Greer Gwiffin

Greer Gwiffin
Art by @i_APX_86
Basic Information
Team	Seattle Garages
Status	Active
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
Dates Active	Aug 5, 2020–present
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Brushing teeth
Coffee Style	Milk Substitute
Blood Type	Fire
Fate	37
Soulscream	EEEIIEEEIIEHIAIXHIAIXHIIAXOIIAXOIEIAIEEIAIEEIIAIOIIAIOIEXIAEEXIAEEHAAIAHAAIAH
Biographical Details
Age	57(?)
Nickname(s)	Gwiffy, Gwiff Don't Whiff, Gwiff Stays Single, Ken Gwiffy Jr.
Personal Relationships
Marital Status	Very divorced

Greer Gwiffin is a batter for the Seattle Garages and has became a member of the team after Tiana Cash's incineration on Season 3 Day 47.

Official League Records

On Season 3 Day 47, Gwiffin contributed an RBI single in the fourth inning of a 6-3 win against the Houston Spies.

During the Coffee Cup, Gwiffin played for the Milk Proxy Society as a lineup player.

Personal life

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

(Cw: mentions of weed)

Greer Gwiffin is a were-owl (Snowy, on his mother’s side) who has been with the team since Season 3. For his first four seasons of ILB, Gwiffin was known for his habitual lateness, being a failure of a father, and was overall “just a mess”. He was also known for ranting about music being too loud, bumming weed off of team members, and sleeping through practice. Prior to joining the Garages, Gwiffin was crashing on various Seattle-area couches "while [he] sorted some things out." He referred to his singledom as being "in between divorces." He claimed he left his children as they were “were-humans”, owls who turn into half humans once every full moon, and asserted that they needed less parenting as a result. He took to coaching the Lil’ Roadies with Cedric Spliff and Mike Townsend, however, indicating he had more parental inclinations than he might have let on.

In more recent seasons, Gwiffin has stepped up to the plate, taking more responsibility for himself. It's thought that having a more routine schedule during blaseball and guiding the Roadies contributed, but the most notable change was first noticed when Garages hitter Quack Enjoyable joined the team, replacing Gwiffin’s longtime friend Cedric Spliff. Upon arriving in Seattle, Enjoyable experienced the ability to turn from a normal Labrador duck into an anthropormorphic duck while holding Kiki Familia’s bat, a form not unlike his own were-owl form. Some speculate that Gwiffin’s fondness of Enjoyable, teaching him how to adjust to shape shifting and play blaseball while in both forms, was an attempt to make up for not being there for his were-human children. The two have a mentor/mentee relationship that they both cite as ‘fulfilling’.

In Season 10, Gwiffin was seen around Seattle with three snowy owls, playing catch and hunting mice. When asked for comment on why he decided to reconnect with his kids, he looked to Garages pitcher Lenny Marijuana and said, “I, uh, was reminded by a close friend of mine that you should appreciate things while you have them, and that, ah, it’s never too late to try and fix your mistakes. I’m just really happy they’d have me back. I was a terrible dad. Like, just the worst. I know I’m not the best, and I’m still gonna mess up, but I’m… I’m trying. And I think that’s what matters.” Gwiffin then had to cut the interview short, as he received a phone call from his children letting him know he was an hour late picking them up from sloccer practice.

Gwiffin is perhaps best known for his trademark “Gwisdoms”, a kind of weird but insightful advice. The nature of his Gwisdoms has changed over time, but they still remain goofy and only vaguely helpful to most people. Upon learning that some on the team took to writing these down and distributing them as zines, Gwiffin began making mix tapes of Gwisdoms that he will leave around the Big Garage.

Podcast

Gwiffin’s podcast, Steely Dads!, a podcast about blaseball conspiracy theories, went on hiatus between seasons 8 and 10, as coordinating a podcast with Spliff proved difficult due to long distance. With the arrival of Lenny Marijuana to the team, the podcast is back in full swing, bringing on guests and featuring local mysteries. Popular episodes include “The Lori Boston Experience: Why You Should Read the Terms and Conditions,” and “Inside Jamazon: a Look From the Darkest Depths from Dark Star, Goodwin Morin.”

Fan Works

Greer Gwiffin is the focus of the following songs:

• gwiffin's here by zandterbird
  • gwiffin's here (rain mix) by rain
• gwiffin's prerecorded gwisdoms no. 1 by cass paint

Greer Gwiffin is mentioned in the following songs:

• tiana cash by rain
• park it by ethan geller

• 

  by @CallofDuckies

• 

  by @MLeeLunsford

• 

  by @HetreaSky

• 

  Greer Gwiffin on the Milk Proxy Society, by @tsawac

• 

  Gwiffy making an ill-advised attempt to steal third, by @tsawac