New York Millennials/History

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Season Reviews

Season 1

The inaugural Blaseball League season saw the New York Millennials finish a disappointing fifth place in the competitive Chaotic Good division, missing the playoffs.

Season 2

The first season of The Discipline Era saw the Millennials once again finish in fifth place in the Chaotic Good division with a record of 44 wins and 55 losses. Lackluster pitching was the hallmark of the season for the Millennials, overshadowing stellar performances by Dominic Marijuana and Thomas Dracaena who were consistently among the league's most potent home run hitters.

At the end of Season 2, the Election and Blessing results resulted in a highly favorable outcome for the Millennials. The team was granted a Fourth Strike, and with 26% of all submitted ballots also won a Soul Swap. The following changes occurred, violently:

• Randomized the pitching stats for the New York Millennials' worst player, Theodore Cervantes. 0.5 -> 3.5
• Randomized the pitching stats for the New York Millennials' worst player, Fynn Doyle. 0.5 -> 2
• Randomized the hitting stats for the New York Millennials' worst player, Richardson Games. 1 -> 2
• Randomized the hitting stats for the New York Millennials' worst player, Winnie Mccall. 1 -> 3
• Randomized the hitting stats for the New York Millennials' worst player, Conrad Vaughan. 1.5 -> 2.5

These improvements were celebrated by Millennial fans during the off season. This joy was peppered with reservations around the weighty existential terror expressed in the screams of the soul swapped players.

The screams prompted fans to ask questions about the metaphysical nightmare their players were now living.

This has led to a set of conflicting but often overlapping theories about the finer details of swapping souls. It is widely agreed that the original soul is removed in whole or shaved down to make room for other soul(s). There is debate around the soul which is introduced to the players body as well. It may be an amalgamation of souls pushed together in a spiritual blender with the sole purpose of creating a better Blaseball player.

In the event of multiple timelines it is possible that a players soul is ripped from a different timeline in order to improve their skills in this one. In this case is it hypothesized that parts of the recipient’s soul and the donor‘s soul are lost in this process. What happens to the donor body from the alternate timeline is currently unknown.

Alternatively the Blaseball Gods themselves may have a stable of souls which they keep on hand for cases such as this.

Season 3

Largely on the back of the beneficial effects of the Soul Swap and added Fourth Strike, the Millennials raced to a Good League-best record of 65-34, second overall only to the 70-29 Hades Tigers.

In the Season 3 post-season (their first), the Millennials defeated the Dallas Steaks 3-1, then defeated the San Francisco Lovers 3-1, and ultimately lost 3-2 to the Hades Tigers in the finals.

The Millennials received no blessings at the end of Season 3, and were forced to trade Mclaughlin Scorpler for the Tigers' Alyssa Harrell due to their "Exile" blessing.

Season 4

No blessings? No problems.

Powered by a powerful batting lineup that only grew in strength over the run of the season, the Mills lead the Chaotic Good throughout the season, finishing in first with a 58-41 record.

Despite quickly becoming a fan favorite over the Extended Siesta, Alyssa Harrell departed in a Feedback swap on Day 15, trading teams with the Yellowstone Magic's Penelope Mathews. While many Millennials fans were heartbroken to hear of Alyssa's departure, some seemed confused and were unclear any player by that name ever played for the team. Mathews was quickly adopted by the Mills Nation as "Lucky Penny".

On Day 43 against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, Sandie Turner completed a "Millennials Home Run" by stealing three consecutive bases. In the aftermath, ey found the Three-Blood Blagonball.

On Day 83 against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, another feedback swap occurred, replacing Richardson Games with Ren Hunter. Fans were conflicted, simultaneously happy to acquire another dominant batter, sad about losing Games, and hopeful that "Dickson" could make amends with his estranged husband, Cornelius Games.

In the playoffs, the Millennials won three straight to send off the Dallas Steaks 3-1. In the semi-finals, New York overcame incredible odds to knock out the Chicago Firefighters 3-2, powered in part by Thomas Dracaena hitting a ground out to Edric Tosser. In the finale, the Millennials sought revenge against Season 3's champion Hades Tigers, but were swept in three straight matches.

