Alf Merlinmeyer

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"And after a few years of being pulled endlessly back towards the park, I figured, what the heck. Might as well take the job. And ya know? It's been a good few years! Work's fulfilling, I'm out in nature, oh and the Park Rangers have got great dental." --Coach Merlinmeyer on the conditions of his hiring.

Alf Merlinmeyer is the current head coach[1] of the Yellowstone Magic[2].


Pre-Coaching History

Alfred M. Meyer was born to a mundane family in Minnesota and first visited the park at the age of nine in order to see a blaseball game with his family. As the announcer called, "Play ball," every geyser in the park erupted simultaneously, and sizable seismic activity was recorded at the Yellowstone Caldera. Park Rangers attempted to track the source of the disturbance, believing it to be the long prophesied arrival of a great leader, but Alfred left with his family at the end of day. The Park had taken notice of his existence though, and began to beckon him back towards his destiny.

Meyer spent the next years of his life dealing with what can only be described as mystical harassment:

  • An error within government record keeping led to his name being legally changed to Alf Merlinmeyer, a fact that he was forced to accept after several failed attempts to change it back.
  • In high school, his passion for cooking was dashed as the schools Home-Ec program was slashed in favor of massive bonus funding towards the school's non-existent Blaseball team.
  • Several jobs Merlinmeyer held before becoming coach asked him to Wyoming, near Yellowstone.
  • Every romantic partner Merlinmeyer was involved in had family near the park, and asked that he move out that way, ending the relationship when he refused.

Finally, sick of the constant interference in his life, Merlinmeyer set out for Yellowstone to give the powers that be a stern talking to.

Return to The Park

When Merlinmeyer arrived at Yellowstone, he found a strange sight waiting for him. Banners reading, "WELCOME HOME COACH MERLINMEYER" had appeared across the park. No park workers remembered seeing anyone put said banners up, but they felt assured they were supposed to be there. Additionally, Park Services were waiting with a generous contract to immediately instate him as coach of the Yellowstone Magic. While he arrived with a certain displeasure in his heart, Merlinmeyer immediately felt at peace seeing this, and signed on.

Tenure as Coach

Under Merlinmeyer's watchful eye, the Magic reached first place in the Chaotic Good League in Season β1, and third place in Season β2.

Merlinmeyer maintained a professional relationship with the Oconnor Family, but has been reported to have said that he is, "More confident in the ownership policies of Park Service."

When asked about his choice to keep Ol' Faithful sealed away, Merlinmeyer simply replied, "The Park says it's not time yet."

Known Abilities

Merlinmeyer has demonstrated a number of mystical abilities during his time at Yellowstone, and Park Services believes him to be a conduit for the will of the park itself. He has not displayed any real aptitude for controlling these phenomena though. Examples include:

  • A supernatural knowledge of the park's layout, and changes to the ecosystem.
  • A mystical connection to the creatures and entities of the park, which among other feats, allowed for the recruitment of Halexandrey Walton.
  • Direct control over plant life. Several eyewitness accounts report an incident in which Merlinmeyer sneezed, and caused every shrub within a few mile radius to explosively flower.