Greer Gwiffin was a lineup player for the New York Millennials and was with the team from the Season β16 elections until Fall Ball. Gwiffin has previously played for the Seattle Garages, Hawai'i Fridays, and LA Unlimited Tacos.
Official League Records
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
(CW: mentions of weed)
Greer Gwiffin is a were-owl (Snowy, on his mother’s side) who has been with the team since Season 3. For his first four seasons of ILB, Gwiffin was known for his habitual lateness, being a failure of a father, and was overall “just a mess”. He was also known for ranting about music being too loud, bumming weed off of team members, and sleeping through practice. Prior to joining the Garages, Gwiffin was crashing on various Seattle-area couches "while [he] sorted some things out." He referred to his singledom as being "in between divorces." He claimed he left his children as they were “were-humans”, owls who turn into half humans once every full moon, and asserted that they needed less parenting as a result. He took to coaching the Lil’ Roadies with Cedric Spliff and Mike Townsend, however, indicating he had more parental inclinations than he might have let on.
In more recent seasons, Gwiffin has stepped up to the plate, taking more responsibility for himself. It's thought that having a more routine schedule during blaseball and guiding the Roadies contributed, but the most notable change was first noticed when Garages hitter Quack Enjoyable joined the team, replacing Gwiffin’s longtime friend Cedric Spliff. Upon arriving in Seattle, Enjoyable experienced the ability to turn from a normal Labrador duck into an anthropormorphic duck while holding Kiki Familia’s bat, a form not unlike his own were-owl form. Some speculate that Gwiffin’s fondness of Enjoyable, teaching him how to adjust to shape shifting and play blaseball while in both forms, was an attempt to make up for not being there for his were-human children. The two have a mentor/mentee relationship that they both cite as ‘fulfilling’.
In Season β10, Gwiffin was seen around Seattle with three snowy owls, playing catch and hunting mice. When asked for comment on why he decided to reconnect with his kids, he looked to Garages pitcher Lenny Marijuana and said, “I, uh, was reminded by a close friend of mine that you should appreciate things while you have them, and that, ah, it’s never too late to try and fix your mistakes. I’m just really happy they’d have me back. I was a terrible dad. Like, just the worst. I know I’m not the best, and I’m still gonna mess up, but I’m… I’m trying. And I think that’s what matters.” Gwiffin then had to cut the interview short, as he received a phone call from his children letting him know he was an hour late picking them up from sloccer practice.
Gwiffin is perhaps best known for his trademark “Gwisdoms”, a kind of weird but insightful advice. The nature of his Gwisdoms has changed over time, but they still remain goofy and only vaguely helpful to most people. Upon learning that some on the team took to writing these down and distributing them as zines, Gwiffin began making mix tapes of Gwisdoms that he will leave around the Big Garage.
Gwiffin’s podcast, Steely Dads!, a podcast about blaseball conspiracy theories, went on hiatus between seasons 8 and 10, as coordinating a podcast with Spliff proved difficult due to long distance. With the arrival of Lenny Marijuana to the team, the podcast is back in full swing, bringing on guests and featuring local mysteries. Popular episodes include “The Lori Boston Experience: Why You Should Read the Terms and Conditions,” and “Inside Jamazon: a Look From the Darkest Depths from Dark Star, Goodwin Morin.”
Time With the Hawai'i Fridays
Following Greer Gwiffin's introduction to the Fridays, they were approached by local radio station KTGI SPAM Radio about doing a questions and answers show. More than happy to accept, Greer got right to work. The show had a bit of a rough start, but really hit it's stride when Gwiffin invited Yosh Carpenter on as a guest after their Feedback to the Fridays.
Riffin' With Gwiffin, featuring Yosh Carpenter ended up being a much beloved weekend morning radio show. Together they covered a wide variety of topics, including basic carpentry and housework skills, honest advice to tough questions, and parental concerns. The highest rated episode they aired however, was with guest and beloved Fridays mom Ms. Silk, and they had an extended conversation about what it's like to be a parent involved in Blaseball. The most touching moment of that show was when they opened the lines for questions, and Lenny Marijuana called in.
Despite his time on the islands coming to an end due to a trade with the Tacos, Gwiffin has continued to keep in touch with the Fridays and has worked more of the lessons and teachings he shared during Riffin' With Gwiffin on his Prerecorded Gwisdoms cassettes.
Time with the LA Unlimited Tacos
Gwiffin's time with the Tacos initially posed new concerns, due to the tendency of owls to eat mice and rats and due to Sexton Wheerer's pregame ritual of Eating A Bird, both of which created some tensions between Gwiffin and other team members. The conflict with Wheerer was resolved when Wheerer admitted he much preferred chicken (and sometimes crow) and had no particular interest in trying owl at the moment. The concern with Rat continued for far longer due to Rat's extended stay Elsewhere, and on Rat's return they initially showed a high level of hostility towards Gwiffin and his kids. However, after an incident involving Rat and all three Gwiffin children getting "completely Baja Blasted" on an exorbitant amount of soda when left unattended and wreaking havoc on the rest of the team, they have since made up as long as the Gwiffins continue to leave Rat's large extended family and friend group alone.
In other ways, though, Gwiffin was a great fit for the Tacos. While his podcast cohost, Cedric Spliff, was the one of the duo more interested in Unslam conspiracy theories, these were also an area of interest for Gwiffin, and the move to Los Angeli put him in the perfect spot to get some real answers. For episodes of Steely Dads! produced in LA, Wyatt Mason IV has been brought on as a cohost. Despite their only partial memories of those events, Mason IV brings a lot to the podcast, being equally able to debunk some conspiracy theories, provide an insider perspective on others, and unwittingly imply a few even more wild ones. Nicholas Vincent frequently guest starred, providing scientific enthusiasm and analysis. Gwiffin has been trying to get Wyatt Dovenpart on as a guest since his arrival in LA, but reports state that the most receptive Dovenpart has been to his inquiries was to punch him in the face and then leave.
Time with the New York Millennials
During Season β16, Gwiffin had received urban conspiracy information about a New York in the same universe where Dark Seattle resides, and moved there in a mutual exchange for physicist Felix Garbage. Gwiffin knew little about living in New York aside from stories his podcast cohost Lenny Marijuana had told about his son, Dominic Marijuana. The were-owl podcast host found the Millennials to be a delightful bunch, namely a kinship with rookie Anathema Elemefayo, as supernatural creatures subject to fits of danger. Reports suggest that Gwiffin's children have had a better relationship with their father in recent years, and that Gwiffin is in a better place generally. In an interview with the New York Crimes, Gwiffin said, "It's about time I started listening to my own gwisdoms, tryin' to offer some of myself to help people." Gwiffin has been a frequent guest on Conrad Vaughan's "Kitchen Table Podcast because Anathema Lives in the Recording Studio" podcast, as well as in Elemefayo's Twiltch streams, often remarking on the technology of "games these days." While Gwiffin's interest in conspiracy theories hasn't waned, neither have his abilities to get many details incorrect about them.
Greer Gwiffin is the focus of the following songs:
- gwiffin's here by zandterbird
- gwiffin's prerecorded gwisdoms no. 1 by cass paint
Greer Gwiffin is mentioned in the following songs:
Greer Gwiffin on the Milk Proxy Society, by @tsawac
Gwiffy making an ill-advised attempt to steal third, by @tsawac
Gwiff and Lenny wrangling the Lil' Roadies by seb
Gwiff gone full were-owl by @igalvezm
Tacos Greer Gwiffin by Kidl3t
Li'l Gwiffin by @AndreaStreeter