The Millennials were impacted by the "Targeted Shame" Decree as part of the Season 4 election. They again received no blessings, but both Wesley Dudley and Fynn Doyle were impacted by the "Alternate Reality" decree.

Season 5

Despite being forsaken by the democratic process again at the end of Season 4, the Millennials ran away with the Chaotic Good league for the third straight season, posting a 64-35 record.

The team's offense was anchored by a resurgent Thomas Dracaena, who led the league in hits (140), and led the team in home runs (33), RBIs (81), batting average (.337), and grand slams (4). He was awarded "Good League MVP" by the prestigious "Behind The Bats" internet publication:

"I said it before, but the way that Thomas roared back this season to re-establish himself as one of the best players in blaseball was a joy to behold. Setting personal bests in doubles and home runs, Dracaena proved he still had it and was, in our opinion, the most valuable player in the entire Good League this season."

Wesley Dudley also saw and improved performance in Season 5. Following his return (?) from Alternate Reality, he notched the fourth-highest RBI total and second-highest OPS on the team. When asked by his teammates how he got so jacked in the off-season, Wesley Dudley shrugged and said simply, "People change."

Across the pitching staff, Patty Fox continued to shine. Despite inheriting a -4 run Targeted Shame penalty for her shift against Charleston on Day 22, she pitched a shutout, reminding the world that Millennials thrive in the struggle of debt. Fox's shutout paved the way to a 2-0 victory.

The team strengthened as the season progressed, including a league record 14-game win streak beginning on Day 83. The win streak was retroactively -- and confusingly -- sponsored by Basethirst.

In the playoffs, the Mills were unable to punch a third consecutive ticket to the Internet Series, falling 3-1 in the Round of 8 to the Chicago Firefighters, who would go on to win the championship. Democracy again ignored the voice of the Millennials, giving the Mills back-to-back-to-back zero blessings. Following the High Filter decree, they were placed into the newly formed Wild High league for Season 6.

Season 6

In the aftermath of the Season 5 election, a plain envelope was slipped under the door of the Millennials shared apartment. With no information about the sender, the envelope held a single dot matrix printout page, with one word in giant ASCII block lettering:

"TANK!"

Lacking in specifics, the Mills approached the instruction from different angles. Some took up residency on the couch, watching the opening sequence from Cowboy Bebop on repeat hoping to find clues. They would eventually just binge the entire season and argued about which player was which character, finally settling on Dominic Marijuana as Spike, Thomas Dracaena as Jet, Winnie Mccall as Faye, Wesley Dudley as Ed, and Theodore Cervantes as Ein.)

Others took a more military approach, with Ren Hunter, Penelope Mathews, Winnie Mccall, Schneider Bendie, and Felix Garbage planning a heist to steal an M1A1 military tank. After drawing up an elaborate plan – including multiple mask and costume changes, double crosses, and skywriting "DEATH TO THE INDUSTRIAL MILITARY COMPLEX" over the military base – the heist was abandoned when no one wanted to be responsible for moving the tank from one side of the street to the other when Alternate Side Parking was in effect.

Only Patty Fox seemed to grasp the message accurately, which was that the team should "tank" the season in hopes of benefiting from the Blood Pity curse affecting the new Wild High division. Fox, the team's best pitcher in Season 5, would go 0-6 to start the year and finish with a career low 35% win rate.

Fans at Battin' Island supported the effort to tank, seeing the writing on the wall. Fans cheered every away team score and celebrated every home loss, while politely clapping for the Mills when they did well. It is not clear if some, none, or all of this cheering was ironic. The team's regular mantra, "LGMBLDM", was replaced by "LGEBDMSDMCWNSBLEBDM" (Let's Go Everyone But Da Mills So Da Mills Can Win Next Season Baby Love Everyone But Da Mills).

On Day 22 against the Jazz Hands, long time fan favorite Conrad "Comrade" Vaughan departed the Mills in a feedback swap with Valentine Games. Fans were happy to see a Games back in the lineup, but that joy was short-lived, as another feedback swap on Day 51 saw Games depart in exchange for Andrew Solis.

