Nerd Pacheco

Nerd Pacheco
Art by by @Karagna_
Basic Information
Team	Hellmouth Sunbeams
Status	Active
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
Dates Active	Jul 20, 2020–present
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Slaps
Coffee Style	Cold Brew
Blood Type	Basic
Fate	55
Soulscream	AAEHAAAEHAAEEAAHEEAAHE
Biographical Details
Pronouns	they/them
Nickname(s)	"Guns", Professor Dr. Nerd Pacheco
Species	?
Personal Relationships
Spouses	Unlikely

Nerd Pacheco is a lineup player for the Hellmouth Sunbeams. Pacheco has been a member of the team since Season 1, where they began as a two star player.

Official League Records

Season 3

During Season 3, on Day 47, Pacheco swallowed a stray peanut while batting, improving their rating to .

Season 8

During Season 8, on Day 19, Pacheco siphoned some of San Francisco Lovers batter Kennedy Meh's batting ability in a game with Blooddrain weather, bringing it from  to .

Season 9

During the Season 9 Election the Hellmouth Sunbeams received the Mutually Arising blessing, which increased Pacheco's baserunning and defense by .

Season 10

During the Season 10 Election the Sunbeams received the Sharing Signs blessing, which increased Pacheco's batting to .

Coffee Cup

During the Coffee Cup, Pacheco played for the Cold Brew Crew as a lineup player.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

Nerd Pacheco always received good grades in school. In interviews, Pacheco ascribes this not to his intelligence, but instead because his specific form of anxiety causes him to study very hard for any subject he is being tested on. Pacheco maintains that he is very knowledgeable, but he is not very smart.

Pacheco went by his last name for most of his life, but he received the nickname "Nerd" from his Blittle League team. After Pacheco was chosen to move on to the Hellmouth Sunbeams, he legally changed his first name to Nerd in order to remember his time with his team.

Time in Hellmouth

Shortly after moving to the Hellmouth, Pacheco Adapted saguaro cactus-like antlers that allow him to store water for a long lengths of time. Pacheco's antlers were one of the few sources of water in the Hellmouth, prior to the opening of Hahn Fox's backyard pool.

Pacheco has maintained a reputation as a meticulous planner, and is the sole author of the Hellmouth Sunbeams Comprehensive Emergency Manual. It is two feet thick, detailing responses to every conceivable emergency that may occur in the Hellmouth and in the normal course of Blaseball. The only other contributor was Nagomi Nava, who gave it an editing pass based on knowledge conferred to her by her Precognition.

Pacheco's Honorary Degrees

Shortly after moving to the Hellmouth, the Hellmouth Community College awarded Pacheco an honorary degree in philosophy. After this award, Pacheco shut himself in his house for many weeks, emerging only for games of Blaseball. After this period, Pacheco hosted a guest lecture at the college on the nature of metameta-ethics. The Hellmouth Community College was so impressed, they offered Pacheco a part time job as their first professor of philosophy, and de facto head of department.

Pacheco has since been awarded many other honorary degrees by institutions from across the Immaterial Plane, as he is often assumed to have expertise in a discipline he only has tangential knowledge of, and ends up providing a passable explanation so as not to disappoint. To make sure he does not co-opt the title of "expert" and frustrate real experts on the topic, he undergoes rigorous study which, in a roundabout way, ends up leaving him an expert worthy of a degree in the matter.

This is a fork of the IRM, and chooses one story of many written by the Blaseball community when the page is loaded. Nerd Pacheco has been conferred a very large number of honorary degrees by academic institutions across the Immaterial Plane. If you would like to see a list of all honorary degrees conferred upon Nerd Pacheco, or add information about a degree Nerd has ben awarded; click Rumor Registry. If you would like to edit this entry, click Hon-M.Crim.
This system is based on the Interdimensional Rumor Mill, which can be read about at Interdimensional Rumor Mill.

Master of Criminology (Chronosynclastic Larceny)

This article was originally published in the Halifax Gazette.

By Cauterize Hull and Isabellio Rapini

PHILADELPHIA - A 19th-century painting by French impressionist painter Berthe Morisot was stolen from the Philadelphia Museum of Art on ███day afternoon. The two thieves, captured on security footage, stood before "Hanging the Laundry out to Dry" for approximately fifteen minutes, before exploiting a gap in the guard rotation, removing the painting from the wall, and exiting through an unarmed door into a service corridor. Morisot's work was the only piece stolen.

"In this particular instance, the fact the thieves did not target any additional works in the storage areas they navigated during their escape is quite concerning," commented Dr. Nerd Pacheco, Hellmouth Sunbeams batter and a Correspondent Professor of Criminology at the Charleston University of Legal Doings. (Pacheco declined to participate in a face-to-face interview before print deadline, as they were halfway through a month-long visit of Japan.)

"An art thief looking purely to profit from the sale of lucrative artworks would, typically, have availed themselves of any number of works stored in the non-public areas of the museum. The theft of a single piece suggests it was for personal procurement, which will make tracking its whereabouts all the harder."

It was not the first time this particular painting had been targeted by art thieves, according to the museum. The same painting was also reportedly stolen by a thief working alone from 1929 exhibition in Paris, and took nine years to recover. "Hanging the Laundry out to Dry" was eventually found in an abandoned Naples apartment, along with over two dozen other paintings reported stolen. The identity of the infamous "Naples Haul" was never found, though unsubstantiated rumours point to alleged art thief Val Hitherto.

An investigation is underway , and anyone with information is urged to contact appropriate authorities.

(This IRM entry is based on Time In A Bottle by Waveridden.)

Trivia

• Pacheco's meticulous planning and research skills are a trait appreciated by his friends and acquaintances—one mentioned in passing to him a movie they enjoyed, and received a curated list of further movie recommendations two days later.
• Pacheco has stated their favorite pastime is "just a good chat, listening and learning from folks about the things they're passionate about. Or philosophy."

Fan Art

• 
• 

  by @Karagna_

• 

  nerd, by @churgalax

• 

  Nerd at Season 8 Hlomecoing, by @Karagna_

• 

  Mini-Blaseballer by @HetreaSky

• 

  Cold Brew Crew captains Winnie and Nerd by @thecoolereros

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  An image of Nerd & Lars Taylor ready to attend the Slolstice Ball by @_iznj

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  Nerd with Lars by Ash

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  Professor Pacheco by @glassgoblin