Al Pastor

From Blaseball Wiki

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Albert "Al" Pastor is the manager for the LA Unlimited Tacos, and namesake of the Al Pastor Memorial Park. A native to Los Angeles, Al Pastor had spent much of his career as an executive for the Dlisney Cooperative before championing the commercially-failed feature film I Married My Surfboard, and ultimately choosing to stay with the new blaseball franchise.

Al Pastor has been called by splorts press "an effective, if eccentric" manager, and is credited with attracting players Rat Mason and Mcdowell Mason via an aggressive policy of defending player privacy. He is most easily recognized by his signature headwear, a good-luck pineapple hat.

Death and Return

Leading up to The Discipline Era, management staff reported that Al Pastor began making unexpected personal expenditures and preparations, offering "cryptic" explanations that "everything was falling into place," and, "nobody gets one over a Pastor." During the Season β1 playoffs, Pastor unexpectedly disappeared and could not be contacted for an "extended period." Police reports would later indicate that his pineapple hat was discovered in an abandoned peanut butter factory in the Los Angeles Arts District.

In an official press release, franchise owner Guy Myrington confirmed Pastor's death and declared it the "darkest day in Los Angeles history." Myrington called for 30 days of citywide mourning despite reminders that "[he] doesn't have the authority to do this kind of [unusual] [thing]." Afterwards, Tacos Park was officially re-named Al Pastor Memorial Park to commemorate Pastor's contributions to city culture, as well as support of inter-mural blaseball leagues throughout Southern California.

Al Pastor resumed managerial duties at the start of Season β2, making his first public appearance bearing his signature hat. When interviewed, he offered no concrete explanations for his disappearance, his declaration as deceased, or the publication of his obituary. With a "wink and a smile," Pastor allegedly stated the following:

"There were things I had to know. Things you can't learn when they think you're alive. You'll understand when you're older."

There are numerous[source?] theories as to why Pastor "faked" his death. The most common theory (according to reblog counts at the time of writing) argues that this was an elaborate attempt to "get under the skin" of the Tacos' rivals, the Chicago Firefighters. Other theories include an attempt to legally evade numerous parking fines; that Al Pastor truly died and has been replaced with a perfect double; or a miscommunication regarding his scheduled vacation time.

There are no plans to rename Al Pastor Memorial Park in light of Pastor's apparent existence. As of writing, the Los Angeles Department of Parks & Recreation has declined journalistic requests to comment on the incident.

Who is Al Pastor?

As many a Los Angeli resident will say, the existence of infinite variations of people they know does lead to some confusion. Because of this, the casual attitude of the LA California has increased in absurdity, to the point where the various different versions of centaur Sexton Wheerer, well loved blaseball player and cultural icon, has not warranted any concern. Visitors to Los Angeli have a hard time wrapping their heads around the fact that a typical Los Angeli resident's friend group sometimes consists of several different versions of themselves, but what has confused people the most is the identity of the LA Unlimited Tacos manager, Al Pastor.

Up until the start of blaseball Season β4. Al Pastor has been an exact look-a-like to Al Pacino. Al Pastor might have been Al Pacino. After Season 4 started, however, people have also seen Al Pastor as Danny DeVito, and Guy Fieri, who appeared as Al Pastor in Season 5. Numerous accounts of seeing Al Pastor as these different celebrities have been heard across the infinite Los Angeli. The blaseball team also has different accounts of interacting with different celebrity Al Pastors. Patel Beyonce, a well loved blaseball player for the LA Unlimited Tacos, once said, "I'm not sure who Al Pastor actually is anymore. Ever since The Grand Unslam it's just a new person every season. But they all dress the same, they all have the same pineapple hat and sunglasses, and they all talk the same. Exactly the same. But it's chill. Hey, do you want a taco?"

In Season β6, the Al Pastor title was passed onto the well known singer Shania Twain. Her music didn’t quite sound the same with Al Pastor's many different duo-tone voices overlapping it, but the effort was appreciated. In Season β7, the Snackrifice was heavily supported by a pineapple-hat wearing Dolly Parton. The Tacos have all agreed that they appreciated these new versions of Al Pastor, as they were much more friendly and helpful than the Al Pastors of the past.

So who is Al Pastor? The question remain unanswered, but a theory is that Al Pastor is not a person at all, but the remnants of capitalism still in the infinite anti-capitalist Los Angeli, possessing the good celebrities of Hlollywood and Bleverly Hills in a desperate, last ditch effort to survive in a cities where it is not wanted. Or, is Al Pastor a sentient hat, latching onto the heads of the rich and famous and using their celebrity platform and fan base to sustain themselves? Or, does Al Pastor exist at all? Is it just a title, passed on from person to person, who, it is noted, have no recollection of ever being Al Pastor?

These questions remain unanswered.

New data:

Previous assumptions that Al Pastor can only inhabit or control celebrities appear to be incorrect, as of Season β8.

We know nothing.

The Al Pastor Celebrity List

Seasons β1-β3: Al Pastor may or may not have been Al Pacino.

Season β4: Danny DeVito

Season β5: Guy Fieri (don’t tell the Wild Wings)

Season β6: Shania Twain (they sang a lot)

Season β7: Dolly Parton (don’t ask why)

Season β8: In the eighth season, Al Pastor arrived (or, was already present) as a large creature. This creature was nearly as tall as the stadium itself, and filled most of the field with it’s wide, blue and white body. It was specially rotund in shape. Its fur was thick, and soft. It had hands and feet that were, while similarly large, relatively small in comparison with its spherical body. The Tacos described it’s face as ‘cat like’. and the especially brave Quitter even dared to call Al Pastor for that season ‘Al Catstor’. They, and the fans, were all surprised to discover, however, that the great creature Al Pastor now inhabited only seemed to sleep. It snored so loud that it could be heard all the way into the next few Los Angeli. This creature, as all Al Pastors do, still wore the pineapple hat (dwarfed and nearly invisible upon the animals (?) head) and the same sunglasses (perched on it’s forehead). Al Pastor slept for the entire season.

Season β9: A bird costume. Or, the person inside the bird costume. Perhaps Al Pastor was the costume all along. Who knows.

Season β10: Just some guy named ‘Major’.

Season β11: Bruno Mars, specifically to avoid copyright while Al Pastor sang ‘Uptown Funk’ during games.

The Grand Siesta, and Season β12: During the Grand Siesta, The Unlimited Tacos briefly converted their ballpark into a theater, where they recited a movie about Bees over the course of almost a full ten years. For this entire duration, and now, in Season β12 of Blaseball, Al Pastor appears to be or be inhabiting Jerry Seinfeld. He likes jazz.

Season β13: Doofenshmirtz (assisting with the takeover of the necessary stadium building materials)

Season β14: David Attenborough (apparently the tacos wanted their renovations narrated)

Season β15 and Season β16: Blahaj (no explanation required)

Season β17: Serena Williams

Season β18: Chorby Soul Vinyl Doll (bonus present from the gift shop)