Nerd Pacheco

Nerd Pacheco
Art by by @Karagna_
Basic Information
Team	Hellmouth Sunbeams
Status	Active
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
Dates Active	Jul 20, 2020–present
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Slaps
Coffee Style	Cold Brew
Blood Type	Basic
Fate	55
Soulscream	AAEHAAAEHAAEEAAHEEAAHE
Biographical Details
Pronouns	they/them
Nickname(s)	"Guns", Professor Dr. Nerd Pacheco
Species	?
Personal Relationships
Spouses	Unlikely

Nerd Pacheco is a lineup player for the Hellmouth Sunbeams. Pacheco has been a member of the team since Season 1, where they began as a two star player.

Official League Records

Season 3

During Season 3, on Day 47, Pacheco swallowed a stray peanut while batting, improving their rating to .

Season 8

During Season 8, on Day 19, Pacheco siphoned some of San Francisco Lovers batter Kennedy Meh's batting ability in a game with Blooddrain weather, bringing it from  to .

Season 9

During the Season 9 Election the Hellmouth Sunbeams received the Mutually Arising blessing, which increased Pacheco's baserunning and defense by .

Season 10

During the Season 10 Election the Sunbeams received the Sharing Signs blessing, which increased Pacheco's batting to .

Coffee Cup

During the Coffee Cup, Pacheco played for the Cold Brew Crew as a lineup player.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

Nerd Pacheco always received good grades in school. In interviews, Pacheco ascribes this not to his intelligence, but instead because his specific form of anxiety causes him to study very hard for any subject he is being tested on. Pacheco maintains that he is very knowledgeable, but he is not very smart.

Pacheco went by his last name for most of his life, but he received the nickname "Nerd" from his Blittle League team. After Pacheco was chosen to move on to the Hellmouth Sunbeams, he legally changed his first name to Nerd in order to remember his time with his team.

Time in Hellmouth

Shortly after moving to the Hellmouth, Pacheco Adapted saguaro cactus-like antlers that allow him to store water for a long lengths of time. Pacheco's antlers were one of the few sources of water in the Hellmouth, prior to the opening of Hahn Fox's backyard pool.

Pacheco has maintained a reputation as a meticulous planner, and is the sole author of the Hellmouth Sunbeams Comprehensive Emergency Manual. It is two feet thick, detailing responses to every conceivable emergency that may occur in the Hellmouth and in the normal course of Blaseball. The only other contributor was Nagomi Nava, who gave it an editing pass based on knowledge conferred to her by her Precognition.

Pacheco's Honorary Degrees

Shortly after moving to the Hellmouth, the Hellmouth Community College awarded Pacheco an honorary degree in philosophy. After this award, Pacheco shut himself in his house for many weeks, emerging only for games of Blaseball. After this period, Pacheco hosted a guest lecture at the college on the nature of metameta-ethics. The Hellmouth Community College was so impressed, they offered Pacheco a part time job as their first professor of philosophy, and de facto head of department.

Pacheco has since been awarded many other honorary degrees by institutions from across the Immaterial Plane, as he is often assumed to have expertise in a discipline he only has tangential knowledge of, and ends up providing a passable explanation so as not to disappoint. To make sure he does not co-opt the title of "expert" and frustrate real experts on the topic, he undergoes rigorous study which, in a roundabout way, ends up leaving him an expert worthy of a degree in the matter.

This is a fork of the IRM, and chooses one story of many written by the Blaseball community when the page is loaded. Nerd Pacheco has been conferred a very large number of honorary degrees by academic institutions across the Immaterial Plane. If you would like to see a list of all honorary degrees conferred upon Nerd Pacheco, or add information about a degree Nerd has ben awarded; click Rumor Registry. If you would like to edit this entry, click Hon-D.Phil+Soc in Hellmouthian Sociology.
This system is based on the Interdimensional Rumor Mill, which can be read about at Interdimensional Rumor Mill.

Dual Doctorate in Hellmouthian Sociology and Philosophy

(NB: The following are selected works from Nerd Pacheco's dissertation. To date, this degree remains one of the few Pacheco has earned intentionally.)

[Entry: 1, date 02076]

Hello. My name is Nerd Pacheco. I am a professor at Hellmouth Community College, and a batter for the Hellmouth Sunbeams. Up to this point, I have written down all my findings on the phenomenon now known as “Adaptation,” but today I have decided to... record some thoughts verbally. For now, my only goal is to record my thoughts around the experience.

...

My first assessment: Adaptation is a physical change, done to us, by the Hellmouth. Not everybody adapts. I have. I am uncertain why.

---

[Entry: 6, date 03110]

Does Adaptation keep us safe? So far, the only people who I have seen - seen [static] did not experience an obvious Adaptation. Even if they were from the Hellmouth. So, why does the Hellmouth protect us? What is the purpose of my Adaptation in this?

---

[Entry: 24, date 04097]

At no point in this journal have I recorded my own Adaptation. I adapted cacti [static] full of water. Though it seems the community is already healing, there was a point where I was the only source of safe drinking water for some.

...Why me?

Is the Hellmouth punishing me, or does it think this is a gift? The role it wants me to play? Does it want me to give parts of myself for others? I think of [static]’s Adaptation. Or [static]. Do those changes help them fit into the community? Or do they help them in some other way? What is their role, in a community like the Hellmouth?

---

[Entry 37, date 06084]

Adaptation does not keep us safe.

Or, maybe it does, but the Hellmouth does not like when we [static]. I am starting to believe Adaptation is more than physical, it is psychosocial. Or- or, maybe, I am working backwards. Maybe we, as a community, have been united by this experience. Was that the goal? Is there a goal?

---

[Entry 59, date 0611X]

I think about those who seemingly have not Adapted, or claim to have not done so. This includes individuals such as [static] and [static]. What are their roles here? Are there forces more powerful than the Hellmouth? We now have the rule of Lis Dale Pendens. Is it even possible for a single individual to have that level of power? Or does it just target weaker individuals? Am I reading too much into it?

---

[Entry 168, date 1½XXX]

I am beginning to find these logs useless. More of a diary now, really, than academic record. Every time I work out something about Adaptation it proves me wrong. Maybe… Maybe I should be content, before the Hellmouth punishes me for investigating. Or... maybe, I’ve just hit a dead end, and it wants me to keep going. I don’t know.

---

[Entry 201, date 1211X]

Due to my [static] I have officially decided to abandon this log. After all this time to think and muse, I... I think this is for the best. I will continue to study the phenomenon, of course, but... this log is a mess. Still, I will argue there must be some value to be found in these notes of mine. Maybe when I work out what it is, I will return to it. For now, I shall find a new method of research.

---

Trivia

• Pacheco's meticulous planning and research skills are a trait appreciated by his friends and acquaintances—one mentioned in passing to him a movie they enjoyed, and received a curated list of further movie recommendations two days later.
• Pacheco has stated their favorite pastime is "just a good chat, listening and learning from folks about the things they're passionate about. Or philosophy."

Fan Art

• 
• 

  by @Karagna_

• 

  nerd, by @churgalax

• 

  Nerd at Season 8 Hlomecoing, by @Karagna_

• 

  Mini-Blaseballer by @HetreaSky

• 

  Cold Brew Crew captains Winnie and Nerd by @thecoolereros

• 

  An image of Nerd & Lars Taylor ready to attend the Slolstice Ball by @_iznj

• 

  Nerd with Lars by Ash