Operation DEBT Collection
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
The Weapon Chex Scam
Towards the end of Season 10, it came to the attention of the Seattle Garages team members that there had been an ongoing crowd-funding campaign to help improve the team in some way, specifically focused on the currently out of rotation ‘Shadow’ players. While anticipation was high and some players even participated in fundraising events (Smash the Patricamry 2, Dad’s Grill’s "Make Your Own Pizza" day, looting and burning a Walmart after freeing its imprisoned workers) it was eventually discovered that the funds had not been actually going to any accounts controlled by any Seattle Garage affiliated Co-Ops.
The revelation shocked and angered many among the band, fans and players alike, with protests held and crack investigative reporters quickly descending upon Seattle in attempts to discover who had committed such cowardly fraud. Upon investigation it became apparent that no one had bothered to ascertain the status of the campaign, whether it had been authorized by anyone. The Garages players that participated ended up doing so out of a well meaning desire to help out, which further deepened the anger felt among both players and fans at being used so.
For a time, it seemed the perpetrator had gotten away with it, until investigative reporter Snoops Sandusky caught Longtime Worst Fan In The League ‘Homerun’ Eric bragging about ripping off ‘All those ******** stupid **** ******** fans ******* Got them really good, hell yeah I did!’. After promptly having his solid gold Mustang violently disassembled around him by an angry crowd of fundraising participants, Eric was interrogated as to what exactly he had done by none other than Team Dad Theodore Duende and Arturo Huerta. The revelation was shocking, to say the least. Eric folded almost immediately upon being confronted, frantically telling anyone who would listen about the plans of the Garages ever covetous and jealous evil counterpart, the Dark Seattle Corporates, to funnel money into their secretive Weapons Program, Weapon Chex, so they could find, create and field new and better players for their roster.
A team meeting was called promptly by Theodore Duende, and while sources are scarce as to the actual discussion, the team’s prompt boarding of the Tour Bus and Greer Gwiffin’s reassuring of fans that “No one steals from you guys except me!’ made it all but certain that they were going to recover the money. A call was also made to Farrell Seagull, former Garages now Philly Pies hitter, for their intimate knowledge of ways into and out of the dimensional fissures leading to Dark Seattle.
Upon arrival, efforts were immediately made to blend in while looking for the money, and then immediately sunk. Footage from Ollie Muellers video camera released after the heist shows that right after exiting a poorly fitted suit and tie store, Durham Spaceman was accosted by Dark Seattle Karens for being too many entities occupying the same space at once and offending their tender, unknowable sensibilities. Police units then attempted to arrest the band for the ensuing civil disturbance, only succeeding after innumerable losses and the vandalization of the same precinct that was vandalized during a previous visit. The band was then taken to the holding cells deep beneath the Corporates Stadium, the Dedication to Equality Ballpark Tower (DEBT), at the behest of the Corporates CEO overlords who wished to dissect them all to see what made an excellent Blaseball player.
This wasn’t to be however, as sudden electrical failure threw the science, preparation and accounting level of DEBT into disarray. This was likely orchestrated by Arturo Huerta, though the security camera footage later stolen by Lori Boston was almost unwatchable, presumably due to electrical friction from their fursuit. While the Garages themselves worked to open their holding cell door, they in the end didn’t need to as it and the surrounding wall was ripped away by a towering warrior who introduced herself as Goodwin Morin and revealed an uprising was in progress between Weapon Chex subjects and Corporates assistant coaches. Later discussions with other prisoners that managed to flee with the Garages on the tour bus painted a picture of the lead up to this moment, as the lack of power had disabled some of the more powerful locks and determent mechanisms, allowing stronger subjects to break loose and free their comrades. Ollie Muellers video camera once again gives a window into the events that followed, With the Garages finely honed riot skills helping free the entirety of the Weapon Chex program, engaging in pitched battle alongside the exceptionally adept Goodwin to escape to the surface with both the recovered money and their newfound anticapitalist comrades. Upon reaching the Tour Bus however, there wasn’t nearly enough room to fit everyone and so the team started handing off what transportation they could from spare scooters, skateboards and unicycles. Goodwin, when offered a place in the bus by Teddy Duende, instead chose to give that seat up to a number of others who easily fit into the space she would have taken up and helped push start the Tour Bus with a few others. She was last seen escaping by using a pair of Ollie’s smaller boards as rollerskates.
After picking up Arturo, the celebrations once the Band returned were raucous, the money quickly being delivered to the management Co-op. A very tired and put upon looking older bookkeeper was quoted as saying “Finally we can stop paying the city in counterfeits!” when accepting the money, though we have as yet no knowledge of the context. The new arrivals from Dark Seattle that managed to make it through were feted, though carefully and gently by a staff of health workers who took them to a nearby hospital for observation and care. Arturo Huerta is reported to be meeting each and every one of them to chat and offer their help in acclimating to this strange new place. When asked how they knew so much about Dark Seattle, reporters were only able to get a shrug out of them before cameras and recording devices all suffered catastrophic failure at once and they all developed debilitating migraines. Lastly, Theodore Duende led the Hangar in a moment of silence for those unable to make it through with them, adding his and the Players hopes that more will make it. A new volunteer organization formed in response to this sentiment, taking it upon themselves to be ready to aid any other escapee’s that get to freedom.
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