too green to see what she was jumping into. We suspected she got a lucky shot at the captain, however luck plays into it when you hold a blaster in each tentacle. This of course prompted a series of challenges from the senior mates, seeing an opportunity to take on a weaker target, but the urchin took them on one at a time, until we had to beg our crewmates not to get themselves killed else we'd have too few hands to man the ship to port. To which the lass replied with mocking tone that she has all hands she needs, with a waggle of her many limbs. That's what prompted the charge from much of the remaining crew, and the massacre that followed."

Title and reputation matters little outside of a ship, but a ship's reputation demands respect beyond people. Squid's ship, The Crawley Roger, held territory and port hidden in the dust heaves of the Crab Nebula (no relation), where she settled and began her storied and bloody career.

Though not considered responsible for the dark age of galactic trade and transit, Squid was seen by historians as a harbinger of those times, someone who made a name for herself at just the right moment to flourish under the circumstances. Her ship, and later, her fleet, blossomed into a diasporic armada that cut a swath through the sector and curried favor with some of the 'old money' pirate dynasties of the Perseus Arm.

Squid's reputation approached myth at times, so little can be confirmed in earnest. She was said to be an incredible mechanic, a subtle politicker, and a bit of a poet. She was considered a genius in the field of strategy. She was bombastic, quick to anger, and very, very indulgent; her captain's quarters were a testament to hedonism, and hoards of priceless artifacts and trophies lined the walls and desks.

The tales of her conquests are few, as are their survivors, but she caught the attention of the declining privateer coalitions. Her bounty became a symbolic measure, a grasping desperation to still matter in the affairs of galactic security. Though she helmed the front lines against the patrols across the theater, her ship would be the last to fall.

Some time during her career, she took on a partner. Information about them is unclear, as the records have been expunged since their execution, but the two of them burned the skies together.

A squid is known to lay tens of thousands of eggs at a time. They roam the waters in search of hiding places where they set them in many many clusters to hatch on their own; most of them don't survive.

Squid set off on a long journey to hide away her clutch. It was during her absence that the privateer forces would close in on her allies. While her fleet was shredded to scrap and smeared across the void, she was captured alive against an overwhelming force, what is considered the last huzzah of the private contractor by historians. She was sentenced into the service of a cast of conceptual beings on a prison plane(t), where she would spend the rest of her days.

With the Tide

Squid ran errands for the blaseball gods for years, furthering their inexplicable agendas regardless of how dangerous the ask, including extractions, smuggling, and participating in their many holy wars. She found herself a middleman for the Monitor (no relation) when it came into the employ of the pantheon. Relegated to carting peanuts back and forth through the veils of reality was humiliating, but at least somewhat safer than her other responsibilities.

It was during this time that she took on the surname Galvanic. Any connection she may have with Coolname Galvanic (no relation) is unknown.

During the last days of the Grand Siesta, Squid was tasked with entering the event horizon of the late Sun to check up on the Crabs within. Up, of course, is just the worst kind of place, and Squid was just fed up with being told what to do by this point. After risking life and limb in that awful place, she finally came across the exhausted and lightly traumatized team and made a deal with them: she'll bust them out of the schwartzild radius if they can let her join the team; still under the employ of the blaseball gods, she would be able to loophole her way out of a life sentence, and a little blaseball never hurt anybody.

Working together, the lot of them scrapped together a ragtag spacefarer from undefined materials, too much of which some kind of meat. Crewed only by the team, the ship barely made it through the breach, carelessly letting the immateria surge forth through the puncture wound with them.

The Crabs proceeded to take a series of detours across the galaxy, with the primary focus of tracking down as many of Squid's surviving children as possible, but with a fair share of space piracy thrown in the mix as well, for the Crabs' sake. They all have space eyepatches now, even though most of them still have their eyes.

Today, Squid is taking things easy, trying to be a good role model to her many, many squidlings, living out her imprisonment in splort form, and letting the heat die down before her next spree. One can find her at work in the National Aquarium, doing unpirately things like feeding squids (no relation) to the sharks.

In the Expansion Era

The new arrivals to the Crabs over the course of the expansion era were a source of great joy for Galvanic, who was happy to have a selection of the many strange people of the immaterial plane come to her. Lorcan Smaht was a big hit with Galvanic’s children, who discovered that ey did a lot of wrestling when ey was younger, and was bombarded with requests to roughhouse with them, with especially insistent requests to be suplexed by the pitcher. Enid Marlow was another player that fascinated Galvanic, but more in line with the way that someone would be fascinated with a small angry cat. Looking at Marlow’s record of catastrophes Galvanic admitted that “Maybe Enid would benefit from worrying about things, just a little.”

Galvanic’s most exciting reunion however came with the addition of Alston Cerveza, who she was delighted to see again, just as much as he was to see her. When asked how they knew each other Galvanic simply responded “Oh you know how it is with Danish assassins” and did not provide any further details. Galvanic’s children were likewise delighted to see Cerveza again, insisting on getting souvenirs from his many adventures, something that he happily provided as Galvanic applauded his great consideration as their godfather.

The Event Horizon

In season 24 as the map opened up and the many teams of the ILB were able to steer towards their fates, Galvanic took this development in stride, almost as if she was waiting for this to happen, and this was a logical next step for the splort. Many of the newer members of the Crabs were surprised when she sprung into action, taking charge in a way they had never seen, but the ascended members of the team were very familiar with her leadership in the original Black hole.

Staring into the maw of the newest Horizon to explore, Galvanic set off with her crew beside her once more into the unknown.

Player Chants

  • You're a Squid now (when doing well)
  • You're a Kid now (when doing poorly)
  • Don't worry about it (regardless of performance)

Fan Works