On the back of an early nine game losing streak, the Mills had a comfortable lead in the race for the basement. However, their innate talent and anti-authoritarian roots saw them clutch to a near .500 record for the length of the season.  Fynn Doyle had her best season yet, and Winnie Mccall led the lineup in batting average.

Entering the final ten days of the regular season, the Mills found themselves trying to lose faster than the Chicago Firefighters to cement their basement / Blood Pity status while simultaneously still in contention for the playoffs. An ill-timed sweep of the Houston Spies on Days 94-96 made a Wild High bottom finish mathematically impossible, but the Mills found themselves just one win – or one Flowers loss – away from a fourth straight playoff berth.

LGEBDMSDMCWNSBLEBDM chants were retired in favor of LGMBLDM on Day 98. Despite a valiant effort from the mound by Fynn Doyle, the Mills could not clinch, losing a tight 4-3 result while the Flowers saw off the Jazz Hands 8-2.

With one last chance on Day 99, the Mills again fell to the Firefighters 7-4. All of Battin' Island watched in confused astonishment as the Flowers came back from 11-5 down, forced extra innings, and then Shamed the Jazz Hands in the 10th. Simultaneously missing both of their season goals in the dying moments of Season 6 – both overachieving on their underachievement and underachieving on their over-achievement – was dubbed "The Big Oof" by Millennials fans.

Following the playoffs, word came down that the Blood Bath had been mysteriously postponed, making the whole thing an exercise in futility.

In a final surprise, democracy finally panned out for the Mills, with two blessings being bestowed upon the team. Penelope Mathews and Bates Bentley switched positions in advance of Season 7. Minutes after the election results came in, a case of Ooze-flavored White Claws appeared at the club apartment with another single-word dot-matrix note:

"CHUG!"

There would be no confusion as to the meaning this time.

Season 7

Despite returning to the postseason following Season 6's "Big Oof", Season 7 was a season of loss for the New York Millennials. Two current and one former Millennial was incinerated over the course of the season.

On Day 24, Wesley Dudley was incinerated by a Rogue Umpire. While this occurred in proximity to Ruby Tuesday, it was an unrelated incident. Dudley was replaced in the lineup by Nandy Fantastic, a street magician from the famous Fantastic family of professional wrestlers. A day after his incineration, a scheduled tweet appeared on Dudley's Twitter account, which read:

This is a scheduled tweet. You reading it means I’m not around to postpone it by a day.

Take care of each other, alright? I can’t possibly tell y'all how much I love you - you'll have to do it for me.

I trust that things will work out. I can't not.

Frogger is great,

Goodbye

On Day 32, former Millennial Mclaughlin Scorpler was incinerated during a game against the Canada Moist Talkers, as part of Ruby Tuesday. Scorpler had remained close with his former teammates and the loss was a further blow to the morale of the Mills.

On Day 55, the Millennials faced the Seattle Garages for the first time in franchise history. Many Millennials focused on ducking, dodging, or otherwise getting out of the way of pitches from Jaylen Hotdogfingers. No Millennial reached base until Andrew Solis hit a double in the fifth inning. Despite the team defensive strategy and going down twice, the iconoclastic Schneider Bendie leveled the score twice, forcing extra innings. In the top of the 11th inning, Dominic Marijuana was struck with a pitch and became Unstable. Solis and Nandy Fantastic would hit home runs in the 12th, leading the Millennials to an important but costly win.

On Day 59 against the Miami Dale, Marijuana was incinerated in the top of the sixth inning while Sandie Turner was batting. Marijuana was replaced by Charlatan Seabright, who brought Bates Bentley home on the first pitch of her first at bat. The grieving Millennials would win 17-2 over the Dale, tying the team record for most runs in a single game and largest win margin.

Following Dominic's departure from the team, the shared team apartment served as an ongoing wake, with Thomas Dracaena declaring:

Millennials... I will have tea in the kitchen. Come, old and new. Now is not a time to be alone.

The Millennials banded together, supported by players around the league who dropped by to pay their respects. Sixpack Dogwalker from the Hawaii Fridays became a regular visitor and friend to much of the team. The Mills would rally on the field, going 24-15 for the remainder of the season and clinching the final playoff spot in the Wild sub-league on Day 99.

