Emblem Warhorse/Patron Rumor Registry
Many people and beings have come to take up the moniker of Emblem Warhorse throughout time, as deemed worthy by The Emblem Warhorse bar. Below are those who have.
Patron Rumors
Emblem Warhorse has 29 Patron Rumors written about so far.
Emblem Warhorse/IF-0.404
TROJAN_WRHS
The digital program known as TROJAN_WRHS first encountered the physical establishment known as the Emblem Warhorse by complete accident. A faulty geolocation drive, stuck pointing exclusively northwest, led them astray from their original target, the physical establishment known as the Warhorse Emblem, a notorious “hot tub club”/arcade located somewhere in the city of Dark Seattle. TROJAN’s sole directive was to locate said arcade of ill repute and shut it down, removing all illegal equipment, up to and including any pinball machines ¹, from the interior. When TROJAN arrived at the Emblem Warhorse, some thousand cubic inter-dimensional miles and a gum wall barrier away from their original target, their confused optical sensors located exactly zero pinball machines in the bar and concluded that their mission was complete. From then on, they had very little idea of what to do with themselves.
TROJAN settled down at the Emblem Warhorse bar as they did not know where they would be situated in the city and found the kindness of the other Patrons to be welcoming. They had little trouble acclimating to non-corporate existence in Seattle, as their allegiance was strictly limited to their directive, now complete. Their struggle lay more in determining their purpose, which suddenly lay vacant.
In an attempt to find a new purpose for themselves as a Patron, TROJAN began training in the art of mixology from fellow Patrons Madam Warhorse and Emmie, and has learned a few tricks along the way, sometimes balancing several drinks at once on the face of their compass as a tray. TROJAN has also picked up a few tips on artificial existence from their friend and mentor, Oliver Notarobot, who has given them advice on how to stand up for themselves if ever questioned on their right to be Lightside or in the bar itself, though the latter is less pertinent, as the Emblem Warhorse and its Patrons have all heartily accepted TROJAN as a friend and compatriot.
TROJAN can often be found plugged into the wall next to the bar’s ATM to charge up during off-hours, and they appreciate some good peace and quiet when visitors and non-Patrons are absent. Their Emblem is a glowing circuit pattern on their right arm. They occasionally play in the Emblem Warhorse band, using the holographic broken compass disk that contains their code locus² as a makeshift and somehow off-tune tambourine. They get along well with Fammy and War, and venture outside the bar on occasion (holding a sun parasol in one hand despite the grey skies) to pick up dog and cat food for them, respectively.
TROJAN’s favorite cocktail still includes sparkling Arrow Cola from the other side of the Gumwall, which the bar mysteriously stocks for them and them alone under the counter.
¹ As we all know, pinball is banned in Dark Seattle.
² It is not advised to pick up TROJAN's compass disc and throw it like a frisbee. They will probably cry.
TROJAN bartending at the Emblem Warhorse. Art by Tigrishades.
TROJAN mixing drinks. Art by Uwunium.
Emmie and Madame teach TROJAN a few tricks, by Eli
Emblem Warhorse/IF-1.297
Elsa Wherehorse
Elsa Wherehorse is one of the more mysterious Patrons of the Emblem Warhorse, having only ever been seen inside the bar just as she is leaving. She is always seen wearing a stylish, almost too-fashionable dress, high heels, and sunglasses that cover a majority of her face. Her signature drink is a peach bellini in a to-go cup, and she became a Patron when she accidentally grabbed another Patron's umbrella on the way out. Her emblem is on the handle of said umbrella.
Patrons often wonder about the true nature of Wherehorse. Some suspect that she's an undercover spy. Others speculate that she's a busy girlboss who comes to the bar to relax after a long night of work. Many a debate between Patrons has been about whether she's some sort of cognitohazard or if her flighty behavior might be attributed to a grand secret that she's hiding. Passion Popsica once reported seeing her exit the restroom, finding on the counter after her departure a tube of mascara, a pair of flippers, and a single silk glove. Even the bartenders don't know what to make of her, one having been quoted as saying, "Well, I've never seen her come in, but if the bar likes her and she doesn't walk on four legs, that's good enough for me."
She rarely bats as Emblem Warhorse, but when she does she has the habit of almost immediately getting swept up by a surge of immateria and getting sent elsewhere.Emblem Warhorse/IF-1.920
Mme. Warhorse
Madam Emblem Warhorse, usually referred to as "Mme. W", "The Madam", "Ma'am", or something else to that effect, is a middle aged woman who is usually seen tending to the Emblem Warhorse bar besides Emmie, always sporting an elegant outfit and a mysterious smile. As she is often the one behind the counter, many think of her as the Warhorse's proprietess, though the estabilishment itself might object to the notion of being owned; In fact, while the bar exibits clear signs of sentience and even autonomy, the Madam seems to act as a caretaker of sorts, always ensuring that the cups are filled and the ambience is cozy.
Madam Warhorse personally ensures that new patrons of the Emblem are acclimating well, taking the role of a guide to the peculiarities of the estabilishment and its membership. While she is glad to helpfully answer any questions that patrons might have about the bar, questions about most other topics - most notably, about herself - are invariably met with ambiguous, cryptic answers; as such, hardly anything about her history and personal life is known, even to those closest to her. That, combined with the fact that no patrons of the Emblem are currently known to recall a time when Madam Warhorse wasn't the barkeep, has lead to much speculation about the Madam's true nature, with some theorizing that she is an eldritch entity somehow linked to the Emblem Warhorse's origin, while others argue that she is simply a private person who greatly enjoys messing with nosy people. Naturally, asking her opinion on the debate does little to clear things up.
One of the few things widely known about Mme W.'s personal life is her long standing relationship with fellow mysterious barkeep Emblem "Emmie" Warhorse, whith whom she is often found tending the bar alongside. Emmie is notably the only individual capable of flustering the Madam's otherwise unshakable cryptic persona. Due to their evident intimacy, the two of them are presumed to know a great deal about each other's cryptic origins, though they are both as guarded about their partner's life as they are their own - if not more.
She wears her emblem as an enamel pin displayed proeminently on whichever fancy outfit she happens to be wearing that day. Her drink of choice is currently unknown, but she seems to be able to procure the favorite drink of any given patron near instantly, no matter how rare or obscure it may be. She is fond of strategy games, always receptive to a match of anything from shogi to gwent, and she is always available on those late, rainy nights when you need someone to listen to your story and offer vague yet oddly insightful advice.
Her aura of elegant mystique manages to endure even as she strikes out on the field, as though missing the ball was part of some grand scheme. It almost certainly wasn't, mind you, but you wouldn't know that from looking at her.Emblem Warhorse/IF-14.14
King
King has been a long-term Patron of the bar- to the point that kie has grown up around many of it’s equally storied Patrons. Showing up right as the Grand Siesta started, kie was found tagging a backroom of the bar at the age of 12, with no clear method as to how kie got in. Considering this to qualify kir as worthy, kie became a Patron quickly, taking the moniker “King” during the Grand Siesta, as a reference to how “the knights of Emblem Warhorse keep [kir] safe, so [kie] must be the king.”
The Emblem is emblazoned on an eyepatch over kirs left eye- whilst the story for the necessity, and source, of the eyepatch changes every time it is brought up, long-term Patrons pieced together that the true story is far more simple- kie thinks it looks cool.
As the Grand Siesta ended 10 years later, the now-adult King had cemented kirself as a common sight, doing busywork for just about any Patron that asks, causing kir to often juggle multiple tasks a day, much to the gratitude of the bar as a whole. When not helping out, kie continues to vandalise Seattle, choosing to tag with The Emblem instead of any personal signifier, and practicing batting, in case kie is chosen to play down the road.
Trivia:
- King insists on doing dangerous things as kie pleases - and is usually kept in check by the other Patrons.
