Ron Monstera Memorial Cat Cafe and Sanctuary

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COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

The Ron Monstera Memorial Cat Café and Sanctuary is a cat café and sanctuary for cats in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Seattle by Cal Anderson Park, in the Big Garage, or in the Hot Sauce Bar and Grill, depending on the mood. Thanks to recent advances in Umbramancy, it can still be reached from any of these locations, even if the cafe is elsewhere at the time.

Creation of the cafe began after Durham Spaceman, who was visiting Ron Monstera’s old bridge haunting grounds, was greeted by a large number of affectionate cats. Spaceman, never one to turn away so many curious friendly creatures, sat down to pet them all. Incidentally, Mike Townsend had arrived to retrieve Monstera’s collection of rare and used guitar picks. Townsend was not, however, expecting to see an open Durham Spaceman simultaneously petting hundreds of cats and exposing him to the interior of their suit, a place that is not meant for him to know about. Mike Townsend still thinks about this to this day. He should not.

Spaceman, wanting to protect all of their new friends and inspired by the recent success of the Randall Marijuana Memorial Cat Café, set about to build a new home for all cats (yes, we mean all cats).

Structurally, the Cat Café and Sanctuary is large enough to host several guests at once and full of climbable towers, catwalks, and more for the cats to move around on. The Cafe frequently plays music from various former Garages, including the iconic LP Big Honkin’ Ron from Ron Monstera. A large side room is reserved for various community activities available for cats and non-cats.

The Sanctuary is above the main cafe, connected by stairs, a ramp, an elevator, a funicular, or a fraying rope, callable by a panel next to the zine rack. In a similar fashion to the Garages tour bus, this area has been expanded considerably with the assistance of Umbramancy, particularly Goodwin Morin’s shadow powers. There are currently enough rooms to house all cats, should they choose to stay there.

Staffing

The Cafe is run in part by volunteers and members of the Seattle Shadow Co-op. In large part it is managed by Durham Spaceman. When asked how it managed to find time to run the cafe as well as pitch and other activities, Spaceman signed TIME IS NOT HOLDING UP, TIME IS NOT AFTER US.

Mike Townsend teaches courses every weekend on the art of making bread, sometimes accompanied by Betsy Trombone (rude). As part of the course, the cats all have their paws washed, and have gloves and aprons. Kneading the dough is often seen as a very popular segment of the course and the cats enjoy their time. There are rumors that Trombone has had to step away from the course numerous times, and one report of overhearing them whispering as if through tears: “They’re just… so cute… I can’t handle this.”

Daily Visitor

Many cats come and go through the Cafe and Sanctuary every day. If you would like to see a list of all cats in the cáfe, or give a new cat a home in the Cáfe, click Ron's Cat Cáfe. If you would like to edit this cat, click KT-733. This system is based on the Interdimensional Rumor Mill, which can be read all about at Interdimensional Rumor Mill.

Quack Enjoyable

Oh! It’s Quack! Wait a minute, you’re not a cat! Quack Enjoyable is here to visit his friend Mike and help bake for the cats! And likely kick Mike’s ass at Mlagic: The Glathering! Quack likes to wear a cat ear headband while here; this was a gift from Socks Maybe! The tag says “Declan ‘Pog’ Suzanne”, but Socks had it, so it was legally theirs.