Difference between revisions of "Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board"

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The Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board is a large billboard first encountered by visitors approximately 25 miles out from the outskirts of [[Hellmouth]], and every five miles thereafter. Visitors have reported seeing it on the side of all known roads leading into Hellmouth, with the exception of Highway XXXX. The Board, in collaboration with the Hellmouth Chamber of Commerce, employs a range of media (including [https://soundcloud.com/am9940inferno/psa-hellmouth-chamber-of radio], print and subliminal implantation) to make it quite clear that Hellmouth is not safe, and you are not welcome.
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{{Community Lore}}
 
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The '''Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board''' is a large billboard first encountered by visitors approximately 25 miles out from the outskirts of [[Hellmouth (town)|Moab Hellmouth]], and every five miles thereafter. Visitors have reported seeing it on the side of [[US Highway 191|all known roads]] leading into Moab Hellmouth, with the exception of Highway XXXX. The Board, in collaboration with the Hellmouth Chamber of Commerce, employs a range of media (including [https://soundcloud.com/am9940inferno/psa-hellmouth-chamber-of radio], print and subliminal implantation) to make it quite clear that the Hellmouth is not safe, and you are not welcome.
  
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The billboard itself demonstrates some sentience, and likes to change up its messaging (with recommendations from its Boardmembers) to make sure nobody makes the mistake of visiting the Hellmouth, ever.
  
The billboard itself demonstrates some sentience, and likes to change up its messaging (with recommendations from its Boardmembers) to make sure nobody makes the mistake of visiting the Hellmouth, ever.
+
Much to the Board's consternation, the town of Moab Hellmouth remains an immensely alluring place for outdoor tourism, thanks to its proximity to [[Arches National Plark]] and Clanyonlands National Plark, two of the most popular destinations in Utah. The region also features several other [[Living Horse Point State Plark|state parks]] and recreation areas, as well as a huge number of unique geological features. Unfortunately, hikers and outdoor adventurers are notoriously difficult to discourage. The Board is engaged in several legal disputes with the state of Utah and the National Park Service over their efforts to increase tourism, particularly the state park designation recently granted to the [[Potash Ponds Mesa]].
  
 
==History==
 
==History==
 
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The Anti-Tourism Board first made itself known between Seasons {{BetaSeason|1|β1}} and {{BetaSeason|2|β2}}, initially to [[Lower Moab Scenic Overlook Field|stadium]] employees trying to commute into what was formerly {{Fog|Moab}} but had since been consumed by the [[Hellmouth (entity)|Hellmouth]] following the opening of the [[Forbidden Book]].
The Anti-Tourism Board first made itself known between Seasons [[Season 1|1]] and [[Season 2|2]], initially to stadium employees trying to commute into what was formerly Moab but had since been consumed by the Hellmouth following the opening of the [[Forbidden Book]].
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
Since its inception, a gaggle of assorted marketing executives, influencers, and billboard aficionados have created a thriving community at the feet of the Board. Some of these individuals are employed by the Board to facilitate its Anti-Tourism campaigns, and are referred to as the Anti-Tourism Board’s Fleshbound Delegation.
 
Since its inception, a gaggle of assorted marketing executives, influencers, and billboard aficionados have created a thriving community at the feet of the Board. Some of these individuals are employed by the Board to facilitate its Anti-Tourism campaigns, and are referred to as the Anti-Tourism Board’s Fleshbound Delegation.
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[[File:Anti-tourism board Richmond Harrison billboard.png|alt=[Image ID: A photograph of a yellow billboard against a blue sky with sunlight washing out the top left corner of the image. The billboard has text on it in black, all-caps serif lettering. A large title reads "HELLMOUTH", then underneath in smaller text it reads "Richmond Harrison is my beset friend. Turn around and drive 500 miles away if he is your best friend too." /.End ID]|thumb|Messaging from the Anti-Tourism Board in {{BetaSeason|14}}, following the trade of everyone's best friend [[Richmond Harrison]] to the Sunbeams roster.]]
  
 
==Notable Campaigns and Slogans==
 
==Notable Campaigns and Slogans==
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*XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board screamed insults at oncoming traffic.
  
* XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board screamed insults at oncoming traffic.
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*XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board was emblazoned with a symbol which induced nausea in all who beheld it.
 
 
* XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board was emblazoned with a symbol which induced nausea in all who beheld it.
 