In the days immediately following his incineration, Marijuana's voice was reportedly heard again in the Millennial's shared apartment, clipped and distorted. Multiple sightings have been reported, although none confirmed. (More information on these sightings are available on his player page.)

The Millennials were eliminated in the first round of the playoffs in a 3-0 sweep by the Baltimore Crabs.

In the face of multiple incinerations, the Millennials pushed for "The Iffey Jr." in the Season 7 Election, seeking to avoid any future incinerations. Despite being the highest bidder with 56% of the 119,673 votes cast, they were again pipped by the Miami Dale. However, the Millennials were awarded the Hot Sauce Packet blessing with only 2% of the votes, making Sandie Turner Spicy.

Season 8

The Millennials once again showed indifference at the start of the season, losing 16 of their first 20 games. The team would confound fans and power ranking writers alike by stringing together lengthy streaks, sometimes back to back:

• An eight game winning streak, starting Day 38 and ending Day 46
• An eight game losing streak, starting Day 46 and ending Day 54
• A five game winning streak, starting Day 72 and ending Day 77
• A seven game winning streak, starting Day 78 and ending Day 84
• A six game winning streak, starting Day 89 and ending Day 95

Millennials fans, exhausted from the “Irony Era” of Season 6’s attempt at tanking, remained confused about what results to cheer for. One fan attempted to clarify on MillsFanatic, a local fan site:

“We're just a bunch of disasters who make up our minds at the last minute. So as long as a game has a result, we're happy.”

The season's turning point and most memorable moment came on Day 61 as Patty Fox delighted the Battin’ Island crowd by pitching ILB’s first perfect game. Fox pitched 72 times, earning four strikeouts, seven flyouts, sixteen ground outs, and one Immaculate Inning. Discovering the legendary Nine-Blood Blagonball in her locker after the game, Fox offered to “pitch this thing through a window” in exchange for five dollars.

Before the Perfect Game, the Millennials ran a 23-27 record. Following the Perfect Game, the Mills were 26-10.

On Day 78 versus the Tacos, Thomas Dracaena was observed siphoning hitting ability from Sexton Wheerer. The Millennials media relations staff immediately issued a statement emphatically denying that Dracaena was a centuries-old vampire and calling such rumors “salacious innuendoes”. Dracaena apologized on Twitter after the game, stating:

“Pardon me, how embarrassing truly...I usually would never, must be the weather.”

With their see-saw performance, the Millennials once again closed the season with a playoff spot on the line. Facing their long-time rival Boston Flowers, the Mills need two wins to wrestle the final playoff spot from the Flowers. Sadly, the effects of Season 7’s Enhanced Party Time were too much, and the Millennials dropped the first two games of the series. For the first time since Season 2, the Mills played a regular season game in Party Time. While none of New York’s roster were seen partying, they gave Boston a memorable send-off to the playoffs: a 7-6 Shaming.

The Season 8 Elections saw the Millennials swap subdivisions with the Mexico City Wild Wings. The Wings, fresh off a move out of the Mild Low league thanks to the Divisional Swap blessing, took the Millennials’ place in Wild High by winning the Subleague Swap blessing. The Millennials find themselves in Mild High for Season 9, with the Seattle Garages, Hades Tigers, Dallas Steaks, and Canada Moist Talkers as their divisional opponents - all for the first time.

Season 9

The Millennials started Season 9 with Shame and ended it with Brunch.

On Day 1, the Mills saw a 2-1 9th inning lead against the Pies crumble in a 2-4 loss. It would be an omen of what was to come. The Pies swept the opening series; over the season, the Mills would be swept an eight times.

On Day 19, Charlatan Seabright had an allergic reaction to a peanut, taking her player ratings nearly to zero. Fans commiserated, but splorts media discussion about whether the Millennials should go for the “Dead Weight” blessing left the newest Mills player feeling down. (To her credit, Charlatan put her head down and still contributed twelve homeruns and 41 RBIs.)

