Difference between revisions of "Tillman Henderson"
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{{IRM|PlayerName=Tillman Henderson}} | {{IRM|PlayerName=Tillman Henderson}} | ||
+ | = In Literature = | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | Following Henderson's incineration, [[Runolfio Peeper]] wrote "The Funeral of Tillman Henderson" | ||
+ | |||
+ | The funeral was in a local dive | ||
+ | |||
+ | The only place where Tillman wasn’t banned | ||
+ | |||
+ | He’d burnt most of his bridges while alive | ||
+ | |||
+ | Now burnt himself, the crowd was less than grand | ||
+ | |||
+ | Among those gathered, there were muttered thanks | ||
+ | |||
+ | That we were finally rid this noxious pest. | ||
+ | |||
+ | A lad stepped up, known for his youtube pranks | ||
+ | |||
+ | He was the chosen speaker, he confessed. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Turns out Tillman predicted his demise | ||
+ | |||
+ | And so prepared for us some final words. | ||
+ | |||
+ | We found the opening was no surprise: | ||
+ | |||
+ | “Hey welcome, mourners all, you lousy turds!” | ||
+ | |||
+ | “I felt this day was coming,” Tillman wrote, | ||
+ | |||
+ | “And knew I really couldn’t miss the chance. | ||
+ | |||
+ | To take a moment for a swan-song gloat. | ||
+ | |||
+ | You can’t call me a liar—check my pants! | ||
+ | |||
+ | “I bet I burnt much better than did Combs | ||
+ | |||
+ | And just like Nora, death gave me no fear. | ||
+ | |||
+ | I’m sure the Crabs will make me touching poems | ||
+ | |||
+ | From the Hall of Flame, I’ll wipe those on my rear. | ||
+ | |||
+ | “I’m getting bored of writing all this trash | ||
+ | |||
+ | Thinking of you guys all sad just makes me sick | ||
+ | |||
+ | I really wish I weren’t a pile of ash | ||
+ | |||
+ | So I could tell you all to suck my…” quick | ||
+ | |||
+ | Footsteps echoed in the hall outside | ||
+ | |||
+ | And for a long moment nobody spoke | ||
+ | |||
+ | As if in a dream Tillman hadn’t died— | ||
+ | |||
+ | That he would walk in and reveal the joke. | ||
+ | |||
+ | But it was only Tillman’s father, late, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Who shuffled in with his starched suit and stayed | ||
+ | |||
+ | Just long enough so that he could extricate | ||
+ | |||
+ | The keys to his son’s orange Escalade. | ||
+ | |||
+ | And then, with little else to say, we left, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Crab teammates held Tillman’s urn up high | ||
+ | |||
+ | Like a championship trophy, and heft | ||
+ | |||
+ | His remains to where Tillman would lie. | ||
+ | |||
+ | We laid him as he asked behind the lot | ||
+ | |||
+ | Where the city buried all its toxic waste | ||
+ | |||
+ | And then we gave some mighty spits—we thought | ||
+ | |||
+ | This gesture would be much to Tillman’s taste. | ||
+ | |||
+ | As we walked away we sang a cheery tune, | ||
+ | |||
+ | To honor what from Tillman we had learned: | ||
+ | |||
+ | That death comes unexpected and too soon, | ||
+ | |||
+ | And life is best enjoyed before we’re burned. | ||
+ | <br /> | ||
== A Selection of Tillman Henderson's Character Traits == | == A Selection of Tillman Henderson's Character Traits == | ||
<choose uncached> | <choose uncached> |
Revision as of 18:53, 25 October 2020
Tillman Henderson is a pitcher for the Charleston Shoe Thieves. Tillman joined the team at the conclusion of the Season 10 regular season. Tillman previously played for the Baltimore Crabs.
Official League Records
Henderson joined the ILB as a member of the Baltimore Crabs at the beginning of Season 1.
During the Season 4 election, Henderson swapped positions from pitcher to lineup player as a result of the Mutual Aid blessing.
During the Season 5 election, Henderson received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' Horde Hallucinations and Rollback Netcode blessings.
On Season 7, Day 74, Henderson siphoned some of Miguel James' baserunning ability.
Henderson was incinerated on Season 9, Day 64, and replaced by Silvaire Roadhouse. Tillman returned to Active status following an idol board-related feedback swap with Jaylen Hotdogfingers after the Season 10 regular season concluded.
In the Season 10 elections, Henderson received Noise-Cancelling Headphones, becoming Soundproof.
Personal Life
Tillman Henderson is the worst person in the entire splort of Blaseball with an effortless heel persona. Put simply, he sucks. Truly reprehensible. Absolute wasteman. No time for this clown.
