Tot Clark

From Blaseball Wiki

Tot Clark was a lineup player for the Seattle Garages, and was with the team from Season 1 until being incinerated on Season 24, Day 6.

Official League Records

Clark joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Seattle Garages with the Return of Blaseball.

Along with Ron Monstera, Clark was the highest-rated pitcher in the Garages rotation from the Season 1 elections until Jaylen Hotdogfingers returned.

During the Coffee Cup, Clark played for FWXBC as a lineup player.

On Season 19, Day 10, Clark retreated to the Garages' Shadows in exchange for Terrell Bradley via The Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility's Fax Machine. On Day 16, Clark rejoined the Garages' active roster in exchange for Magi Ruiz via The Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility's Fax Machine.

During the Season 20 elections, Clark became a lineup player in exchange for Arturo Huerta as a result of the Garages' Roster Swap will.

On Season 24, Day 6, Clark was incinerated and replaced by Marion Shriffle.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Personal Life

Tot Clark is an immortal Egyptian person who has been alive for upwards of two thousand years. While much is unknown about the specific length of Clark’s life, Clark himself has said (after much pestering from the Li’l Roadies) that he cannot die or age save for the consequences of the game of Blaseball, which few have ever managed to evade.

Clark keeps much of his personal life private, and records throughout history uncovered by journalists Wolf Mully and Lana Sculder have shown multiple times in which Clark has faked his own death in order to keep nosy people out of his business. Clark has been quoted in interviews saying that disguises such as bandages, hats, masks, or funny glasses with a mustache on them (a recent gift from Oliver Notarobot) have all proved useful over his long life in maintaining his privacy. He also feels that concealing his appearance with various disguises adds to his personal self-confidence in his ability to rock any number of aesthetics.

Clark has traveled extensively over his lifetime, as evidenced by a trail of mentions and images of Clark found in records from Egypt to Morocco to Puerto Rico to France. He has been involved in music for a similarly long period, and plays the bass as well as the simsimiyya. At some point in his life, Clark met the similarly long-lived Luis Acevedo Encarnación and fell in love with them. They have been in a committed relationship for well over several centuries.

Clark later settled down in Seattle after Acevedo moved there, and was often seen frequenting the record store at which Acevedo worked. Clark reportedly joined the Garages band because “it looked pretty fun,” adding that he appreciated the wide variety of instruments used in the band’s music.

While many of the Garages lead boisterous, larger-than-life lives, Clark has been known to eschew much of this, outside of the odd advertising campaign for the Garages, instead leading what appears to be a reserved and quiet life out of the spotlight with his partner Luis Acevedo. After Acevedo’s feedback to the Crabs and subsequent ascension, however, Clark became more reclusive, and his appearance at games became notably more disheveled. Talking to both teammates and workers around the Big Garage, it was discovered by reporters Mully and Sculder that since season 11, Clark has asked fellow player Arturo Huerta for help applying his bandages, saying that “he knows a thing or two about disguises.”

During the Grand Siesta, Clark took to hanging out with teammate Oliver Notarobot, the two bonding over the loss of the Crabs. Notarobot has notably helped him open up and take down some of his walls, whereas Clark has helped Notarobot branch out his musical genres. The two collaborated on an experimental electronic EP, Mistaken Identity, which they released under the Garages label during the siesta.

Not all of Clark’s family is immortal, and he often travels to Cairo to visit his great-great-great-great-10¹⁴ grandnieces, Maryam and Anaya, whom he said in an interview have been “teaching him about all the latest memes.”(citation needed). Maryam, Anaya, and their parents occasionally visit Clark in Seattle for home games. For his birthday, the two once gifted Clark a shirt from a Seattle gift shop that read “P.U.N.K. = Professional Uncle No Kids.” Clark loved it so much he subsequently bought one for his friend Oliver Mueller, despite Mueller not technically being anyone’s uncle.

Clark was good friends with both iterations of Ron Monstera, and Monstera cited his experimental compositions as “inspirational” to his own audioscientific work.

Clark speaks Arabic, Spanish, and English, though reportedly all with “an old-fashioned accent” due to being thousands of years old.

Strike on the Mound

During the bottom of the 10th inning of Season 6, Day 109 (game two of the Internet Series) versus the Baltimore Crabs, the Garages were shamed when Kennedy Loser and Oliver Notarobot both batted in runs. Clark, with two outs left in the game and having just thrown a second strike to Sutton Dreamy, decided to stand on the mound and not pitch for four minutes as a sign of protest against the Blaseball Gods, notably the Shelled One. This has colloquially been known as "Tot's Strike on the Mound.” When asked about it after the match, Clark simply said, "Well, you can't lose if you don't pitch right? Sometimes defying the gods is just standing around and doing nothing for a few minutes."

The Greetle

In season 21, the Garages voted to steal Rai Spliff’s Cool Arm Helmet of the Feast for Clark to improve his performance. In doing so, Clark inadvertently dropped the pair of Holey Ambitious Socks he was wearing. As the socks were dropped technically during the postseason of season 21, Clark found that his stats and skills were still increased under the effect of the Ambitious modification, even as the next Earlseason began.

Perplexed by the source of this phenomenon, Clark searched his batting bag for a cause and uncovered an unlikely stowaway: a palm-sized scarab beetle that resembled the Overperforming modification symbol, made of an unknown digital substance. Clark was concerned at first that he could have introduced an invasive species to the environment, but the green beetle—or “Greetle,” as Clark later nicknamed it—was evidently less organic and more computerized in nature.