On Day 23, Andrew Solis was hit by a pitch from Jaylen Hotdogfingers, making Solis “repeat”. This never became a factor on the field, due to a lack of Reverb weather. At the Millennials Apartment, however, Solis was duct taped to the wall until Day 30, out of fear of multiple Soli.

For the first time in Blaseball history, the Millennials did not post a winning record at any point during the season. Frustrated fans attempted to organize on social media to call for the firing of the head coach, but were stymied by the team having neither a head coach nor an ownership group to direct their ire at.

On Day 82, after again losing to the Pies, the Mills made a critical tactical change: brunch. Mathematically eliminated from the playoffs and allowed to enter Party Time, the Mills organized a seventeen-day long brunch party, which was later certified as “NYC’s Longest Brunch” by the Gluinness Book of World Records. The food and drink program was led by Patty Fox, who set up The Sly Fox directly behind home plate. Batters from both teams were obligated to take a plate and enjoy the 50-foot buffet before taking the plate. (This was curiously still true during away games at Philadelphia and Canada.)

Fox would also discover that putting her Nine-Blood Blagonball in a cooler with a case of White Claw would convert the beverage flavor to “Blagonfruit”. The flavor was described as “kind of weird and metallic” and “cannot be remotely safe for consumption”.

Bates Bentley was given control of the sound system, while Charlatan Seabright made a point to give an appropriate party hat to every person entering the grounds of Battin’ Island.

The party atmosphere was just what the team needed. The pitching rotation, long tired of being referred to as the weak point of the team, was responsible for the majority of the partying. Penelope Mathews routinely shouted “I AM THE LIFE OF THE PARTY” and partied four separate times, only two of which happened while she was pitching. Fynn Doyle took the ████████ off and partied twice in a single game against the Moist Talkers. Patty Fox, Sandie Turner, Andrew Solis, Nandy Fantastic, Charlatan Seabright, and even the usually reserved Ren Hunter would all take time to party.

The continuous brunch atmosphere turned out to be a winning formula for the Millennials. Having gone 32-50 prior, the Millennials went 12-5 during their Enhanced Brunch Time, to finish with a 44-55 record.

Democracy again forsake the Millennials in Season 9, with no direct blessings awarded. Charlatan Seabright took a trip to the Hot Sauce Bar and became Spicy. Andrew Solis passed on the spice and instead learned how to eat fire. Penelope Mathews befriended crows. And Theodore Cervantes found new and interesting ways to use blood to accelerate things to terminal velocity - so long as the blood drain will gurgle once more.

Historic Moments

The box score from GARBAGE DAY

Garbage Day (Season 2, Day 49)

Squaring off against the 38-11 Dallas Steaks midway through Season 2, the Millennials pulled off a surprise win after upstart pitcher Felix Garbage dominated the Steaks into extra innings, and a solo home run by star player Thomas Dracaena put the Millennials on top (and the Steaks in Shame) at the bottom of 15 innings.

Sandie Finds A Blagonball (Season 4, Day 43)

In a game against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, Sandie Turner hit a single. Ey then completed a "Millennials Home Run" by sequentially stealing second base, third base, and finally home. In the aftermath, the Commissioner announced that Sandie had found the Three-Blood Blagonball.

Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser (Season 4, Day 108)

On Day 108 (August 29), the New York Millennials faced the Chicago Firefighters.The Mills were facing elimination, trailing two games to one in the series. Despite being significant underdogs and facing Axel Trololol on the mound, the Mills held the scoreline to 2-2 entering the ninth inning.

Leading off, Conrad Vaughan hit a double and quickly stole third, setting up the go-ahead run. Thomas Dracaena stepped to the plate.

Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

Time stopped.

In what quantum scientists later determined to last 24 minutes in an alternate dimension, Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

As The Commissioner released a statement reading simply "uh", Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

As feedback was detected (although no player swaps occurred), Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

As unsubstantiated reports came in of an umpire malfunctioning at a watch party, Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

Eventually, after a possibly infinite number of Thomas Dracaenas hit a possibly infinite number of ground outs to a possibly infinite number of Edric Tossers, Schneider Bendie approached the plate. After quietly cursing space-time, capitalism and the ground, Bendie connected, sending Vaughan home and giving the Mills the lead. Ren Hunter followed with another hit, bringing Bendie home and bumping the scoreline to 4-2.

