Melton Telephone

Melton Telephone
By @hatfights_art
Basic Information
Team	Yellowstone Magic
Status	Shadowed
Batting	(2.5)
Pitching	(1.2)
Defense	(3.6)
Running	(3.1)
Modifications	AlternateThis Player is an Alternate... Player is replaced with an alternate reality version, stats are randomized.  ScatteredThis Player returned from Elsewhere a bit Scattered.
Items	Trader Lucky Skate Sunglasses ●●●●
Dates Active	Jul 20, 2020–present
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Evolution	Base
Peanut Allergy	Allergic
Pregame Ritual	Wearing lucky socks
Coffee Style	Decaf
Blood Type	AAA
Fate	44

Melton Telephone is a player in the Shadows for the Yellowstone Magic, and has been with the team since Season 1.

Official League Records

Telephone joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Yellowstone Magic with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season 16 elections, Telephone joined the Magic's pitching rotation in exchange for Francisco Preston as a result of the Magic's Foreshadow will.

On Season 17, Day 104, Telephone was attacked by Consumers, reducing their star total from 10.3 → 6.2

During the Season 18 elections, Telephone retreated to the Magic's Shadows in exchange for Eizabeth Elliott as a result of the Magic's Foreshadow will, resulting in a combined 6.2 → 7.9 stat increase.

During the Season 21 elections, Telephone received Alternate and Negative modifications as a result of the Shadow Alternate Trust blessing, randomizing their stats.

During the Season 22 elections, Telephone lost the Negative modification as a result of the Roster Flip blessing.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Melton Telephone Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-01.800 and start reading...

A Mysterious Entrance

In the chaos that ensued after the Yellowstone Magic’s shadows roster dealt with a particularly nasty infestation of invasive Path Bugs, the sudden appearance of an entity connected to Shadows player Melton Telephone was equally unexpected.

The person who was sighted on Parkpark trail cameras clambering out of the Morning Glory Pool, soaked in sizzling water, was not immediately recognized by Parkpark staff. When approached, it was noted that they were wearing some sort of reinforced armor suit that allowed them to survive such high temperatures as are common in the Morning Glory Pool, along with a helmet hiding their face which displayed various lights and shapes, including those which resembled a glowing circle of rotary buttons.

The stranger who emerged from the hot spring was sighted on a trail camera entering the Yellowstone National Ballpark Clubhouse. Shadows member Logan Rodriguez reported ¹ that the stranger burst into the building, demanded to know what year it was, and subsequently asked for a ticket to Dallas, TX, refusing to leave the premises until provided with one. Later that day, they were presented with such a ticket, and they were sighted leaving Parkpark grounds near the entrance to the train station. When asked to sign for the ticket, they did so with a flourishing signature of the initials “MT.”

The stranger was sighted several days hence at the Morning Glory Pool again, munching on a crop of cooked Blaseball salmon which they shared with Halexandrey Walton. With their helmet off, they were revealed to be a humanoid older person with a grid of nine buttons on the side of their face. Walton, when asked, identified the stranger as Melton Telephone, and when asked to elaborate, indicated only that Telephone had been “gone, but they came back after a while” and that they had been “traveling.” ²

Sightings

Where, or when, Telephone had been traveling is not clear; however, subsequent research has identified that a figure wearing armor that resembled Telephone’s was previously sighted at a number of locations around the league at different, earlier times, including:

• In Pioneer Plaza in Dallas, during the offseason of Season β21
• Driving down the highway outside of Dallas on what appeared to be a glowing green motorcycle, shortly after the aforementioned Dallas sighting
• At a popular skate park in Philadelphia shortly after the Season β20 elections
• In Breckenridge, Colorado, shortly after the Season 20 elections, entering the BC Noir Detective Agency
• At the Breckenridge Jazz Hands’ stadium on Season 19, day 2, after a game
• In the Tokyo Lift’s stadium just before the Season β18 elections

With the Yellowstone Magic

Telephone has since proven to be a reclusive and quiet member of the Magic’s shadows. They speak little about their past, and little about their present. They spend much of their time spiffing up and maintaining an antique motorbike that appears to be powered by an old hand-crank telephone magneto, and have been seen riding it along off-road trails outside the Parkpark so as not to disrupt Parkpark wildlife. They have also been seen hanging out on the porch of the Clubhouse and listening to Journey cassettes on a beat-up Walkman.

Telephone maintains a tentative friendship with Halexandrey Walton. Since their first encounter with her, they have often been sighted fishing for salmon with Hex, and sharing the spoils of their catch with her. Curious members of the team have asked Hex what secrets Telephone could possibly be telling her, to which she responded that they “used to have family in the league, but they’re all gone now” and “if you want me to tell you anything else you owe me 5 Sclooby Snacks.”

Footnotes

1. In between applying anti-Path Bug itch cream, complaining that their cabin-mates were “playing music too loud,” and harrumphing.
2. After this line of questioning, Hex returned to the Morning Glory Pool to munch on salmon and doggy treats.

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Fan Works

Fics

Melton Telephone features in the following fics and interactive fiction:

• CONVOLUTUS by Cori

Fan Art

• 

  Melton and their tree. Art by Drew (BuoyBoy#3340)

• 

  Melton Telephone analyzes their options before throwing a pitch. Art by Scott Brazee

• 

  Season 17 card by ChewyPudding#7060

• 

  by hatfights_art

• 

  A design for Melton Telephone. Art by @_Xmascritter_

• 

  Melton at the Morning Glory Pool, by Cori

• 

  An alternate Melton design, by Cori

• 

  Melton on their bike by Cori

• 

  Eight of Wands
  by @birbteef

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