(Redirected from Comfort Glover)
Wyatt Glover is a lineup player for the Vault Legends, and has been with the team since the ILB Semi-Centennial. Glover has played for the Unlimited Tacos, Mexico City Wild Wings, and Yellowstone Magic. Glover was best known for bad reactions to randomizing blessings, being subject to three unfortunate rounds of the Season 3 blessing Exploratory Surgeries, which randomized their pitching stats to 0 during the early Discipline Era. Since, they've managed to accrue a number of notable events to themselves, such as being further nerfed by a batting stat reroll from Summoning Circle in season 12 to reduce their batting stars by .3, being the first player to become Redacted due to a Debted player, and being the first Credit to the Team in the League.
Official League Records
During the Season 3 elections, Glover was briefly known as Wyatt Mason due to The Wyatt Masoning. Glover (then named Wyatt Mason) was also awarded the Exploratory Surgeries blessing due to being the Tacos' worst pitcher—a blessing that randomized the stats of a team's worst pitcher three times. The surgery randomized Glover's pitching stats from to . Glover was eligible for the second round of surgery, which again randomized Glover's pitching stats from to . They were then subjected to a third and final round of surgery, which randomized Glover's pitching stats from to 0. After The Unmasoning, Glover's name was partially restored to Wyatt Glover.
Glover remained the Tacos' worst pitcher.
On Season 5, Day 82, Glover became a lineup player due to Reverb, now utilizing their batting stat instead of their 0 pitching stat. On Day 98, Glover was exchanged to the Yellowstone Magic due to Feedback. Glover was replaced by Halexandrey Walton.
During the Season 9 elections, Glover gained two modifications: They received the Fire Eater modification due to the passing of the Forecast: Eclipse decree, and gained the Credit to the Team modification via election, which multiplied future Idol payouts by a factor of five.
During the Season 14 elections, Glover rejoined the Magic's active roster in exchange for Washer Barajas as a result of the Magic's Foreshadow will. They also lost their peanut allergy due to the Nut Button blessing.
On Season 15, Day 3, York Silk of the Baltimore Crabs hit a flyout to Glover, causing Glover to be Observed. Later, after play ended on Day 4, Glover disappeared from the Yellowstone Magic lineup, and they were Redacted.
On Season 16, Day 81, Glover exited the Secret Base at the Bubble, losing Redacted and gaining the Attractor modification. Upon being batted in by Stephanie Winters, Glover joined the Mexico City Wild Wings' bench.
During the Season 20 elections, Glover rejoined the Wild Wings' active roster in exchange for Scarlet Caster as a result of the Wild Wings' Swap will. They were then recruited to the Yellowstone Magic via the Strange Attractor blessing.
During the Season 21 elections, Glover gained the Negative modification as a result of the Complete 180 blessing. Glover was also sent from the Magic's lineup to the Magic's rotation as a result of the Magic's Move will.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Before the start of their professional Blaseball career, Glover worked as a glove tester and representative for 5 Finger Discount Gloves. As part of a product demonstration at the Van Nuys Ralphio's, Glover was to wear a hat bearing the fledgling team's insignia. Tacos manager Al Pastor mistook them for a prospective player and gave them the sign up sheet and waiver in place of the sponsorship form. Glover has, on record, said that they are "not a Blaseball player" and to "please let [them] out of the dugout." Pastor has refused to acknowledge this in any press release.
Correctional Branding Surgery
After the Tacos underwent The Wyatt Masoning, Glover underwent three rounds of exploratory surgery for the purposes of "maintaining their marketable form". Undergoing this procedure made them lose their half-star rating. Despite this, Glover is pleased with the results of the operation, enjoying "a beautiful day for tacos, and a beautiful day for me, Comfort 'Wyatt Mason' Glover."
Made of Sand
Under their glove, Wyatt Glover is made of sand.
