Nolanestophia Patterson

From Blaseball Wiki

Nolanestophia Patterson is a pitcher for the Seattle Garages and has been with the team since Season 8, Day 21. Patterson has previously been with the Hawai'i Fridays, Philly Pies, and Hades Tigers.

Official League Records

Patterson joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Hawai'i Fridays with the Return of Blaseball.

Patterson was traded to the Hades Tigers in exchange for Nagomi Mcdaniel during the Season 1 elections via a mystery blessing.

Patterson was traded to the Philly Pies in exchange for Jessica Telephone during the Season 2 elections via the Seduction blessing.

During the Season 5 election, Patterson's batting, pitching, and defense fell by -star each as a result of the Charleston Shoe Thieves' Bad Neighbors blessing.

On Season 7, Day 33, Patterson's defensive ability was siphoned by Canada Moist Talkers batter Beans McBlase in a game with Blooddrain weather, bringing it from ★★★★ to ★★★★. On Season 7, Day 93, Patterson partied and received a boost to batting and baserunning, and a -star boost to pitching.

On Season 8, Day 20 Patterson was hit by a pitch from Jaylen Hotdogfingers and gained the Flickering modification. The next day, Patterson was exchanged to the Seattle Garages due to Flickering-induced Feedback. Patterson was replaced by Lang Richardson.

Patterson was sent to the Garages' Shadows in exchange for Mcdowell Karim during the Season 9 elections via the Out of Sight blessing.

Patterson was pulled from the Shadows as a pitcher in exchange for Jaylen Hotdogfingers during the Season 13 elections via the Garages' Foreshadow will.

Biographical Information


The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Nolanestophia Patterson (pronounced “Sophia Parson”, as the n, o, l, a, n, e, t, t, t, and e are all silent) a lineup player for the Seattle Garages. There is no known relation between Nolanestophia and the Canada Moist TalkersPolkaDot Patterson.

Career with the Hades Tigers

Patterson's pitching ability was estimated to be in the top 1% of all recorded athletes by the Hades Tigers coaching staff. In an interview, Tigers' Coach Kick Rocks explained the reason she hasn't switched positions: "She picks up a bat during practice and says "This just feels right”. She's refused to pitch ever since. Never let go of that bat. We've never looked back." As a Tigers player, she was known for her consistently poor batting and clumsy attempts to steal bases. She developed a significant personal following (self-dubbed the "Pitter-Pattersons") and successfully launched an extensive merchandise line, including a signature Hades Tigers baseball cap with "Fauxlanestophia" protruding ears. She was frequently spotted sleeping atop the Tigers stadium and local buildings.

Career with the Philly Pies

Patterson joined the Pies at the end of Season 2, wasting no time before walking on the windowsills and knocking off numerous pies, then settling down and falling asleep. She has been heard expressing appreciation to Pies senior staff for the warmth constantly radiating from The Oven as well as the general smell of the stadium.

Career with the Seattle Garages

Patterson has, since even before her time in Pie High, played the ukulele and sung to herself as a coping mechanism with the stresses of life. What started as a habit to collect her thoughts has turned into a lifetime captured in soft spoken lyrics and four strings. Starting just after high-school, but before being recruited to the Fridays, Patterson has uploaded video recordings of some of her songs to MewTube; however, crippling self-doubt and a wretched case of imposter syndrome kept the videos unlisted.

During her time in Seattle, these videos have slowly started to be rerecorded, and re-released in a project called "Nolanestophia's Choice". When interviewed by KGAR about her online album, Patterson had the following to say:

"So, if it were just me, I would have just let the whole thing languish forever. I mean. Cute Catgirl Plays Indie Ukulele Music In Her Bedroom isn't exactly the music the world is clambering to hear. But... okay, so one night, like, a week after I got to Seattle, I was in Very's toolshed. You know Very, right? The Janitor? Or maybe Ball-girl? Anyways, I was crying, in the dark, because I still didn't know anyone. There were like twenty thousand people out in the stands waiting to watch me strike out just like I always do and they were gonna hate me. And I needed a distraction so I just... started to sing. And I get halfway through a horrible interpretation of "This Year" by the Mountain Goats when out of the dark comes this voice, just like 'Hey, I like your singing', and what the heck, right? But there's just this very calm guy in the shadows and he tells me I sing well and that everyone is going to love me and even if I get up and strike out every single time, I'm not going to disappoint anyone, and I started to cry again, you know? But this time, I was just kinda... happy? And if some spooky toolshed-guy likes my music, who cares if no one else does. So... I'm gonna try looking at the world a little different. Hello Seattle. I'm here now. Listen to me. We'll make some great music together."

Fan Club

Patterson has cultivated a devoted fan club who refer to themselves as the Pitter-Pattersons (pronounced "Pir Parsons" as the t, t, e, p, a, t, t, and e are all silent, sometimes stylized as "Purr Parsons"). They are known for wearing cat ears, cheering on their favorite player, and engaging in elaborate secret rituals. There are rumors that they believe Patterson is the key to achieving blaseball ascension. They appear to have no allegiance to any particular team or city, although some of them have begun referring to Philly as "The Seat of Prophecy."