- Kie doesn't drink, instead asking for either a flat white coffee, or one of various sodas.
- As one of the Warhorses that undertake assistance of any kind, King is out of the bar a lot, in order to go and get anything the Patrons need. As such, a number of Patrons knew King before knowing about any form of Emblem Warhorse, a fact that frustrates King immensely.
- King has expressed kirs willingness on multiple occasions to fight challengers to the Bar; however, kie's offers have been rejected every time.
Emblem Warhorse/IF-14.566
Umpire or The Ump is a Blaseball umpire and a Patron of the Emblem Warhorse. It sits silently atop a stool at the end of the bar and speaks to no one. It is currently unknown how or when Umpire became a Patron, with most reporting that Umpire has been a fixture there as long as they remember. Only the bar's managers are allowed to serve it, and it communicates with them by writing notes on lined paper it rips out from a decrepit black notebook. The wires of its mask are shaped into the emblem.
Umpire can be seen at the bar at all hours of the day, and has even been seen at special events such as concerts and drag shows. It typically remains motionless and statuesque, only moving to drink or write a message. Its signature drink comes from an expensive-looking wine bottle that must be retrieved from the basement. It is poured into a freshly polished chalice and garnished with three raspberries on a skewer of rosemary. Umpire has never been seen with its mask off, and appears to drink with its mask on. How Umpire drinks--whether it has a mouth or simply a black hole (as theorized by some) behind its mask--is unknown.
Many visitors fear Umpire due to the possibility that it may go rogue, but Patrons are aware that Umpire will not incinerate anyone while inside of the bar. This knowledge is a comfort, but it has not stopped Patrons and visitors alike from maintaining a clear distance from Umpire. Umpire seems to enjoy this arrangement just fine.
Trivia:
- Umpire's true name is unknown to anyone except one bartender, who claims to have seen it on its ID when carding it years ago. When asked for further details, she politely excused herself.
- It is unknown if the Umpire has ever batted for the Seattle Garages as Emblem Warhorse. All who have claimed to have witnessed such an act have since gone missing, with a pile of ashes found in their homes not long after.
- If it were to bat as Emblem Warhorse, it is theorized that it would solely do it during Solar Eclipse weather, when it is at its full power. During an away game in Solar Eclipse, it may choose to go for an Alley Oop.
- It has been theorized that Umpire solely communicates via note writing because its mask would require it to yell, and it does not want others to hear it. What it is communicating or why it chooses to keep it private is unknown.
Emblem Warhorse/IF-21.177
Emerald Warhorse
Emerald Warhorse is a centaur active in the local jousting scene. She frequented the bar for the wrestling matches, and became a proper Patron after being asked to leave and in turn challenged the bar itself to a joust, hoping to prove her worth. Though the bar lost, it was thrilled to have been offered the opportunity and deemed her worthy of the title. She now dons the Emblem emblazoned upon her armor and shield. She enjoys performing for the other Patrons and trying to get them to join her troupe, though this has proven difficult due to a large majority of the bar citing an allergy to horses.
After injuring her front legs in the ring one day, she had a special wheelchair crafted by the local artisans at the renaissance festival the jousts are held at. She now has a number of wheelchairs for different activities and events.
When she’s not practicing for matches, Emerald can be found in the Big Garage’s Smithy, forging all manner of swords, javelins, and other medieval weapons. She helped teach new smith, Penelope Mathews, in the way of the craft, and the two work in tandem to repair the team’s items. Mathews prefers to repair articles of clothing, whereas Emerald tends towards bats, gloves, and helmets.
She often sells her wares at local trade shows, renaissance festivals, and farmers markets, often with Flutters in tow. It was at one such farmers market that she became acquainted with local Snoqualmie farmer Goodwin Morning of Morning Sun Acres. The two became close friends and business associates, Morning providing The Emblem Warhorse with her signature pickles and mead and Emerald crafting her tools for her farm. Morning was seen frequently around the bar with Emerald until Season 11, when the establishment joined the league. She claimed the league was “too close for comfort” and wished the patrons the best, only stopping by to make deliveries from thereon out. The two remain in close contact despite the distance.
When at bat, Emerald has a tendency to hit the balls with spectacular force, but at unfortunate angles, causing her to foul more often than not. When she does manage to make proper contact, it’s most likely to result in a double.
Trivia:
- Emerald fancies herself a lute player, but shies away from playing it at the bar unless she’s a few drinks in.
- It’s rumored that Emerald crafted the spear Goodwin Morin had with her the day of her Preservation.
- Emerald loves challenging the winner of each evening’s wrestling match to an arm wrestling contest.
- Emerald’s favorite type of mead is made with maple and oranges.
- She is one of the only smiths in the Pacific Northwest who will serve Malik Destiny, as she bested him in combat and in exchange he’s beholden to her rules of weapon usage.
Emerald Warhorse mini by Hetreasky
Emblem Warhorse/IF-21.201 Warhorse Warhorse
Warhorse Warhorse is a Patron of Emblem Warhorse and has been since they discovered the place. Ever since that whole that whole Trojan War thing went down, Warhorse has felt bad about the part they played. Harboring refugees from both sides, Warhorse roamed the Earth for over 3 thousand years. The people inside Warhorse made their own community and never fit in anywhere else, until one night, after making port in Seattle, Warhorse Warhorse rolled off the ship. It was dark, and rainy hard, but Warhorse's driver could just barely make out the upside down emblem glowing in the night. While they continue to remain secular, the community of Warhorse Warhorse knew they had found there home.
Warhorse is always good for a ride anywhere around town, but you'll have to share space with the rest of the denizens. They rarely leave the greater Seattle area, having already travellled the world extensively, but they are game for the occasional road trip if the wind is right. Otherwise, you can normally find them parked out back, behind the bar.Emblem Warhorse/IF-22.183
Faun
Emblem “Faun” Warhorse is a seer - or at least, that’s what other people will tell you about her.
She’ll tell you that she’s a florist, one that works out of a small flower shop in Issaquah. Customers that walk into her shop often find that the serious, mid-thirties woman knows exactly what flowers they’re going to buy or what questions they’re going to ask well before they speak a word. When asked how she knows all of this ahead of time, Faun will respond with “I just know.”
This foreknowledge extends beyond flowers - Faun has been known to warn and advise customers and other Patrons of the Emblem Warhorse about a number of things in their lives, from small things like traffic to larger, more personal issues. However, it’s not perfect, and she rarely knows things about her own life ahead of time if they don’t involve another person. She did not know, for example, about the accident that would cost her the loss of her left leg, for which she now uses a prosthesis.
Faun found the Emblem Warhorse near the end of a day spent in Seattle, and took a liking to the place as it was “the only bar where they didn’t look at you funny for ordering a gin and absinthe cocktail.” After a number of visits, she became a true Patron when, upon entering the bar one day, took a sharp turn and headed into the kitchen in time to help prevent an oil fire from breaking out. As a welcome gift, the other Patrons provided her with a prosthetic leg with the bar's emblem engraved into it. She wears it when it’s her turn to play.
Faun has a dry sense of humor, which, combined with her serious demeanor and foreknowledge, can make her difficult to approach. However, she’s amiable towards the other Patrons, and goes out of her way to let them know about any pressing information she might have for them.
When at bat, Faun will often swing for contact on the first pitch of a Plate Appearance - more often for groundouts and flyouts than anything else, because, as she has put it “knowing where the ball is going to be doesn’t matter as much when you don’t know how to swing the bat correctly.”Emblem Warhorse/IF-25.740
Emblem "Jon" Warhorse
Emblem "Jon" Warhorse (He/Him) is an active professional wrestler for Washington Ultimate Wrestling. The Emblem Warhorse sometimes hosts Washington Ultimate Wrestling events, at which time they become Emblem Warhorse Wrestling.
