Official League Records
Up until Season 2, Chambers Simmons was one of 5 players in the League to have a 0 star rating, with the others being Math Velazquez of the Houston Spies, Lars Taylor of the Hellmouth Sunbeams, Gunther O'Brian of the Charleston Shoe Thieves, and Joshua Butt of the Chicago Firefighters. All but Joshua Butt were pitchers.
After the Season β4 Election, Simmons was affected by the Exploratory Surgeries blessing, going from 0 stars to , and then from to . After the Season 6 Election, Simmons was affected by the Move The Mounds Closer blessing, going from to .
On Season β17, Day 25 Simmons became a lineup player due to Reverb.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Simmons holds the record as the oldest player of blaseball to grace the mound, coming in at an impressive 104. When asked why he continued to pitch after all these years, he simply stated, "Huh? Who's there? Is that you, Mildred?" Mildred, his sister, has been missing ever since they started playing a game of hide-and-seek together over 80 years ago, and it is believed that she is somewhere on the astral plane.
Simmons is known for his one distinct pitch, what he calls "the wiggly pitch", which his sister taught him when they were kids. It moves in a zig-zag line at the same height after he throws at a steady speed of 30 miles per hour. When his coach suggested he learn to throw a fastball, back when he was 34, Simmons responded, "I don't need no dang fastball. I've got my wiggly pitch." Simmons rejected similar requests to learn a curveball or slider. Similarly, every time he was asked out to dinner, Simmons responded, "I don't need no dang relationship. I've got my wiggly pitch." It is unknown which teammate first called him "Ace" and why, but Simmons fully embraced the nickname, as confidently as he approaches everything.
Early in Simmons's career, a wiggly pitch gone way off-base smashed the window of a nearby orphanage. Going to retrieve the ball, Simmons saw the event as a sign, and adopted all the children inside. Notably, this led to the adoption of Moses Mason (then named Moses Simmons), who would leave to Los Angeles and eventually form the Tacos. Recently, Mason has been transferred to the Flowers, reuniting Simmons with his child.
Having adopted the children, Simmons lives with many of them (who have not yet grown up) on a large stretch of land (the Simmons homestead) in Aroostook County in Maine, including some land for a small farm as well as acres of woods, in which many wild animals live. Simmons does not like to hunt but is quite a fan of punching antlered creatures. He and his children are able to make their way back and forth to Boston using a portal established near the stadium.
In Season 3, Simmons adopted a wild wolf that he disavows all knowledge of in order to ensure that it can be kept at the stadium with him during games. He keeps the wolf in the visitors' bullpen and insists that any howling that you might hear is not coming from that bullpen, and furthermore, you cannot hear it. This wolf, which does not exist, but if it did, is named Commissioner, and it is a very good boy.
Inspired by the style of new Flowers teammate Alaynabella Hollywood at the end of Season 7, as well as in encouragement from his children (who claimed it would make him look "swold", whatever that means), Simmons began wearing a croptop jersey. In Season 8, after further encouragement from his children, he began wearing hot pink nail polish (hot pink being his favorite color).
Simmons previously had electric blood before being affected by the Astroturf blessing. His adopted children took advantage of this after one of them, Nia Wreck, installed an electric outlet on his leg, which they would use to power their boombox. This outlet no longer works following his transformation to grass blood.
- Chambers Simmons asserts that having no stars was the height of fashion in his youth, and that engaging in blaseball while having a positive star rating was considered unsplortsmanlike back in the good old days. Every star that he has gained feels like a slight loss of his dignity.
- Simmons was declared a National Historic Site in XX65.
- Simmons has a rivalry with Siobhan, the elk with saws attached to her antlers, who is a member of the groundskeeping staff. Siobhan was cursed to only be able to insult Simmons's sister, Mildred, with every comment that she makes, which quite obviously Simmons has difficulty with.
- Simmons has 24 adopted children because of the orphanage incident. They are:
- Abacus Crash (she/her) — idealizes Beck Whitney, used to follow her around while wearing vampire teeth and trying to bite people
- Lillian Calamity
- Raye Decay (goes by Raye) — likes to work in the Garden with The Groundskeeper, has several plant allergies
- Bessie Catastrophe (she/her) — aspiring baker particularly skilled at apple crisp, her favorite player is Nic Winkler although even she doesn't know why
- Mackenzie Debacle (she/her) — always carries a cat, which is always different but she denies that they are different
- Winnifred Disaster
- Tiffany Fiasco
- Sophie Havoc
- Zaza Meltdown — the Boston Flowers stadium organist
- Cassie Mishap
- Nia Wreck (xie/xir) — scientist studying pitching, has invented the "zaggly pitch", the inverse of the wiggly pitch
- Moses Simmons (they/them) — now Moses Mason, on the team
- Authenticity Jones (xie/xer) — used car salesman, learned from Vito Sanchez but is far more honest about it
- Dignity Smith (ze/zir) — a dabbling artist
- Forgiveness Brooks
- Harmonious Jackson (he/him) — stylish as hell, always wearing a fancy gown and heels
- Idealism Stephens (they/them) — wants to be the team's batkid
- Integrity Hobart (he/him) — lives with the wolves
- Justice Wright — presumably no relation to Justice Spoon or Justice Valenzuela
- Loyalty Armstrong (he/him) — has a blimp (Simmons doesn't know where it came from), favorite player was and is Caligula Lotus
- Moderation Freeman
- Responsibility Knight
- Service Byrd
- Tolerance Barnes
|Jasper Destiny · Rigby Friedrich · Chandra Blortles · Pedro Davids
|1 · 2
|β1 · β2 · β3 · β4 · β5 · β6 · β7 · β8 · β9 · β10 · β11 · β12 · β13 · β14 · β15 · β16 · β17 · β18 · β19 · β20 · β21 · β22 · β23 · β24
|The Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility
|United Seattle Garages Mascot Workers · Seattle Garages Stadium and Training Volunteers · Seattle Garages Lil' Roadies
|Dark Seattle · Seattle Gum Wall · Ron Monstera Memorial Cat Cafe and Sanctuary · Seattle Shadows Co-op
|Seattle Garages's History · Jamazon · Dark Seattle Corporates · Operation DEBT Collection
|Fan Culture 📣 · Fan Works 💌 · Tlopps Cards 🃏