Chambers Simmons

From Blaseball Wiki

Chambers Simmons is a player in the Shadows for the Seattle Garages, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Simmons has previously played for the Boston Flowers.

Official League Records

Simmons joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Boston Flowers with the Return of Blaseball.

Up until Season 2, Chambers Simmons was one of 5 players in the League to have a 0 star rating, with the others being Math Velazquez of the Houston Spies, Lars Taylor of the Hellmouth Sunbeams, Gunther O'Brian of the Charleston Shoe Thieves, and Joshua Butt of the Chicago Firefighters. All but Joshua Butt were pitchers.

After the Season β4 Election, Simmons was affected by the Exploratory Surgeries blessing, going from 0 stars to , and then from to . After the Season 6 Election, Simmons was affected by the Move The Mounds Closer blessing, going from to .

On Season β17, Day 25 Simmons became a lineup player due to Reverb.

Simmons ended the Expansion Era with 4.1 in Batting, 2.4 in Pitching, 4.0 in Baserunning, and 1.9 in Defense. Simmons had a Traitor Noise-Cancelling Blood Glove.

During the November 11, 2022 Fall Ball, Simmons fell to the Seattle Garages. On Season 1, Day 1 of the Return(s), Simmons became a lineup player for the Garages.

During the Season 1 elections, Simmons gained a boost of 0.2 to their Thwack as a result of the Garages' Guess Whose Thwack Blessing.

On Season 2, Day 50, a Knight Umpire swore at Simmons during Solar Eclipse (Silver) Weather, giving them the Knighted modification and sending them to the Shadows.

On Season 2, Day 71, while Questing in the Shadows due to the Knighted Modification, Simmons found a Heart and felt renewed, boosting their Attributes.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Simmons holds the record as the oldest player of blaseball to grace the mound, coming in at an impressive 104. When asked why he continued to pitch after all these years, he simply stated, "Huh? Who's there? Is that you, Mildred?" Mildred, his sister, has been missing ever since they started playing a game of hide-and-seek together over 80 years ago, and it is believed that she is somewhere on the astral plane.

Simmons is known for his one distinct pitch, what he calls "the wiggly pitch", which his sister taught him when they were kids. It moves in a zig-zag line at the same height after he throws at a steady speed of 30 miles per hour. When his coach suggested he learn to throw a fastball, back when he was 34, Simmons responded, "I don't need no dang fastball. I've got my wiggly pitch." Simmons rejected similar requests to learn a curveball or slider. Similarly, every time he was asked out to dinner, Simmons responded, "I don't need no dang relationship. I've got my wiggly pitch." It is unknown which teammate first called him "Ace" and why, but Simmons fully embraced the nickname, as confidently as he approaches everything.

Early in Simmons's career, a wiggly pitch gone way off-base smashed the window of a nearby orphanage. Going to retrieve the ball, Simmons saw the event as a sign, and adopted all the children inside. Notably, this led to the adoption of Moses Mason (then named Moses Simmons), who would leave to Los Angeles and eventually form the Tacos. Recently, Mason has been transferred to the Flowers, reuniting Simmons with his child.

Having adopted the children, Simmons lives with many of them (who have not yet grown up) on a large stretch of land (the Simmons homestead) in Aroostook County in Maine, including some land for a small farm as well as acres of woods, in which many wild animals live. Simmons does not like to hunt but is quite a fan of punching antlered creatures. He and his children are able to make their way back and forth to Boston using a portal established near the stadium.

In Season 3, Simmons adopted a wild wolf that he disavows all knowledge of in order to ensure that it can be kept at the stadium with him during games. He keeps the wolf in the visitors' bullpen and insists that any howling that you might hear is not coming from that bullpen, and furthermore, you cannot hear it. This wolf, which does not exist, but if it did, is named Commissioner, and it is a very good boy.

Inspired by the style of new Flowers teammate Alaynabella Hollywood at the end of Season 7, as well as in encouragement from his children (who claimed it would make him look "swold", whatever that means), Simmons began wearing a croptop jersey. In Season 8, after further encouragement from his children, he began wearing hot pink nail polish (hot pink being his favorite color).

Simmons previously had electric blood before being affected by the Astroturf blessing. His adopted children took advantage of this after one of them, Nia Wreck, installed an electric outlet on his leg, which they would use to power their boombox. This outlet no longer works following his transformation to grass blood.


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