Simon Haley

Simon Haley
Tlopps card by gamey @WerewolfGamey
Basic Information
Team	Charleston Shoe Thieves
Former Team(s)	Charleston Shoe Thieves
Status	Shadowed
Batting	(4.8)
Pitching	(1.9)
Defense	(2.9)
Running	(5.3)
Modifications	FlinchHitters with Flinch cannot swing until a strike has been thrown in the At Bat.  ScatteredThis Player returned from Elsewhere a bit Scattered.
Items	Cryogenic Ring of Vitality ●○○
Dates Active	Jul 30, 2020–present
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Evolution	Base
Peanut Allergy	Not Allergic
Pregame Ritual	Haruspicy
Coffee Style	Decaf
Blood Type	A
Fate	63
Biographical Details
Pronouns	Any/All
Nickname(s)	"The Comet"
Species	Comet
Personal Relationships
Rival(s)	The Shelled One
Other Background Information
Shoe-Stealing Specialty	Hi-tops and moon shoes

Simon Haley is a player for the Canada Moist Talkers, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Haley has played for the Charleston Shoe Thieves.

Official League Records

Haley joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Canada Moist Talkers after the incineration of Trevino Merritt on Season β2, Day 72.

On Season β3, Day 8, Haley swallowed a peanut and had an allergic reaction, resulting in a combined 9.8 → 5.9 stat decrease.

On Season β8, Day 44, Haley was exchanged to the Charleston Shoe Thieves due to Feedback. Haley was replaced by Eugenia Garbage.

During the Season β8 election, the Shoe Thieves received the Radical Alchemy blessing, which randomized Haley's batting from 1.2 → 3.3

On Day 7 of Season β10, Haley hit the first recorded pentaslam (5-run home run) and found the 4-Blood Blagonball.

On Season 9, Day X, Haley gained the Flinch modification after the Shoe Thieves lost to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS.

On Season β10, Day 81, Haley's defensive ability was siphoned by Philly Pies lineup player Yeong-Ho Benitez in a game with Blooddrain weather, decreasing it 1.0 → 0.7 .

In the Season 10 elections, Haley received Noise-Cancelling Headphones, becoming Soundproof. (The Headphones would later be lost, along with all other Discipline Era items across the league, at the beginning of Season 15.)

During the Coffee Cup, Haley played for Club de Calf as a lineup player.

On Season β24, Day 83, Haley retreated to the Shoe Thieves' Shadows in exchange for Gallup Murphy due to Night.

During the December 16, 2022 Fall Ball, Haley fell to the Canada Moist Talkers.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Blaseball Career

Achievements

Haley was voted ILB Rookie of the Year by fan vote at the end of Season β2. She is the first player to receive this award.

Personal Life

Simon Haley is rumored to be the lovechild of 18th Century English astronomer Edmond Halley and the short-period comet 1P/Halley, conceived sometime following Edmond Halley's death in 1742.

Haley came down to the Moist Talkers from on high after Trevino Merritt's incineration, and was chosen to take Merritt's place after ae displayed much of the same batting and running prowess as hir predecessor.

After their unfortunate peanut reaction in Season 3, Haley founded the Anti-Peanut Alliance and devoted xirself to it. After the Season β9 playoffs, the Alliance began creating fliers proclaiming "Top 10 Anti-Peanut Tips For The Upcoming Battle Against God" and posting advice in a similar vein online. Following the fall of the Shelled One, Haley is quoted saying "I'm just proud I could do my part to help." When asked what the Alliance would do next, Haley responded that "we may branch out to herald the defeat of other corrupt gods, but as of now we're back to fighting against the evils of the common nut. Did you know over 60% of ILB players are allergic?"

On her swap to the Charleston Shoe Thieves, Haley told reporters that she quickly slotted into the team's dynamic, in part due to pamphlets printed up by former teammate Lachlan Shelton to help former Talkers adapt to their new environment. Teammate Howell Franklin commented that "When you first talk to Simon, she seems like such a shy little thing. But when she opens up? Absolute chaos. She just wants to yell. I respect that immensely." The two appear to be friends in some capacity as, after the season 10 game in which Haley hit the ILB's first ever recorded pentaslam, Franklin reportedly lifted aer onto their shoulders and did a lap around the field while Haley emitted whoops of delight.

Trivia

• Haley's birthday is July 12, 1986
• Haley is a Type 1 diabetic and has an insulin pump
• Haley's favourite skittles are the green ones

Fan Works

• 

  Simon Haley Tlopps card by @Spiral_Joe, logo by @LonghairQ, original design by @Avery_Helm

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  Tlopps card by homekeys on Discord

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  Tlopps card by gamey @WerewolfGamey

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  Doodles of Simon by @bugsbenedict

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  by @bugsbenedict

• 

  Simon and Lars Taylor by @CKaelde

• 

  Simon and Lars during the Slostice by @CKaelde

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  Simon by @revivificating

• 

  Simon and Lars in Western outfits by @bugsbenedict

• 

  Simon partying by @solphy

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  Simon, Pudge Nakamoto, and Fitzgerald Wanderlust by @solphy

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  Miniblaseballer by @HetreaSky

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  have we met?
  by Ash