Kansas City Breath Mints

Kansas City Breath Mints
Division	Lawful Good
Home Location	Kansas City, Missouri/Kansas
Team Slogan	"Fresh Breath, Here We Come."
Emoji	🍬
Rivals	Charleston Shoe Thieves
Mascot	Kacey Greens Jr.
Social media	Twitter

The Kansas City Breath Mints are a Blaseball team in the Lawful Good division of the Good League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1.

Roster

Lineup Players

• Hewitt Best
• Dickerson Morse
• Stew Briggs
• Grey Alvarado
• Rodriguez Internet
• Eizabeth Guerra
• Lenny Spruce
• Boyfriend Monreal
• Marquez Clark

Pitchers

• Leach Ingram
• Oscar Vaughan
• Winnie Hess
• Atlas Guerra
• PolkaDot Zavala

Former Players

Incinerated

• Whit Steakknife (Season 4, Day 14; replaced by Stew Briggs)
• Eduardo Ingram (Season 4, Day 55; replaced by Lenny Spruce)

Transferred

• PolkaDot Patterson (To the Baltimore Crabs, end of Season 1)
• Axel Trololol (To the Chicago Firefighters, end of Season 3)

Season Results

Season 1: Blessing in Disguise

Finishing in third in their division after a valiant effort in the first Blaseball season, the Breath Mints did not foresee how the first round of Blessings would alter their team forever.

Successfully winning the Max Out Pitcher Blessing, they saw one of their two beloved PolkaDots, PolkaDot Patterson, undergo a magical transformation from zero stars to five stars. The team and their fans were overjoyed. But this was not to last. The Baltimore Crabs won the Steal Best Pitcher Blessing, and promptly stole the now-superior PolkaDot, sending in exchange their own zero-star pitcher Winnie Hess.

Now free from the stinky air of the Crabitat, Hess filled their lungs with fresh, fresh air and exhaled, for the first time in over 100 days, fresh breath. The minty aroma of Kansas City revealed Winnie's true potential, transforming them from a zero to a 2.5 star pitcher - the locker-room leader the Mints needed to face season two with renewed vigor.

Season 2: A Regular Old Guy... For Now

In the following Season 2, the Kansas City Breath Mints went 41-58. Following a second season where the Mints placed in the bottom four, fan-organized voting (anecdotally referred to as The Process) supported by a litany of statistical tools and psy-ops strategies begat outcomes that could hardly be better for our fresh players.

First, the Fourth Strike decree passed, granting an arcane rule-change to the hitters of the KCBMs that is sure to bring them straight into the postseason. Then, spirits from the Wind Realm (the Wind Sprints blessing) visited the training camp, and, pleased with what they saw, and always striving to make every plane they visit fresher, bestowed their elemental powers unto the Mints - making their baserunning increase by a whopping 15%.

And finally, Axel Trololol, the Mints' very own regular old guy who loves cars and beers - and who hides a dark prehensile secret - suddenly came one step closer to his dream of himself becoming a car, by having his pitching arm replaced with a Literal Arm Cannon. Pressed for comment, Axel said "Actually my name's Alex".

Season 3

In Season 3, the Mints ended at 49-50. As a result of the end-of-season elections, the Mints gained the blessings The Rack (defensive increase) and Summoning Circle, which randomized the hitting attributes of Rodriguez Internet, Grey Alvarado, and Eduardo Ingram.

More notably, resident 5-star pitcher Axel Trololol was sent to the Chicago Firefighters, where he will fulfill his dream of becoming a fire truck. In exchange, Chicago sent back Atlas Guerra, reuniting them with their sibling Eizabeth Guerra.

Notable Games

• Stealing From Thieves (Season 3, Day 57, Game 3) - After reaching a near-hopeless point differential of 10-3 against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the rogue incineration of Thieve's pitcher Matteo Prestige led to a 2-run home run by Boyfriend Monreal, kicking off a stirring rally from the Mints offense. After sitting at 15-15 at the bottom of the 8th inning, the Mints ended the game, and the day, with a Grand Shame. Final Score: 21-16 Mints.

Team Overview

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

The Breath Mints' home stadium is an open meadow on the outskirts of town. They formerly played their home games at the Kansas City FreshDome.

Somewhat unusually, the Breath Mints do not have genuine pitchers on their roster. All of their pitchers are actually batters who decided to help out on the mound. The fans think that's just great.

Staff

• General Manager - Max Betmint
• Batting Coach - Samuel Grink
• Pitching Coach - None
• Radio Broadcaster - Dan Altoid

Nicknames

• Minties
• Minty Fresh
• Fresh Death

Theme Song

Fresh by Kool & The Gang

Fan Culture

Know more about the Breath Mints' fan culture? Add it at Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Culture!

Fans of the Breath Mints - collectively known as the Minty Way - are known for their love of statistical analysis, fanfiction, tolerance, and of star Mints hitter Boyfriend Monreal.

Select Chants

Team-Wide

• MIN-TY-FRESH! MIN-TY-FRESH! MIN-TY-FRESH!
• FRESH BREATH HERE WE COME / KANSAS CITY NUMBER ONE
• We Have Fresh Breath (clap-clap-clapclapclap)
• Turn them into MINTS MEAT *yelled while brandishing steak knives*

Player-Specific

• Eizabeth Guerra takes no L’s! / [enemy team] can go to h*ll!
• Boyfriend, Boyfriend, they're our boyfriend! / If they can't do it, they're our boyfriend!
• Winnie, you better win! EEEEEEEEEE / Don't mess with the Hess! / Winnie take that Innie!
• Vaughan is on! (Aggressive clattering of teeth)
• ROD.NET! HE'S THE INTERNET! (Rodriguez Internet)
• Axel's a car! Not a man! Axel's a car! Not a man!
• MIME TIME!
• No re-MORSE! / DOT DOT DASH DASH DICKIE MORSE CAME TO SMASH!
• It's Mark o' Clark!
• PDZ has got skin in the game!

Rituals

• Following the death of Whit Steakknife, many fans have begun carrying steak knives to the game and waving them en masse. This is incredibly dangerous and not condoned AT ALL by the Management. During games against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the Mintys use the knives to cut the laces of their own shoes, making them significantly less valuable to steal. Management has proposed screening and confiscating all knives at the gates (so they can sell their own significantly more expensive brand-name knives at the park).

Fan Art

Have Breath Mints fan art? Add it at Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Art!

Logo by Cobaltcakes.

• Boyfriend Monreal fan art by @dancienrew
• Boyfriend Monreal flashfic by kelpwater
• Batter Up With the Breath Mints twine game by kelpwater