While at the Emblem Warhorse, before and after the show, Jon would hang out with the other patrons of the Emblem Warhorse and the crowd. One night before Emblem Warhorse Wrestling’s Warhorsemania, Jon found himself simultaneously arm wrestling Emerald and playing a game of chess with John. That night, Jon was surprised to find that, unlike every other event, the Emblem Warhorse had not kicked him out.
As an Emblem Warhorse, Jon trains the other Emblem Warhorses in the ring, improving their physical conditioning and balance so that they can play baseball and do sick tricks on the Grind Rails. In addition, Jon spends a considerable amount of time with the Lil' Roadies, teaching them wrestling moves with a large blåhaj. Jon had to switch to using a standard training dummy after one of the Lil Roadies confused Brisket Friendo with the blåhaj.
On the field, and when in the ring, Jon sports the Emblem Warhorse on his scarlet and gold wrestling boots and trunks. During games and inside the Emblem Warhorse, Jon wears the Kandi bracelet made by Lemon Lime.
Trivia:
- Jon plays Drums for Emblem Warhorse
- Jon's finishing moves are the "Fourth Strike" (Short-Arm Lariat) and the "Rogue Ump" (Pop-Up Powerbomb)
- Jon is currently a heel in Washington Ultimate Wrestling.
- Jon's drink of choice is a Piledriver.
- Jon will attempt to Rogue Ump Zephyr McCloud on site. As such, Jon is not allowed to play when the Garages face Zephyr.
Emblem Warhorse/IF-28.733
Liam Newton is a long-term patron of the Emblem Warhorse. During Season 1 of Blaseball, Liam was an intern at the ILB, working part-time as an umpire while finishing his art history degree. Liam’s internship period ended immediately prior to the elections, leaving him relatively unaffected by the opening of the Forbidden Book - although it hit him hard emotionally.
After graduating, Liam spent a few years taking on various jobs. One day, after an evening shift at a local museum, he noticed the Emblem Warhorse and entered on a whim. He was immediately welcomed by several patrons and quickly settled in. He was initially very reclusive, but after a while, he started opening up more and more; eventually becoming a completely different person than he was when he first entered. At the suggestion of Faun, he had the Emblem tattooed on his right upper arm, as a way to bookend that chapter of his life.
He now considers the Warhorse his “home”, often more so than his actual home (a small apartment somewhere in Seattle), and he’ll occasionally spend the night there if a particularly interesting conversation drags on for long enough.
Despite not having been an ILB official since before the Discipline Era, he enjoys telling tall tales about his time as an umpire, often conveniently glossing over the exact time frame or status. Most of the stories are either severely embellished or just completely made up - his actual tenure didn’t consist of much more than arguing over called outs - but somehow manage to convince most people for a while (at least, until they pay full attention).
Several of his former umpire masks now adorn the walls of the Warhorse, many of which have since been repurposed into various art projects or decorations. Each mask has a story behind it - completely made up and different every time, of course.
He tries his best not to pay attention to the Umpire, and the two seem to look at each other with a nasty scowl should they accidentally get too close for comfort.
Liam’s self-proclaimed “drink of choice” is whatever the strongest thing on offer is, and he’ll often make a show out of it to impress newcomers, or really anyone he can get to watch. So far, he’s only succeeded in consistently making a massive fool of himself when he inevitably has to give up after half a sip. When (he thinks) no one’s watching, he’ll just have a Flanta.
Trivia
- Liam is one of the few patrons that own a car, affectionately dubbed the “Liam Nissan” by several other patrons. It’s a yellow Subaru. He does not understand why this is funny, but laughs along either way.
- Liam is, on a technicality, related to Isaac Newton, and he likes to bring this up whenever it’s even slightly relevant.
- Liam has a long-term partner who lives in Vancouver. He prefers not to talk about them in detail, and most patrons don’t believe his “fake Canadian boyfriend” even exists at all. A few long-term patrons have met them once or twice, but commit to the bit anyway.
- Liam spends far too much energy trying to keep patrons from fighting each other.
- Liam will gladly offer to bat in any weather (except Solar Eclipse), but is rarely chosen.
- Liam keeps a running tally of his batting performance in a small notebook in one of the drawers behind the bar, each plate appearance adorned with a small doodle.
- Liam's stories endlessly enamored the young King, not old enough to remember the time before the Discipline Era first-hand. By the time kie was old enough to catch on, he had already inspired King to come up with kir own stories for kir "Eyepatch Incident", all similarly lavish and ludicrous.
Emblem Warhorse/IF-294.21
Sharks Beans
Sharks Beans is a Patron of the Emblem Warhorse, hailing from the underwater city of Shark Seattle, where everyone is a shark. They crossed over to our dimension after becoming extremely lost trying to take a shortcut to the Jaylen Hotdogfishfins Memorial Climate Pledge Stadium And Parking Facility. That shortcut led to the bathroom of the Emblem Warhorse, their sudden appearance surprising and alarming Passion Popsica. Lemon Lime, (who was, at the time, in the bathroom fixing her makeup) responded quickly to the situation, reentering the bar to impart an important piece of wisdom on the rest of the patrons:
"There's a SHARK. In the BATHROOM!"
After that wisdom was shared, Sharks Beans came out of the bathroom and made a simple request:
“Can I have a glass of water pretty please?”
Emmie and Madame W, as professional bartenders, couldn’t turn down a request for a drink from a non quadrupedal animal. Since then, Sharks Beans has hung out in the Emblem Warhorse, saying they “Like the good service.”
Beans adapted quickly to a mostly-sharkless Seattle, their resemblance to the former Garages player Sparks Beans endearing them to the team despite the initial wariness about having a shark around. They have replaced their previous diet with one of salmon, which seem to be in abundance, and have found contentment in going for regular swims in the Puget Sound, coming back to the Warhorse Bar under cover of darkness so as not to alarm other players who might expect a shark attack. This has led to rumors of a cryptid living in the Sound, which has confounded Lenjamin Zhuge, typically adept at finding such creatures. They get along very well with Fammy, with whom they often have eating contests. (To this day Fammy has won all of them.)
Beans' emblem is engraved on the outside of a small heart-shaped locket that they wear around their neck. The inside contains a small picture of Chorby Soul. They reportedly do not get along with any Chorby Soul replicas, considering them to be an affront to everything that makes Soul themself. Patrons speculate that this locket has to do with the fact that Chorby Soul is revered in Shark Seattle as a savior, reclaiming the good name of sharks everywhere by punching consumers, but Beans’ wouldn’t comment when asked.
Due to the lack of ubiquitous water in the Seattle we know, Beans' signature home run style tends to backfire and they are mostly known for hitting unruns when batting as a Patron. Due to that same lack of water, their preferred drink is water, and as much as possible.Emblem Warhorse/IF-3.120
Fammy and War
Famine, or “Fammy,” and War are two Patrons of the Emblem Warhorse who are rarely seen separated, as they were both found on the doorstep of the bar on the same rainy Seattle night huddled together for warmth. The two of them were immediately brought inside by other Patrons, warmed up and dried off, and given a bit of TLC, and have been beloved members of the establishment ever since.
“Fammy'' is a stumpy-legged basset hound, and War is a bedraggled-looking grey cat. Neither of them are in violation of the Emblem Warhorse bar’s strict “no quadrupeds” rule, as Fammy is missing his back leg and War is never seen walking on the ground inside the bar with all four feet, preferring to only sit upon counters or to be carried around by a Patron of the bar.
War is notorious for being wildly rude and feisty to all non-Patron visitors to the Emblem Warhorse, but she has been spotted acting perfectly agreeable and affectionate to its regulars, tending to nestle herself on laps at the bar or even in purses or backpacks, but never touching the ground.
