Difference between revisions of "Tillman Henderson"
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| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson was dragged along by [[Kennedy Loser]] and [[Forrest Best]] to help coach the local blittle league team, the Hermit Crabs. While he complains often about having to pitch in, he settled into the role pretty quickly after the kids started looking up to him. His captive audience was witness to cool vape tricks and contact juggling blaseballs. Kennedy would often play a desperate balancing act trying to keep Tillman from becoming too much of a bad influence, but the kids were listening more with him around to the point where he could get through to them, and it kept Tillman out of trouble and supervised.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson has never once parked properly in his life. Maryland drivers are notoriously bad—Tillman is EVERY Maryland driver</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson is a wellspring of insecurity. He self aggrandizes at every opportunity and banters as a defense mechanism. He craves validation.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson and [[Kennedy Loser]] have matching tattoos. Kennedy, nice beyond measure unlike Tillman, might be the only person in the world who can tolerate Tillman at length. Tillman, in turn, hangs onto his every word like a starved puppy, but tries with all his might to be blasé about it. This is a relationship where Ken is Tillman's best friend but Tillman is absolutely not Ken's best friend, and Tillman knows this though he would never say it out loud.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson would never admit to experiencing feelings, he says that having emotions is "cringe"</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson and Chicago Firefighter [[Declan Suzanne]] are dating, and they make out in Declan's El Camino after every chiclawgo matchup.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson and Chicago Firefighter [[Declan Suzanne]] are absolutely not dating, Tillman is the straightest dude in blaseball, they're just best bros who are not gay and not gay with each other and say 'no homo' a lot just to make sure.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson says he's bi "because since everyone is obviously into me, it'd be unfair to them if I wasn't"</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson and Chicago Firefighter [[Declan Suzanne]] should never ever have been put in a room together, and now that they're together they were gonna be just the worst most toxic couple, but somehow the two manage to temper each others' worst characteristics in a stable bond and nobody is sure what is even going on.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>The reason blaseball doesn't have errors is because Tillman Henderson and [[Declan Suzanne]] made out on top of the scoreboard buttons, causing the board to display ERR: 58008 on and off until the bulbs exploded.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson is the kind of person who brings an acoustic guitar to the party and tries to play Wonderwall. He gets frustrated when people don't sing along. He tells people over and over again that he's going to pick up playing again but never does.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson grew up in an extremely wealthy but controlling household, and joined a blaseball team to piss off his glolfer dad. The two of them barely talk, and the longer Tillman is exposed to genuinely decent people the more he struggles with how out of touch he is.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson's dad pulled strings to get him into the internet league and he often calls his dad to borrow money. He tries to pay for everything and gets expensive stuff for people as a status symbol because he's incredibly insecure and hasn't internalized that the crabs really don't care about his money despite it repeatedly being told to his face.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson has a longboard hanging up on his wall and hasn't touched it in seven years.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson doesn't read very well.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson has an ATV that he drives on paved roads. It has a little sidecar that [[Tot Fox]] rides in sometimes.</option> |
| − | <option>TILLMAN HENDERSON SPINS AROUND | + | <option>TILLMAN HENDERSON SPINS AROUND ONE OF THOSE METAL CRAB CRACKERS LIKE IT'S A BUTTERFLY KNIFE AND THINKS HE'S HOT STUFF FOR IT</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson has been the wingman for [[Sutton Dreamy]]'s inumerable antics or pranks, any time she needs a hand doing something incredibly stupid she counts on him to be her partner in crime.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson does fistbumps but he always has to yell 'bro fist' when he does it. Tillman Henderson still gives people noogies.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson has been banned from nearly every single bar and club in Baltimore County. Bouncers all known him by face, he is literally in the textbook for bouncing and gave permission for them to use it because he thinks all publicity is good publicity. Tillman has a lifetime ban from every Dave N Busters.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson goes to Dave N Busters and asks for bottle service.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson and [[[[Silvaire Roadhouse]]]] play pool and have weekly gossip sessions at the dave and busters.</option> |
| − | <option> | + | <option>Tillman Henderson is a projection of your worst insecurities. He might never himself become a better person but through him others learn about themselves and become better people for it. Thanks to this, and despite his worst efforts, Tillman still manages to forge connections with others.</option> |
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson a vehicle for complaining about real-life annoyances like bad drivers and stuff. Baltimore natives jokingly blame Tillman for every inconvenience they may come across in their day-to-day lives. Most of them are right.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson is the only member of the Baltimore Crabs to have not carcinized. While others have walked the halls of the crabmother and communed with her in search of guidance, the crabmother refuses to speak with Tillman Henderson.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson killed his dad.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson will put tons of hot sauce on homecooked meals because he wants to look tough about it not even being spicy while the food didn't need any hot sauce to begin with.</option> | ||
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| + | <option>Tillman Henderson has the energy of, like, "you go to a big family get together and like your family is big but there are only like three or four people your age cuz the rest are all young kids or adults but there's this one cousin you really don't interact with otherwise because you have nothing in common and he kinda gives you a weird vibe where he's really fratty and kinda judgmental and stuff but you're sitting in their room at this party and watching him play madden and you hate madden you just don't know what could possibly be fun about the game because you never played it and only watched it but what else are you gonna do because you don't like having to hang out with the older family members because they always end up talking about politics and they're really loud about it and you get overstimulated so you hang out in this room instead and the room has a subtle funk to it that is definitely not weed and definitely not cheese and your eyes kinda glaze over to the CRT lights of the madden game and your cousin's constant talkover about the game becomes rhythmic as you lose sense of place and he's too self centered to actually hold a conversation but it beats having someone trying to include you in conversation by asking you when you're getting straight married and why your degree was useless but simultaneously shame you for dropping out of college too, your cousin is too in the game to probe you about your life and as long as he doesn't you can uphold the facade that he wouldn't ask those questions if he did notice you for a second because he hasn't given you a chance to prove or disprove how grating his personality is so limbo becomes the most comfortable state to be in sitting on the corner of this unmade bed waiting for dinner to arrive as the time stretches on in the most infinite way that only awkward family get togethers have"</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson talks about picking up streaming but doesn't really understand the level of work that has to be put into gathering an audience so he gives up again and again every time.