  
* XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board explained the concept of blockchain, to considerable visitor-halting effect.
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*XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board explained the concept of blockchain, to considerable visitor-halting effect.
  
* XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board advertised free maps of Hellmouth in a small stand at its foot. The maps were all incorrect and different from each other. One confused visitor purportedly followed the directions, and managed to drive “the 700 miles to [[Los Angeles Tacos|LA]]” on a “quarter-tank of gas in twenty minutes flat. I was trying to get home to Monticello :(”
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*XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board advertised free maps of Hellmouth in a small stand at its foot. The maps were all incorrect and different from each other. One confused visitor purportedly followed the directions, and managed to drive “the 700 miles to [[Los Angeles Tacos|LA]]” on a “quarter-tank of gas in twenty minutes flat. I was trying to get home to Monticello :(”
  
 
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===Slogans===
 
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*Hellmouth: Please, don’t
=== Slogans ===
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*Hellmouth: If you hear the sirens it’s already too late
 
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*Hellmouth: Your existence here is a mortal danger.
* Hellmouth: Please, don’t
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*Hellmouth: This one’s on you, bud
* Hellmouth: If you hear the sirens it’s already too late
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*Hellmouth: Take the plane to [[Mexico City Wild Wings|Mexico City]]!
* Hellmouth: Your existence here is a mortal danger.
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*Hellmouth: ya like jazz?
* Hellmouth: This one’s on you, bud
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*Hellmouth: This is not a joke please leave.
* Hellmouth: Take the plane to [[Mexico City Wild Wings|Mexico City]]!
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*Hellmouth: Do you really think we'd waste this much money on signs telling you to leave if we wanted you to come here?
* Hellmouth: ya like jazz?
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*Hellmouth: Really? Here?
* Hellmouth: This is not a joke please leave.
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*Hellmouth: Even [[Hades]] is Better
* Hellmouth: Do you really think we'd waste this much money on signs telling you to leave if we wanted you to come here?
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*Hellmouth: You Can Still Turn Around
* Hellmouth: Really? Here?
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*Hellmouth: Technically, A Place You Could Go To
* Hellmouth: Even [[Hades]] is Better
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*Hellmouth: You left the stove on
* Hellmouth: You Can Still Turn Around
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*Hellmouth: Home of the [[Basking Robins|World's Wettest Ice Cream]]
* Hellmouth: Technically, A Place You Could Go To
 
* Hellmouth: You left the stove on
 
 
*Hellmouth: Go Away!
 
*Hellmouth: Go Away!
* Hellmouth: What possessed you to come here!?
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*Hellmouth: What possessed you to come here!?
* Hellmouth: The danger is in a particular location… it increases toward a center… the center of danger is here… of a particular size and shape, below us.
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*Hellmouth: The danger is in a particular location… it increases toward a center… the center of danger is here… of a particular size and shape, below us.
* Hellmouth: See the sights at [[Yellowstone National Park (Ballpark)|Yellowstone]]!
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*Hellmouth: See the sights at [[Yellowstone National Park (Ballpark)|Yellowstone]]!
* Hellmouth: well, we warned you
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*Hellmouth: well, we warned you
* Hellmouth: there are infinite points in space, and yet you chose this one
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*Hellmouth: there are infinite points in space, and yet you chose this one
* Hellmouth: okay, but you’re not going to like it
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*Hellmouth: okay, but you’re not going to like it
* Hellmouth: Home Of The World’s Least Stable Internet Connection
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*Hellmouth: Home Of The World’s Least Stable [[Emmett Internet|Internet]] Connection
* Hellmouth: [[San Francisco]]'s Nicer
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*Hellmouth: [[San Francisco]]'s Nicer
* Hellmouth: Making Death Valley Seem Pleasant Since XXXX
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*Hellmouth: Making Death Valley Seem Pleasant Since XXXX
* Hellmouth: [[Breckenridge Jazz Hands|Breckenridge]] is even closer
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*Hellmouth: [[Breckenridge Jazz Hands|Breckenridge]] is even closer
* Hellmouth: You don’t want to be here. We don’t want to be here.
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*Hellmouth: You don’t want to be here. We don’t want to be here.
* Hellmouth: NO SOLICITORS
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*Hellmouth: NO SOLICITORS
* Hellmouth: Even the [[Mclaughlin Scorpler|scorpions]] hate it here. The deadly, poisonous scorpions.
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*Hellmouth: Even the [[Mclaughlin Scorpler|scorpions]] hate it here. The deadly, poisonous scorpions.
 