One Good Turn Deserves Another
Following Season 5 Game 98, the feedback echoing through Yellowstone Parkpark was so ear-splittingly intense that, in the rush by both teams to return to their buses, the Tacos ended up leaving with Halexandrey Walton on board—but without Wyatt Glover. Coach Merlinmeyer frowned, shrugged, and pulled out a blank sheet of paper and a pen. With a trained flick, the full Yellowstone Magic batters' sign-up sheet appeared on the page, and he placed it on a cooler by the Magic's bus before leaving to help with packing.
Meanwhile, Wyatt Glover watched the Tacos' bus speed off without them and decided this could be an excellent opportunity for a much needed vacation away from blaseball! Besides, Glover thought, there was only one game left in the season—the Tacos would totally be fine if they just find another Wyatt Mason to join the team. Glover eagerly donned the Hawai'ian shirt, sunglasses, and fingerflops they keep on hand for this exact situation, excited to begin their time off. They then hopped onto the Yellowstone Magic team bus, thinking it was a tour bus, and signed the paper inside thinking it was a waiver. Because Glover can't read, they did not realize they had just signed up for the Yellowstone Magic. Coach Merlinmeyer only smiled, and directed Glover to "enjoy the scenery out the right-hand window."
Time in the Magic
Although Glover had been on the Yellowstone Magic roster for almost ten seasons straight, much of their time is difficult to record with any certainty. Local NPS Rangers believe that due to their origin in Unlimited Los Angeli, they interacted with the parkpark's magic in a manner that made most events around them difficult to pin down. As such, almost all records relating to this time can be found in a separate file from the rest of the team, marked with their name. Why a similar situation did not occur with Sexton Wheerer is unknown.
Common themes in each of these records is a friendship with both Bonk Jokes and Washer Barajas, as they seem to share the most similarities in the highest amount of realities, but even this seems to vary. A particular researcher noted that they seemed to be lost most of the time, and reported a continuing theme of feeling lonely, but as these were more subjective observations, were asked to not include these in their official files.
A Left Turn In Mexico
In Season 15, Wyatt Glover became the first player to be Redacted after a series with the Baltimore Crabs. The fellow Magic members reported seeing them with the team one moment after the game, and turned around before getting on the group's bus to find them missing the next. Despite many fliers being printed and distributed throughout Yellowstone and the rest of the league's fields, no sign of them was to be found. This was an unfortunately common occurrence at the time, thanks to the growing list of Redacted players from the Magic. Glover claims to have no recollection of the events following that game: Their most repeated phrase when it comes up, however, is saying how glad they were that it was them that got hit instead of fellow player Washer Barajas, who they had just replaced that election.
Over a full season later, Glover was spotted wandering around the Atlantis Georgias' field, seeming almost in a daze. They took second plate, seeming by accident, after exiting the Secret Base, and Stephanie Winters quickly batted them into safely for the Wings' final run of the game. How they reached there from Yellowstone is also a blank spot in Glover's memory. They made a joke about taking a wrong turn at Albuquerque, and seemed to try and brush past it whenever their new teammates were concerned. Upon being informed they were now a player for the Wild Wings due to the ILB's rules, they cheerfully nodded, though still seemed confused, and began to happily sign to their new teammates how much they thought they could use a real vacation anyway.
The Spice Of Life
Despite Wyatt's enthusiasm for joining their new team, their recruitment status led to them remaining in the Shadows by default. This gave them more free time than they were used to, as even the Magic's Shadows gave them small jobs around the parkpark, which they put to use. Friendships flourished: They quickly formed a bond with fellow mascot-adjacent player Adkins Gwiffin, going upon various escapades with the Wings' bus-shaped member. Over the course of four seasons, this dynamic duo managed to get two different TV deals due to their marketable shapes on Telemundo. The first of which, Gargoyle Gloves, was a daytime drama that highlighted Wyatt's magical abilities from Yellowstone in order to save the studio on special effects budget. While not popular on its own, it allowed Glover to get their own show, this time themed around cooking. Even as they lacked the talent for making anything actually fit for consumption, on account of not knowing how to read the recipes provided, their charming demeanor and down-to-earth way of going about their process earned them a die-hard fanbase. Fans from Yellowstone would bid for some of their completed dishes, in order to compare their composition with rocks found around the area, and held a collection in the Yellowstone National Parkpark Museum and NPS archives as research specimens.