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson died flipping off the umpire with one hand and flipping off the entire stadium with the other. The city still joked about how awful he is after, but the words felt heavier, eyes watering a little.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson's ghost can be seen with [[Sutton Dreamy]]'s goggles and Tillman will NOT stop bugging her, which is why the goggles don't actually help her very much</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson's ghost still haunts everyone who had the misfortune of earning his endearment and now that he can go through walls they just can't get time to themselves.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson is dumbwoke and has a skull too thick to process discourse of any kind, he's supportive in the most Tillman way that still makes you exhausted to hear.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson doesn't care about being a good person, and if anything he knows that every sh*tty thing he does is spitting in the face of his family image, and he revels in it, but [[Kennedy Loser]] can see clear through the insecurity which is why they're friends despite the odds.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson represents a moment, an incremental improvement from awful person to negligibly less awful person, day by day, with your most awful self stretched infinitely behind you and your somewhat decent self off beyond the horizon, both forever out of reach as you crawl from this one moment of your life to the next. There is no climax to the struggle, it's routine.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson picked his own soundtrack for games, and hums his entry music whenever he steps up to bat.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson was the one who invited everyone else to the parade in season eight. The afterparty was at his parents' place and there was a lot of sh*tty beer.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson used to urbex with [[Brock Forbes]] and [[Adalberto Tosser]] but has chickened out at every opportunity after like the third time.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson has left bad yelp reviews on pretty much every establishment in Baltimore. Pretty much every resident in the city knows not to give him attention, but his antics still catch unaware tourists or visitors and that alone sustains him.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson owns a very expensive watch. He still has no concept of time, and upon being asked what day, week or year it is, will either give you a completely random number (usually a joke one, as well) or tell you that "time to get a watch," "a hair past a freckle," or "time isn't real, shut the hell up."</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson is so wrapped up in his ideas of masculinity that despite knowing he's an awful person he refuses to reach out for help about it because he believes he has to deal with it alone as a show of inner strength</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson was banned from [[Pedro Davids]]' caravan without supervision. Tillman Henderson is now banned from [[Pedro Davids]]' caravan entirely.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson has no idea what team he's playing on at any given moment and calls them all 'the Tillman Henderson fan club'.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson vapes. The artisanal vape shop sent flowers at his funeral.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson gave all his peanuts from the hall to the birds in exchange for unshelling [[Nagomi McDaniel]].</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson ate every single peanut tributed to him, even though he was allergic.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson was actually sent back from the hall because he got ahold of the auxiliary cord and would not stop playing "I Got A Feeling"</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson was told by the mothercrab that he had to sacrifice himself in order for [[Nagomi McDaniel]] to get out of the shell, and it sucked, but he did it anyway.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson had absolutely nothing to do with [[Nagomi McDaniel]] being unshelled, but he claims he does because everything good that happens to the Crabs is obviously because of him.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson hired [[Silvaire Roadhouse]] to help him fake his own death, but the umps killed him before she could do it.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson only tries his hardest during games when his team is already winning and he wants to show off and rub it in. He can only hit a home run if it absolutely doesn't matter.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson and [[Kennedy Loser]] have matching tattoos that say TILLMAN and HENDERSON and Tillman and [[Declan Suzanne]] have matching tattoos that say Declan and Suzanne.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson hit triples with such an unnatural frequency that the Crabs still call them tilly triples.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson and [[Tot Fox]] are besties and Tillman can understand everything [[Tot Fox]] says even without fox-to-english translation. They watch Naruto together. Tillman's favorite character was Sasuke until he "sold out."</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson cares about being seen as this rulebreaking badguy. The kind of person that googles himself and edits his own wiki article. He is actually clever and a good blaseball player who's biggest roadblock to making it big is himself. It's unsure how many of his terrible things are exaggerated to serve Tillmans ego and how many are actually stuff he did. </option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson is a horrible person in a comedic/entertaining fashion, but if he didn't have some endearing qualities or charisma, he would have been curbside a long time ago. It is literally impossible for anyone who knows Tillman Henderson to explain this.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson is a vehicle through which everyone channels their peeves. When you knock your shin against the coffee table, that's Tillman. When your milk spoiled, Tillman. Existential horror living in an uncaring world? Tillman, i guess.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson is every kid you knew in high school who thought he was gonna make it but still lives in the same town and talks about leaving it ten or fifteen years later, Tillman Henderson is an avatar of pity and insecurity.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson is genuinely loved by most members of the Baltimore Crabs but not a single one of them would say it out loud, especially because he'd cling to the idea and also lord it over them forever and it would suck.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson has weird hyperspecific prejudices that are totally orthogonal to any existing power structures in the world. He HATES Lake Superior. He thinks monosyllabic last names are stupid. If he finds out you have EVER painted just one wall of a room a color as an "accent" he will refuse to speak to you ever again.</option> | ||
| + | |||
| + | <option>Tillman Henderson claims he faked his own death as "a prank, bro" despite the fact that he absolutely did die for real.</option> | ||
</choose> | </choose> | ||
Revision as of 21:53, 17 October 2020
Tillman Henderson is a pitcher for the Charleston Shoe Thieves. Tillman joined the team at the conclusion of the Season 10 regular season. Tillman previously played for the Baltimore Crabs.
