Bonk Jokes

Bonk Jokes
by Vixen
Basic Information
Team	Breckenridge Jazz Hands
Former Team(s)	Yellowstone Magic
Overall Rating	(2.5)
Batting	(2.5)
Pitching	(2)
Defense	(2.5)
Running	(2.5)
Vibes	(3.5)
Modifications	AlternateThis Player is an Alternate... Player is replaced with an alternate reality version, stats are randomized.
Dates Active	Oct 14, 2020–present
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page

Bonk Jokes is a lineup player for the Broken Ridge Jazz Hands, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Jokes has previously played for the Yellowstone Magic.

Official League Records

Jokes joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Yellowstone Magic on Season β10, Day 39 after the incineration of Annie Roland.

During the Coffee Cup, Jokes played for the Light & Sweet Electric Co. as a pitcher.

On Season β21, Day 95, Jokes retreated to the Magic's Shadows in exchange for Halexandrey Walton at Yellowstone National (Ball)Park via the Ratified Voicemail.

During the Season β21 Elections, Jokes received Alternate and Negative when the Magic were blessed with Shadow Alternate Trust. As a result of becoming an alternate, Jokes's stats were randomized.

On Season β22, Day 49, Jokes joined the Magic's lineup in exchange for Bones Piazza at the Yellowstone National (Ball)Park via the Ratified Voicemail.

During the Season β22 elections, Jokes lost the Negative modification as a result of the Roster Flip blessing.

During the December 2, 2022 Fall Ball, Jokes fell to the Breckenridge Jazz Hands.

During Season 2, Day 42 a Mage Umpire called Joke's Alternate during Solar Eclipse (Red) Weather.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Bonk Jokes Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-3.0183 and start reading...

Joining Yellowstone Magic

Bonk Jokes is the name used by a collective system, found within a skeletal structure that arose out of the Yellowstone National Parkpark Museum following Annie Roland's incineration. The current theory held by Bevan Wise is that the collective screams of anguish from the park and Roland's fans sparked a spontaneous magical response, as heightened emotions are good arcane fuel. Due to lacking any flesh or organs, they have difficulty hearing speech and other noises, but can sometimes pick out the vibrations of sounds in order to respond. Their primary preferred method of communication is ASL or written word.

Bonk has proven incredibly difficult to change of any form in its status as a construct or player. Its primary goal is stability in the park and team, with a built in resistance to change. This is often not to their benefit, as they seem to innately repel any spells or blaseball-induced alterations that could help them, but it helps them remain a very reliable teammate no matter what occurs on the field. While appearance-wise it can swap what bones are animated at what times, and can add new ones from any source if provided, its overall mass of or number of bones needs to remain constant, or it will experience feelings of agitation and discomfort until the issue is resolved.

The Coffee Cup

Bonk Jokes was drafted into the Coffee Cup as a pitcher for the Light & Sweet Electric Co.. As this was not its usual job, its performance suffered to an extent, leading to a 6-13 score in favor of Club de Calf. When reached out to for comment by their main team members afterwards, the oddity was mentioned, but they were grateful to be given a chance to play at all. Vi, a member of the system, seemed more enthused about it than the others, but even Vi's sentiment was that being back in Yellowstone was worth not getting another chance to try.

System Members

Their state as a system was disclosed fairly early on in their career, due to the sudden appearance of member Jones. Whether this is due to the magical energies that spawned their creation, their construction as a collective of bones, or simply a quirk of how they exist, no one knows or will attempt to ascertain the truth out of respect for their privacy. As a courtesy to their fellow teammates, Bonk will often swap what skull they use at the top of their neck to indicate who is mostly present at that time. This is not a guarantee, nor are they required to do so in order to swap fronts, and it can often be forgotten in the heat of games or other exhausting days. When referring to themselves, they either refer to the collective system (i.e Bonk Jokes), or substitute their name in place of Jokes (i.e, Bonk Jones, Bonk Phil, etc.) if they are speaking more specifically.

The following is a non-exhaustive list of collective personalities within the structure, as well as their names.

Bo:

Uses they/them exclusively. Prefers to not speak amongst the team, but shows up before and during games of blaseball. Bo is very good at hitting the ball, and hitting it hard. Had a strong friendship with Wyatt Glover prior to their Redaction, and has retreated even further from team activities ever since. They have a tendency to loom silently and intimidate opposing players, which may or may not be intentional depending on who you ask. Is the primary 'player' of blaseball in system, often seen with a bison skull.

Phil:

It/they. A jokester on the team, but one who takes the game very seriously. They and Bo volunteer as the ones who enjoy blaseball on all fronts and have made it their focus. While Bo prefers to simply play the game, however, Phil will take the chance to make a funny play instead of the optimal one. It has taken note of the Philly Pie's similar name, and do its best to give a good show to them. After the Pies also noticed the pattern, they attempt to play games against the Pies almost exclusively without the aid of the rest of the system. Their fellow system members are not the most amused by their chosen past time, however, and will pull it back if they feel it's going too far. Prefers to signal their presence with an oxen skull. Their favorite skull has some residue from marker drawings, from themselves or from their team mates, either in an attempt to keep the mood light or to add expression to their otherwise motionless face.

Jones:

Uses he/it pronouns. A frequent face off of the field. He is cordial, and stylizes himself after romanticized ideals of pirate behavior. It often communicates in eloquent or in antiquated language, but is exceedingly polite and will change its language if it grows too confusing for the other party. Jones loves dramatized plays and is fond of Shakespeare in particular. This facet leads to him being good friends with Logan Rodriguez, much to Bevan's dismay, as they can combined turn a normal day at the Ranger station into a dramatic reenactment of almost any play in human history. It takes good care of Annie Roland's gravy boat collection following her incineration, and has added a few miniaturized ships alongside it. Normally able to be seen with a horned owl skull.

Vi:

No pronouns. Very rarely seen without another system member present. Communicates exclusively using various bird bones, often pulling them from within Bonk's body in order to replace the currently selected finger bones. Vi only enjoys the base stealing aspect of blaseball, but due to how suddenly Vi surfaces this often leads to the system being disoriented and tagged out before any play can be made. Vi is incredibly sharp on reading catcher signals to the opposing pitcher, and has been seen practicing pitching with fellow batter-turned-pitcher Eizabeth Elliott to make use of this skill. Vi is unsure of being around Tiana Wheeler ever since her addition to the team, and attempts to not be on base at the same time as it. Vi does not have a skull to indicate Vi's presence, preferring to stay to the bird bone method.

???:

A system member which has refused to speak to the team or give any indication that it's willing to do so. Its main signal is a sudden flareup of arcane energy around Bonk Jokes' form, of various colors, which will not dissipate for several hours. Will sometimes appear during a game, changing Bonk's demeanor entirely, but it can also occur seemingly at random. If this unknown entity has to play out a game, they will attempt to end the game as quickly as possible by whatever means necessary, either by striking out quickly, or hitting batters on base in within three pitches.

Following any period of time that they appear, the collective Bonk system will disappear for hours at a time into the wilderness. When they eventually return, they often seem to be improved in mood and performance for the following weeks, but refuse to disclose why this is the case.

Fan Works

Fanfiction

For more fanfiction, see the Bonk Jokes tag on AO3.

• last call by waveridden - One last Yellowstone Magic card game night.

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  Bonk by ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

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  Season 11 rookie card by ChewyPudding#7060

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  ASL, by batfights

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  Learning about Weatherman, by batfights

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  Making a friend with Chorby, by batfights

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  Three of Wands
  by @birbteef

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  A Tlopps card of Bonk Jokes, by @VoxiSour.

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