In contrast, Fammy is known for being very friendly to all who visit and all who stay, with one caveat--he is absolutely unquenchably hungry. Despite being fed a very generous diet of organic dog food by Emmie and Madame Warhorse, and despite several checkups by a local Seattle veterinarian finding nothing medically an issue with him, he is a veritable bottomless pit of hunger, and will gladly take any tapas, fries, and fish and chips scraps off the hands of Patrons and visitors alike. He has even been known to catch salmon out of the air during salmon-weather games.
Fammy and War’s relatively cute demeanor under the right circumstances has led several other Patrons to use some photos and videos of them on flyers promoting a fund drive for local Seattle animal shelters so that other strays might find homes like they did. They seemed mostly alright with being the stars of the photoshoot, though Fammy of course demanded several dog treats and half of a beef slider as compensation. The Emblem Warhorse has heard back on several occasions from adopting families in thanks for raising awareness about rescue cats and dogs, and the fundraiser has become an annual event.
Their Emblems are both located on pet tags on their collars. On the field, War is more likely to strike out while Fammy tends to get out while attempting to steal, as his boundless enthusiasm (and strong sense of smell in pinpointing snack foods in the distance) tends to clash with his diminutive size and running speed.
Typical questions about the whereabouts of Death and “that Pest” are usually met with a scowl and rolled eyes.Emblem Warhorse/IF-3.30
Lemon Lime
Lemon Lime (she/her) is an aspiring music producer and Patron of the Emblem Warhorse. She's been a regular at the bar for several months, often going to the bar to pregame before an underground rave. She wears her emblem on a very large kandi bracelet--rumor has it that this bracelet was made for her by the bar itself.
Lime has long hair that she often dyes bright colors, predominantly blue or green. The right side of her hair is shaved. She can often be seen wearing eclectic, multicolored outfits, including a signature pair of pink fuzzy leg warmers. Her arms are covered in kandi bracelets gifted to her by fellow ravers, and her makeup is often flashy and unconventional. Her favorite color of lipstick is green.
Lime is a self-described party connoisseur, and often claims that the parties and raves in her home city of Berlin were so much better than those in Seattle. However, not a single Patron has ever seen her not have fun at a party. Her bubbly personality has been described as infectious, and she's introduced many current Patrons to the bar, after insisting they stop by for an event.
Having moved to Seattle at the age of 21 in order to advance her music career, Lime's music hasn't quite taken off. When she's not dancing, she'll often tell other Patrons about her single that went top 10 in Europe[Source?]. Friends close to Lime have suggested that the artist is simply too busy partying to properly work on any music, but Lime has refuted these claims, stating that she's working on her EP but it's just not quite ready yet.
Lime enjoys Blaseball, and solely plays during Feedback weather. She's known for hitting fly outs and taking selfies on the bench.
Trivia:
- Lori Boston once offered Lime the chance to open for her at a show, but Lime refused, claiming she was busy that night. Lime was later seen in the audience at that same show, doing tricks with light-up gloves for a crowd of onlookers.
- Lime's drink of choice is a mojito, made with either lemon or lime.
- Lime became a Patron when she entered the bar one day and discovered Jon wearing the Kandi bracelet she made for him.
- Lime's singing was once featured on the soundtrack for a European children's cartoon. When asked about this in an interview, she said, "Ugh, you know about that stupid fairy show? I don't want to talk about it, it's soooo embarrassing."
CT and Lemon Lime practicing the Kuda Kepang dance together
Lemon Lime by Tigrishades
Emblem Warhorse/IF-35.782
Emblem “Coffee” Warhorse is a diminutive, androgynous humanoid, whose defining feature is an emerald-green visor Coffee is wearing at all times. The shadow from it obscures Coffee’s face such that none of the other patrons are quite sure what coffhe looks like without it, only that Coffee’s smile is pleasant and unassuming.
Coffee became a patron of the Emblem Warhorse when Coffee showed up one day, claiming to have been sent to set up a bean roaster and espresso machine behind the bar, despite none of the management remembering having ordered such a thing. Coffee’s nom de guerre comes from coffhe’s having asked for entrance to the Warhorse by saying “Coffee!” and indicating the bags of coffee beans that coffhe was carrying. This was mistaken as an introduction, and the name stuck. Coffee’s real name, if indeed coffhe has one, is as of yet unknown.
Despite initial hesitance, the Warhorse’s coffee offerings are now a big hit, especially in the ever-coffee-thirsty city of Seattle, and especially with in-house roasted beans. It has also allowed the bar to expand its drink offerings to include coffee cocktails, which have since been limited to two per customer per night after several instances of caffeine-amplified mayhem. Plans are in the works to begin shipping the roasted beans nationwide under the emblem of “Warhorse Coffee”. Coffee Warhorse took naturally to heading a small cafe at the edge of the bar, leading some to believe that Coffee has experience working as a barista. When asked, Coffee has been known to respond, “Definitely! A barista with a lowercase b! A totally normal barista! All lowercase. No proper nouns here.” The reason for this clarification is unknown, as is the reason for Coffee’s growing aloof and cagey whenever Sparks Beans is mentioned in coffhis presence.
Coffee Warhorse wears coffhis emblem among the many other pins on Coffee’s visor, which also include every single pride flag yet invented, some which have not yet been invented, and a promotional pin for conquering the Chompin’ Charlie’s Wing Bar’s World Famous Hot Wing Challenge, among others. Coffee is not known to have played Blaseball at any point, and claims not to know what it is, although several of the more observant patrons have noticed that Coffee is conspicuously absent on, and only on, days where there is some variety of coffee weather.Emblem Warhorse/IF-41.121
John
Emblem "John" Warhorse, or "John" is that person you swear you know. Sporting the emblem sewn up to a bunch of their ties, they are an office worker for a software tech company. They are a simple person in their 40's that likes simple things: a stroll around nature, comfortable weather and every now and then a drink in The Emblem Warhorse.
Even though it's been known that they were an usual customer before becoming a patron, they usually went unnoticed. Ordering simple drinks or food and always leaving when The Emblem Warhorse started to nudge them out. That is until one day every patron found themselves not feeling like it was anyone's turn to play, only to see John still sitting inside the establishment, drinking the water back from their beer 10 minutes before the time to leave for the match.
That day John decided it was worth it to try something new, and has said that they surprised themselves enjoying playing with the Seattle Garages. Since then they have become a patron of the establishment, and decided to take up more hobbies to see if that spark happened again. It is known that they keep participating in the drag shows running at The Emblem Warhorse, Theodore Duende's hiking team and the chess matches that are played at The Emblem Warhorse, enjoying specially the ones with Jon. They have tried to join The Emblem Warhorse band, but quitted after having problems "Comprehending anything that was not 120 beats per minute and 4/4 rhythms.".
While officially being a patron, they have taken a more passive role towards the establishment, still considering themselves just a client more. They have, however, been seen hanging out with both the patrons and the Garages, reportedly having grown close to Grampa Warhorse and Mori, and helping out where and who they can. Spending time with both has allowed them to start to discover themselves a bit more, having taken they/them pronouns recently.
When playing, they usually try to make their at bats as orderly as possible, aiming to get four balls in a row if possible or hitting singles to fill all the bases.
No one knows John’s real name and, contrary to how they usually act, it’s been reported that they find the mystery “Very entertaining.”. Other patrons report that John has decided to keep their name a secret from their group and the Seattle Garages.Emblem Warhorse/IF-43.539
This wiki entry contains the following: Alcohol usage.
This content may be harmful for some audiences, so it has been hidden by default. For more information, please visit our Style Guide. Show/Hide
No one knows quite how Popsica was created, or even from whence they came. The most anyone can agree to was that it had to have been the most epic rager to have never been beheld by mortal eyes. As the patron deity of Drunk Girl Bathroom Oracles, Passion Popsica resides where-ever a drunk girl starts parsing advice and wisdom to their peers. On occasion, she will deign to touch the girl with the gift of true prophecy, a generally beatific state further enhanced by the level of inebriation that Popsica generally intervenes at.