The Greetle and Clark became fast friends, not least because of the unusual ability the Greetle gave off to improve Clark’s batting skills under the radar of the Coin. Clark feeds the Greetle various Snacks and often spends evenings watching bug-themed movies with it, such as Bleetlejuice and A Blug’s Life.

When asked in an interview about the Greetle, Tot Clark said that he found it funny that “despite being alive for more than two millennia, I still got caught by a bug.”

The Riot in the Stands

In season 22, on Day 60, Malik Destiny and Tot Clark were made Unstable, in an unsettling mirror of events years prior. While Destiny was a Fire Eater, Clark was not, and many feared for his safety. The frenzied and profanity-laden cries of the crowd were amplified to such a degree by the Big Garage’s Psychoacoustics system that umpires were unable to enter the Garage or to get anywhere near the unstable Clark. This event, known as the Riot in the Stands, the Swear Ward or Soliswearity, was so powerful that it was picked up by the seismometers of several nearby universities. In an interview, Clark said it was “pretty f🎸in’ sick”.

Shark Fighter Tot Clark

In season 23, Clark acquired an item that originally belonged to a Replica of a former Garages player — the Batter Ring Ram Chorby’s Soul. As the item contained some manner of mirroring of the original eDensity of the Vaulted player, it made Clark a magnet for Consumers. Clark worked to make the best of a bad situation and took it as a chance to protect the team from shark-toothed danger, while shouting quite a few wrestling catchphrases throughout his season-long battle with the deep sea. He considered this effort a continuation of his and teammate Penelope Mathews’s original first blows against the Consumers in Season 16, and clarified that this did not count toward his pregame ritual as Consumers do not have bones.

Incineration

Clark was incinerated at the beginning of season 24, the first of many tragedies to befall the Seattle Garages that season. He was reportedly sighted leaving the Secret Base moments after his death, for just long enough to give his teammates a hug before finally succumbing to the flames.

Clark was replaced by his longtime friend and musical collaborator Marion Shriffle.

Trivia

  • During the season 11 championship, a number of Garages fans took to shouting "🏞️ SPAM🏞️ THIS 🏞️  PARK  🏞️ TO 🏞️  HELP 🏞️  TOT 🏞️  CLARK🏞️"to encourage Clark’s performance. The volume of the shouts was enough to override the Sunbeams’ Jumbotron during the game.

Box of Tot Clark Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-74.602 and start reading...

Tot Clark has been seen several times throughout the past thousands of years; people matching hir description have been noted in interviews or identified, after the invention of them, in photographs stretching the course of decades. Throughout this time, hir appearance has not changed much besides the style of clothing shifting to match the time. The origin of hir immortality is unknown, supposedly even to hir.

One mostly-constant is Clark’s wearing of bandages, which has been explained by them as a “comfort” and “because of sensory issues” to hir teammates. Ze cited former teammate and long-time partner Luis Acevedo with helping hir put them on, and when asked who did it while the Baltimore Crabs ascended, ze struggled to answer before simply shrugging.

Another constant in history regarding Clark is hir formerly mentioned partner, Luis Acevedo. Most photographs documented include both of them, and Clark’s stories regarding hir past often involve Acevedo as well. Since Acevedo’s trade to the Baltimore Crabs, ze’s been seen often in Baltimore, using the long Garages pitching rotation schedule to hir full advantage. Records show that when Acevedo was traded to the Worms for a season, Clark co-signed for ownership of a house in Ohio. These records have since mysteriously gone missing.

Coffee Cup and Siesta

Clark was a lineup player for the FWXBC during the Coffee Cup, and cited hir ability to bat to practice with Malik Destiny and Acevedo during the occasional Garages practice. When Clark hit a single or walked to first, some Crabs fans in the stands yelled “eye of light, future sight,” Acevedo’s chant, in memory of them. When asked about this, ze said that ze “[appreciated] it, although it [was] a little too loud.”

It is rumoured that before every game against the Pandemonium Artists, Clark got into fights with Pandemonium player Haunt Wednesday, fulfilling hir pregame ritual and confirming the theory that ghosts do, in fact, have bones.

After the Coffee Cup, Clark’s appearances in public lowered to a near-never frequency. However, most of hir teammates say that they saw hir at some point or another; one former Garage claimed that “it isn’t hir fault you’re all incompetent, ze’s not exactly subtle.” The validity of this statement has yet to be confirmed.

Most of Clark’s documented appearances were at the telescope to Up, accompanying fellow teammate Oliver Notarobot. It is speculated that the two had gotten closer in the loss of their loved one(s) to Ascension, although neither of them have made a statement on it.

Post Season 12

After the Crabs came down from Ascension in Season 12, Tot Clark was once again seen making full use of the almost entire week ze got between pitching games to spend time with hir partner in Baltimore. This time spent in the city of Carcinization led to hir gaining an interest in the transformation, eventually growing partial chitin armor, centralized around hir forearms and shoulders. It does not appear to interfere with the bandages, and when asked if this bothered hir in any way, ze said that it “helped a lot, actually. It’s nice. The Big Garage kind of looks at me weird now. Do I smell like Crab?”

Acevedo has expressed both amusement and happiness at the concept that their husband now matches them.

When the Grind Rail was installed in various stadiums, Clark expressed disappointment at not being able to skate on it. Eventually, Oliver Mueller was seen taking hir to the Big Garage after dark, and teaching hir how to skateboard on the rail despite there being no practical use for it.


Music

Clark is the bass player for the Seattle Garages Vibration Exaltation. He played third bass in short-lived all-bass supergroup Basses Loaded.

Fan Works

Music

Tot Clark is the focus of the following songs:

Additionally, Tot Clark is mentioned in the following songs:

Art