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*Hellmouth: There are so many other places to hike
 
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*Hellmouth: No, the other type of hot
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*Hellmouth: [[Oscar Vaughan|Dental students]]: please stop.
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*Hellmouth: Skin cancer express
  
 
==Current Delegates of the Board==
 
==Current Delegates of the Board==
 
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*Joe Bible (Chairperson)
* Joe Bible (Chairperson)
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*Stanley Moab
* Stanley Moab
 
 
*Chavo Guerrero (yes, the real Chavo Guerrero)
 
*Chavo Guerrero (yes, the real Chavo Guerrero)
* Brucety Sprinkler
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*Brucety Sprinkler
* Hadley Vinegear
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*Hadley Vinegear
* [[Peanut Bong]] ([[Miami Dalé]] pitcher)
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*[[Peanut Bong]] (of the [[LA Unlimited Tacos]])
* Grimace Hottstreak
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*Grimace Hottstreak
*Science Harper
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*[[Hellmouth (town)/IF-6.2931|Science Harper]]
* The Man Who Owns None Of The Teeth
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*The Man Who Owns None Of The Teeth
* 138 Petulant Gaze
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*138 Petulant Gaze
* [[Wyatt Mason]]
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*[[Wyatt Mason]]
* Weggs Farlo
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*Weggs Farlo
* Rock Hopper O’Brian (sibling of [[Gunther O'Brian|Gunther O’Brian]], [[Charleston Shoe Thieves]] Pitcher)
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*Rock Hopper O’Brian (sibling of [[Gunther O'Brian|Gunther O’Brian]] of the [[Mexico City Wild Wings]])
 
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*Jamie Oliver<ref>[https://www.cookingchanneltv.com/devour/chefs-and-hosts/2011/02/untrapped-the-anti-tourists-guide-to-venice-with-jamie-oliver The Anti-tourists Guide to Venice with Jamie Oliver]</ref>
 
 
  
 
==Trivia==
 
==Trivia==
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*The Board appears to move freely through space and/or time, remaining five miles ahead of any Hellmouth-bound traffic. Visitors have reported the billboard messages become increasingly resigned to their presence as they approach [[Hellmouth (town)|Moab Hellmouth]], with the last one simply reading “Hellmouth: Welcome home.”
 +
*A notable variation on  the “Welcome Home” billboard for recidivist billboard non-heeders is Hellmouth: Population XXXX”. It ticks up by one as the vehicle enters city limits.
 +
*The Board has, in occasional outbursts of frustration at visitors not heeding its advice, claimed in an 8 point font scarcely visible to its Delegates standing beneath, “I should’ve been a [[Teeth|dentist]].”
  
* The Board appears to move freely through space and/or time, remaining five miles ahead of any Hellmouth-bound traffic. Visitors have reported the billboard messages become increasingly resigned to their presence as they approach Hellmouth, with the last one simply reading “Hellmouth: Welcome home.”
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==References==
* A notable variation on  the “Welcome Home” billboard for recidivist billboard non-heeders is Hellmouth: Population XXXX”. It ticks up by one as the vehicle enters city limits.
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<references/>
* The Board has, in occasional outbursts of frustration at visitors not heeding its advice, claimed in an 8 point font scarcely visible to its Delegates standing beneath, “I should’ve been a [[Teeth|dentist]].”
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{{Template:SunbeamsNav}}
 
[[Category:Hellmouth Sunbeams]]
 
[[Category:Hellmouth Sunbeams]]
 +
[[Category:Hellmouth]]

Latest revision as of 21:41, 16 January 2023

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

The Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board is a large billboard first encountered by visitors approximately 25 miles out from the outskirts of Moab Hellmouth, and every five miles thereafter. Visitors have reported seeing it on the side of all known roads leading into Moab Hellmouth, with the exception of Highway XXXX. The Board, in collaboration with the Hellmouth Chamber of Commerce, employs a range of media (including radio, print and subliminal implantation) to make it quite clear that the Hellmouth is not safe, and you are not welcome.

The billboard itself demonstrates some sentience, and likes to change up its messaging (with recommendations from its Boardmembers) to make sure nobody makes the mistake of visiting the Hellmouth, ever.