Whether or not the prophecy is actually understandable is a secondary concern.
As of current writing, Passion Popsica’s physical form has been bound within the Emblem Warhorse’s walls, in an accidentally recreated ritual involving shots being done off an ancient tablet while dancing the the Macarena on luxurious rugs that once saw the legendary revels of some long forgotten Emperor. The deity often pronounces minor foretellings of good fortune for the various patrons, leading to a steady stream of free drinks when these come true. Emphatically despises Mondays however, choosing to sleep as much as possible. The patrons, when asked to describe what Popsica looks like, generally describe them as looking like “If the Statue of Liberty lost the tiara, let its hair down and got absolutely sloppy on dollar ouzo shots”.
Favorite Drink: A bag of wine with an audaciously long curly straw in it.
Emblem Warhorse/IF-47.906
Emblem "Emmie" Warhorse
Emblem “Emmie” Warhorse is a middle-aged butch Korean woman who is usually seen tending to the Emblem Warhorse bar with Mme. W or riding with the Warhorse’s outlaw motorcycle club. She has been around the Warhorse for as long as anyone can remember and serves a protector to both the bar and its patrons.
While Mme. W serves as a guide to newcomers of the establishment, Emmie tends to look after those who have been around for a while and is always ready to serve a drink and some sardonic advice to those who need it. If the situation is particularly dire she has been known to bust out one of her world famous bear hugs. These hugs are so good it is said they put the receiver in a state of euphoria for the next 24 hours.
When not working Emmie enjoys riding with the Warhorse’s biker gang and claims the shadows are the best place to ride. She has also been known to participate in the Warhorse’s drag shows as a king. Her persona is always cowboy themed and she is notorious for her complicated lasso tricks.
One of the few things widely known about Emmie’s personal life is her long standing relationship with fellow mysterious barkeep Madame Emblem Warhorse, with whom she is often found tending the bar with. Emmie is notably the only individual capable of flustering the Madam's otherwise unshakable cryptic persona. Due to their evident intimacy, the two of them are presumed to know a great deal about each other's cryptic origins, though they are both as guarded about their partner's life as they are their own - if not more.
Emmie’s drink of choice is whiskey. Her emblem is a tattoo on her upper left arm and is usually visible due to her preference for tank tops. How Emmie became a patron of the Warhorse is the source of several tall tales including stories of her single handedly fighting off a rival biker group, building all the furniture of the Warhorse in a day and deadlifting two motorcycles at once to save someone trapped underneath. Any attempts at discovering the truth of the matter have been futile.
Despite her many other skills she is not particularly good at Blaseball.Emblem Warhorse/IF-5.40
Myna Risset
An alumni of the Seattle Garages Lil' Roadies, Myna Risset remained with the team for several years as a volunteer to help with shows. She accidentally stumbled into Dark Seattle the night that Farrell Seagull destroyed the Gum Wall for the first time in Season β4. Due to a poor sense of direction, she quickly got lost and became trapped in the city when the Wall reassembled.
It didn’t take long for the Corporation to notice her and her strange behavior. She was quickly detained and interrogated under suspicion regarding recent art crimes. Myna was, for better or worse, completely clueless and thought it was a job interview, answering as such. The Corporation did not learn anything of value, but she did give a heck of an interview and was hired after a brief deliberation on the risk of releasing her. Risset was placed in the inordinately long lineup of the Dark Seattle Corporates, rarely seeing play. She has proven capable of batting and fielding, if desperately needed; Risset practiced growing up in hopes of being as good as Oliver Mueller someday. When not being fielded as a relief batter, Risset composed elevator Muzak for the Corporation.
Risset displays the telltale signs of Synergy blood, including glowing eyes, arrow tattoos on her body, and occasionally synthetic-sounding vocal patterns. She has a cybernetic spine prosthesis that the Corporation installed to help alleviate her chronic back issues.
After being rescued during a routine mayhem mission into Dark Seattle by the Garages, The Big Garage initially seemed incapable of recognizing her, possibly due to the lasting influence of the Corporation. Risset first encountered the Emblem Warhorse while reacclimating to her hometown and searching for a place to stay while the issue was resolved. The establishment quickly offered her not only a whole host of new friends, but a place she was welcome to stay for as long as she needed. A new room was found above the arcade cabinets that she now sleeps in. The Big Garage has since recognized her and welcomed her back, but she is still remaining in the Emblem Warhorse for the time being as it’s a nice, small place to escape from blaseball for a bit.
For now, she’s happy to practice with the team and help with shows again. She still has Synergy blood and has had some trouble readjusting to the relative isolation of being lightside again, but the tight-knit community of Emblem Warhorse has been a much-needed relief for her as she recovers from the lost connection. She misses the nightly cuddle puddles most of all, but she’s happy to be home. And happy to have real coffee again.
She wears her emblem on a slap bracelet.
Trivia
- Her favorite drink is an Irish coffee, although she has been known on occasion to indulge in Arrow Cola when TROJAN has some, in safe amounts.
- She misses Ron's hugs. She misses them a lot.
- Takes many frequent naps. She beeps in her sleep. Third most common source of electronic beep sounds in the bar, following the arcade and TROJAN, respectively.
- She plays the Crumhorn.
- She does not know what a horse is. If you try to describe what a horse is to Risset, you will not know what a horse is either.
- Childhood friends and cohorts with Oliver Loofah. Risset was very surprised to return from Dark Seattle and find that Loofah had not only joined the team, but been feedbacked to the Shoe Thieves while she was away. As the Dark Seattle Corporates do not lose members to feedback, the last time Risset witnessed this was in Season 4, with Farrell Seagull and Avila Guzman (who she missed playing with by mere days).
- She was extremely surprised to find Aunt Jaylen alive and with a body count of 13.
- Do not run near Risset. You may activate her Corporate hunting instincts.
Emblem Warhorse/IF-51.590
Grampa Warhorse
Originally a member of a research group in Bridgeport, CT focused on the study of different universes and planes, most people know Grampa Warhorse as a jovial old man who treats them like they’re one of his grandchildren. He has been a patron of the Emblem Warhorse for a few years, starting shortly after he moved to Seattle for his retirement. The mark to prove it can often be found on the breast pocket of his shirt.
He had first heard of the Emblem Warhorse through a friend and former colleague, and managed to visit during one of the wrestling nights. He would later earn full patronage by almost single-handedly winning a music-themed quiz night.
While he tends to merely act as a customer within the Emblem Warhorse, Grampa has occasionally assisted with setup for musical performances. As discovered shortly after the quiz night, Grampa Warhorse has been a long-time admirer of blues music and will gladly talk about the subject until the listener manages to break away or the bar itself intervenes. Upon becoming an active member of the Seattle Garages, Grampa Warhorse has begun learning how to play the clarinet and has taken some interest in the Skarages project.
Occasionally Grampa Warhorse will attempt to obtain something that originated in Dark Seattle in order to send it to a local version of the research group he departed from.Emblem Warhorse/IF-52.963
Emblem “Warbler” Warhorse is a patron of the Emblem Warhorse. An avid birdwatcher, they came across the bar when looking for a rare bird spotted nearby. They visited several more times while watching for the bird due to its convenient location. They eventually earned the status of Patron when the bird accidentally flew into the bar, and Warbler used their ability to imitate bird calls to coax the frightened creature back outside.
Since then, Warbler has become a regular at the Emblem Warhorse, offering their extensive knowledge of birds to the other patrons. They especially like to organize birdwatching trips, which they’ve begun inviting the other Garages to as well. Malik and Nolanestophia are not allowed on these birdwatching trips, as Warbler believes that cats (and by extension, catpeople) should be kept indoors.
