Official League Records
On Season β14, Day 86, Beans was the first player in the ILB not on the San Francisco Lovers to use Charm, charming pitcher Sandford Garner and walking to first base. This was a result of the Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility's PsychoAcoustics, which has a chance to copy the opposing team's modifications, and Beans having type Love blood.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Sparks Beans is a part human, part elemental black Vietnamese American. Raised by their black father and late Vietnamese mother, Beans has always had a passion for knowledge, however fleeting their interest on each topic might be. Beans is a well traveled barista of the Wandering Bean branch of the Beanistas. They stand at 5'4, with electricity flowing from their head, the intensity of which seems to change depending on their mood.
Sparks Beans joined the Order in their mid teens, shortly after their father, Fava Beans, sampled the Untold Macchiato from an independent coffee shop in Seattle. Baristas who were around for the exchange cite Mr. Beans weeping openly into his raspberry scone while a confused and concerned Sparks looked on. The two left quickly after, and returned a day later with a filled out job application. Sparks was seen bouncing excitedly as Mr. Beans was quoted saying "My child would like to join the Order, please. If one Macchiato could change my life like this, imagine what an early start could do for them."
After a few years learning the ins and outs of barista basics, Beans chose the path of the Wandering Bean, hoping to learn more about the secrets of roasting and harvesting from as many places as they could. During their journey, they earned the nickname of Sparks from their fellow traveling baristas for their energetic, mile a minute nature, one which they adopted happily and took on as their chosen name. Beans spent a good portion of their journey in Vietnam, learning how Robustica beans are grown and cultivated in the Central Highlands, as well as how to make the perfect cup of Vietnamese coffee. They reported being excited to spend as much time there as they could, learning more about their heritage. They would later go on to source the beans used at their cafe from the growers they worked with.
Their travels also took them to more unknown locals, pockets of places removed from traditional space, accessible only by trusted members of the Order, so as to keep the mega corporations out. Through their quest for knowledge, they learned how to access the Thunder Plane, a pocket dimension where baristas work with the powerful lightning spirits that swirl around the Thunder Plains to make magnificent, electrifying roasts. One evening while meditating and admiring the dancing lights above them, they were struck by a bolt, but noted that they felt no pain as it coursed through and around their body. When the electricity cleared, Beans found themself covered in runic markings, the most notable being an electric bolt under their right eye. They later reported accepting a hand up from a fellow barista and accidentally zapping their glasses off. Storied roasters of Thunder Plane Arabica beans were astonished at the sight, as the lightning elementals rarely chose new practitioners. Whether Beans already had latent, untapped potential or the spirits admired them for their spunky nature is unclear.
Life in Seattle and the Shadows
After years on the road, Beans made a stop in their hometown of Seattle to visit Fava. On a whim, they decided to attend auditions for a new and upcoming band, having picked up a hobby of making music with tesla coils as their latest hyperfixation. What they weren't aware of at the time was this audition was also for the band's blaseball team. When they received their audition results, they were surprised to find they had been drafted into the Shadows of the Seattle Garages. Though shadows players were not required to travel with the team to away games, Sparks opted to join them for their first few seasons, excited to see what the various places around the league had to offer.
After a particularly tumultuous Season 3 for the Garages, Beans got some well needed distance from Blaseball and opted to use their grant money from the barista association to open their own board game cafe, which they dubbed The Pregame Ritual. It quickly became a hit, tourists and locals alike flocking to it for their signature take on Vietnamese iced coffee, for which they roast the beans themselves with their electricity. Beans also keeps the cafe stocked with a number of board games, both popular and indie (though they have cited that any parties that try to bring in a game of Monoploly will be swiftly ejected). Patrons can even pick up a bag of Sparks Beans’ own Sparked Beans, which are emblazoned with the slogan “Sparks Beans’ Sparked Beans: They’ll keep you wired!” While manning the cafe, they became good friends with the player that would later replace them, Lenjamin Zhuge. Zhuge reports becoming more comfortable in their nonbinary identity thanks to Beans, and the two even worked on workshopping Zhuge’s new name together.
A number of Garage members became regulars at the Ritual. Beans could be found playing tabletop rpgs with Nolanestophia Patterson, Lori Boston, and Malik Destiny on slow days, and resident detective Mcdowell Karim often stopped in for a pastry or Goi Cuon on their way to work. It was during one of their visits that Karim lamented being in the shadows, as they much preferred to study the effects of Blaseball’s weather from a distance. Beans jokingly remarked that they’d happily take their spot, should they ever get called up to play. As fate would have it, that exact thing happened not two weeks later.
Before their first plate appearance, Beans used their electricity to imbue their bat with energy, dubbing it “The Magnet”, claiming it would draw balls to their bat easier. As a result of this, Beans had a tendency to swing at most pitches thrown to them, to mixed success.
Beans became known on the team as somebody you’d go to for a partner in crime. Whether it was trying out a dubious recipe from the 1960s, attending a pirate festival two hours outside of town, or driving across the country on a coffee tour, Beans was quick to say yes to just about any activity, novel or mundane. They were also purportedly an excellent wingperson, a trait they kept up even into their afterlife.
