Melton Telephone/Rumor Registry

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Rumors

Melton Telephone has 3 Rumors written about so far.

Melton Telephone/IF-01.800

A Mysterious Entrance

In the chaos that ensued after the Yellowstone Magic’s shadows roster dealt with a particularly nasty infestation of invasive Path Bugs, the sudden appearance of an entity connected to Shadows player Melton Telephone was equally unexpected.

The person who was sighted on Parkpark trail cameras clambering out of the Morning Glory Pool, soaked in sizzling water, was not immediately recognized by Parkpark staff. When approached, it was noted that they were wearing some sort of reinforced armor suit that allowed them to survive such high temperatures as are common in the Morning Glory Pool, along with a helmet hiding their face which displayed various lights and shapes, including those which resembled a glowing circle of rotary buttons.

The stranger who emerged from the hot spring was sighted on a trail camera entering the Yellowstone National Ballpark Clubhouse. Shadows member Logan Rodriguez reported ¹ that the stranger burst into the building, demanded to know what year it was, and subsequently asked for a ticket to Dallas, TX, refusing to leave the premises until provided with one. Later that day, they were presented with such a ticket, and they were sighted leaving Parkpark grounds near the entrance to the train station. When asked to sign for the ticket, they did so with a flourishing signature of the initials “MT.”

The stranger was sighted several days hence at the Morning Glory Pool again, munching on a crop of cooked Blaseball salmon which they shared with Halexandrey Walton. With their helmet off, they were revealed to be a humanoid older person with a grid of nine buttons on the side of their face. Walton, when asked, identified the stranger as Melton Telephone, and when asked to elaborate, indicated only that Telephone had been “gone, but they came back after a while” and that they had been “traveling.” ²

Sightings

Where, or when, Telephone had been traveling is not clear; however, subsequent research has identified that a figure wearing armor that resembled Telephone’s was previously sighted at a number of locations around the league at different, earlier times, including:

With the Yellowstone Magic

Telephone has since proven to be a reclusive and quiet member of the Magic’s shadows. They speak little about their past, and little about their present. They spend much of their time spiffing up and maintaining an antique motorbike that appears to be powered by an old hand-crank telephone magneto, and have been seen riding it along off-road trails outside the Parkpark so as not to disrupt Parkpark wildlife. They have also been seen hanging out on the porch of the Clubhouse and listening to Journey cassettes on a beat-up Walkman.

Telephone maintains a tentative friendship with Halexandrey Walton. Since their first encounter with her, they have often been sighted fishing for salmon with Hex, and sharing the spoils of their catch with her. Curious members of the team have asked Hex what secrets Telephone could possibly be telling her, to which she responded that they “used to have family in the league, but they’re all gone now” and “if you want me to tell you anything else you owe me 5 Sclooby Snacks.”

Footnotes

  1. In between applying anti-Path Bug itch cream, complaining that their cabin-mates were “playing music too loud,” and harrumphing.
  2. After this line of questioning, Hex returned to the Morning Glory Pool to munch on salmon and doggy treats.

Melton Telephone/IF-16.812

Answering The Call

Melton Telephone is an upbeat, dilapidated payphone dryad. Their tree, located near the Prismatic spring, has an abandoned payphone embedded in its trunk. While dryadic, the forces that brought them to Yellowstone left them a little incomplete, filling in the rest of them with telephone parts and forest flora as needed. Long ago, a one-in-a-million flux of the Parkpark's natural arcane currents brought sentience to the combination of Park and Nature, and thus one Melton Telephone entered the world. Before joining the Magic, they spent their time tending to the Spring, often giving a stern lecture and occasional bonk on the noggin to any visitors who disrespected it by littering or otherwise harming the long-term integrity of the Spring.

One day, when Alf Merlinmeyer misdialed a call for backup, Melton answered. Charmed by the young dryad's enthusiasm, Merlinmeyer signed them to the team on the spot. Now Melton is a shy but enthusiastic rookie who loves prank calls. They look forward to being with their new teammates and experiencing the epic highs and lows of professional Blaseball!

Melton Telephone/IF-62.498

Introduction

Melton Telephone is a tree-like payphone standing at roughly 3-7 feet tall (91-213 cm) depending on the season. Their body is mostly comprised of tree trunks and branches from various species (Douglas fir, white ash, giant sequoia, and several unknown species have been observed) while their head consists of telephone parts. Wires and cords bind these disparate elements together. Communicating with Telephone is done by picking up any phone and asking to speak to Melton Telephone. This was eventually pieced together when Telephone repeatedly mimed picking up a phone for three hours straight during a team meeting.

Telephone has previously described their home as an old phone booth with an American sycamore growing through it. Teammates, park rangers, and occasionally park visitors are often invited by Telephone to hang out there, but nobody has succeeded in locating it. When asked about this lack of directions, Telephone simply stated that everyone finds their way easily enough and the company is appreciated even if no one remembers it. The phone booth is supposedly somewhere in Yellowstone.

Career

Before joining the Magic, Telephone was an avid fan of Blaseball and regularly spectated games in Yellowstone. At one of these games, Telephone caught a home run ball. Worried they’d be thrown out for stealing, Telephone threw the ball back, throwing a perfect strike clocking in at 307 mph (494 kph). After the game, players from the Magic encouraged Telephone to try out for the team. In a few short weeks, Telephone was fully trained and ready to play.

Telephone got their chance to pitch when they were subbed in for Francisco Preston in Season β17. After helping the Magic reach the postseason, Telephone was attacked by Consumers in a game against the Hawai'i Fridays. Their performance dropped after this event and many noticed a significant decrease in the maximum height Telephone grew to. Over the course of Season β18, their bark grew soft and mossy and phone parts became noticeably rusty.

At the end of the season, Telephone requested some time off, which their teammates obviously supported. The deteriorating payphone stepped behind a nearby tree and disappeared entirely. The current whereabouts of Telephone are unknown, but Magic players are confident they will answer the call when the team needs them most.


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