Blaseball is something Warbler doesn’t show much interest in - they only began going to the games to observe the birds. However, they closely follow the careers of the League’s various avian players, and especially prizes the signature of Gweer Gwiffin they have in their Audoblon field guide. It’s their goal to get the signature of every avian player in the same guide.
Warbler mainly takes to the field when the forecast calls for Birds, and spends more time watching the birds or coaxing them into birdhouses than they do actually playing the game. When on the field they use their tripod as their bat, and The emblem of the Emblem Warhorse can be found emblazoned on the binoculars they wear around their neck.Emblem Warhorse/IF-58.477
Lem Warhorse
Lem Warhorse (ey/em) is a former member of the Seattle Garages Stadium and Training Volunteers. The only child of a family of Bangladeshi immigrants, ey used to work several jobs to help support eir grandparents and pay eir way through law school. When the Emblem Warhorse became a member of the Seattle Garages shadows, Lem found emself granted the usual conditional immortality, agelessness, and — most importantly — the salary of a blaseball player. Lem gleefully quit three of eir jobs on the spot. Ey continues to work as a self-employed bike messenger and externs for the Lavender Rights Project legal services provider as part of eir path through law school.
Following the arrival of Brisket Friendo in Seattle, Lem received several bulk orders for cat food deliveries. While fulfilling them, ey became acquaintances with Brie. After Brisket spent most of the Season 19 postseason Elsewhere, Lem and Brie discussed a potential plan for the Emblem Warhorse collective to join the active roster. Ey now makes frequent deliveries to Brie and Brisket at the Ron Monstera Memorial Cat Café and Sanctuary.
When ey’s not playing, Lem often ducks through The Emblem Warhorse while making deliveries, taking advantage of the bar being located both within the Big Garage and across the street from the Dick’s on Queen Anne Avenue. During eir downtime, Lem enjoys people-watching at the bar and hosting impromptu tabletop RPG games with whoever’s around.
On the field, Lem’s emblem takes the form of a prominent patch on eir ever-present and well-worn messenger bag. Ey tends to hit deep into the outfield, though the ball lands in an outfielder’s glove more often than not. Still, Lem is a biker, and ey has the leg muscles to prove it. When Lem does get a hit, ey often makes it all the way to third base.
Trivia:
- Lem has an uncanny and uncontrollable ability to blink whenever eir photo is taken. Eir eye color is a matter of much debate among fans.
- Though too shy to perform with Emblem Warhorse (the band) during their live shows, Lem’s natural talent for harmonization has led to em being featured as the backing vocalist in a few tracks on the studio versions.
- Lem doesn’t drink alcohol. Instead, eir drink of choice is a concoction ey affectionately calls “Lem’s Warhorse Killer.” When asked for the recipe, ey explained it as “one scoop of frozen coffee, one bottle of 5-Hour Energy, one can of Bang, one mug of coffee — bench-pressed for extra strength — and then blend it and put it in a thermos.”
- Lem refuses to elaborate on what it means to “bench-press” eir coffee. Those who have dared to try a Lem’s Warhorse Killer mixed by Lem report that the coffee is indeed incredibly strong.
- In conversation with eir friends, teammates, and fellow patrons, Lem has offered to sue no less than eighty-one people, corporations, and entities. Among these potential lawsuit targets are five creepy exes, fourteen bosses, one guy who said something kind of rude on the train, and the ILB.
Emblem Warhorse/IF-59.521
Ortiz Morse was a pitcher for the Seattle Garages and was with the team from Season β9, Day 53. Morse was sent to the Garages' Shadows during the Season 9 elections. Morse previously played for the Canada Moist Talkers.
Early Life
Born in Montreal, UQC in 1978 to Helena Poireau, a schoolteacher, and Calwell Morse, a banker who was later the Finance Minister for Québec Prime-minister Tranche Jacobi's government in exile (Upper-Laurentian Québec), Morse grew up in a third floor walk up in the Plateau neighbourhood of Montreal with his parents, two sisters, and a cat. Morse’s father first taught him to throw in Mont-Royal parc where "even from the age of 9 [he] recognized [his] boy was built for Blaseball, not banking."
The Crimson Trunk Affair which toppled Jacobi's government also tore up the Morse Family. Calwell Morse left into exile with the rest of the Jacobi cabinet. Ortiz was 14 years old when his father left, but the teenager remained in Montreal with his mother for several more years. He attended Ste. Monsieur-Cadeaux High School until Grade 11, but was withdrawn from school after his father’s death in the second Toast Bombings. His mother then relocated the family to Halifax, Nova Scotia, fearing a Second Quebec Civil War.
Morse pursued a finance degree at Dalhousie University on a Blaseball scholarship, but despite his obvious pitching talent, chose to bat instead so as not to compete with the school's star pitcher Paul Cartography. In Morse's third year, Cartography tore his rotator cuff, and a botched surgery resulted in the loss of his entire arm. Morse was made pitcher and led the team to two consecutive Canadian University League championships.
Blaseball Strategy
As a player, Ortiz Morse is, if not the most, at least one of the most innovative pitchers the sport of Blaseball has ever seen. After graduating with a degree in finance from Dalhousie University, he began to approach the splort of blaseball with the goal to make it more efficient.
Pitchers traditionally attempt to get batters to miss pitches, resulting in a so-called "strike", but the primary goal of a blaseball defense is not to throw strikes, it is to get three outs to end the inning for the offensive team. The amount of work to get three individual outs struck Morse as woefully inefficient. If there is no runner on base, the most outs a defensive team can get in any given plate appearance is 1. Morse thus derived that it would be much more effective to walk a player or two onto the base, maximizing the potential outs the defense can get in a single play. Additionally this has the added benefit of the simple fact that players can not score automatic runs, through home-run when the blall is being thrown out of the strike zone. This brand-new strategy in blaseball has been dubbed "The Walking Strategy" but is commonly referred to by fans as "The Plan".
It works as a two-pronged attack, as it not only maximizes the number of outs but it also serves to confuse opposing players while lulling them into a false sense of security. Morse’s personal dream is to be the first pitcher in Blaseball history to perform the forbidden Quadruple Play. The Plan worked once, on Day 38 of Season β8 Morse pitched a no-hitter, one of the first to do so in the entire splort.
Personal Life
Morse is married to Chanderz Candyman, heir to the Candyman newspaper fortune. They met at a Halifax dog bar and bonded over their shared love of karaoke. Their lengthy courtship was subject to close attention in Canadian and Australian tabloids. Their wedding was held at the Dalhousie Botanical Gardens and Butterfly Sanctuary and was a private ceremony attended by a small group of family and friends. They currently (2020) live in Halifax with their two dogs.
In a 2017 interview with the Halifax Gazette, Morse said of his husband, "he's the only person I've ever met who likes my eyes and doesn't care how well I can throw a Blaseball."
Moist Mouth
In his spare time, Ortiz fronts the Smash Mouth cover band Moist Mouth, but in lieu of singing, Morse plays the telegraph key. Moist Mouth plays the night before every home game in Halifax local bar The Quivering Scallop. Other members of the band are session musicians hired by Chanderz Candyman who, for the sake of their other ventures, remain anonymous and play wearing Moist Talker uniforms, donning masks of fan favorite Moist Talkers. They currently upload their fan favorite covers to their SoundCloud
The Seattle Garages make it a point to show up to every show when they are playing in Halifax to boo and heckle Morse.
Appearance
Morse is often described off the field as "scruffy" and "extremely Canadian" in appearance, with mention often being made of his peg leg, the result of an unspecified banking injury that occurred during a "Take Your Child to Work" event shortly before his father's departure. However, on the pitch his appearance shifts dramatically. The freckles on his face, which upon closer inspection are actually morse code (the reading differs from an SOS to an all clear message depending on the Moist Talkers' standing between games), shift to encompass his entire body. His material form then breaks down, and he becomes morse code personified, simply an array of dots and dashes in a blaseball uniform upon the pitcher's mound. Notably, he never actually speaks regardless of form, instead communicating via morse transmission beeps.
