Seattle Garages Stadium and Training Volunteers

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

When it comes to maintenance and training, upkeep and sales for the Garages, the team has taken a distinctly different approach to a majority of the league. Instead of hiring a paid, hierarchical staff for these things, the majority of functions required for smooth running are simply filled by volunteers who have recognized a need and filled it.

List of Volunteers known to the Seattle Financial Management Co-op

• Team equipment manager: Benjamin Hosterman
  • Started cleaning the team’s gear after getting front row seating. In summer. Behind the dugout. During a deodorant shortage. After Mike Townsend's ill advised ‘Chili bean pie’ phase. They are quoted as constantly muttering in traumatized tones about the ‘Miasma’ and always wear a hazmat suit.
    

• Team Equipment Maintenance Assistant: Very Cmaj21x47#x45x43#41x39#37#35#33#31#29#27#25#23#19#15#11
  • Showed up one day out of the blue and started tuning instruments. They’ve been helping Benjamin with equipment maintenance for the Garages ever since. Only pieces known about them are that they minored in music theory and they communicate exclusively in slang (translated from guitar/bass chords.) Has one eye on their face and nothing else.

• Concessions Stand: Lilya Bildeshka
  • Incapable of replying to orders in English and unable to ever leave the stand, this former bass player for a post soviet hard metal band slings burgers almost as well as she slings rapid fire slavic insults at the Garages fans. Somehow, despite being the only person in the stand, they have never messed up or missed an order.

• Merch Stand Operators: Waisted Flannel Collective
  • Once upon a time, a small group of drunk as skunks fans discovered a storeroom that had almost been taken over by the outer wall/Gig fly postings. Grappling with the onset of the mother of all hangovers, one person, Dirk Fermi, suggested selling the contents, which were player jerseys, for beer money. As the years have gone by, the collective has discovered more and more merch, even though the storeroom is really only the size of a broom closet.

• Sound Crew: Sound Tech Shades, the shadow ghosts of Roadies past
  • The shades of Roadies past, unable to rest until they have prepared the most perfect sound stage in their storied lifetimes. While many lay claim and take credit for the unbeatable acoustics of Garage stadium, the truth of the matter lies with the shadowy ghost that linger at the barest edges of our vision, surrounding newly tuned basses and freshly cleaned amps. The Shades of legendary Roadies of yore, their storied knowledge keeps the acoustics on point, though they do have a penchant for stealing Greer Gwiffin's beer, seeing as only beer so weak as to be a fleeting memory can sustain a ghost. Gwiff knows someone, or something, is stealing it, but has no proof. The batter has attempted to catch whatever perpetrators there may be, but is always foiled by the ancient Roadie Magicks of Duch Taape. Additionally, they also help maintain and stock the shrines/vending machines of lost players, often attempting to comfort the living who also take this task upon themselves. A commonly held theory at the Garage stadium is that a Roadie boards a bus to the Great Eternal After Party every time the last song from their last gig is sung at the stadium. This is attributed to the often spontaneous outbreak of singing at the end of games.

• Pitching Coach: Kick Raminski
  • As long as there has been a Garages stadium, there has always been Kick Raminski, peanut hawker extraordinaire. The oldest fans remember seeing him almost the same as he is now in their childhoods, although he might have gotten a new hat in the interim, and his effortless grace and skill at hucking peanuts to the hungry fans is legendary. No shot is too hard for him, the laws of physics seemingly bending in deference to him with each fresh hot bag of peanuts landed in a customer's hands, no matter the obstacle. This skill caught the eye of team captain Theodore Duende and he surreptitiously started directing the pitching line up to pay attention, watch the technique and see if they couldn’t learn something from it. So far this has had mixed results, although some believe that Mike Townsends stellar season 4 performance was a direct result of this coaching strategy. Kick also maintains a friendly rivalry with the Emu that hucks THE SUN IS OUR ENEMY zines etched on boomerangs, both competing with each other in trick shot rallies to the delight of Garages fans, though Kick remains undefeated.

• Groundskeepers: Skarl Marx and George Skawell.
  • A pair of former political science students, the pair dropped out after attending a single Blaseball game at the Big Garage and being swept up in the Anarcho-Collectivist fervor of the teams fans. Now volunteering as groundskeepers, the pair also create amateur advertising and propaganda for the fans (Skarl) and take an active role in organizing and training protestors (George).
    

• Commentary: Mama Duende
  • Commentary for Garages games are provided by Mama Duende, a very nice middle-aged woman, from the Great Garage in the Sky. After each game, she offers the players orange slices and juice boxes. Her most famous sayings are, “try your best!” and “the most important thing is that you have fun out there!”. When a player strikes out, she’ll call “Ohhh! So close!”. Mama Duende is very proud of all of the Garages players, but dislikes when they use profanity. Mama Duende and Theodore Duende are not related. Mama Duende doesn’t play any instruments but she enjoys “that one song by Adam Levine”

• Scoreboard operator/Stadium organist (but with a guitar): Stanley Doofmeister
  • AKA D00FWARRI0R69, AKA That guy stuck on the scoreboard. Once an up and coming accountant with a water supply firm, Stanley Doofmeister had it all come to a screeching halt one day at a Seattle Garages home game pre-event rally, becoming entangled on the scoreboard during one of Gwiff’s ‘1000 meter’ Bungee scams. Promptly forgotten at the start of the game before anyone bothered to get them down, Stanley’s cries for help were all but ignored until, after Allison Abbot had a triple get wasted by a Gwiffin Ground Out and threw a new Flame Bat she had been experimenting with into the board, he pried the the guitar from the board and started absolutely shredding Take Me Out to The Ball Game. Finally noticed by the crowd, instead of freeing him they promptly christened Stanley as the new Organist seeing as the old one had died, while also charging him with also keeping score. As the years have gone by there is not much left of Stanley’s former self, the constant shredding, cheap beer, fully loaded Seattle Hotdogs and burning petrol fumes sending him into a spiral of Insanity. Stanley exists no more. There is only. . . The D00F WARRI0R.
    

• Previous Scoreboard operator/Stadium Organist: ????
  • Passed after listening to One of Ron Monstera’s M-chord experiments.