Despite the fact that Henderson's multiple regular traffic offenses continue to be paid off by his wealthy parents, his mother, Harmony H. Henderson, did not attend his first funeral due to a scheduling conflict. Henderson never fetches his own balls and is frequently late to practice, primarily due to arguing about his height on his own Wikipedia page. Tillman is very above average height and definitely not short at all <----- this was definitely not written by Tillman. An anonymous former teammate describes Henderson as "a wellspring of insecurity."
Henderson has been regularly described as "intolerable," yet somehow, former teammate Kennedy Loser has been seen tolerating Henderson at length, and the two have matching arm tattoos. Similarly, Henderson's motorbike has a sidecar that is regularly occupied by former teammate Tot Fox. Since joining the Charleston Shoe Thieves, a second sidecar for teammate Gunther O'Brian has been attached. When asked, Henderson claims that the sidecars are employed to better allow him to "cause a fuckus with the boyz." While he is occasionally seen with teammate Stu Trololol as well, manager Cornelius Games has commented that "those two absolutely cannot be together for more than five minutes or I swear to God the insufferable aura they generate will cause a category 5 hurricane of irritation." The veracity of this claim has yet to be tested.
He is not a Baltimore native and, when playing for the Crabs, he frequently left the Crabitat while not pitching a game to vacation at his father's summer homes. This behavior did not change when he became a batter, but the commute left him much crankier. Prior to season 9, Tillman stated several times on record that he "cannot be killed" by the rogue umpires. These statements are now on record as notably false.
Err: Missing Format Argument
- This IRM is missing a valid format argument. Please set format to filebox, dimensions, concept, vignette, lens, replica, or summary in the template call. If this IRM previously contained rumors they can be viewed in the Rumor Registry. Please propose a format on the Talk page.
,
In Literature
Following Henderson's incineration, Runolfio Peeper wrote "The Funeral of Tillman Henderson"
The funeral was in a local dive
The only place where Tillman wasn’t banned
He’d burnt most of his bridges while alive
Now burnt himself, the crowd was less than grand
Among those gathered, there were muttered thanks
That we were finally rid this noxious pest.
A lad stepped up, known for his youtube pranks
He was the chosen speaker, he confessed.
Turns out Tillman predicted his demise
And so prepared for us some final words.
We found the opening was no surprise:
“Hey welcome, mourners all, you lousy turds!”
“I felt this day was coming,” Tillman wrote,
“And knew I really couldn’t miss the chance.
To take a moment for a swan-song gloat.
You can’t call me a liar—check my pants!
“I bet I burnt much better than did Combs
And just like Nora, death gave me no fear.
I’m sure the Crabs will make me touching poems
From the Hall of Flame, I’ll wipe those on my rear.
“I’m getting bored of writing all this trash
Thinking of you guys all sad just makes me sick
I really wish I weren’t a pile of ash
So I could tell you all to suck my…” quick
Footsteps echoed in the hall outside
And for a long moment nobody spoke
As if in a dream Tillman hadn’t died—
That he would walk in and reveal the joke.
But it was only Tillman’s father, late,
Who shuffled in with his starched suit and stayed
Just long enough so that he could extricate
The keys to his son’s orange Escalade.
And then, with little else to say, we left,
Crab teammates held Tillman’s urn up high
Like a championship trophy, and heft
His remains to where Tillman would lie.
We laid him as he asked behind the lot
Where the city buried all its toxic waste
And then we gave some mighty spits—we thought
This gesture would be much to Tillman’s taste.
As we walked away we sang a cheery tune,
To honor what from Tillman we had learned:
That death comes unexpected and too soon,
And life is best enjoyed before we’re burned.
A Selection of Tillman Henderson's Character Traits
Tillman Henderson has faced strong backlash from fan organizations for posting fan art without crediting the artists on social media. His response of "idk who did it I just found it" was not well-received either.
(To see a new character trait, refresh the page.)
Edit History
- Last edited by 69HendersonHater69 on 8/4/2020
- Edited by CrabsLoreBard on 8/4/2020 (Comment: i give up)
- Edited by 69HendersonHater69 on 8/4/2020
- Edited by CrabsLoreBard on 8/2/2020 (Comment: STOP VANDALIZING THIS PAGE)
- Edited by TillmanSux87 on 8/1/2020
- Edited by CrabsLoreBard on 7/31/2020 (Comment: Banned)
- Edited by SteakNShake on 7/30/2020 (Comment: hahahaha screw tillman)
- Page created by CrabsLoreBard on 7/20/2020
Fan Art
Mini-Blaseballer by @HetreaSky
By @glassgoblin
By @glassgoblin
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