Fairwood Patchwork

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Fairwood Patchwork
Basic Information
Team	Baltimore Crabs
Former Team(s)	Seattle Garages
Status	Shadowed
Batting	(2.5)
Pitching	(3.6)
Defense	(3.5)
Running	(4.6)
Modifications	AlternateThis Player is an Alternate... Player is replaced with an alternate reality version, stats are randomized.  NegativeThis Player is a Negative. Negative players have negative eDensity.
Items	Arm Socks ●●
Dates Active	Jun 18, 2021–present
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Evolution	Base
Peanut Allergy	Not Allergic
Pregame Ritual	Proselytizing
Coffee Style	Cream & Sugar
Blood Type	O
Fate	56
Biographical Details
Age	unknown
Pronouns	yours
Species	forest fae

Fairwood Patchwork is a batter for the Baltimore Crabs, and has been with the team since the Season 22 elections. Patchwork has played for the Seattle Garages.

Official League Records

Patchwork joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Seattle Garages as the Garages' Season 20 Underbracket Playoff Birth.

On Season 21, Day 57, Patchwork joined the Garages' pitching rotation in exchange for Betsy Trombone as a result of The Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility's Fax Machine. On Day 81, Patchwork retreated to the Garages' Shadows in exchange for Mcdowell Karim via the Fax Machine. On Day 96, Patchwork rejoined the Garages' pitching rotation in exchange for Arturo Huerta, again via the Fax Machine.

Patchwork was traded to the Baltimore Crabs in exchange for Michelle Sportsman during the Season 22 elections via the Breath Mints' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a lineup player in the process. Patchwork also became an Alternate and gained the Negative modification due to the Handful Alternate Trust blessing.

Player History

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

A Forest Fae’s Found Family

Fairwood Patchwork is a fae who represents The Forest that makes up the upper-outfield of The Big Garage. No one is entirely certain how long Patchwork has lived within the Grove, in large part because Patch does not perceive linear time in the same way the majority of humans and human-adjacent creatures do. However, zie has referred to spending time with both Bennett Browning, and Derrick Krueger, so zie has been a fixture of The Forest since at least Season 3.

Fairwood Patchwork’s gender identity--and consequently, pronouns--shift to mirror that of the observer. Therefore, to teammate Mike Townsend, Patchwork appears masculine. When talking with Wyatt Mason X, xe uses xe/xem exclusively, and while having conversations with Betsy Trombone, Patchwork identifies as A Problem. This article reflects the pronouns that Patchwork has most recently mirrored.

Patchwork does not consider hirself much of a vocalist, but plays a wide variety of instruments, ranging from Banjo, to Bone-flute (Vulture), to a self-carved hand-harp, to Bone-Flute (Mammoth).

Zie is an exceptional crafts-fae, and sews all hirs own clothing, including the cloak of flannel zie sports whenever zie takes the field. Sewn together from the upcycled remains of a myriad of fabrics, the brightly colored cloak makes a dramatic statement whenever zie takes to the field. Zie has also taken to repairing the myriad of holes in the team’s garments. If there’s one thing grunge anarcho-communists are good at, it’s getting clothes filthy and torn. No matter how frequently seams are blown or knees torn out Fairwood is always available with a smile and a needle and thread. Patches tend to not mesh perfectly with the original design, but the occasional garish hues tend to enhance the team’s ramshackle vibes. Though zie does not mend for free, hirs payments are minimal, and tailored to each request. Hirs work is most frequently done for the cost of an oddly shaped pebble, a bag full of litter disposed of properly, or a story told at hirs side while zie works.

Season 21, Day 57

Patchwork first appeared in response to a tragic showing from pitcher Betsy Trombone. As the tenth run sailed into the trees, and the second digit lit up upon the scoreboard, the ball was returned to the field, held like some holy relic by the ethereal figure from the forest. Zie approached the pitcher's mound, still holding the ball, and cleared hirs throat. “I wish to play The Splort.” zie announced. Betsy rolled her eyes, said something profane, and stomped their way to the dugout to let this new player have a chance.

Life in The Garage

There is some amount of friction between Patchwork and accidental-team captain Theodore Duende. Fae of the Forests and Fae of the Home are well known rivals, and as a Duende, Theodore has been slow to trust the team’s new player. However, his plan of “Nobody make eye contact and he’ll just go away” appears to be failing miserably, and it’s hoped that they’ll both come around eventually[citation needed].

Fairwood has returned to hirs Grove within The Forest on multiple occasions, leaving only with cryptic messages regarding hirs eventual return. On the first of such journeys, Mcdowell Karim took hirs place on the mound. Upon hirs return, zie declared that The Stalk Market Greenhouse was not large enough, and has taken to expanding the rooftop garden that once belonged to Paula Turnip, and can frequently be seen sleeping amongst the flowering plants and Lotii. Curiously, after each time zie has left for The Grove, zie returns to tell of differing conversations with various Garages. zie claims Derrick Kruger is teaching hir how to pitch better, though given hirs casual disregard for past, present, and future tense, what is truly going on in The Forest Grove is anyone’s guess.

When interviewed for “The Lil' Roadies Lil' Morning Show”, Pulitzer Prize Winning Journalist Abigail Funke (Age 9) asked Patchwork to describe what drew hir to Blaseball in the first place. The fae explained that zie had learned to play The Splort in hirs discussions with Derrick Krueger, and expressed distress at the idea that he was “Gone forever”. Later in the interview, Mz. Funke asked what Patchwork’s favorite food was, to which zie responded: “The discomfort of people who leave things in the woods”

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