With the rest of their grant money, along with profits from The Ritual, Beans rented an apartment in the International District. When Goodwin Morin joined the team one season after them and expressed discomfort in staying in the league provided housing, Beans gladly offered her a spot at their place. The two grew close over the Grand Siesta, Beans excitedly introducing Morin to all the delights this world had to offer and Morin regaling Beans with her tales of godslaying and the community that surrounded it. The two formed a group for the local pinball league, dubbing themselves the Midnight Lights for their habit of playing games well into the early hours. Rumors that the two of them were dating spread, though when asked for comment, Beans claimed that neither of them wanted to put a label on it.
During the Season 13 elections, Morin was traded to the Tokyo Lift in exchange for Lotus Mango. While Beans was an accommodating host, they couldn’t possibly hope to house a collection of people. Instead they offered a room to the stowaway who snuck aboard the bus when the team dropped Morin off in Tokyo, Magi Ruiz, who accepted it happily. The two were often seen jokingly bickering about whether coffee or tea was superior, and Beans was quick to assist Ruiz in her technomagical research. When asked how Beans felt about her part in the resurrection of Chorby Soul, they were quoted saying, “She didn’t know about the team or its history until last season. She kind of acts first and asks questions, oh my god she asks so many questions, later, that’s just Magi.”
The two were joined by Avila Guzman in Season 19, where the three became thick as thieves (while some reports indicate their relationship grew deeper still). Between traveling the world, debating the various merits and methods of brewing coffee, and using their combined musical talents to make Nu Jazz and Electroswing tracks under the band name Nitro Ice, they were almost inseparable for much of the season. One of their common destinations was the Hellmouth, where they enjoyed the musical talents of This Is a Tragedy (or, in Ruiz’s case, turned her hearing aids off while the other two listened). Guzman and Beans together were able to convince Ruiz that coffee can be good. Guzman and Beans together were not able to convince Ruiz that TIAT can be good.
Incineration and Perkatory
During Avila Guzman’s time on the Garages, she received an anonymous tip while searching for clues regarding another case. It claimed that Sparks Beans was to be incinerated in the playoffs that season and that there was no way to avoid it. There was, however, a chance to subvert it.
With assistance from Guzman and Beans themself, Magi Ruiz devised a plan to save Beans from complete destruction. With Guzman’s schedule cleared up by a Feedback to the Baltimore Crabs, she, Beans and Magi worked to build a handheld machine that worked as specialized lightning rods. It would be hooked up to the psychoacoustic speaker system Ruiz kept on hand in case of Wyatt Mason X being turned to static.
On Day 104, with the Garages at Lovers, Guzman stood in position behind Beans when the umpire went rogue. She used her electric abilities to create a current between her and Beans, and when the umpire struck, the machine collected what was left of Sparks in the form of a bolt of lightning. While Beans physical form was incinerated, their elemental form struck the machine, eliciting a truly soulshaking sound from the speakers, and remained there until the end of the game.
Since the event, Beans has been able to exert control over various machines and devices while inhabiting them, and eventually learned to manifest themselves as an electrical apparition for brief periods of time. They typically prefer possessing cell phones, computers, coffee machines, and headphones. They’ve indicated that while they’re enjoying things in their elemental form, they miss certain comforts of being physical, such as drinking coffee and giving hugs.
Given the dubious nature of contracts surrounding the ILB and tenancy laws, Lenjamin Zhuge, being Beans replacement, was automatically signed on to the lease on Beans’ apartment, and has been maintaining it with Ruiz since. Beans took to coaching Zhuge on blaseball and coffee making since their demise, but has only been particularly successful in the latter. When they’re not with Zhuge or tagging along with another Garage, they often can be found back at The Pregame Ritual, zapping up a fresh batch of beans, which are reported to taste better than ever.
Sparks Beans is the focus of the following song:
Sparks Beans is the focus of the EP album spark to a flame. This includes the tracks:
- SPARKS BEANS!!! by BONES
- analog by (Im)perfect Pitch
- replacement waltz by Erica
- negative by elliot from seattle
- still here by tegan edan
Sparks Beans by @MosssNot
Sparks wearing a Cold Brew Crew apron by psandabear
Goodwin 'n Sparks by SharpiBees
One of Sparks' signature lattes, by @midorimay
Sparks up to bat by @idealbean
Sparks by @MosssNot
Negative Sparks by @MosssNot
Sparks and Magi by @Zecz_Bunny
Sparks by @arrowsuns
|Buried||Jasper Destiny · Rigby Friedrich · Chandra Blortles · Pedro Davids|
|Stats||NEW Seasons||1 · 2|
|Beta Seasons||β1 · β2 · β3 · β4 · β5 · β6 · β7 · β8 · β9 · β10 · β11 · β12 · β13 · β14 · β15 · β16 · β17 · β18 · β19 · β20 · β21 · β22 · β23 · β24|
|Ballpark||The Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility|
|Community||United Seattle Garages Mascot Workers · Seattle Garages Stadium and Training Volunteers · Seattle Garages Lil' Roadies|
|Places||Dark Seattle · Seattle Gum Wall · Ron Monstera Memorial Cat Cafe and Sanctuary · Seattle Shadows Co-op|
|History||Seattle Garages's History · Jamazon · Dark Seattle Corporates · Operation DEBT Collection|
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