Much to the Board's consternation, the town of Moab Hellmouth remains an immensely alluring place for outdoor tourism, thanks to its proximity to Arches National Plark and Clanyonlands National Plark, two of the most popular destinations in Utah. The region also features several other state parks and recreation areas, as well as a huge number of unique geological features. Unfortunately, hikers and outdoor adventurers are notoriously difficult to discourage. The Board is engaged in several legal disputes with the state of Utah and the National Park Service over their efforts to increase tourism, particularly the state park designation recently granted to the Potash Ponds Mesa.

History

The Anti-Tourism Board first made itself known between Seasons β1 and β2, initially to stadium employees trying to commute into what was formerly Moab but had since been consumed by the Hellmouth following the opening of the Forbidden Book.

Since its inception, a gaggle of assorted marketing executives, influencers, and billboard aficionados have created a thriving community at the feet of the Board. Some of these individuals are employed by the Board to facilitate its Anti-Tourism campaigns, and are referred to as the Anti-Tourism Board’s Fleshbound Delegation.

[Image ID: A photograph of a yellow billboard against a blue sky with sunlight washing out the top left corner of the image. The billboard has text on it in black, all-caps serif lettering. A large title reads "HELLMOUTH", then underneath in smaller text it reads "Richmond Harrison is my beset friend. Turn around and drive 500 miles away if he is your best friend too." /.End ID]
Messaging from the Anti-Tourism Board in Season β14, following the trade of everyone's best friend Richmond Harrison to the Sunbeams roster.

Notable Campaigns and Slogans

  • XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board screamed insults at oncoming traffic.
  • XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board was emblazoned with a symbol which induced nausea in all who beheld it.
  • XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board explained the concept of blockchain, to considerable visitor-halting effect.
  • XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board advertised free maps of Hellmouth in a small stand at its foot. The maps were all incorrect and different from each other. One confused visitor purportedly followed the directions, and managed to drive “the 700 miles to LA” on a “quarter-tank of gas in twenty minutes flat. I was trying to get home to Monticello :(”

Slogans

  • Hellmouth: Please, don’t
  • Hellmouth: If you hear the sirens it’s already too late
  • Hellmouth: Your existence here is a mortal danger.
  • Hellmouth: This one’s on you, bud
  • Hellmouth: Take the plane to Mexico City!
  • Hellmouth: ya like jazz?
  • Hellmouth: This is not a joke please leave.
  • Hellmouth: Do you really think we'd waste this much money on signs telling you to leave if we wanted you to come here?
  • Hellmouth: Really? Here?
  • Hellmouth: Even Hades is Better
  • Hellmouth: You Can Still Turn Around
  • Hellmouth: Technically, A Place You Could Go To
  • Hellmouth: You left the stove on
  • Hellmouth: Home of the World's Wettest Ice Cream
  • Hellmouth: Go Away!
  • Hellmouth: What possessed you to come here!?
  • Hellmouth: The danger is in a particular location… it increases toward a center… the center of danger is here… of a particular size and shape, below us.
  • Hellmouth: See the sights at Yellowstone!
  • Hellmouth: well, we warned you
  • Hellmouth: there are infinite points in space, and yet you chose this one
  • Hellmouth: okay, but you’re not going to like it
  • Hellmouth: Home Of The World’s Least Stable Internet Connection
  • Hellmouth: San Francisco's Nicer
  • Hellmouth: Making Death Valley Seem Pleasant Since XXXX
  • Hellmouth: Breckenridge is even closer
  • Hellmouth: You don’t want to be here. We don’t want to be here.
  • Hellmouth: NO SOLICITORS
  • Hellmouth: Even the scorpions hate it here. The deadly, poisonous scorpions.
  • Hellmouth: There are so many other places to hike
  • Hellmouth: No, the other type of hot
  • Hellmouth: Dental students: please stop.
  • Hellmouth: Skin cancer express

Current Delegates of the Board

Trivia

  • The Board appears to move freely through space and/or time, remaining five miles ahead of any Hellmouth-bound traffic. Visitors have reported the billboard messages become increasingly resigned to their presence as they approach Moab Hellmouth, with the last one simply reading “Hellmouth: Welcome home.”
  • A notable variation on  the “Welcome Home” billboard for recidivist billboard non-heeders is Hellmouth: Population XXXX”. It ticks up by one as the vehicle enters city limits.
  • The Board has, in occasional outbursts of frustration at visitors not heeding its advice, claimed in an 8 point font scarcely visible to its Delegates standing beneath, “I should’ve been a dentist.”

References