In an attempt to cash in on their continuing popularity, owed to their building Ego and Credit to the Team status, pitcher Burke Gonzales came up with an idea of their own to try and help the new player fit in. The two attempted to launch their own merchandise deal for replica plushies of Wyatt. The prototype wasn't enough to catch the eye of any manufacturers, due to being a gardening glove covered in hot sauce, but the thought was appreciated.
Another event of note included a singular case in which they helped the Wild Wings Legal Team. Though they often tried to help as a legal assistant and court artist, Wyatt's only in-court contribution involved breaking onto the court floor with a dance, stunning the jury and prosecution, and producing an objection that the defense had forgotten about. This turned the case in the defense's favor, despite this technically being a contempt of court, and the jury sided with their argument almost immediately upon entering deliberations.
Even with all of this activity, Glover began to miss playing Blaseball more and more every season. This was a surprise to them as much as anyone else, considering how they started, but Glover explained that after enough blessings and time, that the splort had rubbed off on them eventually. They tried to make each game they could, but due to a paperwork misfiling, their schedule was always one game behind, or was issued too late to be of any use. Adkins did their best to ferry them and the rest of the Shadows around to reach the field, but always came up short, leaving the glove-shaped idol to remain on the bench.
A Wind of Change
In the time leading up to the Season 21 elections, fellow Wild Wings player Rafael Davids had the idea to rope Wyatt into a scheme designed to lift their spirits both metaphorically and literally. Producing an absurd amount of balloons from no one knows where, they inflated enough to lift the heavily weighed down glove so that they could float instead, which he possessed for reasons only known to himself. Glover, content to let someone else make a plan as long as they were involved, agreed to participate.
Unfortunately, Rafael miscalculated his own weight, and quickly ascended into the sky before passing off even half of the balloons. Glover, feeling responsible, called the rest of the Wings' Shadows into action, and they mounted an emergency rescue operation, with Adkins providing the transportation after a quick transformation into a zeppelin. Following a dizzyingly fast pursuit, they caught up to Davids, and Glover reached out their glove to try and pull him in. While this gave Davids time to clamber aboard, Glover was not so lucky. Their massively higher density, along with perhaps some magical intervention, made them begin to plummet almost instantly to the earth below.
Coincidentally, or not, the location that Davids had drifted over turned out to be the Yellowstone National Park. Even more coincidentally, newest member Jesús Koch was preforming standard park cleanup duty directly beneath Glover's fall. Though the trees and balloons prevented the drop to earth from being harmful, they ended up falling directly upon an alarmed Koch, who had been looking for litter to clean up.
After a brief amount of screaming, confusion, and general shenanigans, the noise drew attention. Bonk Jokes arrived on the scene, ready to defend from what they were sure was a wolverine attack, recognized their former teammate, and immediately sounded the Yellowstone Yahoo in order to summon the others.
Life Back in the Parkpark
Glover, upon realizing where they were, welcomed the Wild Wings' Shadows to the parkpark, but sadly proclaimed that their vacation was over. The ILB's Elections agreed, with the Magic having won the Strange Attractor blessing, and Glover's arrival fulfilled that contract with the League. After a brief emotional farewell, they exchanged emails, phone numbers, addresses, and bloodnet accounts in order to stay in touch, and parted ways. Thanks to their now frequent communications, Glover is now one of the main spenders in the park's souvenir shop for novelty stationary, and their mailbox is consistently stuffed to the brim every week.
Due to no longer being primarily in Mexico, and no longer being broadcast to a primarily Spanish speaking audience, their cooking show was unfortunately pulled from Telemundo. Thanks to the fanbase's fervor, however, their contract was quickly renewed by NBC, giving them their chance to shine on TV again. The NPS, meanwhile, was grateful to have a more consistent supply of their cooking to study, even having a surplus to sell in gift shops next to their Cravel-approved crystals. Fellow player and local researcher Eizabeth Elliot took the chance to make a full study on how they transformed previously edible food into their end products, which is still ongoing.
