Thomas England was a lineup player for the Hawai'i Fridays, and was with the team from the Return of Blaseball until their incineration on Season β4, Day 86.
Due to the Waveback Event, England is the only player to retroactively never have existed.
Official League Records
England joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Hawai'i Fridays with the Return of Blaseball.
On Season β4, Day 86, England was incinerated and replaced by Sixpack Dogwalker.
The Waveback Event and subsequent non-existence
On August 28, 2020, the Blaseball game servers "experienced a significant loss of data" that forced the Umpires to roll back the state of the game world by approximately eight hours, to 2 AM Pacific time. Any events that occurred within the lost timeframe (feedbacks, standings and updated win-loss records, and so on) were manually updated to where they had left off (Season 4 Day 88).
However, England's incineration (and the birth of their replacement, Sixpack Dogwalker) during the period of data loss caused concern amongst fans, as a rollback to the previous save would mean that England's incineration never occurred and Dogwalker's induction never happened. To fix this apparent paradox, umpires first manually updated the name on the player page from "Thomas England" to "Sixpack Dogwalker", and then granted the newly-Dogwalkered player a unique bat, named the Bangers & Smash, in honor of England. Notably, Dogwalker's new player profile also included a specific and unique Pregame Ritual: "Talking to The Microphone."
Once the Hall of Flame was revealed to fans after the Season β7 Elections, fans noted that the only player to ever have existed whose player page was no longer viewable on the site was England.
Later, during the Season 15 opener, The Coin appeared to announce that all previous Legendary Items from the old item system had been removed to make way for the new item system, saying, "We tossed that old junk weighing you down". With this, the only remaining trace of Thomas England's existence on the site was Dogwalker's Coffee Style (Macchiato) and Blood Type (AAA).
Thomas England's posthumous, retroactive non-existence has resulted in a number of unique quirks in various Blaseball resources.
- During Beta, he was the only player to be entirely no longer viewable on the site.
- Sixpack Dogwalker's player page held, and still holds, the record of most players per player page. Until the opening of Season 1, this record was 2. However, on the opening day of Season 1, being that Dogwalker was a Receiver who fell to an Entangled team, Dogwalker was alternated and subsequently replaced with Static charge Dimi Wobbler, bringing the number up to 3 players per player page.
- England is not viewable on Blaseball Reference, but his stats are viewable as a part of Sixpack Dogwalker's Blaseball Reference page. Additionally, when searched, there are two Sixpack Dogwalkers that come up in the search results because of the original Sixpack who was erased by the Waveback Event (though both links lead to the same page due to how Blaseball Reference links are formatted).
- England is also not viewable on https://blaseballplayers.netlify.app/#, but there are two Sixpacks listed. However, unlike Blaseball Reference, this site does show different stats for the two Dogwalkers, and each has a different player page linked.
- England is viewable on before.sibr.dev if the viewer is set prior to England's incineration. Additionally, the originally generated Sixpack is also viewable between day 80 and day 88 of Season 4.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
England was English on 'is mum's side (she emigrated from the UK chicken pen when she was a young twist n' twirl) and Thomas on his da's side (he was born in Thomas, Oregon). He 'ad an accent which 'as been described as a cross between Madonna's English accent and Tom Hanks' Southern accent. Points for trying, mate.
During Season 4, England was on a hot streak, counting a grand slam among his successes, until this was tragically cut short by his incineration during the Waveback Event. His spirit, as well as his still-flaming femur, lived on with Sixpack Dogwalker from directly after the Waveback Event until the removal of the old item system at the beginning of Season β15. His spirit continues to live on with Dogwalker, probably. We assume.
- England preferred tiddleywink was Rosy Lee wif a Randolph Scott of Acker Bilk.
- England took his holidays in Manchester, NH and London, Ontario. Notably, he had never been to the UK.
- England cried "For the Queen!" whenever he stepped up to bat. When asked in the post-game cookouts, due to his accent, it was unclear if he was saluting the queen of England or Queen Lili'uokalani.
The Tragedy of Thomas England the First
Have you heard it? I thought not. It's not a story Parker would tell you. It's a Fridays legend.
Thomas England was a Blaseball player, not exceptionally skilled, but not terrible, who could make the ball sing Rule Britannia as it flew off his bat. He could even make others believe he was actually English (for a moment, anyway). He became so unusual, that the only thing he was afraid of was being forgotten, which it seems that he mostly has been. Unfortunately, his replacement was far better liked by most, and when the Waveback Event occurred, he was overwritten. Ironic; he could make others become beloved figures of lore, but not himself.
He's the only one I could never promise a forever to.
The following song is about (or mentions) Thomas England:
- inevitable by ari
|Buried||Theodore Honeywell · Garcia Soto|
|Stats||Season||1 · 2|
|Beta||1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24|
|Circuits||1 · 2 · 3 · 4|
|Ballpark||Hawai'i Viberight Field|
|Staff||Our Lady of Perpetual Friday · C O C O N U T|
|Places||Sovereign Nation of Hawai'i|
|Fan Culture 📣 · Fan Works 💌 · Tlopps Cards 🃏|
|It's Island Time!|
- ↑ Bugcatcher Roldan (28 Aug 2020). "Update: Sadly, Blaseball experienced a significant loss of data this morning. We have restored things to an earlier state (about 2am PST) and have updated the Season to reflect the present state and changes that took place." (Message) - via #website-bugs, Blaseball Discord.
- ↑ Dogwalker's Pregame Ritual was only the second in-game text to mention the Microphone, the first being from the passing of the Interviews decree.