Official League Records
Henderson joined the ILB as a member of the Baltimore Crabs at the beginning of Season 1.
During the Season 4 election, Henderson swapped positions from pitcher to lineup player as a result of the Mutual Aid blessing.
During the Season 5 election, Henderson received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' Horde Hallucinations and Rollback Netcode blessings.
On Season 7, Day 74, Henderson siphoned some of Miguel James' baserunning ability.
Henderson was incinerated on Season 9, Day 64, and replaced by Silvaire Roadhouse. Tillman returned to Active status following an idol board-related feedback swap with Jaylen Hotdogfingers after the Season 10 regular season concluded.
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A Selection of Tillman Henderson's Character Traits
Tillman Henderson has been the wingman for Sutton Dreamy's inumerable antics or pranks, any time she needs a hand doing something incredibly stupid she counts on him to be her partner in crime.
(To see a new character trait, refresh the page.)
History
Henderson is just a terrible person. He sucks. Nobody likes him.
He got a spot in the pitching roster because his father, Thrillman J. Henderson, was a hedge fund manager who recommended an accountant with questionable methods to the Crabs' Chief Financial Officer.
Henderson is frequently rude to support staff, medical staff and the wizard staff which hovers in the center of the Crabs' dressing room. He is constantly late to training, usually due to arguing about his height on his own Wikipedia page. Tillman is very above average height and definitely not short at all <----- this was definitely not written by Tillman. He is a fan of the Exxon Valdez Oil Spill on Facebook because he thinks it's "cool when lots of birds die". He never fetches his own balls.
His favorite book is the audiobook of Ready Player One as read by Wil Wheaton. He enjoys his mac and cheese with copious amounts of ketchup and mustard.
He has faced strong backlash from fan organizations for posting fan art without crediting the artists on social media. His response of "idk who did it I just found it" was not well-received either.
He is not a Baltimore native, and frequently leaves the Crabitat to vacation at his father's summer homes when he is not pitching a game. He has stated several times that he "cannot be killed" by the rogue umpires, but he may in fact be bribing them to keep from being incinerated. He has a matching arm tattoo with Kennedy Loser.
He always makes a huge mess in restaurants, and never tips. He has several driving offenses, and always parks at a 35-70° angle. He is currently being investigated for several thousands of dollars worth of unpaid tickets. It is unclear why he still has a license.
Truly reprehensible. Absolute wasteman. No time for this clown.
Cloning Facility And Extended Siesta
During the extended siesta, Tillman discovered a large group of much nicer Tillman clones living in the woods of Maryland, having escaped from the Henderson Cloning Facility and built a life for themselves in the forest. Tillman hired a pirate physicist to create a quantum field interdimensional transporter, transported himself to another dimension with higher technology, and hired another pirate physicist with more advanced technology to create a hyperquantum interdimensional pocket universe entangler, which he used to send the nice Tillman clones to a pocket universe, eliminating any chance of escaping incineration in the process.
Tillman also grew a soul patch during the extended siesta.
Edit History
- Last edited by 69HendersonHater69 on 8/4/2020
- Edited by CrabsLoreBard on 8/4/2020 (Comment: i give up)
- Edited by 69HendersonHater69 on 8/4/2020
- Edited by CrabsLoreBard on 8/2/2020 (Comment: STOP VANDALIZING THIS PAGE)
- Edited by TillmanSux87 on 8/1/2020
- Edited by CrabsLoreBard on 7/31/2020 (Comment: Banned)
- Edited by SteakNShake on 7/30/2020 (Comment: hahahaha screw tillman)
- Page created by CrabsLoreBard on 7/20/2020
Fan Art
Mini-Blaseballer by @HetreaSky
By @glassgoblin
By @glassgoblin
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