Thomas England

Thomas England
Basic Information
Former Team(s)	Hawai'i Fridays
Status	Incinerated
Batting
Pitching
Defense
Running
Dates Active	Jul 20 – Aug 28, 2020
Personal Information
Item	None
Armor	None
Evolution	Base
Pregame Ritual	Cryostasis
Coffee Style	Macchiato
Blood Type	AAA
Fate	51
Soulscream	AXEEUAXEEUAUHAAAUHAAAUIAAIAIAAIAIEIAUOEIAUOE

Thomas England was a lineup player for the Hawai'i Fridays, and was with the team from the Return of Blaseball until their incineration on Season β4, Day 86.

Due to the Waveback Event, England is the only player to retroactively never have existed.

Official League Records

England joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Hawai'i Fridays with the Return of Blaseball.

On Season β4, Day 86, England was incinerated and replaced by Sixpack Dogwalker.

The Waveback Event and subsequent non-existence

On August 28, 2020, the Blaseball game servers "experienced a significant loss of data" that forced the Umpires to roll back the state of the game world by approximately eight hours, to 2 AM Pacific time. Any events that occurred within the lost timeframe (feedbacks, standings and updated win-loss records, and so on) were manually updated to where they had left off (Season 4 Day 88).

However, England's incineration (and the birth of their replacement, Sixpack Dogwalker) during the period of data loss caused concern amongst fans, as a rollback to the previous save would mean that England's incineration never occurred and Dogwalker's induction never happened. To fix this apparent paradox, umpires first manually updated the name on the player page from "Thomas England" to "Sixpack Dogwalker", and then granted the newly-Dogwalkered player a unique bat, named the Bangers & Smash, in honor of England. Notably, Dogwalker's new player profile also included a specific and unique Pregame Ritual: "Talking to The Microphone."

Once the Hall of Flame was revealed to fans after the Season β7 Elections, fans noted that the only player to ever have existed whose player page was no longer viewable on the site was England.

Later, during the Season 15 opener, The Coin appeared to announce that all previous Legendary Items from the old item system had been removed to make way for the new item system, saying, "We tossed that old junk weighing you down". With this, the only remaining trace of Thomas England's existence on the site was Dogwalker's Coffee Style (Macchiato) and Blood Type (AAA).

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

Background

England was English on 'is mum's side (she emigrated from the UK chicken pen when she was a young twist n' twirl) and Thomas on his da's side (he was born in Thomas, Oregon). He 'ad an accent which 'as been described as a cross between Madonna's English accent and Tom Hanks' Southern accent. Points for trying, mate.

Incineration

During Season 4, England was on a hot streak, counting a grand slam among his successes, until this was tragically cut short by his incineration during the Waveback Event. His spirit, as well as his still-flaming femur, lived on with Sixpack Dogwalker from directly after the Waveback Event until the removal of the old item system at the beginning of Season β15. His spirit continues to live on with Dogwalker, probably. We assume.

Trivia

• England preferred tiddleywink was Rosy Lee wif a Randolph Scott of Acker Bilk.
• England took his holidays in Manchester, NH and London, Ontario. Notably, he had never been to the UK.
• England cried "For the Queen!" whenever he stepped up to bat. When asked in the post-game cookouts, due to his accent, it was unclear if he was saluting the queen of England or Queen Lili'uokalani.

The Tragedy of Thomas England the First

Have you heard it? I thought not. It's not a story Parker would tell you. It's a Fridays legend.

Thomas England was a Blaseball player, not exceptionally skilled, but not terrible, who could make the ball sing Rule Britannia as it flew off his bat. He could even make others believe he was actually English (for a moment, anyway). He became so unusual, that the only thing he was afraid of was being forgotten, which it seems that he mostly has been. Unfortunately, his replacement was far better liked by most, and when the Waveback Event occurred, he was overwritten. Ironic; he could make others become beloved figures of lore, but not himself.

He's the only one I could never promise a forever to.

Fan Works

The following song is about (or mentions) Thomas England:

• inevitable by ari

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