Hellmouth (town)

Hellmouth
Satellite view of the Hellmouth Region
Type	Town
Level	16
Location	Utah, United States

This page is for Hellmouth, the town which is home to the Hellmouth Sunbeams. For the extradimensional entity which gives the town its name, see Hellmouth (entity).

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Hellmouth is a small town in the desert of Utah, given its name by its position on the edge of the Hellmouth. The town is home to the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Description

Hellmouth is considered to be one of the least habitable cities to host a blaseball team due to its arid climate, connection to Hell, and numerous teeth — by and large, Hellmouth is inhospitable to most living beings. It is not clean or safe, and its attempts to lure people towards it are actively opposed by the Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board who make sure Hellmouth is not welcoming to anyone (except for maybe JEFF!). This is no easy task, since the Hellmouth region of eastern Utah is widely known for its National Plarks and outdoor recreation areas.

When Hellmouth formed, all written references to Moab, Utah were replaced with references to Hellmouth instead, with the resulting documents and signage appearing to be designed and spaced properly for the altered text. Certain references to Moab have been destroyed via burning instead, although it is still unclear why some were destroyed and some were replaced.

Culture

Hell's Best SumBeans

Presence next to the Hellmouth has encouraged the development of a unique culture in the town, particularly in response to shared experiences such as Adaptation and the Tug. The community is mostly self-sufficient, with strong interpersonal ties necessary to allow survival in the hostile environment. Money is unheard of in the local environment, relying instead on a bartering system. This may explain how certain members of the Hellmouth Sunbeams have achieved credit scores previously considered impossible.

Lack of economy has not slowed down local industry, which has taken advantage of the new opportunities, and spawned various local delicacies, the most famous of which are Hell's Best SumBeans and SUNN light.

A number of traditions have arisen within the tight-knit community. Community events such as the creation of a new Outback Steakhouse are always well attended. Non-Hellmouth residents are asked to please not travel to Hellmouth for the purpose of attending community events, such as the upcoming Sigmund Castillo open day. Many traditions take advantage of the unique environment, such as the practice of climbing teeth to watch the sunrise, cutting smaller teeth down to keep in a home and decorate, and using mini-mouths (small temporary Hellmouths) as a form of garbage disposal.

There is a strong legal tradition, with certain high profile legal cases being hosted in the Bone and Tooth courts, to take advantage of the loose legal structure. Many students of Hellmouth Community College choose to major in law, although a variety of other subjects are available, such as Illegal Physics. If a particularly desired course is not available, students are advised to sign up as a lecturer and teach it themselves. This system explains the existence of a Russian Literature course, taught by Howell Franklin.

Residents

Local historian Milo N. J. Cooper has been cataloguing Hellmouth residents and their experiences in the town for many years, in order to preserve a record of this unique community. Their profiles of residents are presented in a monthly newsletter. This time, the Interdimensional Rumor Mill reveals a Resident from IF-12.047 out of its Resident Registry...

Sketch that accompanied one of many reported sightings.

Apocryphal Reports of Yet Another Terrible Taxidermy Courtesy of the Unknown Soul Responsible for the Lion of Gripsholm Castle - or ARYATT for short - is Hellmouth's resident menace, most highly decorated bone-thief, and a self-styled "nemesis supreme" of Houston's Memetohazards Division (which may or may not exist).

ARYATT claims to be the "older sibling" of the Lion of Gripsholm Castle, an 18th-century Swedish lion taxidermy infamous for its poor anatomical accuracy. ARYATT can be presumed to be an earlier attempt by the Lion's taxidermist on a reindeer - a species native to Sweden and (one would hope (until they see ARYATT's musculature)) less unfamiliar to the taxidermist. ARYATT delights in telling passersby in explicit detail about how, exactly, it managed to remove the taxidermist's attempts at cervine facial reconstruction from the neck up - no version of which is appropriate within the scope of this article. ARYATT instead replaces their head with whatever animal parts take its fancy, many of which ARYATT acquires during its part-time job as a Bone Zone Ranger.

How an early-1700s bad taxidermy job from Scandinavia came to the Hellmouth remains a mystery, and will likely remain so while ARYATT's habit of highly fanciful and contradictory stories about itself continues. In recent decades, ARYATT channels this into their writing career, under the pen name Apocrypha L. Clericalerror. Clericalerror is a recurring character in ARYATT's series of young adult fantasy mystery novels, most commonly characterised as a "Detective Fur-bearing trout piloting a taxidermized Roosevelt Elk from the Field Museum of Natural History". (Oddly, a taxidermied Roosevelt Elk had been on display in Chicago's Field Museum, but had vanished around the time of the Great Chicago Blaseball Fire). ARYATT enjoys cult status, partially fuelled by ARYATT's works being routinely slammed by many Chicago personalities for "inaccuracies". ARYATT cites Alaynabella Hollywood as a personal inspiration.

ARYATT has a terrible habit of antagonising people who get unreasonably mad at its elaborate fictions (e.g. the Chicago literary scene), but also notably Vernon T. Brae - founder of the Bone Zone. ARYATT and Brae were not always at loggerheads: Although ARYATT was transparent as all get out about why it wanted free roaming of the Bone Zone when it formed near the Hellmouth, it was respectful of the remains and did prove a reliable volunteer Ranger in the reserve's early days.

It was only once Brae asked ARYATT to stop making up stories about the natural history of the resurrected wildlife that ARYATT took off on a four year mission. It graduated - with honours - from Hellmouth Community College with a double-degree in Bonecourse and Wildlife Management (minoring in Five Fields of Study On Creatures That Are Just Weird Little Guys) becoming a fully certified Bone Zone Ranger. ARYATT then spent its first official day on the job convincing a busload of tourists (blown wildly off-course from Breckenridge) that bones weren't real.

When not being a royal pain in Vernon and the Anti-Tourism Board's ass (or writing its latest novel from its cozy little cottage in Living Horse Point State Park), ARYATT also runs community yoga classes in Living Horse Point State Park. It does not know what yoga is.

Locations

• Basking Robins
• The Bone Zone
• The Dope Korean Restaurant
• Hahn Fox's Pool
• Hellmouth Community College
• Hellmouth Museum
• Seven Heleven
• Shadow Moabbey
• The Solarium
• Randall Marijuana Memorial Cat Café
• Romayne's Romaine (closed)

See also

• Cuisine of Hellmouth