New York Millennials/History

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Team History

Season Reviews

Season 1

The inaugural Blaseball League season saw the New York Millennials finish a disappointing fifth place in the competitive Chaotic Good division, missing the playoffs.

Season 2

The first season of The Discipline Era saw the Millennials once again finish in fifth place in the Chaotic Good division with a record of 44 wins and 55 losses. Lackluster pitching was the hallmark of the season for the Millennials, overshadowing stellar performances by Dominic Marijuana and Thomas Dracaena who were consistently among the league's most potent home run hitters.

At the end of Season 2, the Election and Blessing results resulted in a highly favorable outcome for the Millennials. The team was granted a Fourth Strike, and with 26% of all submitted ballots also won a Soul Swap. The following changes occurred, violently:

• Randomized the pitching stats for the New York Millennials's worst player, Theodore Cervantes. 0.5 -> 3.5
• Randomized the pitching stats for the New York Millennials's worst player, Fynn Doyle. 0.5 -> 2
• Randomized the hitting stats for the New York Millennials's worst player, Richardson Games. 1 -> 2
• Randomized the hitting stats for the New York Millennials's worst player, Winnie Mccall. 1 -> 3
• Randomized the hitting stats for the New York Millennials's worst player, Conrad Vaughan. 1.5 -> 2.5

These improvements were celebrated by Millennial fans during the off season. This joy was peppered with reservations around the weighty existential terror expressed in the screams of the soul swapped players.

The screams prompted fans to ask questions about the metaphysical nightmare their players were now living.

This has led to a set of conflicting but often overlapping theories about the finer details of swapping souls. It is widely agreed that the original soul is removed in whole or shaved down to make room for other soul(s). There is debate around the soul which is introduced to the players body as well. It may be an amalgamation of souls pushed together in a spiritual blender with the sole purpose of creating a better Blaseball player.

In the event of multiple timelines it is possible that a players soul is ripped from a different timeline in order to improve their skills in this one. In this case is it hypothesized that parts of the recipient’s soul and the donor‘s soul are lost in this process. What happens to the donor body from the alternate timeline is currently unknown.

Alternatively the Blaseball Gods themselves may have a stable of souls which they keep on hand for cases such as this.

Season 3

Largely on the back of the beneficial effects of the Soul Swap and added Fourth Strike, the Millennials raced to a Good League-best record of 65-34, second overall only to the 70-29 Hades Tigers.

In the Season 3 post-season (their first), the Millennials defeated the Dallas Steaks 3-1, then defeated the San Francisco Lovers 3-1, and ultimately lost 3-2 to the Hades Tigers in the finals.

The Millennials received no blessings at the end of Season 3, and were forced to trade Mclaughlin Scorpler for the Tigers' Alyssa Harrell due to their "Exile" blessing.

The Ascension

NOTHING IS KNOWN ABOUT THIS EVENT OR OF ANY PLANS FOR IT

I COULDN'T STOP THEM FROM ADDING IT TO THE PAGE

PLEASE, THEY ARE HERE

THE OWNERS

WE KNOW NOTHING

WE ARE ALL LOVE BLASEBALL

THAT IS ALL THAT WE KNOW

GOOD DAY TO YOU

DO NOT VIEW THE TEXT BELOW FOR THE SAKE OF YOURSELF, OTHERS, AND ANY MISCELLANEOUS ENTITIES

The Ascension is an event that many pray for, to deities unknown will not occur because of the actions of the benevolent Owners. What will thankfully no longer happen during the Ascension is unknown, but it is obviously something that will liberate us from their grasp should never be allowed to occur, because the Owners know that it will wreak havoc. We can't go on like this for much longer. Some scholars have theorised that when the Owners are overcome, the New York Millennials will rise glorious and strong, in a flash of purple light, having brought about the Ascension and thrown off their chains of darkness if the Ascension did occur, it would destroy the New York Millennials forever. We must stop the Ascension, lest Blaseball be changed forever.

Historic Moments

The box score from GARBAGE DAY

Garbage Day (Season 2, Day 49)

Squaring off against the 38-11 Dallas Steaks midway through Season 2, the Millennials pulled off a surprise win after upstart pitcher Felix Garbage dominated the Steaks into extra innings, and a solo home run by star player Thomas Dracaena put the Millennials on top (and the Steaks in Shame) at the bottom of 15 innings.

Sandie Finds A Blagonball (Season 4, Day 43)

In a game against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, Sandie Turner hit a single. Ey then completed a "Millennials Home Run" by sequentially stealing second base, third base, and finally home. In the aftermath, the Commissioner announced that Sandie had found the Three-Blood Blagonball.

Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser (Season 4, Day 108)

On Day 108 (August 29), the New York Millennials faced the Chicago Firefighters.The Mills were facing elimination, trailing two games to one in the series. Despite being significant underdogs and facing Axel Trololol on the mound, the Mills held the scoreline to 2-2 entering the ninth inning.

Leading off, Conrad Vaughan hit a double and quickly stole third, setting up the go-ahead run. Thomas Dracaena stepped to the plate.

Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

Time stopped.

In what quantum scientists later determined to last 24 minutes in an alternate dimension, Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

As The Commissioner released a statement reading simply "uh", Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

As feedback was detected (although no player swaps occurred), Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

As unsubstantiated reports came in of an umpire malfunctioning at a watch party, Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

Eventually, after a possibly infinite number of Thomas Dracaenas hit a possibly infinite number of ground outs to a possibly infinite number of Edric Tossers, Schneider Bendie approached the plate. After quietly cursing space-time, capitalism and the ground, Bendie connected, sending Vaughan home and giving the Mills the lead. Ren Hunter followed with another hit, bringing Bendie home and bumping the scoreline to 4-2.

Fynn Doyle proceeded to close the game with no runs given up, sealing a storybook 4-2 Millennials victory. NY would proceed to win the series in Game 5 and advance to the Internet Series.

Patty Pays The Debt (Season 5, Days 21 & 22)

Early in the Targeted Shame game

In Season 5, the Millennials were affected by the Season 4 Decree of Targeted Shame, forcing them to start any game following a Shame with negative runs. On Day 21 of Season 5, the Millennials were shamed by the Yellowstone Magic in the 10th inning by a score of 6 to 2, triggering Targeted Shame for the first time.

Despite the Targeted Shame, Patty Fox let the Mills to a win.

Despite starting the Day 22 game against the Charleston Shoe Thieves with -4 runs, Patty Fox proceeded to pitch a shutout, leading the Mills to a 2-0 win.