Los Angeli Research Division
The Los Angeli Research Division, or LARD for short, is an mysterious organization that sprouted from The Grand Unslam. It is commonly known that after The Grand Unslam, Los Angeles was splintered into an infinite array of cities, with the universe the Unslam occurred in being known as LA-Prime. Cross-LA travel after this event has become a widely discussed topic, though the logistics of such travel isn’t very well documented. This is why LARD, an organization everyone knows exists but are unsure as to who actually comprises it, is valiantly making steps towards investigating and pushing the limits of cross-LA travel.
LARD has compiled and released a list of “Fundamental Truths” regarding the LAs and cross-LA travel. It is unknown why they insisted the list be called “Fundamental Truths” instead of something normal, like “Rules”.
- Sometimes, citizens of LA, but more commonly players on the LA Unlimited Tacos, unwittingly travel to a different LA.
- Cross-LA travel in this form (███████) is more common between LAs that are similar.
- For example, an LA where the only difference is that “spoons” are called “scoopers” would be theoretically easier to travel to than, say, an LA where the intrinsic laws of physics itself are altered, causing us to see what would be described as a “kaleidoscope-like amalgamation of light itself”, and directly after go blind as well as completely insane. Theoretically.
- Certain people (players) are more prone to cross-LA travel.
- There is no discernable pattern as to who.
- Examples of players prone to cross-LA travel are █████████, ███████, ███████████, and ███.
- Certain points in space at certain times allow for easier cross-LA travel. This is due to a phenomenon endearingly referred to by one of our interns as “rifts”.
- “Rifts” appear and disappear sporadically, but are found in certain places more often than others. These places are often obscured, such as lonely apartment buildings, alleyways, or basements. However, the most commonly occurring “rift” is, inexplicably, in Rat Mason’s basement. Mason has been tracked to unwittingly travel between 37 different LAs. He, apparently, has not noticed this.
There are rumors about a top-secret project that LARD is working on. It has been dubbed “The Transversal”. Allegedly, when complete, the Transversal will be a machine that allows for instantaneous completely safe cross-LA travel. A statement from a reporter named Crave Slowmode states:
“The technology and research behind this experiment, not to mention the acquisition of the sheer amount of energy that would be required to power such a machine, is not public knowledge yet. Is LARD bluffing? Maybe. But if they're not, I'm scared of what they're planning to do.”
Extraneously, Slowmode has not been seen since this statement was taken.
LARD and Tracking
It is also well known that LARD has many methods of tracking various types of data throughout the LAs. For example, LARD has been very open with tracking and investigating spikes in energy. According to official reports from LARD, this is due to the energy expulsion that occurs when a "rift" appears in an LA. However, ever since they started tracking energy fluctuations, there have been certain phenomena that they weren’t able to explain. The following is a transcription of a press release from ██████████, a member of LARD.
The Unslam was, undeniably, the largest event to occur in terms of energy expulsion. An infinite amount of parallel universes were simultaneously brought together. That’s why we disregard it in our data collection. There are some spikes, though, that we can’t even begin to explain. Generally, smaller bumps of energy are harder to find the location of, which is why rifts are so hard to come by intentionally. But looking at stuff like this, though, it’s just...absolutely mind boggling. You see this, right? Now, I’m no numbers expert, but that has to be at least forty to fifty times as much energy as we have ever seen before. In fact, someone back at the lab says that it almost completely obliterated our trackers. Now, hear me out, because here’s where it gets crazy: our theory as to why this happened is insane. This spike was in █a███y███e’s apartment, with ███ inside when it occurred. Now, ███ has been linked to many anomalies in the past, but this one is special - obviously, ██████████████████ the ███████████████, it ███████, and some of ███'s ████ that were ███████ from ██████████████████ point towards ███████████████████. There are some ██████████████████████, but ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████.
Knowing this, we have to conclude that some sort of outside factor HAS to be involved with the ████████, and weirdly, the only ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████. This ██████████████████████████████████████ █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████.
So, yeah. That’s quite a lot to wrap your head around, isn’t it? [Laughs]
As of the events of Season 9, LARD has not been heard from.
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