Rivers Clembons

From Blaseball Wiki

Rivers Clembons is a pitcher for the Seattle Garages and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Clembons previously played for the Miami Dale.

Official League Records

Clembons joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Miami Dale with the Return of Blaseball. Clembons was the Dale's highest-rated pitcher and lead the pitching lineup in multiple stats through Season β4.

During the Season β4 elections, Clembons was affected by the Alternate Reality decree and replaced by an Alternate. This involved Clembons' stats being randomized, resulting in a combined 10.4 10.6 stat increase.

On Season β7, Day 36, Clembons' baserunning ability was siphoned by Boston Flowers lineup player Alaynabella Hollywood in a game with Blooddrain weather, decreasing it from 3.2 2.6 .

During the Season β13 elections Clembons received a combined stat change of 11.7 15.7 as a result of the Dale's Infuse will.

During the Season β16 elections, Clembons became a lineup player via the Dale's Move will.

On Season β17, Day 103, Clembons became a pitcher again due to Reverb.

During the Season β18 elections, Clembons became a lineup player again via the Dale's Move will.

During the Season β22 elections, Clembons gained the Subtractor modification as a result of the Subtractor Avoidance blessing.

Clembons ended the Expansion Era with 5.3 in Batting, 4.4 in Pitching, 5 in Baserunning, and 5 in Defense. Clembons had Head Shoes and the Alternate and Subtractor modifications.

Clembons fell to the Garages during the December 2 Fall Ball. On Season 1, Day 1 of the Return(s), Clembons became a pitcher for the Garages.

Alternate Reality

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Following the passing of the Alternate Reality Decree in Subtractorthe Season β4 election, Clembons was seen walking into a portal in the ocean with teammate Jasmine Washington and their wife, and has yet to return. Some reports claim Clembons and Washington had borrowed a significant number of coins and water-related magic and invested it into the Dale. It's likely that the return on this investment has not been what the First Bank of Atlantis had hoped, and many fans believe that Clembons and Washington are meeting with Poseidon about refinancing their loan into Vibes.

Clembons was replaced with another Rivers Clembons, presumably from a different branch of reality, whose personality, life experience, and blaseball skills are quite different from Clembons Prime's. "Bonny" Rivers Clembons is polite to the point of deference, frequently getting stuck holding the locker room door for hours at a time in case someone might need to come in. He speaks with a British[where?] accent and has never once been heard shouting. He appears to be a decade or so younger than Clembons Prime, and while fashionable, shares none of the Prime version's love of necklaces, excess, or general shininess.

"Bonny" Clembons has so far struggled at learning blaseball, a splort with which he was completely unfamiliar when recruited. Local reporter Miami Gerald recorded a controversial video of one practice, wherein Clembons seems to not know what is involved in the act of pitching and attempts a toss that only goes about five feet. However, Dale team captain and ace pitcher Qais Dogwalker has been seen putting in extra hours of practice with Clembons and fellow Alternate Jasmine Washington. Clembons has expressed anxiety about potentially endangering the player at bat by throwing something at them, but is slowly becoming accustomed to the inherent violence of blaseball.

Clembons is well-liked by his team despite his differences from Clembons Prime. "He's got such a great attitude. I wasn't sure at first, since he can be so quiet, like unsettlingly quiet, but cheering when the other team gets a homer? That's so Dale, bro," said teammate Caleb Novak in an interview about the roster shakeup. "Rivers is so nice that sometimes I think I should pass on the 'Sweetheart' title," said beloved slugger Hahn Fox. "But I mentioned it and he almost started crying, saying he'd never be able to live with himself if he took that away from me. Plus he calls Mlountain Dew 'Fizzy Plimbo'. How great is that?"

In his free time Clembons plays the ancient strategy game Go, at which he holds a Grand Master rank, and collects tastefully understated cufflinks.

Clembons Prime

The original version of Rivers Clembons is a man of excess. He believes playing hard and living fast is what makes him successful. Despite strong recommendations, he refuses to take off his ten gold chains even while pitching. This does add an extra 20 lbs. to his weight, which would throw off any normal pitcher's throw. When questioned about this, he said "I practice with them on so they stay on."

Speculation on Disappearance and Reappearance

During Season β3, Clembons fell victim to his own excesses. At an exclusive bayside party in Miami, he disappeared after losing his footing on a dockside promenade, abruptly sinking like a stone, at least in part because of his massive chains. After a period of disappearance, his teammates and fans finally breathed a collective sigh of relief when he showed up for his next game, albeit as a much more waterlogged, seaweed and barnacle infested version of himself.

Shortly before his public re-emergence, fans claimed that they had sighted Clembons at a Shlula's Steakhouse in an eyewitness testimony as follows: “Yeah, we were at Shlula's Steakhouse and he just came right up out of the bay, scrambling up the wooden boardwalk and spluttering about something?? It was epic! He let us take a picture with him before he tore through the double doors and started eating random people's food. We just heard the staff yelling, 'Get Mr. Wide on the phone, hurry!'"

Despite this dramatic turn of events, Clembons's pitching ability seemed to be unhindered. He continued to be a defensive powerhouse for the team through Season β4.

Personal Life

Clembons has a very hot temper often refusing to listen to any umpire. Any mid-game fight is most likely started by him.

His biggest enemies are metal detectors, as they have been known to make him late for game flights simply because he has to remove each individual piece of jewelry.

Fan Works