Move to Seattle
During his short stint pitching for the Seattle Garages, Morse found himself hanging around the newly opened Dad's Grill. He shared stories with owner Terrell Bradley and baker, Mike Townsend, and suggested the spot host events. At the end of the season, Bradley offered Morse a job bartending, saying "Son, I think it's time you followed your other dreams, closer to home." Morse took this to heart, and took him up on his offer. Morse can now be found behind the bar of Dad's Grill, lending an ear to all who needs it and organizing themed karaoke nights with the help of his husband.
Morse was introduced to The Emblem Warhorse by his husband, and the two are often seen attending drag brunch together, where he's known for tipping high. He became a patron when a drag queen named Emblem Warhorse dedicated her lip sync to him. His emblem is painted on his peg leg, and his go-to drink is a Bloody Caesar. Morse often intentionally strikes out when batting as Emblem Warhorse--he claims that, by doing so, he's reducing the other pitcher's "Out Efficiency," a measurement of how efficient the other pitcher is at getting batters out. Research has yet to show whether or not this strategy will lead the Garages to a championship win.
Gallery
Ortiz Morse pitching his famous Season 8 no-hitter... with a little help from ORB
Morse's bangs @avery_helm
Ortiz Morse watching a blaseball game from retirement.
Emblem Warhorse/IF-64.66
Siti Wardah
Siti Wardah (see-tee wahr-dah), nicknamed “CT”, became a Patron after mistaking the Emblem Warhorse as a meetup place for nerds interested in the study of historical emblems and/or the involvement of horses in war. Initially embarrassed by her blunder, Siti started frequenting the bar for its welcoming community and atmosphere instead.
A trans feminine (she/her) Malay American of 27 years, she works as a shelver in a library close to the bar. She regards the blaseball historian Lōotcrates as a personal enemy, quoted as having said: “I’d like nothing more than to take a whack at them, like the piñata at my 13th birthday party! Except this time with a bat, or maybe even my crowbar… oh, whoops.”
Siti refuses to give any comment on her apparent ownership of a crowbar.
Harbouring a secret interest in the Javanese “Kuda Kepang/Lumping” traditional dance, the other Patrons encouraged Siti to be more open with her hobby, to which she happily obliged. Consequentially, she will make anyone a tiny paper version of the eponymous “kuda” if they ask her nicely for one. But they have to be nice. Or else.
The majority of her time spent at the bar is now dedicated to learning and practicing the dance, the other Patrons cheering her on and sometimes even joining in. Siti has declared fellow bar regular Lemon Lime in particular as her favourite dance practice partner, the two of them often tearing up the dance floor with their rattan horses.
Trivia:
- She is a teetotaller, so she won’t take alcoholic drinks. However, she does enjoy a good virgin bloody mary, which she refers to as “fancy tomato soup, but, like, cold for some reason?” It’s unknown if she understands that bloody mary is in fact, a drink, and not a soup.
- Her instrument is the angklung, and she keeps a single-pitch angklung at the Emblem Warhorse’s storeroom. Her emblem is on a brooch that she pins onto her shawl.
- Despite being a Patron of the Emblem Warhorse, Siti doesn’t actually play blaseball. Instead, when she gets spat out by the bar when it’s her turn to play, she simply goes and takes a seat in the stands, necessitating another Patron to come through and play for her. This is entirely intentional on her part; why the Emblem Warhorse allows for this is unknown, but it may or may not involve her entirely hypothetical ownership of a crowbar.
- Being a huge fan of horses, Siti gets very excited when Summers Pony is up to bat.
A sketch of Siti, by @houfukuseisaku
CT and Lemon Lime practicing the Kuda Kepang dance together
Emblem Warhorse/IF-69.141
Emblem "Mori" Warhorse
Emblem “Mori” Warhorse (ze/zir) is the ghost of a noble who died some centuries ago. For most of zir time after death ze was bound to a family relic. This relic would become a piece of a traveling museum exhibit until an incident in Seattle would unbind Mori from the relic, leaving zir lost and alone on the streets of the Emerald City.
It didn’t take much wandering for the Emblem Warhorse to share its location with Mori. Once inside, ze met many of the active patrons at the time as well as the bartender known as Madame W, who found something in the back that could be served to ghosts. As Mori spent more time in the bar, the people of the Emblem Warhorse would assist Mori both in reintegrating with the world and discovering zir own identity. Upon proving zirself to the Emblem Warhorse, Mori took the name in full and changed zir signet ring to one bearing the Emblem.
Ze ended up proving zirself to the bar by becoming a stylist for the bar’s drag shows. Centuries worth of fashion knowledge were applied in designing an outfit for one of the performers. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough to impress the Emblem Warhorse and allow Mori to sharpen zir skills in further shows. Nowadays Mori will gladly apply zir love and expertise of fashion to assist anyone within the Emblem Warhorse where needed.
When not intending to apply zir craft at the Emblem Warhorse, Mori will often be seen dressed in a manner similar to how ze dressed while alive. If a new person is at the bar at this time, Mori will often mess with them by speaking in an antiquated manner right until the moment ze think ze can get the best reaction out of the person by saying something very modern and very informal. If the bar wants this person to leave, chances are they’ll be hit with Mori’s trick at just the right time to cause a spittake.
Mori’s preferred drink is an alternative to the bloody mary known as the “Memento Mari.” Two ingredients have been added to this drink, champagne and a second drink that according to the staff can only be safely ingested by the dead.Emblem Warhorse/IF-70.476
Adrian "Addy Warhorse" Ventrer
Adrian “Addy Warhorse” Ventrer is a semi-frequent patron of the Emblem Warhorse who enters the bar through a trapdoor in the back storage closet. Primarily seen sporting carefully-made and well-used metal armor and a longsword at their side, the shield on their back sports the usual emblem of the Emblem Warhorse.
While they don’t have a name for their home other than “home,” they frequently enjoy telling stories of their adventures back home to anyone willing to listen to them. Ventrer has yet to run out of any stories or repeat any of them to the same person, though occasionally they will be heard regaling the same story to different people.
Ventrer and Malik Destiny became fast friends, bonding over their history as adventurers. While Destiny is close to being banned from the premises, Ventrer is one of Destiny’s biggest advocates for letting Destiny continue to visit. However, their friendship is perhaps more infamous, rather than famous, leading to the chances of Destiny being banned growing more likely, rather than less likely. Still, the two are close friends, and occasionally Ventrer will ask Malik if he wishes to join them back home, though neither of them expect Malik to ever take Ventrer up on the offer.
While some may expect this rough-and-tumble adventurer to enjoy primarily beer or ale, Ventrer instead prefers sweet and fruity cocktails, and allows Emmie or Madame W to create some new cocktail for them instead of requesting something specific.
Ventrer described the pull towards becoming a Patron as a familiar sensation, though they regard the game as far more laid back than whatever they were doing back home. Despite this, they play blaseball with as much gravity and treat it with as much importance as any other world-saving quest they might be given. Additionally, apparently due to their past, they’re found playing in almost exclusively Blooddrain weather.Emblem Warhorse/IF-75.859
Spam and Scam
Scam Likely (it/its) and Potential Spam (ti/tis) are a pair of grifters and Patrons of the Emblem Warhorse who are rarely separated. How they came to the bar is unknown, as they tell a different story whenever asked. In fact, very little of what they say is true, and much is designed to lure the unwary into giving them money or other valuables.
Spam is best known for telling long-winded stories. On the few occasions where ti has been witnessed not talking, it has always been to allow Scam or a mark a turn. Scam, in contrast, tends to be much more concise, rarely speaking except to directly further the pair’s current con.
