Ron Monstera

Ron Monstera
Art by @beeeating
Basic Information
Team	Seattle Garages
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
Modifications	AlternateThis Player is an Alternate... Player is replaced with an alternate reality version, stats are randomized.
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Talking to the parasite
Coffee Style	Milk Substitute
Blood Type	Basic
Fate	5
Soulscream	EAEAXEAEAXEAAAEUAAAEUAEEAAAEEAAAEHAAOIHAAOIHEEAHUEEAHUEUEIXHUEIXHUEOAAAEOAAAE
Biographical Details
Nickname(s)	RONNIE SHUT EM OUT

Ron Monstera is a pitcher for the Seattle Garages and has been a member of the team since Season 1. Following the adoption of the Alternate Realities decree during the Season 4 election, he was replaced by an alternate player from a parallel reality.

Official League Records

Despite a mediocre statistical output, Monstera is credited with helping the Garages maintain a winning record for most of Season 2 thanks in part to a shutout victory against the heavily-favored Miami Dalé.

During the Season 4 Election, Monstera's stats were randomized after being replaced by an Alternate.

Personal Life

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

It is unclear where Ronbert Kim "Ron" Monstera falls between urban myth, local legend, and cagey drifter. When asked directly about his life before joining the Garages, he gives curt, indefinite answers. If pressed harder, he is likely to brush you off, saying he's "got to get back to his music". Because of this, most of what is known about Monstera is based on oral history and secondhand accounts.

Monstera sightings were first reported in Fremont around the year 1990, around the same time as the Fremont Troll statue was built. Accounts conflict as to which came first, with some saying that the artists were inspired by Monstera, and others saying that Monstera modeled his appearance after the statue. Over the course of the next few years, locals would often report loud, haunting, droning noises coming from under the Aurora Bridge late at night. Some say this was Monstera, performong rituals in the language of the Trolls, while others say it was just him practicing his music.

The Garages discovered Monstera and his pitching ability, when Theodore Duende accidentally interrupted one of his rituals/practices and was pelted by empty beer cans. Duende realized that Monstera would make a decent pitcher, and invited him to join the Seattle Garages Blaseball Team. Monstera wasn't extremely excited about joining a Blaseball team, but would gladly be a member of their band. Monstera was quickly welcomed into the Garages, becoming a contributing editor to THE SUN IS OUR ENEMY, and forming a friendship with Jaylen Hotdogfingers.

Monstera pitches left handed. He is believed to be lactose-intolerant.

Music

Monstera is the keyboard bass player for the Seattle Garages Family Band.

RKMproject - DARKN-S2:OFFSEASON, runtime: 17:30

During the enforced #PARTYTIME following Season 2, Monstera released an LP under the name RKMproject. He describes the project as "an electroacoustic exploration of chillwave stylings." The LP, DARKN-S2:OFFSEASON, was created by inverting hellwave energies from the newly-developed Hellmouth region into a dark, wet amplifying substrate. The experimental result was described as "oppressive, but fair" by fellow pitcher Tot Clark. It seems to have strange effects on players for the Hellmouth Sunbeams and may be a part of Monstera's quest for the M Chord.

Quest for the M Chord

Following the Season 2 election, Ron Monstera vowed to use his new thumb and deep knowledge of the Satanic sine waves in order to discover and play the M chord, a theoretical para-acoustic phenomenon tied to the vibrational frequency of the Immaterial Plane, whose study is heavily regulated by the Bureau international d'étude des harmonies ontologiques (BIDHO). In defiance of several of the Bureau's recommendations, Monstera has openly stated his wish to wield the powers of the M Chord in order to save Jaylen Hotdogfingers from her incineration following the Season 1 election and the opening of the Forbidden Book in the hopes of securing the Garages a berth in the postseason.

Technical innovations

Aside from his ambient compositions, Monstera has developed a family of diesel-powered brass instruments. The tenor Monsteraphone resembles an uncomfortably swollen French horn mounted on a bus engine and is played via a system of hoses and pulleys. The baritone Monsteraphone interferes with meteorological radar while the bass Monsteraphone is specifically prohibited by international arms limitation treaties.

All three can be heard on Monstera's solo LP Big Honkin' Ron which earned him five-star reviews from avant-garde music blogs and five days of intense questioning from the FBI. Undeterred, he hopes soon to unleash the ultrabass Monsteraphone by hijacking twelve miles of offshore gas pipeline.

Art work

In addition to his solo musical career, Ron Monstera has collaborated with several Seattle-based performance artists, including teammate Farrell Seagull, providing ambient soundtracks to their works. He also co-hosts SEAMONSTER, a quarterly showcase of performance art, with Seagull.

Alternate

The alternate Ron Monstera is largely similar to the Ron Monstera he replaced, the differences being his full name, which is Rondrian instead of Ronbert, and a change in the focus of his occult studies, from Judeo-christian rites to paganism and Norse mythology.