Official League Records
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Langford Harvey "Lang" Richardson is also a maracas player for the Seattle Garages Elephant Gambit. Richardson is known for his unreliable play in high-leverage situations. One fan has said that Richardson "lives for one thing, and that's making every time he's at bat the most dramatic thing there could be." One anonymous Blaseball writer once said of Richardson, "for better or worse, he turns every at-bat into an adventure."
Richardson's at-bats typically eschew three act structure, which he has described as rote and limiting. He has occasionally left what he describes as "Chekov's Blat" sitting just outside the batter's box before stepping to the plate. He has never touched it except to retrieve it, even when scoring on a tightly-contested play.
Richardson excelled in splorts at the home-school level, captaining the bloxing, water plolo and modern plentathlon teams. Early in Season 3 he returned to his alma mater to deliver the commencement speech to that year's departing class, his sister Laura. He is also a six-time winner of the Garages' traditional pre-season breath-holding competition, a talent he has yet to use to his on-field advantage.
Rumors that Richardson is a vampire, on the grounds that even a thespian wouldn't own that many capes, have been roundly dismissed.
Richardson's fans refer to themselves as the Lang Gang.
During Season β8, Richardson took his feedback swap to the Philly Pies as an opportunity to put on the tear-jerking performance of a lifetime. To express his sorrow at leaving, Lang went went around the field to each of his former Garages teammates and gave a personalized deathbed-style monologue about what they meant to him. This held up the game for several hours.
Richardson was recruited to the Pies by team sponsor Taskykake, who thought that his theatrical stylings would be perfect for their "Krimpets: the snack of existentialism" campaign. Richardson immediately began performing in a series of 3 hour commercials that critics say managed to capture both the darkness held deep in the human soul and the crème contained deep in a Krimpet.
Richardson once impressed his team by singing the entirety of "Guns and Ships" at full speed with a mouth full of 47 goldfish crackers. Observers called the performance "cacophonous, but understandable" and "kind of weird, like, does he think that makes him cool?"
Richardson has said that his dream is to give the perfect sports movie pep talk. He can often be found between innings, wearing old age make-up and talking to his teammates about heart and glory. So far his attempts at inspiring the team have not been appreciated by his fellow players, especially when he monologues in lieu of actually hitting the ball.
Box of Lang Richardson Files
- Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-14.597 and start reading...
Lang Richardson, noted fan of the theatre, is known for making frequent trips into the sewers of Philadelphia City sewers to hunt for "sewer ghosts", which he posts pictures and videos of online in the hopes of securing a television deal, or possibly some really scary found footage if it goes poorly, like the movie bair wlitch.
Lang has a set of Ghost Hunting gear that he wears on his expeditions, namely a blaseball bat with a ghost-repelling sage candle tied to it, a ghost attracting electric lantern with modular tinted shutters, gun, and his hand-made glow in the dark Hamilton tshirt (the one with the guy standing on the star that kinda looks like Freddie Mercury).
He has listed his motivations for these excursions as "Graves are in the ground, so it'd make sense that they're in sewers. Right?", "The ghost from Phantom of the Opera is real! It's still out there and I'm going to find her! It was autobiographical!" and "I want to see some wicked Orbs, God Damn". Lang has also made trips further afield to New York City, stating "I'm gonna meet Mr Hamilton's ghost, I love his work so much I just have to tell him" and "I'm going to show him Ready Player One so he can catch up on what he's missed". As of yet, he has yet to meet Mr Hamilton, but it is unclear as to whether it's because Mr Hamilton is not a ghost, or if it's just because Lang doesn't know what he looks like.