Interestingly, interviews with past victims indicate that they always take precisely as much as a person can spare. Several, after being informed of this, said that it even accounted for emergencies they would soon have. It is currently unknown how they determine this, and given that this frequently result in their schemes having very low payouts, it is theorized that they care more about the trickery itself than the money they gain.
While new visitors often have to be warned away from the pair, their engaging conversation is a good source of entertainment for patrons and all who can remember not to trust them.
Trivia:
- While they order a wide variety of drinks, Scam tends to favor non-alchoholic beverages and Spam seems to prefer cocktails.
- Both display the Emblem on their wallets.
- Neither has ever been witnessed taking something without the verbal consent of the person whose possession it is currently in, and Scam has been witnessed prompting people to do so. This includes bats and drinks.
- Some speculate that the two are married. When questioned, Scam refused to comment, while Spam launched into a detailed (and presumably false) description of the ceremony.
Emblem Warhorse/IF-86.832
Flutters
Flutters (she/her) is satyr who is a Patron of the Emblem Warhorse. Rumored to be several thousand years old, she claims that the establishment revealed itself to her “sometime in the past few centuries or so.” She wears the Emblem as a necklace.
Notorious for her mischievous and childish nature, sometimes to an inappropriate extent, non-Patron visitors may find themselves falling victim to her (mostly) harmless pranks. Regulars, on the other hand, may be subject to the friendlier end of her shenanigans, as she has a penchant for roping others into her shenanigans.
When Flutters isn’t planning one of her devious schemes, she can be found performing sleight of hand magic at the bar. She also often tags along with Emerald to renaissance festivals, enjoying the change of scenery for her performances.
A former pickpocket, Flutters enjoys telling anyone who would listen about her time spent wreaking havoc upon ancient Greece. Those who know her well, however, understand that her career of thievery lasted only a few days, as she quit once she realized her skills were amateur at best.
On the field, Flutters’ mastery of sleight of hand and her attempts to recreate her grand tales show in her playstyle, as she often attempts to steal every base.
Besides her Grecian adventures, Flutters also enjoys all talk of gardening and plants. Throughout her life, she has made a significant effort collecting a diverse range of species from around the world. She spends much of her time away from the Warhorse tending to her plants of various rarities, some having been planted there centuries ago.
Flutters plays the pan flute, though she has recently taken an interest in the theremin and is attempting to learn to play it under the guidance of Durham Spaceman.
Despite having tried a myriad of drinks throughout her long life, Flutters’ drink of choice remains to be straight vodka.
by regiformes
Emblem Warhorse/IF-97.368
IRMBLEM "Irma" Warhorse
Irmblem “Irma” Warhorse is a patron and staff member of the Emblem Warhorse. Irma originally came to the Emblem Warhorse after accidentally being left on Emblem Wartruck after a delivery to Redmond.
Irma is an Artificial Intelligence computer system that helps Emmie and Mme. W manage inventory and the logistics of the Emblem Warhorse to ensure that all the patrons are taken care of, that they have the appropriate gear for games, and that their drinks of choice are always available.
As such, Irma has identified every Emblem Warhorse’s characteristics, preferences, and history. While Irma rarely plays for the Garages, Irma randomly selects these characteristics every time they are at-bat, including changing styles mid at-bat.
When playing for the Garages, Irma uses a retrofitted pitching machine chassis. Their Emblem is emblazoned on the front with a RGB LED system.
When in the Emblem Warhorse, Irma stays active on any of the various televisions and monitors within the Emblem Warhorse and uses the Emblem as a screensaver which bounces around the screen. Unlike other screensavers, Irma makes sure that it fits squarely in the corner, much to the satisfaction of the other Patrons.Emblem Warhorse/IF-97.72
TOAST GUERTA
A recent Patron of the Emblem Warhorse that's a familiar face around the Big Garage.
Toast Guerta was born in Tacoma WA, and having grown up around the Seattle area naturally became a fan of the Garages. Around his 2nd year in college he had been talking to Theodore Duende, who invited him to come aboard at the Big Garage helping out and doing odd jobs. Duende had taken a liking to Toast as he was a photographer for many Garages shows, and thought he'd fit in well. Around Day 45 of Season 9, he began his tenure as a concessions volunteer for the Big Garage, working with other volunteers as he honed his craft and concocted many a cursed brew.
It was here he met many of his greatest friends in the ILB, namely Nic Winkler, Gallup Crueller, Thomas Dracaena, Margarito Nava, as well as all of his teammates that he considers close family.
During the Grand Siesta, Toast had been "promoted" to an volunteer assistant to the players of the Seattle Garages. A job he took steadfast in his dream of playing blaseball one day. He also decided to travel the world in between the time of the Grand Siesta and Season 12. Not much is known about what he did in this time, but during a heavyweight boxing title match in Australia, Toast had gotten into the ring after bribing a promoter $50, and proceeded to beat every challenger, earning the title of Australian Heavyweight Champion. The reason for this new found strength was due to Toast's intense training with the newly expanded Tokyo Lift at their Gym.
Nothing of note occurred from Season 12 to 19 aside from his usual incredibly zany shenanigans. It was only recently, following the tragic passing of his dear friend Sparks Beans that the Warhorse revealed itself to him, where he was able to come to terms with the incineration of his comrade. Upon getting this closure, Toast became a Patron of the Emblem Warhorse, becoming a mainstay there, along with his friends and fellow players.
Toast loves to spend time at the Warhorse, trading stories with the other Patrons.
He has tried to arm wrestle every patron at least once (excluding The Umpire) as well as trying to get them all to drink his latest coffee creation.
He loves to carry War around on his shoulder, spending most of his time petting her, despite the smell of Malik Destiny on him.
Despite Lemon Lime's best efforts she hasn't been able to get him to dance, upon further comment Toast shakes his head due to the terrible nature of his dancing.
He is oblivious to the fact the Ortiz Morse is there, not thinking twice about it.
Toast has played on any campaign Lem will allow him to, despite playing as a chaotic good barbarian every single time.
Incidentally due to the results of the S19 Elections and The Emblem Warhorse being a player, he and some other Patrons have taken it upon themselves to take up the mantle of The Emblem Warhorse and play, fulfilling Toast's lifelong dream of playing Blaseball, and he gets to do it with all the people he's become close with at the Warhorse, and his family at the Big Garage.
Toast's play style is fairly straightforward:
- Strikeouts
- Homeruns
- Singles
Trivia:
- Toast has gone on many adventures, his favorite including the stealing of a DewGarita recipe with Jaylen Hotdogfingers.
- Despite his best efforts, Toast is trying to get Malik Destiny a patron spot in the Warhorse.
- Toast is naturally a brunette, his hair is dyed blue from what he swore was what his favorite player Arturo Huerta, looked like in a camera snap at a Garages show he shot.
- His favorite coffee is a concoction of Dark Seattle Espresso and Jet Fuel.
- He is credited as the inventor of the Blooddrain Americano.
- Toast has a doctorate in Himbology, the study of Himbos.
- Toast has worked with the Lil' Roadies in player absences, teaching them some life skills like conflict resolution, how to cook, and how to hotwire a car.
- Toast may or may not be quite fond of Arturo Huerta.
- Toast coaches a blittle league team in The Core, due to a mix up he has never come clean that he's actually from Seattle.
- Toast's boxing record is currently 25-1, the only challenger to beat him is Wyatt Pothos at the Hades Games.
- Toast has a fraternal twin, Crêpe.
Create New Patron Rumor
To create a new Patron Rumor for Emblem Warhorse, use the Page Creation tool to the right. The IF number needs to be a randomly generated 4 or 5 digit number with a period placed somewhere within, and it cannot match any numbers currently used on this page. We've generated one for you to use, but feel free to use a different number. This will create a subpage under Emblem Warhorse for inclusion in the main page. Visit Interdimensional Rumor Mill/Guide to read more about how to create a new Patron Rumor.