Glover attempted to fit back into the parkpark as they always had, but something strange had occurred since their leaving. Upon reattuning to the park's leylines, strange symbols and eyes began to pop into existence around them, along with large blocks of text on placards that would have words that sounded like nonsense upon them. Each of these instances are collected when possible and placed within Glover's YS- file. Common phrases that seem to repeat are 'noodle', 'economy', 'stonks', 're-roll', and 'density'. Glover for the most part attempts to ignore them, but has reported several times to fellow teammates that they think they're being followed or watched, and that they've felt this way since the original beaning by York Silk. In response, an NPS Ranger has been assigned to stay nearby them for the duration of their time on the team, to provide company if nothing else. This has led to a slight inconvenience for whichever Ranger is on assignment, as they now seem to have a fascination with the legalities around the Zone of Death, alongside other obscure bylaws of the park, and most Rangers lack the depth of understanding of said laws to satisfy their curiosity.
When asked for comment on the encroaching vaulting, produced by their building idolized status, Glover seems to grow confused, before trying to laugh off the subject. One particular asker got the response: "I knew I had a recognizable, marketable shape! It's my favorite thing about me, so I can't blame them! If it make everyone happy to see me on the board, I'll do what I can while I'm up there. So hey! Pase Lo Que Pase!"
Any further attempts to pry on the subject are met with their immediate wandering off, often with the excuse that there's something they really have to do that exact instant. If the Park Service is questioned on the same subject afterwards, they decline to comment, and askers are usually then teleported to the entrance of the Parkpark with a complimentary postcard.
Wyatt Glover gained an incredible resistance to all types of heat following gaining the Fire Eater modification. This has led to an increased appreciation of spicy foods that they indulged in Mexico City. They also found the ability to explore the high heat geothermal vents in Yellowstone in their downtime, and are rumored to be able to hug even living geysers without harm.
Box of Wyatt Glover Files
- Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-23.465 and start reading...
Glover has been interviewed repeatedly after the Season 9 Elections granted them the Fire Eater modification.
At first, they felt empowered to protect their team from incineration, stating, "I look forward to protecting my team from Rogue Umpires. This forecast business is pretty scary. If only I could've become a Peanut Eater as well!" Before striding off to give noted boiling player and hug enthusiast Washer Barajas the first hug gey had received in 'centuries, perhaps even millennia', disregarding questions about whether they were now made of molten glass, rather than sand.
For several days following the incineration of star player Annie Roland on Season 10, Day 39, Glover could not be reached for comment. At a home game several weeks later, the park's wards allowed the press to approach them for an interview as play paused for Old Faithful to erupt. Glover reminded them that Roland was known to be extremely protective of the Magic's players, and that they could not be everywhere at once. As the wards began to force the interviewer back to their seat, Glover added that they were not expecting to inherit the full weight of Roland's mantle, at least not this early on.
Glover refused to answer questions about the incineration of Sutton Picklestein on Season 13, Day 13, and acted to shield replacement hitter Kurt Crueller from questioning during their debut series by directing attention to their Credit to the Team status.
Glover before all of this mess, by @comfort_glover
Wyatt Glover doing their best to fit in with an oddly non-Wyatt team. By @Monthenor
Glover & Washer Barajas dressed for the Mlet Gala
by Ole @OleMountainMoss
- Comfort "Wyatt Mason" Glover [@comfort_glover] (9 Aug 2020). "AN EMERGENCY PROCEDURE TO MAINTAIN MY MARKETABLE FORM IN THE WYATTING WAS A COMPLETE SUCCESS GAZE UPON MY 0 STAR FORM AND WEEP"(Tweet) — via Twitter.
- Comfort "Wyatt Mason" Glover [@comfort_glover] (9 Aug 2020). "A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR THE INFINITE TACOS AND A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR ME. COMFORT "WYATT MASON" GLOVER"(Tweet) — via Twitter.