Fynn Doyle proceeded to close the game with no runs given up, sealing a storybook 4-2 Millennials victory. NY would proceed to win the series in Game 5 and advance to the Internet Series.

Patty Pays The Debt (Season 5, Days 21 & 22)

Early in the Targeted Shame game

In Season 5, the Millennials were affected by the Season 4 Decree of Targeted Shame, forcing them to start any game following a Shame with negative runs.

On Day 21 of Season 5, the Millennials were shamed by the Yellowstone Magic in the 10th inning by a score of 6 to 2, triggering Targeted Shame for the first time.

Despite the Targeted Shame, Patty Fox let the Mills to a win.

Despite starting the Day 22 game against the Charleston Shoe Thieves with -4 runs, Patty Fox proceeded to pitch a shutout, leading the Mills to a 2-0 win.

14-Game Win Streak (Season 5, Days 84-97)

In the final stretch of Season 5, the Millennials posted a league record 14-game win streak. Over the course of the streak, NY swept a series against each of their Chaotic Good opponent - the Hawaii Fridays, the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the Boston Flowers, and the Yellowstone Magic.

The streak was ended on Day 98 with a loss to the Miami Dalé. This loss coincided with a "BASETHIRST POWERS THE STREAK!" promotional night at Battin' Island. Bobbleheads of that night's pitcher, Fynn Doyle, were distributed to the first 5,000 fans in attendance. Approximately 4,200 of those bobbleheads were later found in Upper New York Bay.

NY Millennials Season 5 Win Streak

Day	Opponent	NYM Pitcher	Weather	Scoreline / Notes
83	vs. Flowers	F. Doyle	Bird	7-8
84	vs. Flowers	B. Bentley	Feedback	4-2 Start of streak
85	vs. Fridays	F. Garbage	Reverb	7-3
86	vs. Fridays	T. Cervantes	Feedback	5-4 10 innings Fridays were Shamed
87	vs. Fridays	P. Fox	Reverb	3-1
88	@ Shoe Thieves	F. Doyle	Reverb	3-0
89	@ Shoe Thieves	B. Bentley	Reverb	4-2
90	@ Shoe Thieves	F. Garbage	Feedback	9-4
91	vs Flowers	T. Cervantes	Reverb	7-1
92	vs Flowers	P. Fox	Reverb	6-2
93	vs Flowers	F. Doyle	Reverb	9-2
94	@ Magic	B. Bentley	Reverb	3-2
95	@ Magic	F. Garbage	Reverb	14-6
96	@ Magic	T. Cervantes	Reverb	5-1
97	vs Dalé	P. Fox	Feedback	6-3
98	vs Dalé	F. Doyle	Reverb	2-7 End of streak

A Classic Afternoon of Blaseball (Season 6, Day 58)

On day 58 of Season 6, the Millennials beat the Boston Flowers by a score of 13-12. It is said this was the first time Schneider Bendie was seen to smile in many years.

The Big Oof (Season 6, Days 94-99)

The Mills raced to the end of Season 6 with two potential positive outcomes: either finishing in the basement and benefitting from the "Blood Pity" condition impacting the Wild High Division, or squeaking into the playoffs. They managed to do neither, missing the basement thanks to the Chicago Firefighters and missing the playoffs thanks to the Boston Flowers. This became known as "the Big Oof". (See the Season 6 summary for more details.)

Patty Finds A Blagonball (Season 8, Day 61)

In a home 8-0 win against the Boston Flowers, Patty Fox pitched the first confirmed perfect game in Blaseball history, seeing off 27 Flowers batters with none reaching base. Fox pitched 72 times, earning four strikeouts, seven flyouts, sixteen ground outs, and one Immaculate Inning (the 7th).

Fox discovered the legendary Nine-Blood Blagonball in her locker following the match. Her initial comment:

oh [expletive] where’d this come from lmao

hey gimme five dollars and i’ll pitch this thing through a window