Paul Cartography

From Blaseball Wiki

Paul Cartography is a former player for Dalhousie University in the Canadian University League.

Early life

Born to Jimmy Cartography and Sandra Hellhall in Dartmouth, he had an idyllic childhood spent reading science fiction novels in the backroom of his father's model ship shop. The Cartography Family relocated to Halifax when Paul was 15, and he joined his high school's Blaseball team to meet friends in his new city. His first year of playing was unremarkable, because, in his own words, he "thought the rules were wrong, and constantly argued with the coach to change them". But by his second year he had grown to enjoy playing the game as it was, and became the school's lead pitcher, earning the nickname "Fast Map" for the intricate dance he did before every pitch.

After spending a year abroad, Cartography enrolled at Dalhousie University, where he again made lead pitcher by his second year. He saw the team through two second-place finishes in the Canadian University League Championships, losing first to York, and then to McGill.


During a regular season match against York University, he tore his Rotator Cuff throwing a slippery ball to York batter Sheela Fettler. Rushed into surgery at the Dalhousie University Splorts Hospital, he suffered greater injury when the head surgeon fell asleep midway during the procedure. After four hours under the knife, the decision was made to amputate Cartography’s entire arm. The arm is now on display in a tank of formaldehyde in the lobby of Dalhousie University’s Splorts department.

He was replaced in Dalhousie’s rotation by Ortiz Morse.

Life post-injury

After his early retirement from splort, Cartography went on to complete his studies, a double major in Law and Crossbows. He is currently an assistant professor at his alma mater, specializing in Splorts Law. He occasionally contributes a column on splorts to the Halifax Gazette.