The City of Philadelphia, colloquially known as Philly, is the largest city in the state of Pennsylvania and the owner of the Philly Pies.
In XX18 noted blaseball shortstop William Penn was playing a pick-up game with Benjamin Franklin when their ball fell into Chesapeake Bay. As Penn chased the ball down the coast, he ran into Philadelphia hiding in the reeds. Taking pity on Philly, Penn declared in the First Tongue that henceforth Philadelphia would be a metropolis. This transformed Philly into the city we know and love today.
One year during the city’s mayoral pie-eating contest, Philadelphia met an animated statue of William Penn. The pie-romancers saw this statue’s appearance as an omen that he was destined to be Philadelphia’s husband. Philadelphia married the statue after a year-long courtship. The statue was given the name Sam Hinkie and became the general manager of the Philly Pies. The loving couple has one son: The City of Jawn Hinkie.
Together with its husband and head coach Hoagie Schuylkill, Philadelphia takes an active hand in leading the Pies to victory. Its hands-on approach to the team and doting nature has led to player’s calling Philly their “Team Mom.” Philly Pies players frequently dedicate games to “Mama Philly.”
Philadelphia acutely feels the loss of each incinerated player. After the incineration of its godson Juan Rangel, Philadelphia discovered it could channel its grief to transform into its shadowed persona, Philladeltrix: The Marquis of Pain. This became one of the Philly Pies signature moves. As the list of dead players grows longer and Philadelphia’s grief grows greater, many fear that Philadelphia will more often be the Philladeltrix and less often the city of brotherly love.
When not working with the team, Philadelphia enjoys crossword puzzles and walking the Philadelphia Philling with her husband along the banks of the Delaware river.
- In celebration of the 50th annual Cheesesteak day, Benjamin Franklin once gave Philadelphia a bell forged entirely from liberty. The bell later cracked, though the reason for why is disputed. Some say the crack was because America’s founding promise of “justice for all” was broken. Other say it was because Beasley Day chewed on it.
Mama Philly, by Cori
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